A/N: Thank you for your reviews, everyone! They all meant a lot to me, and I'm glad you think the fic is worth continuing. I'm going to try and accomodate to all of your criticism to make this a good fic, so please continue reading and tell me what you think!Oh, I got the idea for this particular fic from a story my friend was telling me, which leads to my response to LoveCorea's review. I actually got the idea for this fic from that story my friend was telling me, I don't know of any story that already exists that has anything along the same lines, so maybe that's where my friend got the idea from. But just to be safe, I'll add it to the disclaimer in the first chapter.
Anyway, enough of that ...here comes the next chapter :)
Flying with Broken Wings
Chapter 3 - Broken Words
Rinoa ate breakfast the next morning in quite a hurry. Caraway watched from the other side of the table with a strange look on his face, wondering why his daughter was so enthusiastic about breakfast. He was also quite confused as to why Rinoa was so happy all of a sudden. Since he came home the previous day from the army office, she was rather bright and every time he glanced at her, she always appeared to be smiling. It was a good thing, of course, that his daughter was happy with her life at home, but it was indeed rather strange.
"Dad, can I go out for a bit?" asked Rinoa, washing up her dishes from breakfast. "Just for a while of course … I'll be back by lunch."
"You … want to go out?" asked Caraway, raising an eyebrow.
"Um, yeah, if it's all right," murmured Rinoa.
"Oh … err, of course it's all right," said Caraway. What was strange about it was that Rinoa was actually asking for his permission nicely instead of just leaving without saying anything, or asking grouchily and throwing a tantrum when he said 'no'. But this was quite different, and he was so flabbergasted with his daughter's demeanour that a 'yes' slipped out of his mouth instead of a 'no'.
"Who are you going with? Min?"
"Min moved away, remember, Dad?" said Rinoa patiently.
Caraway was even more amazed that Rinoa was calling him 'dad' again. "Oh, right, how silly of me. Then who are you going with? You're not going alone, are you? What if you have an attack?"
"I'm not going alone," said Rinoa, turning from the sink and drying her hands. "I'm going with another friend. And I haven't had an attack in ages, don't worry about it."
"The attacks are unpredictable, Rinoa, it could come at any second," said Caraway.
Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever … but I can go, right?"
"Yes, all right … just bring your retainer with you," said Caraway.
"Yeah, yeah," mumbled Rinoa, "thanks, Dad."
Caraway couldn't help but smile. "Be back by lunch, all right?"
"Yes, yes, I know…" Rinoa picked up her bag and said a last goodbye to her father, then set out of the house for Obel Lake. Her familiar smile crept across her face again as she walked. She had been smiling an awful lot since she left Squall the previous day. She couldn't understand why she just felt so damn happy. He was on her mind all the time, and she kept replaying the conversation they had over and over again in her mind. She couldn't help but smile every time she remembered something new he said, and she couldn't help but have the urge to squeal like a little schoolgirl every time she thought about him.
I'm losing my grip, thought Rinoa, I'm thinking about a guy for Hyne's sake. I mean, that's not unusual or anything … but I've never thought about someone like this all the time! I just can't get him out of my head … I want to know more about him … I have this urge to break that shell around him and see what's inside … there's more to him than a tough guy, I just know it. But it's not as if I like him or anything … I mean, I like him but not like-like him. He's my friend … I'm just so happy because I have a new friend now, that's all.
As Rinoa reached the lake, she scanned the area for Squall hopefully. But to her disappointment, he wasn't there. Her smile faded, but she wasn't going to go home just because he didn't show up. She was going to sit on the edge of the lake and reminisce and daydream again, just like she used to…
"Looks like you're having fun without me," mumbled a familiar voice from behind.
Rinoa almost jumped in surprise as she turned around with a start, only to be greeted with a cold gaze from a very familiar-looking Squall. He had his arms folded across his chest in a careless stance, his face very unsmiling and his eyes filled with no emotion whatsoever.
"Squall!" said Rinoa, trying not to sound too excited. She cleared her throat quickly and jumped up to stand eye-level with him. "So, Mr Tough Guy wanted to come after all, huh?"
"Whatever," murmured Squall, "I only came here because I come here everyday. If anything, you're invading my territory…"
Rinoa giggled girlishly. "Right, your territory. I've been coming here since I was born, I don't recall ever seeing you here everyday."
