Flying with Broken Wings

Chapter 4 - Broken Dreams

For a short couple of seconds, Squall could not grasp the situation properly. His heart was pounding madly inside his chest, not knowing what he should do. Rinoa's strange behaviour was startling, and the tension only skyrocketed when she fell into the lake. His body was numb with apprehension, his mind thudding too many different thoughts at him for him to handle.

Why should I save her? It's not my problem…

You idiot, she might die if you don't do anything, a voice in his head argued.

And so what if she dies? It's not my fault…

He looked into the clear water and couldn't see Rinoa as of yet. The fear in his chest zipped to his mind within a split second, and this fear made him act quickly. Without thinking, he took off his leather jacket hastily, along with his boots, tossing them to the side carelessly. He took a deep breath and jumped into the lake, the water not being as cold as he expected it to be.

He strained his vision and searched for any sign of the dark-haired girl. Every second that passed felt like an hour, until he finally spotted her. He swam as quickly as he could, although the weight of his clothes slowed him down just a little. As he approached Rinoa, he noticed immediately that she was unconscious. Without delay, he grabbed her and held onto her tightly and made his way up to the surface of the lake.

It took Squall longer than he hoped for to get to the surface. Rinoa was very light in his arms, but it was the fact that he felt that he couldn't hold his breath any longer. He kept his muscular arms tight around her and inched closer to the surface…

Almost there … c'mon … just a little more…

At last, he emerged above the water. He gasped for air longingly, taking the sweet feeling down his lungs as if he were born again. He made his way to the bay; making sure Rinoa's head was above the water. As he reached the bay, he pushed himself out of the lake and onto dry land and pulled Rinoa up carefully after him. At that very moment, a summer breeze blew by, making him shiver slightly.

Squall laid Rinoa down on her back and sat beside her, staring at her lifeless body. Her mouth was open, forming a small 'o' shape and her eyes were gently closed. Her chest failed to rise and fall, her lips were icy blue, and her skin was paler than ever. Her black hair clung together wetly, some stray strands in her face. He bent over to her examine her carefully. He shook her gently, calling her name to see if she would answer.

"Rinoa … Rinoa, can you hear me?" he asked.

Come on … wake up … don't die on me…

"Rinoa," said Squall a little louder, "Wake up."

No response.

He noticed that she was not breathing. He grabbed her wrist and checked for a pulse, and was lucky to find a very faint one. The dread in him had evaporated, and was replaced with a feeling of unsureness. He didn't know what to do … he was no doctor, after all.

Wait … I learned mouth to mouth at one of my old schools…

Squall hesitated. He was not exactly comfortable with the thought of performing mouth-to-mouth on Rinoa.

You numbskull, she's gonna die if you don't do anything soon!

So what if she dies? It wouldn't make a difference to me…

Squall knew he didn't mean that, and the thought of Rinoa dying was somewhat frightening to him. He didn't want to admit it, but he just knew that if she died and he didn't do anything to help her just because of his damned pride, then a guilty feeling would weigh on his shoulders for the rest of his life, just like the one that haunted him when it came to Raine…

With a moment of hesitation, Squall flipped the wet strands of chestnut hair in his eyes out of his face and reluctantly bent over to place his mouth over Rinoa's. Her cold lips sent shivers up and down his spine. He tried to ignore the feeling and drew breath, breathing his life into her lungs.

Two … three … four slow breaths went by and still, Rinoa did not show any signs of life.

Wake up … why won't you wake up?

Squall took another deep breath and let it go down Rinoa's throat. Suddenly, he heard a dainty cough, and Rinoa shot up straight away. Squall staggered backwards with the sudden movement and just sat there, watching the dark-haired girl silently. His heart began to beat at its normal pace again, and relief swept through his senses at Rinoa's awakening.

Rinoa coughed up water mixed with blood and her hand almost immediately zoomed to her pocket, pulling out her retainer and inhaling its contents slowly. Her earthy eyes met Squall's eyes, and he quickly looked away with embarrassment. She put her inhaler away and pulled her wet, dripping hair out of her face.

