I am woken to the sound of voices coming hushed from the living area of our apartment. I waste no time in quickly reaching through the force to discover the identity of our intruders, but am relieved to find only Padme, Dorme her handmaiden and Captain Typho. I reach up with my left hand to wipe the sleep away from the corners of my eyes, but end up hissing and cursing under my breath as pain shoots through my upper arm. I look down to find the still heavily bandaged wound pocking through my torn, dirtied robes.
I slowly pull myself to my feet from my make shift bed on the floor of Anakin's room, and tenderly stretch to relieve my aching muscles. Thankfully the night had passed without incident, with only a few small whimpers of pain from Anakin which were quickly suppressed through the force. But as I head over to him now, I smile as I see the change that has developed. I can see the colour just starting to rise back to Anakin's cheeks, his eyelids no longer flicker with nightmares and his still slightly heaving chest no longer glistens with sweat. If it weren't for his rasping breaths that still ripple through the apartment, it could have been said that Anakin was back to normal. But as I look him over, folding my arms across my chest, I wonder if it will ever be possible for Anakin to return to the way he was, to bring the little boy I trained out of exclusion in his tortured soul and live the happy life that we used to lead.
I turn away and step silently out into the brightly lit room, to be met by Padme's smiling face and the smell of a cooked breakfast, a luxury that has been denied me for so long.
"Good morning Master Kenobi. I trust you slept well. We didn't wake you did we?"
"Not at all senator, there are things that need to be done today, so in a way, its good that I am up early….however that doesn't stop me detesting being so all the same."
The three people huddled round the small table share a quiet chuckle and before long, I am being dragged into a seat, a plate of hot food being placed before me. I start to eat small mouthfuls in between protests against the Captain and Dorme regarding my apparent 'heroics' that I seem to have adopted on Genosis. Eventually after some much needed joking and friendly banter, they all rise to leave for Padme's apartment. I start clearing up, until a few minutes later, a small voice sounds from the doorway.
"Obi-wan….how is he doing this morning. You looked rather grim when you came out."
I turn with a small smile to Padme, glad to see that she still cares after everything I said last night, something I still felt terribly guilty about. It was just something I thought she needed to know.
"He seems to be doing better. His breathing is still giving me cause for concern, but he is much better than yesterday. Of course, the hardest part is going to be dealing with the mental repercussions of losing his arm and also now, the attack by the healer's yesterday."
I see her rub her side gently, wincing a little as she leans on the doorframe. I cross over to the small medical cabinet in the kitchen and retrieve a small bottle of pain killers. She smiles as I hand them to her.
"Thank you Obi-Wan."
"No problem. I've been slammed into a wall many a time before. I know how much this is probably hurting."
There was something about her at that moment that triggered a frown to pass my face ever so slightly. The hurt and despair that lingers in her eyes…there is something about it that worries me, it's just impossible to tell what.
"So….what will happen to Anakin now?"
I am shaken out of my thoughts by her timid voice, the emotions that were playing on her face, disappeared as if they were never there at all.
"Well…I want to get on with the healing process quickly so I can get him away from here for a while. He needs to be away from the duty of the Jedi to re gather his own thoughts. But to do that I need a more….professional opinion to help."
I can see the growing horror on her face and quickly explain the rest before she gets the wrong idea.
"I know this is a bit fast and it may do more harm than good….but I have to try for Anakin. If it helps I don't trust them anymore either, but I happen to have a very good friend who's a healer who I know I can trust absolutely. I have been meaning to introduce her to my Padawan for a while, I just never really got round to it. And while she's here, there may just be a chance that she can look over Anakin too."
She quietly contemplates this as I finish tidying up, and by the time I look to her again, she seems calmer and more like her old self. I sigh as I realise that this situation has changed many more people than Anakin, even if it wasn't in such a drastic a way.
"Are you sure Obi-Wan? I mean, I know you know him better than me, but this does seem rather drastic…and sudden. It hasn't even been 24 hours and you want him to face a healer?"
"She's different Padme…I promise I would not put Anakin in any danger. Like I said, I'm not the biggest fan of healer's at the moment, but I trust her, I've grown up with her and if there is anyone I would trust Anakin's life with bedside's you and me, it would be her."
I see her nod slowly, sighing. We murmur short goodbyes as Typho returns to escort the Senator to her transport back to 500 Republica, the official senate building where the senatorial apartments are located, and I can swiftly turn my attention back to Anakin.
I reach over for my com link and key in a personal frequency number, smiling as I hear a familiar, official tone answer after a few short minutes of silence.
"Hello, Jedi Healer Bant, how may I be of assistance."
"Bant…it's me….Obi-wan"
"Obi-Wan! Wow, long time no see, how are you feeling? I heard about you and your Padawan's daring mission on Genosis."
"I'm fine Bant, it's the other that needs some help."