"Well, I can't say I've ever seen you here, either," argued Squall, somewhat childishly.
"That's because I only started coming back yesterday, since school is over and I don't have to work at the moment," said Rinoa earnestly, "And yes, I do admit it, the last time I came here was when I was eight. But I've never seen you around before. And I've never seen you at school, either. Unless … you go to some other school. But even if that's the case, I've never seen you around town either. And…"
She sure likes to talk a lot, thought Squall, not really listening to Rinoa ramble on. I wonder when she'll shut up and let me answer her stupid questions. Wait, why I am even considering answering her questions? It's none of her business…
"…So, what do you have to say about that, wise guy?" asked Rinoa tauntingly.
"I say that I just moved here," snapped Squall irritably, not even hearing half of what Rinoa had said.
"Ohh, new guy, huh?" said Rinoa, "Why didn't you say so! When did you move into town?"
Squall said nothing at first, but couldn't help but give into the fact that he actually wanted to answer her. "I moved here a week ago…"
"Wow, cool," said Rinoa, nodding, "So what school are you gonna go to? Or … have you already finished school? I mean, you sure look like you've finished school—"
"I'm still in school," interjected Squall dully, before she could ramble on any further. "I guess I'll be attending Timber High…"
"Excellent!" said Rinoa cheerfully, "That's the school I go to. Well, I figured as much since there aren't many schools in the area. So, what grade are you in?"
"What grade are you in?" asked Squall mockingly.
He couldn't believe someone could be so full of trivial questions in the first five minutes of a meeting. Just the day before, she wasn't as talkative as she was today. Or rather, she didn't ask so many questions the previous day. Squall hated questions … it meant that he had to talk. And he hated talking. In fact, he didn't even know why he was standing in front of this girl and talking to her. He didn't know what possessed him to come that morning, but he certainly hoped that it wasn't because Rinoa was going to be there. But then again, a tiny portion of him knew that it was because Rinoa was going to be there.
Rinoa grinned sheepishly. "Guess."
Squall rolled his eyes. "No…"
"C'mon, guess!"
Hyne, I wonder if she's always like this … I have no idea how old she is, but she seriously does act like an eight-year-old."I give up."
Rinoa stuck her tongue out at him. "You're no fun. I'm in the twelfth grade. Well, I will be after the summer."
"So am I," mumbled Squall.
"Hehe, I just knew it," tittered Rinoa.
Then why did you ask me if you 'just knew it'?"So, when's your birthday?" asked Rinoa.
Not again…"No wait, let me guess," said Rinoa cheerfully, as if knowing that Squall didn't want to answer questions, "I'm guessing you were born in … August?"
Squall stared at her, trying to disguise any amazement or disbelief in his face.
"So am I right?"
"Uh … well, yeah, you are," murmured Squall slowly. He hesitated. "How did you…?"
Rinoa grinned. "How did I know? I kinda had a gut feeling. I remembered you really liked lions and you thought of yourself as strong and proud, just like lions. So I figured you were a Leo."
Oh, astrology, thought Squall, Well, that's all a load of bull. She must be one of those girls who are obsessed with horoscopes and look them up in magazines and everything…
"And let me guess what date," said Rinoa. She looked deep in thought for a second. "Um … the seventeenth. No? Hmm … twentieth. No wait … twenty-third."
Squall couldn't believe it … she got it again. He slowly nodded, and to his dread, Rinoa squealed with delight.
"Wow, I got it!" said Rinoa happily. "You wanna know how I guessed?"
"No…" said Squall.
"Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway because I want you to know how great I am," said Rinoa cheekily. "I guessed August because of the lion thing. I guessed seventeen first, because that's how old you should be right now, but that's stupid so I guessed twentieth because it's a nice number. But then I guessed twenty-third because it's the last day for Leos."
Right … whatever, thought Squall, It's not as if I care… But he couldn't help but be slightly impressed that she managed to guess his birthday in only three tries. There was something about her way of thinking that somewhat fascinated him…
"And I bet you're thinking that I'm some crazy girl obsessed with star signs and all that, right?" said Rinoa, grinning sheepishly. "Well, I'm not really, I'm just very interested in stars and astronomy and all that. You know, my mom and my dad and me used to sit on our roof when I couldn't sleep and we'd watch the stars together. But when mom died, I guess we stopped doing that…"
Oh great, now she's going to go all teary and reminisce about her past, thought Squall, Why did I bother to come today?