"D-Did you just save me?" she stammered.

There isn't anyone else here, is there?

Squall shrugged.

Rinoa heaved a deep sigh, her eyes taking in the fact that Squall was drenched to the bone. "Y-You did, didn't you…? Th-thank you…"

Squall noticed her teeth chattering very loudly and saw that she was shivering. He found this rather strange, seeing as how the water wasn't at all cold and the day was quite a warm one. He leaned over to the side and grabbed his leather jacket, tossing it over to her.

"Put it on," mumbled Squall.

Rinoa nodded quickly, obviously glad that Squall was not asking questions about her erratic behaviour. She pulled his leather jacket over her shoulders, snuggling into its warmth. Her rapid breathing began to slow down back to normal speed and her temperature eventually returned to its ordinary state. She looked at him behind the strands of wet hair in her eyes, her bottom lip still slightly quivering.

Squall tried not to notice that she was staring at him. He wanted nothing more than to be somewhere else at that moment. The awkwardness of the situation was making him uncomfortable. Yet, his legs did not want to get up and walk away from Rinoa. Still, he remained stationed in the same spot, trying to pretend as if nothing happened.

" I … I suppose you want to know what just happened," said Rinoa quietly.

Squall said nothing.

"Don't you?" cried Rinoa suddenly, not standing Squall's silence any longer. It was apparent that his behaviour was either making her nervous or annoyed.

Squall still remained silent. Honestly, he didn't know what to say. He didn't really care what had just happened … maybe he was a little curious, but he didn't care. He didn't want to care. He didn't want to make someone else's problem his own.

"Urgh … you're so impossible!" cried Rinoa irritably.

She took off Squall's jacket and it looked like she was about to leave, much to Squall's relief. Rinoa got up on her feet, but it was very clear that her legs were wobbly and her balance was still unstable from her blackout. Her knees gave way and she fell to the ground again.

"I wouldn't try to move so quickly if I were you," murmured Squall.

Rinoa groaned in frustration. "Don't you think I figured that out by now?"

He couldn't help it, but Squall let out a stifled laugh. He tried to wipe the smirk off his face, but it was a littlehard. He didn't know why … but Rinoa's frustration was very amusing to him. She reminded him of a kitten trying very hard to be a tiger, but no matter how hard she tried, she was still a helpless little kitten.

Rinoa raised an eyebrow, quite amazed that Squall so much as even smiled. Her frustrated grimace slowly turned into a weak grin.

"Don't laugh at me," she said pathetically, not knowing what else to say.

Squall tried very hard to keep a straight face, but did not succeed. Another short laugh escaped his mouth, and he tried to refrain from laughing anymore. This unusual change in his mood was very strange to him, maybe even frightening. He tried to resist showing any more signs of happiness … happiness was not supposed to be a part of his vocabulary…

"Oh, you think it's funny, huh?" cried Rinoa, "Yeah, well, we'll see about that!"

Uh-oh…

Squall braced himself for the worst. He watched with amusement as Rinoa picked herself up with a look of mock-anger, only to give in to her weak knees. She tried to retain her balance, but ended up collapsing again. Slightly panicked, she flung her arms around Squall as she fell to avoid hitting the ground face first.

Her touch sent jolts through Squall's body. As a common reflex, he flinched slightly, absolutely hating this feeling. He turned to Rinoa, who was still grasping onto him tightly, and gave her an unintentionally bitter look. Rinoa, embarrassed with her actions, quickly withdrew from Squall and maintained a good distance away from him. She sat herself down again and sighed.

"Looks like my plan backfired," said Rinoa. She sighed again, tucking some strands of hair behind her ear. The sun was beginning to dry her off and warm her up. "Well, at least I got to go for a nice swim."

Squall smirked, trying to get rid of that jolty feeling Rinoa left in him. "Yeah, 'nice'…"

Rinoa smiled. "Hey, you looked like you could've done for a nice bath."

"What?"

Rinoa's smile turned into a cheeky grin. "When was the last time you had a shower?"