"Are you 100 sure about that? I'm positive you have a screw loose up there somewhere."
I laugh as her lame attempt to cheer me up passes through my ears, uplifting my spirits a bit as I am taken back to our childhood, and our various escapades around the Jedi Temple.
"I'm sure Bant. Do you think you can come look him over for me today?"
"Sure, I was intending to anyway. I hear you and he had quiet a time with some of the team yesterday."
"Bant. I don't want to go through that again if you don't mind. I just want Anakin well again, I can't stand seeing him like this."
"Alright Kenobi….but you owe me one. Dragging me out of bed so early."
"I promise…I'll buy you a drink sometime."
"Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before. That's about the 20th one you owe me now. I'll be over within the hour."
"Thanks Bant, see you soon."
Laughing she ends the transmission, and I slip quietly back into Anakin's room. I grab some fresh bandages and bacta ointment from the 'fresher and settle myself back on Anakin's bed. I speak soothingly to him as I gently unwrap his blood soaked bandages, but he still tries to pull away, his breathing becoming faster as he starts to panic. I grimace as I hear him start to protest and whimper at my touch, and I have to use all my restraint to prevent me shaking him to wake him up. I push my force presence even stronger into his mind, and thankfully he settles. I hurriedly change the bandages and grip his hand as the bacta gel starts its painful work and he moans in pain. Slowly, I help him pull himself out of the healing trance and he slowly opens his shockingly blue eyes. I smile gently at him as he winces from the pain in his wrist.
"How are you feeling this morning Padawan?"
"A bit better. I feel slightly stronger than yesterday, but my chest still feels like a reek has run over it."
"Well, I have to say you look better...and need I remind you a Reek did actually run over you at some point."
"True...and the only reason I'm better isthanks to you Master. If you hadn't found me when you did, I'd probably be back in the healer's wing…or the morgue by now."
"Anakin try not to think about that now, it's in the past. Concentrate on the moment. Until the possible becomes actual - "
"It is only a distraction."
I gaze fondly at him as I hear Qui-Gon's words repeated for once by someone other than me.
"He told you that too?"
"Yeah…before the podrace."
I nod understanding, swallowing back the small lump that always rises in the back of my throat anytime that Qui-Gon is mentioned to me. I have got better at controlling my emotions about him over the past 10 years, using Anakin as a way of dispelling them, taming them, but it still hurts. The pain of losing the one man I dared to make a connection with before Anakin, is something that will never leave me.
"You miss him…don't you."
I look back to Anakin, who now gazes steadily at me, almost daring me to tell him otherwise. I never really talk to Anakin about Qui-Gon, only giving him small quotes and anecdotes he used to give me.
"Everyday."
"Did he…get to…to say…anything to you before…."
I notice the tears welling in his eyes, and I know what he really means, why the real reason he continues to talk about Qui-Gon is.
"I held him as he died. He didn't have much longer….in fact it amazed me that he managed to hold on as long as he did. The last thing he said to me was about you…that he trusted me to train you, that he believed in you."
"He didn't say…that he loved you….or anything about you?"
"No…and he didn't need to. I have always known how close we were and how he felt about me, there were no words he could have said to me that would have meant as much to me as his silence did."
I see a tear slip down Anakin's cheek, and I give his hand a small squeeze.
"If your mother is half as proud, and loved you half as much as much as I do….then regardless of what she said or couldn't say, you can be sure that the fact that she held onto the belief that you would come back to her, that she would see you one last time…well that should tell you more than she ever could have done."
He nods thankfully at me, and I gently run my hand through his sandy cropped hair, tugging slightly at his padawan braid, my heart soaring as he flashes a small lop-sided smile at me.
"I couldn't have asked for a better Master than you Obi-Wan. I know you think that you've failed me, but you haven't. It's my fault for being so headstrong and…well…"
"Cocky?"
"I was going to say talented….but yeah lets go with cocky."
He laughs gently along with me, and at that moment, nothing sounds more wonderful. Glancing again at his padawan braid, I feel a slight tug at my heart as I remember my proposal I put forward to Master Yoda.
"Anakin, there's been something I've been meaning to tell you…I've urm…."
But at that moment, the door chime sounds through the apartment and I sigh as I sense Bant waiting outside the door. I help Anakin upright, leaning him against some pillows.
"Master…what we're you trying to tell me?"
"It's not important right now Anakin. I have someone you need to meet."
He looks slightly nervous as I sense him reach out and detect a person he's not familiar with.
"Who is it?"
"An old friend of mine….she's concerned about you. I told her it was ok to come and see you but if you don't feel up to it then I can send her away."
"No…no it's…I'll be ok."
I nod slightly, feeling awful for lying to him, but knowing in my heart that this is what he needs. But somehow I just can't help but feel that I am betraying his trust, putting him through more emotional pain that I shouldn't be.