"…But oh well … I really want to see a shooting star one day," said Rinoa dreamily.
"Whatever…"
"Yes, it's great to see you're interested in my dreams," said Rinoa jokingly, "But I guess I'll tell you about them another day."
How about never?
"Say, you wanna go into town?" asked Rinoa, completely changing the subject. "I'll show you around, if you like. That way you can find another place to hang out instead of this lake."
"But I like this lake," murmured Squall. Great, now I'm thinking out loud…
"Oh, yeah, true that," said Rinoa, nodding. "Well, I guess we can share it. I don't really like sharing, but I'll make an exception for now. I mean, I never grew up with brothers or sisters. I wish I had, though. I probably wouldn't be this lonely."
She doesn't know what it's like to be alone … not really.
"But … I guess I wouldn't be so lonely with you around, right?" said Rinoa brightly.
"I wouldn't count on it," said Squall.
Rinoa giggled. "Sure, okay, whatever you say. Do you have any siblings?"
Squall shrugged his shoulders uncaringly.
Rinoa mimicked him mockingly. "What's that supposed to mean? You don't know?"
Squall rolled his eyes. "Whatever…"
Rinoa giggled again. "I think you misunderstood me. My question was 'Do you have any siblings?' As in brothers or sisters."
Hyne, she's making me feel like a handicapped five-year-old, thought Squall bitterly. He usually gave vague responses as asign that he didn't care about what people had to say, or he didn't want to answer. Most people usually took the hint. But Rinoa was acting as if he was stupid, and it annoyed him. Maybe this is her way of trying to get me to talk … making me feel stupid. Well, I guess it's working. I don't care what people think about me, so long as they don't think I'm a weak fool.
"I'm not dumb, you know," said Squall irritably.
"Then answer the question, Mr Smarty-pants," said Rinoa happily.
She's so full of joy … it sickens me.
"I had a sister," mumbled Squall.
"Had?"
"Yes, had," repeated Squall coldly. He paused. "Well … she wasn't really my sister. She was like my sister. But I had to leave her behind when we moved…"
"Oh," said Rinoa quietly, "So you left her last week?"
"No … I left her eight years ago," muttered Squall, averting his gaze from Rinoa's face, "I've moved around a lot since my mom died. I just wanna go back home … my real home … but I can't…"
"Why not…?" asked Rinoa quietly, cocking her head.
Squall looked back to Rinoa, innocent curiosity filled in her brown eyes. He couldn't believe that he'd already told her so much about his personal life … nobody knew this much about him. He didn't know what it was, but he felt somewhat drawn to talk to her. He didn't feel too annoyed to speak to her like he did with other people. Maybe it was because there was a mysterious understanding between them. It was true that they were such completely different people, but then again they were the same when it came to their past, when it came to family…
"Because my father's a moron," murmured Squall.
Rinoa smiled warmly. "Yeah. I know how it feels."
Something inside of Squall made him believe what Rinoa said. Most of the time, he didn't care about what people said to him because they were all saying it out of pity … but somehow, he felt that Rinoa was different…
"Do you still want to go into town?" asked Rinoa quietly.
Squall shook his head. I don't want to be seen…
"Are you going to go home…?"
"As if…" No way am I going back to that empty house that I'm supposed to call a home.
"Oh okay … so you wanna stay here with me?" asked Rinoa sweetly.
I prefer not to see it in that way…
"More like you want to stay here with me," retorted Squall.
Rinoa laughed. "All right, fine, I wanna stay here with you then." She sat herself down on the edge and let her feet dangle off the side. She patted the spot next to her, inviting Squall to sit down.
Squall reluctantly seated himself beside the raven-haired girl. I guess staying a bit won't hurt … after all, she's staying with me, not the other way around…
"So, what brings you to little Timber, Squall?" asked Rinoa.
Squall shrugged. "Laguna…"
"What?"
"Laguna," repeated Squall, "My father."
"Oh, I see," said Rinoa, "Interesting. I call my father Caraway. It's his last name that I refuse to take after…"
"Same here," murmured Squall.