"Uh…"

Rinoa laughed out loud. "Wow, it was so long ago that you can't even remember?"

"Whatever," glowered Squall, but he was somewhat embarrassed. He had been away from home for such a long time…

"Relax, I'm just joking!" said Rinoa, "Honestly, you need to lighten up."

Here we go again…He didn't want to admit it, but Squall was somewhat grateful that Rinoa was at her cheerfulness again.

"I mean, you were just laughing two seconds ago!" said Rinoa, "That just goes to show that it is possible, even for you, Squall Leonhart."

"Whatever…"

Rinoa smiled, taking no notice of his 'whatever'. She didn't say anything. She just stared at him with those innocent brown eyes…

Why is she looking at me like that? Squall looked away, acting as if she wasn'tstaring at him. Hyne, stop looking at me! I'm not some freak at a museum…

"Oh my god, what's the time?" said Rinoa suddenly, her smile disappearing.

Squall, grateful that she stopped staring at him, checked his watch. He found that it wasn't working from diving into the water. Instead, he looked at the sky.

"Hmm … it should be past noon," he answered, examining the position of the sun in the sky.

"Past noon!" breathed Rinoa, "Oh no, I'm late…" She fumbled clumsily around and tried to get up. She still hadn't regained her balance, so she hopelessly fell to the ground again. She groaned in frustration and tried to get up, only to fall yet again.

Squall got up on his feet slowly, obviously not in a rush. He didn't know what Rinoa was late for, and didn't ask. But it did seem awfully important. He extended both of his hands out to Rinoa to help her up.

Rinoa stared at the hands Squall held out, not knowing what he was doing. At first, it looked like he wanted a hug, but the thought was so absurd that she began to question her consciousness.

"Do you want my help or not?" asked Squall irritably when he found Rinoa staring dumbly at him.

"Oh, right," said Rinoa, embarrassed. I didn't think he'd actually want to help me … but hey, he pulled me out of a lake so why not this…?

She grabbed both his hands with her own, and Squall pulled up her up with little difficulty. As soon as she was up on her feet, she felt her knees wobble again and had a feeling that she was going to fall at any second. Luckily, Squall was still holding onto her so he kept her balanced.

The shaking in her knees stopped and it felt like she could walk on her own again. "Ah, I think I've got my balance back." She didn't let go of Squall's hands.

"Uh … you can let go of me now," said Squall uncomfortably.

"Do I have to?" said Rinoa innocently.

Squall pretended he didn't hear that. "Aren't you late for something?"

Rinoa giggled. "Relax, I was just messing with you." She was clearly amused with the way Squall tried to avoid any kind of affection at all costs. She let go of Squall's hands and found herself stable again. "But yeah, I am late … I'll see you around, Squall."

Squall nodded silently.

Rinoa turned around and began to run back into town. She stopped midway and turned back to Squall.

"Squall!" she shouted.

Squall cocked his head, wondering what she wanted now. Although she was at a distance, Squall could easily spot Rinoa's bright smile.

"Go home, would you?" she called out. And with a laugh, she turned on her heel and began running back into town again.

How did she know I've been away from home?

"You're late, Rinoa."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, so?"

Caraway turned around, his face frustrated and stern. He folded his arms and looked down at his daughter, who was sitting on the chair at the kitchen table. He was not at all happy with Rinoa's tardiness to get home.

"You know how worried I was?" said Caraway, "I was waiting for a whole hour for you."

"You said to be home by lunchtime," said Rinoa, exasperated, "Last time I checked, we didn't have lunch at eleven thirty!"

"Don't speak to me like that," said Caraway menacingly.

"I'll speak to you however I want, thank you very much," said Rinoa simply. "And for your information, dad, the reason why I'm late is because I had an attack."

"See, that's the reason why I was worried about you!" shouted Caraway, "How can you be so careless? For all I know, you could be dead!"

"Well, I'm not, okay?" said Rinoa coldly, "I'm fine. My friend helped me out."

