Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Slayers" are Copyright Hajime Kanzaka, Tommy Ohtsuka, and Rui Araizumi. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.
Author's foreword: I have criticized a number of other authors' Slayers fics, so justice demands that I post one of my own. (Amelia: "And Justice ALWAYS prevails!") All right, who let her above the title? Anyway, not that it's critically important, but this story is set several months after the end of the Slayers Try series.
Random Encounters
It was a beautiful day for the first Fair of the Continents. The sky had only a few wisps of cloud. The breeze coming off of the ocean into the city was light, just enough to wave the many brightly colored banners that decorated nearly every street. But, unseen, the threat of disaster and devastation menaced the city. Although the inhabitants and visitors who thronged its squares and shops were unaware of it, the peril was even now among them.
Happily, there was one sharp-eyed heroine who had spotted the danger. Even now, she strove with all her skill to prevent doom.
"Please, Lina! Promise me you won't Dragon Slave the city!" Princess Amelia whined.
"Come on, Amelia," the red-haired sorceress replied, "I don't plan these things -- they just kind of happen."
"Well, if something happens today, couldn't you please think of another way to deal with it?" Amelia said. "I don't want yet another diplomatic visit to end that way!"
"It was only twice, and it was Filia's fault the second time," Lina stated.
Amelia had an idea. "I'll make you an offer. The Tour d'Orihalcon restaurant is putting on a showcase of the city's best chefs. I'll treat you and Gourry to dinner there tonight, as long as it's undamaged."
"It's a deal!" Lina's face lit up. "So what brings you to the Fair? From the way you're dressed, I'll bet you're part of the official welcoming committee."
"That's right," Amelia said, with a less-than-happy look at her pale-blue-colored finery. "It's not as practical or comfortable as my traveling clothes, but Daddy wants me to make the best impression on the visitors from the other continent. But actually, there is one other reason I'm here. I'm hoping to find my sister."
"Sister?" Lina inquired.
"You remember, Gourry, I told you a little about her when we were paired up by Jilias?"
"Oh, yeah!" Gourry responded. "She looks somewhat like you, but about as tall as me, right?"
"So, what's her name?" said Lina, with visions of a reward for a lost princess running through her head.
"Well, she's almost certainly traveling under a different name," Amelia pointed out. "But her birth name is Gracia -- OH! Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia had spotted the gray-skinned chimera in the crowd, and rushed over.
Zelgadis appeared even more glum than usual. It was as if the cheerfulness of the surrounding fair had had the opposite effect on him than on everyone else. Lina held her breath when Amelia dashed up to him and enveloped him in a hug that he was clearly not in the mood to appreciate.
"Mr. Zelgadis! It's so wonderful to see you again!" Amelia gushed.
To Lina's great surprise, Zelgadis actually seemed to soften. "It's . . . good to see you again too, Amelia," he managed.
"Hello, Zelgadis!" Said Lina, walking over. "Looks like the gang's all here."
"Hi," Gourry chimed in. "I didn't think you were fond of the food in the other continent."
Lina rolled her eyes. "He's not here for that. He's looking for more clues to a cure."
"And how about you, Lina?" Zelgadis asked. "The study of magic wasn't very advanced in the other continent."
"True," Lina acknowledged, "but we were hoping to learn some more about how the Sword of Light came from the Overworld."
"So you can figure out how to enchant a new one, eh?"
"Wow, Lina!" said Gourry. "You're willing to do all that work to get me a new Sword of Light?"
"Uh, sure, Gourry." Lina began tapping her index fingers together and intently studying them.
"Well, I think that's very thoughtful of you, Lina," said Amelia.
Zelgadis had found it wise to avoid potential embarrassment where Lina was concerned, so he steered the discussion to a new direction. "Actually, Gourry, you might want to look for a conventional sword today. The knowledge of working metals seems to have advanced farther on the other continent. You remember that guns were more common over there?"
"Hey, that's a good idea!" Gourry looked even more cheerful. "I could sure use a better regular sword while we're looking for a magic one."
A horn sounded in the distance. "Oh no!" Amelia exclaimed. "That's the summons for the ribbon-cutting ceremony! I'll be back later!" The Saillune princess pulled up the hem of her outfit and raced off as fast as she dared.
"So, have you found anything yet?" Gourry asked.
"Nothing. It's no use." Zelgadis said, losing the animation he had briefly shown. "With Rezo dead and the original Claire Bible cut off, the knowledge has been lost. For my lifetime, anyway."
"Despair, Zelgadis?" came a condescending voice. "That's not like you." The chimera looked up to see the last person he wanted to encounter.
"Xellos," Zelgadis said, his face twisting in contempt. "Like an ant at a picnic, but harder to step on."
"Now is that any way to greet an old friend?" responded the Mazoku priest.
"My old friends were already here," Zelgadis returned. "So what brings you to annoy us?"
"Ah," Xellos smiled, "that is --"
"He's here to try to recruit more humans to serve Mazoku." Lina interrupted. "He's probably carrying a number of pledge stones."
