A/N: Hey again, only me and anakin. It 2am so this is going to be quick. To all who are reading and arnt reveiwing, please reveiw cause I like getting emails telling me someone has. Please, please!
Hopeless4life - Hey, I updated as soon as I could. I'm a tad depressed at the moment so I had a bit of trouble writing this but, hope you enjoy it! xx
Ewan007 - You promise to keep reveiwing? Promise? cause if you dont Anakin will come hunt you down...he will. dont laugh he really will:-p Sorry bout the cliffhangers, I tend to use them a lot! lol xx
WoketteUK - Yep Obi-wan's turn now, and I hope you enjoy what i've done with this chapter. xx
seawardsfolly - How did your midterm go? Glad you found the time to reveiw but dont let your school work suffer for it. Please! xx
I can hear the blood pounding through my ears above the roar of speeders and blare of horns as I speed through the afternoon courascant traffic, flying down the wrong way. But at this moment in time, I really couldn't care less about them or their existence on this planet. Only one person matters and he is out there, bare-chested in the freezing rain that lashes against my windscreen, mentally unstable, not physically ready to walk again.
I can feel the fear trembling in my heart, and for once I don't try and choke it back down. The same thought keeps buzzing through my head. Maybe….just maybe if my fear is strong enough, Anakin can feel it, and would give me some indication that he is safe. But as quickly as that thought comes, it is instantly replaced by rationality and realization. Anakin can't connect with me because of that damn force dampener that makes him feel like a prisoner in the very place that is meant to help him, to protect him from harm. Without the force, Anakin has no control whatsoever over his emotions, and I can't even connect with him unless he's somewhere near me, which means that I cant help him either. This is why, as well as his worsened physical and mental state, the situation has become critical, this is why the whole Jedi council is out looking for him. I just pray to the force that I can find him before they do.
After a half hour of aimlessly flying around, and with no contact from the council, I break away despairingly from the traffic to hover above the fast flowing lanes. I lean against the dashboard of the speeder and sigh, gently pulling a small holo-vid recording from my tunic. It hasn't left me since the day Anakin gave it to me, and it is at times when I am feeling low that I can look at it. I hold it up in front of me and press a small button with the force, springing a blue scan image into life.
It's Anakin on his 18th birthday, still as tall and lanky as ever, guiding the holo-cam around the room, showing off our new apartment in the temple after he succeeded in finally ruining our previous one. The image makes me smile as I recognise the old Anakin that shines through him, before he knew of his mothers suffering, when he was enjoying life to a certain extent. The dark circles around his eyes aren't as pronounced as they seem to be now; he's muscular and has a wicked, mischievous gleam in his eye.
He looks directly into the camera now, and I turn up the volume so I can hear the last part of his message.
"…and I just want to say thanks Master. For everything you've done, training me and sticking by me through everything, and for being the only father I've ever had. I love you Master, and nothing is ever going to change that."
I shut down the holo in silence, the words that hadn't really hit me before suddenly slapping me in the face. Anakin had called me….his father. Not the closest thing to but….his father. I fight back tears for what feels like the thousandth time today alone. The battle of Genosis was only two days ago, two days since Anakin's life came crashing down around him, but to me it feels like years ago. Probably due to the fact that I hadn't actually slept or eaten since then, too busy rushing around trying to help my Padawan despite his constant refusal to allow me to. Sometimes I wonder how Anakin manages to put up with me when I am as stubborn.
I lean my head against the cold windscreen of the speeder and shut my eyes for a moment, gathering the force around me, crying out to Anakin to give me some kind of clue as to where he has run off, knowing in reality it was hopeless even trying. I open my eyes with a sigh, but sit bolt upright as a small glimmer of light catches my attention. I stare intently at it, as I guide my speeder towards it, and it becomes increasingly clear that it is coming from the Jedi Temple. As I head closer, I stretch out with the force again, holding my breath as I wait for the feeling…
Suddenly, I swing the speeder down to the entrance of the temple, as a familiar force signature lightly dances just at the edge of my force probing. I dive bomb through the lanes of traffic, using the force to weave dangerously through angry and irritated Courascantians. I smile in spite of myself as I listen to their angry horns and blurred yells, realising just how much of an effect Anakin has had on my flying skills. Had you asked me to do this 10 years ago, the answer would have probably been a burst of laughter and a sarcastic 'Yeah Sure.' But now, I do it without even thinking.
When flying with Anakin, you realise just how close to death you can come in a ship or a speeder, and also just how quickly you can get out of one when it lands. But it also taught me, that if there is a quicker way to get somewhere, then you just take it, regardless of the fact that you could end up a fiery smear in the down levels of Courascant.
Yanking hard on the flight controls of the speeder, I bring it to a skidding halt in one of the temple docking bays, leaping out and tearing down the hallway way before the speeder had actually stopped moving. I thunder up the stairs of the temple using the force to accelerate me further, and also to find exactly where Anakin is. I silently plead to him Please Anakin; don't do anything you'll regret!