"You're not to leave this house ever again," said Caraway, "What if you were alone? What if your friend didn't know how to help you? What would you do then?"

"How is keeping me cooped up in this house is going to make things any better!" cried Rinoa, "See, the thing is, I wasn't alone. My friend did know how to help me." That's not the entire truth, but it's not exactly a lie either… "I'm not stupid enough to go places alone. In fact, you were the one who let me out in the first place because I was with someone else!"

"That's beside the point," said Caraway, not knowing what else to say. He knew he was defeated, but he didn't want to show any sign of weakness. "And what's that smell?"

Rinoa knew her father was referring to the salty smell of the lake. "Don't worry about it. You worry too much. Do yourself a favour and just … stop caring, would you? I don't need your pity!"

Caraway groaned in frustration, as Rinoa got out of the chair and marched to her bedroom, trying to block out anything Caraway was going to say to her.

"You can't keep using that line," said Caraway after her, "You need to grow up, Rinoa. You're acting like a stubborn, spoilt child."

Rinoa slammed the bedroom door.

"Because I'm not giving you any pity!" shouted Caraway. He murmured to himself, "I actually care about you…"

Rinoa opened her wardrobe angrily, scrambling through the mass of clothes that were untidily arranged. She grabbed some clean clothes and slammed the door shut. She went into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror, seeing nothing but a flaming monster staring right back at her.

Why am I so angry with him? I mean, I'm always angry with him … but why? Yeah, he's a moron and he can be a selfish pig sometimes … but maybe he's right when he says I need to grow up. I guess I'm stuck in my childhood because that was the best time of my life. I can't even remember why I hate Caraway anymore. I guess mom's death really screwed our relationship up … she was the one holding this family together…

She sighed, unconsciously fiddling with the rings on her necklace again. Then she couldn't help but think of Squall when she realised she was holding onto Griever. She took off the chain and held the necklace in her hand, staring at the ring that was identical to Squall's. It was so mysterious … she couldn't help but wonder about everything.

He saved me today, she thought. I wonder why he did it. I knew he wasn't completely an asshole. But I don't know why he didn't want to know about my condition. Everyone wants to know about it… oh. I think I can guess. He probably doesn't want to know about my problems because it would make him feel like they're his problems too.

Rinoa sighed, putting the rings on table and looking at herself in the mirror again. She slightly smiled at herself, but turned the smile back into a neutral expression. She was far beyond feeling happy at that moment.

And maybe that's why I shouldn't tell him … because he'd just hate me. But that's why I should tell him too. He can't just keep living like this, so blocked away from the world. He has to learn how to accept his surroundings. But … I don't know. It's too soon. I've only known him for … three days, not even three days. I suppose he has to learn to accept me as his friend first before I can tell him.

She decided just that. After a couple more seconds of staring at her reflection in the mirror, Rinoa couldn't stand the sticky feeling of sea water on her skin anymore, not to mention the smell. She undressed herself and stepped into the shower, washing herself clean from all her worries and faults…

Squall walked through the streets of Timber quietly, wondering whether he should or shouldn't have went home. He was halfway there already … so why didn't he just go? It was mostly because he didn't want to see his father, and he definitely didn't want to hear any kind of long speech or lecture Laguna was going to give him as soon as he walked through the door.

But maybe Rinoa was right … he should've just gone back. He didn't know how she knew he was away from home for so long. Perhaps it was because she saw the lack of sleep on his face. Or maybe he smelled really bad and needed to shower. Or maybe … she just knew, because she was Rinoa.

Squall shook out the absurd thoughts in his head out. There's absolutely nothing special about her, he kept telling himself.

In the end, Squall found himself in front of Laguna's fancy mansion. He sighed, pulled out his keys, and unlocked the gate. It's now or never, he thought to himself, entering the premises. He trudged down the stone path that led to the front door and found that the door was unlocked.

Just my luck, he's home today, thought Squall bitterly.

He turned the doorknob and stepped into the house, the cool feel of the air conditioning hitting his senses straight away. However, all he could see and smell was the emptiness and loneliness of the house. He made his way to his bedroom, hoping that Laguna would not detect his presence.