Xellos frowned for a moment, then his good humor returned. "That's right, I had forgotten that Lina knows about the pledges. Well, this is quite a reunion. It only needs Filia to complete the group."
"Oh, is she coming?" Gourry asked.
"No, I'm afraid little Valgaav keeps her pretty busy."
"So how are things between you and Filia?"
"Now, that -- is a secret." Xellos put a finger to his lips.
"You just had to give him the opening, didn't you?" Lina glared into Gourry's eyes and waved her hand at the Mazoku. "Now he's got that self-satisfied smirk worse than ever!"
"Um, actually, he doesn't look that happy to me," said Gourry.
And in fact Xellos looked as if he had suddenly taken ill. The smile was gone from his face, and his color looked unhealthy, even a little green.
Zelgadis saw an opportunity to pay Xellos back. "If you're trying for a new look, that skin tone doesn't go with your hair."
"I'm not doing this on purpose!" Xellos said testily. "Someone with very powerful positive emotions is heading this way. Even worse than Amelia."
"Is that possible?" asked Lina.
"Trust me," Xellos answered, looking more uncomfortable with each passing moment, "Amelia at least was insecure. Here there's an ebullience -- and more, an overwhelming self-confidence -- excuse me." Not wanting to teleport with a crowd nearby, the Mazoku priest dashed off, looking very much like a seasick man in search of a restroom.
"Now who could it be who can chase off Xellos?" Lina wondered. "That's someone I want to meet."
"Oh ho ho ho ho!" A nerve-grating laugh rang out. "I've found you at last, Lina Inverse!"
"I take it back! I take it back!" Lina said. But she turned around anyway, and of course, standing behind her was Naga the Serpent.
Unlike Lina, Naga had not changed her outfit in the least from their days of traveling together. She still had the same cape, the same spiked shoulder-pads, the same purely-for-decoration broadsword slung at her hip, and the same skimpy thong and bustier. Lina was surprised to see that there were still no visible scars on the dark-haired sorceress, and nearly all of her was visible.
"I see your manners are as lacking as ever, Lina," Naga remarked. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your companions?"
It suddenly occurred to Lina that she did not want Gourry to meet anyone taller and better-endowed than herself. But there was no help for it. "Naga, this is Zelgadis Greywords, and this is Gourry Gabriev, my traveling companion through many adventures. Guys, this is Naga the Serpent, my partner some years past." Lina turned towards Gourry, and saw just the reaction she didn't want to see.
The blonde swordsman was staring at Naga as though mesmerized. " . . . Beautiful!" He managed to get out. "And much bigger than yours, Lina--"
At that, Lina erupted. "You shallow-minded moron!" she yelled, and whacked Gourry with the shoe she carried for just such occasions.
"Uh, Lina," objected Gourry from the pavement, "what's wrong with looking at Naga's sword?"
"--Sword?" Lina sweatdropped.
Naga, taking Lina's outburst in stride, had turned her attention to Zelgadis. "What a remarkable piece of work! " She started looking him over as if he were a show horse, much to his irritation. "Did you do the enchantment yourself, or have to pay?"
"Pay?" Zelgadis was incredulous. "This is a curse! I would pay a fortune to have it removed!"
"Removed? But it's so useful. You get extra magical power, and better still, you're nearly invulnerable."
"I look like a freak!" Zelgadis snapped. "If someone transformed your skin and your hair like this, how would you feel?"
"You're right!" Now, Naga was concerned. "How awful it would be for so much beauty to be ruined. If it had happened to Lina, it would have been no great loss," a vein popped out in Lina's forehead, but Naga paid no attention, "but I suppose you were reasonably good-looking before this happened. You'll have to have it dispelled."
"Are you trying to be the most annoying person alive?" Zelgadis almost roared.
"More like trying to widen her lead," Lina muttered to the side.
"What do you think I've spent the last four years of my life doing?" Zelgadis was building up a good head of steam. "This accursed spell was cast by Rezo the Red Priest! I have searched from one corner to the other of this forsaken world, and no one--NO ONE--has the knowledge to--"
"Golem Undo!" interrupted Naga, and touched the top of Zelgadis' head with her left pinkie.
And an amazing transformation began. A wave of tiny sparkles of light spread outwards from Naga's finger, and followed the contours of the chimera's body down to his feet. In their wake, his hair changed color to a dark slate and lost its metallic sheen. The numerous dark bumps in his skin seemed to sink into his body like pebbles into a pond. And his skin tone changed from blue-gray to a light olive complexion. The lights vanished, leaving a fully human Zelgadis.
"It. . .can't be. . ." Zelgadis stared at his hands, watching the skin crinkle as he flexed his fingers. "How. . . ?"
"I presume Lina never mentioned my mastery of golem enchantments." Naga looked disapprovingly at Lina. "I am, after all, her strongest and foremost rival."
"Really?" Gourry spoke up. "Lina never told me that. I guess I forgot to ask."
"In any case," Naga continued with an even more displeased look at Lina, "I worked quite hard in my early days to perfect that part of my magic abilities."