I continue running until I come to our apartment, where Anakin seems to be located. I take a deep breath and gingerly open the door, taking one step inside as I do so. I glance around and see that nothing has been touched; everything is in its place, just as we left it before we left for our assignments. I continue out to the balcony where I am met by Anakin's back, his muscles tense. I step forward, calmly whispering soft words.
"Anakin? What are you doing out here?"
I see his head turn slightly towards me, and can sense his tension and pressure building up. I risk a step forward, bringing me within a hands reach of being able to touch his shoulder, until he swings round, a wild, dazed look dancing through his eyes, the rain dripping coldly from his sodden, trembling form. But that's not what catches my attention, not what drives me backwards.
Anakin's left hand is pressed against his chest, his lightsabre hilt clutched in his fist, the blade end of it pressed over his heart. I instantly think of reaching through the force to snatch it from his hand, but then I see his thumb, placed just over the button, meaning that one slight movement could instantaneously cause his death. I step back again, slowly shaking my head in disbelief, air catching in my throat as I struggle to keep calm.
"Don't…don't come any closer."
I can hear his voice trembling with the effort of fighting back a tide of emotion, his breathing shallow from the shock of the cold against his bare skin and being forced in and out unaided. He is leaning heavily on the railings of the balcony, his mechanical arm hanging uselessly at his side, making him lean slightly with the unnatural weight. I can see clearly the pain, fear and suffering that wracks his soul and I move back into the doorway to the balcony, hands outspread, trying desperately to show him I want to help.
"Anakin…please…don't…don't do this."
His face softens slightly as he hears the desperation in my voice, the desperation to get him away from the edge of the balcony at least, to get the 10 year old boy I dearly miss to come back to me. His tone of voice remains cold and shaken, but I am not deterred.
"I have to Master…there is…no other way. I don't want to live anymore."
"Anakin! How can you say something like that! There is still a life here for you, and I swear to the force that I am not going to stand here and let you lose that. I am here for you Anakin and so is Padme, we can and will help you!"
He shakes his head, trying to block out my reasoning, but I know he can't.
"You….you can't help me! I have…nothing left…nothing worth living for."
"Of course you do. You have your whole life ahead of you; you have far greater things to move onto past this!"
"IT MEANS NOTHING WITHOUT MY MOTHER!"
He screams through the pouring rain, loud lightning and thunder bursts accompanying his heart-wrenching sobs. The tears are pouring down his face, and I feel him breaking inside in so many places, but I continue, talking him down, trying to get closer to him, to understand him.
"Anakin….you have suffered a terrible loss, no one can deny that. But I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you, and you cannot let those feelings get in the way of your judgement. Somewhere inside of you that little boy I trained still remains, and he is trying desperately to tell you what you are about to do is wrong. Your mother wouldn't have wanted you to do this Anakin, she would have wanted you to continue to make her proud, and so do I. I want to see you rise up and become the best Jedi you can be, I know you can do it. Just…let me help you get there."
He stands watching me with a look of helplessness and despair, and I feel him gradually getting weaker and weaker. The adrenaline rush I gathered he managed to get here by is obviously running out, and all that is left is a broken, empty shell of a man. I softly murmur his name and hols out one hand to him. I hold my breath as he backs away from my hand for an instant, leaning slightly over the edge of the railings, a white knuckled grip still on his lightsabre hilt. I shake my head.
"Come on Anakin….I'm here. Trust me."
I tense as his hand shifts, but relax slightly as he slowly pulls the lightsabre away from his chest and press it gently into my hand. I grasp it firmly and clip it to my belt, rushing forward to catch Anakin as he sways dangerously on his feet. I pull him gently away from the edge of the balcony and hold him as he pounds his fist into my chest, howling with uncontrollable pain and emotional agony, and slowly he sinks down to his knees, me guiding him all the way. I wrap him tightly in a hug, letting his broken form shudder into my robes, stroking his short hair and leaning my cheek gently on the top of his head.
After a while I pull him gently to his feet, half carrying him indoors to his room. I tentatively rub down his freezing limbs and place him softly on his bed, handing him a pair of dry sleep pants to change into.
I settle him gently under the covers, ensuring his mechanical arm is hidden from view, until he is ready to face it again. I see his eyelids flutter gently closed, but I know it's not in sleep. He wouldn't chance falling asleep yet. I check the room silently, making sure there is nothing further he could hurt himself with, before slipping out to the kitchen to make two steaming mugs of caffe.
I place one gently on Anakin's bedside cabinet and keep mine firmly in one hand. I sit on the edge of his bed, gently stroking the side of his face with my now warm hand, making him shudder and shrink away. But I firmly keep my hand there, determined not to let him feel alone again…that was until sharp raps at the door echoed through the apartment, and I am forced to leave him, bewildered and suddenly afraid, knowing that what is coming next will shake him to the core.