In truth, Squall took his home for granted. It was a spacious, luxurious house with fine architecture and expensive artwork on every wall. Laguna's job as president of the military was no joke when it came to money. There were no maids or butlers or servants anymore, but the house was still as clean as a whistle because nobody was ever home. There once used to be servants at his house to look after Squall when he was younger, but now that he was almost eighteen, servants were not at all necessary.

But the thing that Squall took for granted most was his father's love and care for him. Just like Rinoa, Squall was completely blind to the way Laguna genuinely cared about him. Laguna really did care for his son – it was just that he was too busy most of the time, and when he wasn't, Squall would just push him away. In the end, Laguna just gave up.

"Squall?"

Oh great … mission failed…

Squall turned around with an irritable groan to find Laguna, standing in front of him with a look of surprise. It appeared that Laguna was about to leave for work soon, because he was fairly dressed up.

"Son, I was so worried about you," said Laguna, "you were gone for days and days and I just didn't—"

"I came back because I need money," interrupted Squall.

Laguna looked shocked and frustrated at the same time. "Money? Squall, why do you have to leave so often?"

"The same reason why you leave all the time," murmured Squall. Because you don't care…

"You don't know what you're talking about, Squall," said Laguna, flustered. "Please stay at home for now … please. I really worry about you."

"I can take care of myself…"

"I know you can," said Laguna. "It's just … I'd be able to sleep at night if I knew you were safe at home."

"Whatever," muttered Squall.

There was no point in arguing, because it would just lead them around in circles. Squall didn't even bother considering what Laguna said, and clambered up the stairs gloomily. He reached his bedroom and opened the door to be met with the familiar atmosphere of his shelter. The house itself was relatively new, but the room carried fragments of his childhood…

The bedroom was actually quite dull. There was nothing on his walls, and everything was very neat and tidy. Everything had its place, and nothing was out of line. The only thing that was worth noticing was his prized gunblade. Squall was skilled in sword arts and it was probably the only thing he was passionate about these days. The only subject in school that he actually enjoyed was his elective physical combat subject, which he aced in every time.

Other than the silver gunblade in his room, it was just plain walls, boring bed sheets, organised desk, and books neatly lined up on his bookshelf that he had read a million times already.

Squall kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto his bed. He felt his muscles loosen and couldn't help but feel relieved that he had a nice bed to sleep on again. Within seconds, Squall managed to fall asleep, despite being fully clothed and smelling salty.

…

'I can read you like a book, Squall. It's just … the pages are all torn and the words are all over the place. But I'll help you put the story back together … I know I can. You just have to let me…'

Rinoa withdrew her head from Squall's shoulder and stared at him with those innocent brown eyes. Squall turned to face her, and had a strange feeling that she was staring right into his soul. He couldn't help but feel a slight feeling of déjà vu.. He didn't know why he was speechless. He should have said 'whatever', but he couldn't find his voice.

There was silence between them, and the only sound that could be heard was the soft cawing of birds. They were alone by the lake … it was their spot … and Squall's heart was thudding in his chest, completely dazed by the sweet expression Rinoa was wearing. Finally, he found his voice.

'I … I let you, Rinoa. Help me fix my story…"

Rinoa simply smiled sweetly and leaned closer to him, her face just inches away from his. Squall's heart skipped some more beats, not knowing what was happening. Before he knew it, Rinoa's full lips were pressed against his, sending multiple shivers up and down his spine. His mind was spinning. It was as if he was paralysed, put under a spell, so that he couldn't think straight or move properly.

When Squall was just about to pull away, Rinoa let out a loud gasp. Her eyes went glassy, and Squall tasted blood. However, it wasn't his blood … it was Rinoa's. What he thought was a kiss turned into the raven-haired girl gasping for breath, trying to steal Squall's breath in hope of saving her own life.