"Perfect?" Lina's tone was highly skeptical. "Remember the golem you created that fell in love with the creature he was supposed to be fighting?"
"But the creature also fell in love with him, showing the excellence of my golems!" Naga dismissed Lina's point. "But I will admit that my mastery took some practice. It occasionally happened that my magic was powerful enough to affect other things in the vicinity--"
"She missed with her spell and turned something or someone else into a golem," Lina interjected.
"A surprising number of people could not appreciate the transformation--," Naga continued.
"The victims and their relatives raised a huge stink," Lina offered.
"And I found it expedient to develop a counter-spell," Naga concluded.
"In order to avoid mobs of villagers with torches and pitchforks," Lina said.
"Actually it was daylight, and they had mostly hoes. Simply wrong." Naga shook her head. "So few people show an appreciation for the classics these days. For instance, do you know that I just met a cult of desert nomads who want me to change this timeless outfit for something very close to a large sack?"
"Hmm. By any chance, did they dress in white robes, wear turbans, and carry scimitars?" Lina inquired.
"Why, yes!" Naga replied. "Did you have the misfortune of running across them as well?"
"Not yet, but it looks like they've found you again." Lina pointed out two men, dressed as she had described, walking towards them.
"Confound it," said Naga, "they're just impossible to reason with."
"Behold, brother!" Said the shorter of the two men, who was carrying something that looked much like the large black sack Naga had complained about. "The shameless infidel woman! Did I not say she would be easy to find?"
"True," responded the taller man, "and she is with another, whose clothing is immodest as well."
"And what exactly is wrong with my clothing?" Lina's goodwill towards people who could give Naga a hard time immediately evaporated. "I'm fully covered, aren't I?"
"Not your face, nor your hair." The taller man pointed out. "And you do not wear a dress, as becomes a virtuous woman."
"Still, brother," the shorter man interposed, "her clothes are an improvement over her friend's."
"Scarcely," the taller man was unimpressed, "why, look at that yellow stripe across her bosom! Clothes should conceal a woman's assets, brother, not proclaim them!"
"Peace, brother," the shorter man disagreed, "that one has nothing to conceal!"
"Hit the dirt!" Gourry, Zelgadis, and Naga exclaimed simultaneously, and dove for cover.
"Fire Ball!" Lina shouted. The two nomads were instantly engulfed in a fiery explosion.
Gourry looked up from the display table he had gone under, to see Naga crouched and holding her cape above her head to guard against the falling debris. "Say, you do know Lina well!"
Zelgadis got up, rubbing a scrape on his left arm. "This is going to take a little getting used to."
Naga stood up as well, and walked over to the two desert dwellers, who were now lying unconscious on the pavement, more than a little singed. She reached down and found a scorched remnant of black cloth. "For once, Lina, I applaud your reaction. At least this tasteless outfit of theirs is finished with."
The words were scarcely out of her mouth when a dozen more men, dressed in the same white clothes, ran around the corner. "What has happened to our brothers?" demanded the man in the lead.
"She did it!" Lina pointed at Naga, who was still holding the fragment of cloth.
"But-I--" Naga began.
"Punish the strumpet!" shouted the second man. He whipped out his scimitar and threw it. Naga dodged hastily to the right, and the sword stuck into the vendor's booth behind her. A second sword spun through the air, and Naga jumped back the other way. Seeing the remaining men's swords come out, the scantily-clad sorceress took to her heels.
"After her!" cried the leader. "She must not escape our vengeance!" The group took off after the retreating Naga.
"Oh ho ho ho ho!" came the annoying laugh, thankfully fading into the distance, "You fashion-deprived zealots will never catch Naga the Serpent!"
"She seems to enjoy running a lot," Gourry remarked.
"She can certainly disappear fast when she needs to," Lina said. "And speaking of disappearing. I spent the last several years trying to forget everything about that woman: her looks, her personality, and above all, her voice. I don't want to hear her name again for a very, VERY long time. Understood?"
Zelgadis paused for a moment, remembering that he was now considerably more vulnerable to Lina's spells. "Very well," he finally said.
"Okay." Gourry also fell in line.
"I'm back!" came Amelia's voice. The group looked up to see the princess trotting towards them. "The ceremony went fine, and --" She broke off at the sight of the two scorched desert dwellers still horizontal and senseless. "Miss Lina, can't I leave you alone for even a few moments?"
Lina scratched the back of her head in embarrassment. "Well, uh, there was a very good reason . . ."
Happily for Lina, at that moment Amelia noticed Zelgadis. "OH! Mr. Zelgadis! You found a cure!" She covered the distance between them in the blink of an eye, and threw her arms around the former chimera. "I knew it! Justice would not allow all your hard work to be wasted!"
"Um, of course . . ." Zelgadis temporized, not wanting to admit that the solution had simply walked up to him, and not wanting to mention a name that would incur Lina's wrath.
"And now we can get married, and fulfill our love's destiny!" Amelia was ecstatic.
Out of the frying pan, into the fire, thought Zelgadis.
T h e E n d