To try and figure out who you are is a very daunting and difficult task, especially when your memories fade in and out. Is it normal to only see glimpses of your past? To have your memories skip from one day to next week? Or is it abnormal?
There is a song here, in my head and in my heart. A song with a loud and vivacious rhythm. The words are complicated and I don't understand their meaning. The words "kesenai tsumi" are heard only once, but the meaning of those simple words is clear: "inerasable sin". Did I commit an inerasable sin? If so, what was it? Who am I? Am I even human?
I can hear the song now. The person who is singing it has energy and is full of passion. What is she saying? The song starts out slow, but suddenly it becomes louder and full of burning passion. Is she asking a question? The musical voice slows a bit. There! There, I hear it! "Kesenai tsumi." The words are said slowly, almost in a sad protest.
The song fades a little. It happens whenever I try to grasp it. When I stop trying, again this woman sings. Who is the woman singing about? What possessed her to write a song about an inerasable sin? Did she also commit an inerasable sin?
The song is gone. It ends suddenly in mid-sentence. I'm left with one simple question:
Did I commit an inerasable sin?
That must be the reason why the song rings in my head so much.
"Kesenai tsumi . . ."
At the moment, I'm sitting under a tree and writing. I get the feeling that there's something I owe and not just to my mentor. Something to apologize for. I need to apologize to someone, even though that someone may not be considered human. Still, it's hard to think of it as not humans. It has feelings. It felt pain, right? Anything sentient must feel pain, shouldn't it? Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe, there's nothing to apologize for. Maybe
This is a diary entry. The reason it stops at maybe is because . . . well, there's bloodstains on it, so you figure it out. The last paragraph will be made clear in a couple of chapters (or maybe you already figured it out).