Rinoa fell back onto the bank, as if gravity was pulling her down, a droplet of crimson blood escaping the side of her mouth. A sparkling tear fell from her eyes, and in a raspy voice, she said, 'Save me … please, Squall…'

'R-Rinoa…'

And with that, the girl was dead.

…

Squall sprang up with a start, in a cold sweat, his breathing rapid. He looked around in a daze, only to find that he was still in his familiar bedroom, everything as still as he had left it. He looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table to find that only eight minutes had passed since he last checked the time.

He sighed and ran his hand through his chestnut-brown hair placidly. What was that? His muscles were tense again and he wanted nothing more than to just go back to sleep. But he couldn't sleep … not after that.

It was just a dream, he told himself. It didn't mean anything. She didn't really kiss you and she didn't really die.

But what did it mean? The beginning of the dream was the conversation Squall and Rinoa had before her blackout … but that was the only thing he recognised. Why did he dream of Rinoa kissing him like that? And why did it turn out to be so frightening that she was actually dying? What did it all mean…?

It means you like her, said a taunting voice at the back of his head.

Squall immediately brushed that idea off without even a second thought. He didn't like Rinoa. He had no desire for her to kiss him, or fix his life, or anything.

But you didn't pull away in that dream … it was as if you wanted it…

Squall refused to listen to the voices in his head. It was just a crazy dream. People had crazy dreams all the time. It didn't really happen, and it was never going to happen. It wasn't as if he could control what he was dreaming anyway. But it was just a stupid dream. Nothing more.

Then you're afraid she'll die, said that voice again.

Maybe. Maybe he was afraid she'd die. But he couldn't care less. He saved her that morning because it was the right thing to do. He couldn't have just left her there to drown. But if she ever did die when he wasn't around, then he wouldn't feel regretful. He wouldn't even be sad. Rinoa was nothing to him … she was just a person he knew…

You know that's not true.

Shut up, he argued back. I've known her for three days. Not even three days. I don't even know her that well. Why should I care? Why should I take responsibility of her life? I'm not her father, I'm not her bodyguard, I'm not her boyfriend… I'm nothing of hers.

You're her friend…

No, I'm not.

Squall looked at his hands. On his right hand was his Griever ring, and when he looked at it, he was reminded of Rinoa. She had the same ring as him, mysteriously. Why was that? Was it just a coincidence? It can't have been … Griever chooses only the strong people. It must have meant she was strong, in her own way…

And if Rinoa was strong, then she could take care of herself. She didn't need Squall, and he didn't need her, because he had Griever too. But … she needed him that morning, so that he could save her from drowning. Perhaps he was just as vulnerable as she was…

Squall sighed. He remembered what Rinoa said about him not having a shower. He decided it was about time that he showered, but it wasn't because she said it … it was because he was planning to shower soon anyway. But in reality, he really went home in the first place because Rinoa had suggested it…

Squall got up from his bed and walked over to his wardrobe, pulling out some clean clothes. He walked into his bathroom that was juxtaposed with his bedroom. He undressed and stepped into the shower, the cold water like ice on his skin, washing away his sins and maybe even some of his bitterness…

A/N: So, what did you think about that? Yes, so I know you guys didn't like the fact that Squall didn't know what was going on and Rinoa was tight-lipped in Lost Memories, and I wanted to change that in this fanfic, but I found it very unrealistic to have Rinoa tell someone she had just met about something as serious as a health condition and whatnot, so I couldn't ... I really contemplated on doing it in this chapter, but it just didn't seem right. But don't worry, he will know soon enough ... just not now;-) I hope you all don't hate me xD

Anyway, besides that, I just thought I'd share with you guys my new project ... it's my notebook, where I have my short stories (currently only one short story though XD) published. I've only shown one or two people so far, but I thought I would share it with you lovely supportive readers and reviewers of mine, just to see how I am in original fiction-writing. If you'd like to see, you can visit the page via the homepage link in my profile :-)

Btw, thank you for your reviews in my previous chapter, I really appreciate it :-) Please review for this chapter ... it would mean a lot to me. Well ... have a nice day, and until next chapter... -waves-

Lil'D