I swear if I chew my lip anymore I won't have one left by the time I go to bed. I'm practicing Kata's in the middle of the living area of mine and Anakin's apartment, something which I expressly forbid Anakin to do seeing as he practically….well actually did destroy our last apartment doing them. However, they're not going too successfully as I can hear Anakin stumbling around the room behind me, cursing silently as he tries to walk.
Eventually I just give up and sit cross legged on the floor, fully prepared to sink into mediation and just let Anakin deal with this the way he wants. I don't agree with the way he is going about it, but then again this is just as much a learning curve for me as it is for him. I have to learn to leave Anakin to handle things alone, because soon he will have to start doing things alone as a Jedi Knight; not as a Padawan. I hear his muffled cry resound from the door and I put my head in my hands, fighting back the urge to rush in and help.
This is how it has been for a couple of hours. Anakin walks, or tries to, Anakin falls and calls out in pain, and then he starts the whole agonizing routine again and each time I am dragged along for the ride.
After a couple of minutes, I snap bolt upright as an eerie silence descends upon the apartment. I wait for a couple of moments before finally calling out his name, and bolt to the door when I receive no reply.
He is slumped against a wall, eyes closed and breathing heavily. I grab the oxygen mask from the bedside cabinet and pull the tank hurriedly over to him. I carefully hold the mask over his mouth and nose, rubbing his bare chest soothingly in an effort to slow his breathing. I start to whisper his name softly, feeling him shift gently under my hands, and I am relieved when he finally lets out a small groan. His eyes flicker open and instantly look towards me.
"Anakin….why didn't you just let me help you?"
His eyes close again, too weak to argue. I pull the straps of the mask over his head and ensure that it is firmly in place before gently hoisting him to his feet. I guide him over to the bed and watch as he weakly crawls between the sheets. I gently slip the IV needle back into his hand, and set the steady drip going again.
"I got…to the other side Master."
I smile gently as he re-opens his eyes, looking as though it took everything he had to mutter the short sentence. I gently ruffle his hair fondly.
"You have done very well….I'm very proud."
He smiles behind the mask, his hand resting gently on his stomach, the mechanical one lying by his side, this time on top of the covers, no longer needing to be hidden. I smile back as I think of all the progress he has made, and how much better he seems to be handling things. But underneath the sheets, I notice a difference. I gently pull them back to his waist and curse silently as I finally understand one of the reasons Anakin is so weak. The signals of mal-nutrition and starvation stare at me from behind his burns and bruises, his ribs showing painfully through his pale skin.
I instantly rise from the bed to get some food that I recall Bant saying we could get him started on soon, concerned at how thin Anakin is, and kicking myself for not realizing sooner. But a small, strangled cry from the bed sits me down next to him.
"Master…please…don't leave me alone….can't defend myself…"
I nod, understanding and place my hand gently on his shoulder, sending waves of reassurance and protection through the force to him. I gently float some small fruit and a carton of juice to my lap as I gently help Anakin to sit up so he could eat, or at least drink something. I check his breathing, and remove the mask as he reassures me it is alright to do so.
But as I bring the food in closer, he groans weakly and turns his head away.
"Anakin….you must eat something to build your strength back up."
"I don't want to…I want to rest."
"You can rest after you've eaten something I promise. Just think, the quicker you build up you're strength, the quicker you can take Padme back to Naboo."
I see something in his eyes as he looks wearily back to me, and I know that I've got to him. The one way to persuade Anakin to do what you need him to is give him a goal, a challenge he can't resist.
"Alright….but not much…"
"Just do the best you can….that's all I ever ask."
I manage to get him to eat more than I expected, and I feel better knowing, as he drifts into a weak sleep, that he has eaten and drunk something. I quietly slip out of the room after gently changing Anakin's bandages and sink into the sofa.
Force I need a drink. The council needs to see me, but I don't want to see them right now, I need to take care of Anakin, and nothing is going to stop me doing that…well except maybe Anakin himself. I need to be here for him…..just as I should have been here for Bant all those years ago. But I quickly shake those thoughts out of my head as the repercussions of that fateful evening threaten to return. I have never spoken to anyone about it or the punsihments I endured after that….not even Qui-Gon though he tried desperately to get me to tell him.
I sigh and head to bed, and set to work slowly releasing the force hold I have over Anakin's force powers, trickling back Anakin's lost sense. I smile as I feel his force signature and body strengthen as a result. I know it will not be long now before Anakin is back on his feet, giving me more grey hairs.