"Oh, really?" asked Rinoa, "Wow, it never ends, does it? I wonder what else we have in common? Next thing you know, I'll find out that you're my long lost brother or something." She flicked a mischievous grin. "But I hope that's not the case."
Whatever…
"What's the last name you go by?" asked Squall, surprised that he even asked at all.
Rinoa smiled. "Heartilly."
Heartilly … I've heard that name from somewhere, thought Squall.
"Yours?" asked Rinoa.
"Leonhart…"
"Leonhart!" gasped Rinoa, "No wonder you love lions so much … you're a Leo, you're proud, your last name is Leonhart…"
Squall shrugged. He didn't want to start talking about himself, so he continued to ask questions about Rinoa. "Heartilly … that name sounds really familiar…"
Rinoa laughed. "Yeah. I'm surprised you think it's familiar; it's more of a pop culture kind of thing. And you're pretty out of touch, if you don't mind me saying so."
Squall shrugged again. It's true … it's not as if I care about what goes on in this world…
"My mom was Julia Heartilly," said Rinoa, "She was a famous singer. But nobody really cares anymore after she died."
"Oh," mumbled Squall, "So I'm guessing you loved the attention…"
It was Rinoa's turn to shrug. "Maybe I did. I don't love spotlight or anything, but I've always hated the fact that everyone only cared about me because I was the daughter of a famous singer. And it's not as if I get enough attention already. I just want to be loved for who I am, not what I am. And not out of pity too … 'cause I'm different…" She trailed off in thought.
Yeah, maybe she is a little different, thought Squall. But I would've guessed that she has a lot of friends … there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her. But I understand where she's coming from … people only care about me because they want something, since Laguna is so rich and everything.
"I know how you feel," murmured Squall, as if it would make her feel better.
Rinoa smiled a small smile. "Maybe you do … but nobody could possibly know how it feels to be me…"
What, so now she's acting as if she's got it worse than me? Yeah whatever … all these teenaged girls are the same. They all think they've got horrible lives when they've actually got it pretty good. She's just like everyone else … she's not different at all.
"Don't say that," said Squall, annoyed.
Rinoa looked mildly surprised. "Don't say what?"
"That nobody knows how it feels," replied Squall, "It makes it sound like you're some attention-seeking, emotionally confused thirteen-year-old. You say you don't want pity, but you're practically screaming for it by saying stuff like that. You think you've got it bad? My mom's dead too, you know. My dad's an asshole too, you know. I've had to leave everything I ever loved and cared for behind. People use meall the time. I mightn't be loved because my mom was a famous singer, but at least you were loved. So don't say shit like that about yourself because you're just being selfish."
Squall was amazed with what he'd just said. It was probably the most he had said to anybody in nine years. He didn't know what drove him to be so harsh with his words, but the fact that Rinoa was putting herself down annoyed him. Sure, he always got annoyed with people who put themselves down for pity, but usually he didn't say anything about it. But with Rinoa … it just didn't seem right for someone like herself to be speaking in such a depressed tone. Maybe this was his way of caring…
Rinoa fell silent, clearly surprised and affected by Squall's outburst. She avoided his gaze, her brown eyes settling on the blue lake. She bit her bottom lip nervously, as if trying to hold something back. Squall suddenly felt very awkward. He honestly hoped that she wasn't going to start crying, because that would probably seem like the end of the world to him. He had never faced anybody crying to him before, because he didn't know what to do or say. He usually thought of saying 'whatever' and would leave the crying person to face their own problems, but even thinking of doing that to Rinoa seemed wrong to him. He was beginning to regret having said anything in the first place.
"…You're right," said Rinoa finally, much to Squall's surprise. She still did not look at him. "Maybe I shouldn't complain. I mean, I do have it pretty good. It's just…" She bit her bottom lip harder, so hard that it was beginning to hurt and squeezed her eyes closed.
No … please don't cry, thought Squall frantically. If you cry you'll expect me to comfort you or something … I'm not good at that stuff…
"It's just … sometimes I just feel nobody could ever understand me," said Rinoa quietly, keeping her eyes shut and her face forced, "B-but … Squall, I guess you understand m-me…" She opened her eyes, and sure enough, her eyes were red from holding back tears, though she was rather good at holding back those tears that tried to come out. She quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I feel like you do understand me," said Rinoa quietly, "It's like I know you so well, even if we've only known each other for two days…"
Squall remained silent.
It was uncalled for, but Rinoa rested her head on Squall's shoulder. This gesture made Squall's heart skip beats and he desperately wanted the girl next to him to withdraw the physical contact she made with him. It was making him feel slightly nervous, but he was very good at concealing this nervousness. But as much as he wanted her to get off him, she left off certain warmth that he did not want to leave him. He couldn't find the words or actions to shoo her off his shoulder and continued to let her rest on him in silence, as if nothing happened.
"I just feel so alone sometimes…"
You're not alone, thought Squall.
"And I do try to be happy, I honestly do," continued Rinoa, "But … it just gets to a certain point where I can't pretend anymore. And all of these bitter bottled emotions I keep inside of me … I just want to heartlessly throw them at everyone around me so they can get a taste of what it's like…"
It's the same with me, thought Squall. He realised they were very much the same. They both hid behind masks of what they wanted to be, but behind the mask was somebody wanting to be like everyone else. To be loved like everyone else, to be seen like everyone else… They just hid behind different masks. Rinoa had a mask of sweet pleasantness and Squall hid behind a mask of the desire to be isolated, the badass loner who hated everyone and everything. But both of them wanted the same thing … they desperately wanted someone to lean on. The only difference was that Rinoa knew that she wanted this, and Squall didn't.
"It's not my problem," murmured Squall, ignoring everything his thoughts were telling him. He didn't care if they were the same. He was not going to care about anyone else because they were either going to end up leaving him or betraying him. That's what he wanted to believe, anyway.
Rinoa fought the urge to cry at Squall's remark. "How can you say that? I'm telling you how I feel and all you do is throw it back at me…"
"I don't care how you feel," said Squall emotionlessly, "I don't need to hear your problems, I have my own…"
"Is it because you don't care about my problems, or is it because you have the same ones?" asked Rinoa quietly.
Squall fell silent. He couldn't believe that she got him again. It was like she could see right through him, as if she could read him like an open book…
"You don't want to hear my feelings because they remind you of your own, don't they?" said Rinoa softly, "And I know you just want to forget who you are…"
"…You wouldn't understand…"
Rinoa closed her eyes, nuzzling herself closer into Squall's shoulder, who tried to take no notice of it. "It's funny how you just refuse to believe that someone does understand how you feel, Squall. You said so yourself ... you shouldn't say that nobody understands because you're just being selfish. You said so yourself … you're just like me, and apparently much worse off than I am."
'Apparently'? Even now she acts like her life ismore messed up than mine…
"So of course I understand," said Rinoa dreamily, "I can read you like a book, Squall. It's just the pages are all torn and the words are all over the place. But I'll help you put the story back together … I know I can…"
And now she's acting as if she knows me. She thinks she can fix my problems now. Hell, if she could fix my problems then I sure as hell can. They all say that … 'I'll help you, Squall' … but they never do help. She's just like everyone else...
"You just have to let me," she whispered.
Whatever…
"I can just … I …"
Rinoa suddenly jerked off Squall's shoulder with a start. She was trying to speak, but the only sound that came from her was raspy breaths. She grasped at her chest with one hand and grabbed Squall's shoulder with the other.
Squall looked at her, wondering what was wrong. Her behaviour was alarming – she looked as if she was choking on her own breath. Her eyes began to water and she suddenly coughed up blood.
"R-Rinoa…?" said Squall, startled.
"S-S…" Her clasp around Squall's shoulder released and she attempted to stand up on wobbly knees. Her free hand shakily reached into her pocket slowly. Her eyes were hazing up and the sound of her stifled breaths sounded like a cross between sobbing and choking.
Squall stood up, panic rising in his chest. "Rinoa, what's wrong?"
The girl still had her hand clutching at her chest tightly, her other hand shakily trying to look for something in her pocket. Her strange breathing continued and she was much paler than she was before. She was in a cold sweat, her eyes fogging up and her lips trying to accommodate to the uneven breaths. Suddenly, her eyes were halfway closed and her body loosened, collapsing backward right into the lake with a sudden splash.
"Rinoa!" shouted Squall.
Damn it … what do I do now?