Disclaimers: I don't own anyone.

CHAPTER 29

Sano found the young woman sitting alone, looking sad as a light wind played at the tips of her hair. It seemed to also rock her smoothly back and forth while sitting on the miniature swing. Kaoru herself looked much like a child, too, fitting in with her landscape perfectly. The depressing background of willow trees made him think that whole illustration before him looked like a depiction of the word 'loneliness'. Slowly but surely he descended down the hill, keenly watching her come closer into his immediate view. She looked up, then, upon hearing his dress shoes shuffle against the sand, but made no attempt to give a welcoming gesture. Simply, she turned her head the other way. Reaching out, he grabbed the metal chain link beside hers and plopped himself down on the seat that was much too small. The whole swing set shook and he thought Kaoru would for sure crack a smile at that but she remained deathly still with her head down.

"So. How are you?" he attempted to begin a conversation.

"…Okay."

Glancing sideways at her he smiled. "Just okay?"

"Yeah…"

"Jou-chan, what happened back there?"

Abruptly the wind redirected itself and changed its course. The long strands of black no longer concealed her face and Sano could make out the jagged shiny streaks that gleamed on her fair skin. It was a moment before she replied but when she did she told him in a few words about what had happened.

"Megumi didn't mean what she said," he put in softly as her voice faded out. "Everyone's been going through a lot, jou-chan, and you outta everyone knows that better than the rest. Megumi was really upset, too. Earlier today Enishi stopped by. It was… ah," he paused and Kaoru lifted her head to look over curiously at the sudden embarrassment that appeared in his voice. "It was ah… definitely awkward. Let's just say that, ahaha," he laughed lifelessly to himself. Still confused, Kaoru smoothed her hair aside with her hand. "Yeah, but it was just not good. Bad timing, let's just leave it at that. Enishi got real pissed at her and pretty much crumpled their relationship with his fist and threw it away. That's probably why she snapped at you."

Now that didn't make her feel any better. In a subtle sort of way it felt as if Sano was basically saying the blame was all on her head.

Soon after his words had been uttered he realized his mistake. It reflected in her softly startled expression. "I'm not saying it's your fault. And don't tell me you think it is," he finished and they both locked eyes. Never ending waves of dusk blue hit his warm brown earth colored ones. "Wait, you do, don't you? Jou-chan, there is no one to blame except for that yarou himself. You should know that! How's it your fault? Everyone knows Megumi has a permanent case of PMS."

Sano was very happy to hear her laugh at that even if it wasn't completely heartfelt. "Now I'm not joking here, I'm being totally serious. That's just the way she is so don't take her the wrong way. Guaranteed she's feeling just as bad right now and I promise when we head back she'll be so sorry and she's gonna apologize a million times over."

At his words about going back, Kaoru thought about it, and decided she didn't want to do it. How ashamed she would feel walking back with Sano like a… like… a spoiled brat, just what Megumi had called her! Imagine that, running off and having to be brought back by someone else and then having to face everyone once again. She was feeling mortified by just picturing what their faces would say. They're all going to think I'm such a little drama queen.

"Sano," she called out. "If you want to go back then go ahead. I'm not ready just yet, and I don't want to hold you back."

"We'll go when you are ready," was all that he would say even after she tried to argue.

From time to time cars would pass by on the road and people would walk along the sidewalk but where they sat remained undisturbed. The sounds of nature engaged a conversation and both Kaoru and Sano sat quietly listening in to that and the other things running through their minds. He wasn't too sure about how much time had passed when Kaoru finally announced that it was time to go.

"You sure?" he asked her, concern softening his eyes.

"I think so, and Sano?"

This time as he looked over his shoulder their eyes met. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Never in her life had someone shown that much kindness, aside from the obvious, Kenshin. Sano did not even have to say anything to her. Quietly she had asked to be left alone with her thoughts and he had agreed so willingly even going as far as to wait with her. Who knows, she could have taken hours and he would have still waited like the gentleman that he was. To her, he was the big brother she never had but had always longed for.

Sano grinned and hooked an arm around her slim waist, pulling her tightly against him as they walked back side by side.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Kuso."

A colorful contrast to his earlier mood, Sano swore aloud and plucked a toothpick out of the glass container Megumi had sitting on top of the fridge. Shaking his head at the scene in front of him, he realized he'd done everything humanly possible for jou-chan but the humiliation was something she'd have to face alone. And damn it, he needed a beer after all his hard efforts. "Gomen jou-chan," he muttered before rushing out the room. He had a good reason too. Leave it to Makimachi Misao to cut right in front and bring everything out into the open. Sano sure as hell didn't want to be around when the shit started to fly.

"Megumi, apologize to Kaoru!" Pausing to shake his head again, he furtively made his way back to the remaining beer cans.

Hearing her name and Kaoru's paired together like so, the older girl whirled around, thoroughly shocked to see the latter standing by herself in the doorway.

And as for Misao's little butt in comment...

"Megumi!" The petite girl yelled demandingly. Surprising everyone but Sano, Megumi nodded and apologized. What was shocking was that it was completely sincere. No malicious sparks were in her maroon eyes and Kaoru stood there stupidly searching for a way to respond.

"You don't have to say anything back." With that, Megumi turned around again towards the kitchen, which was now giving off a very fragrant scent that had Sano licking his lips. Behind everyone Kenshin watched the scene carefully unfold. The reason why he hadn't run up to her and showered her with attention was because she seemed to be okay, which he was thankful for. That was one reason and the other was that he never once doubted Sano. Yet again his friend proved his ever growing faithfulness. Every bit of trust he had he gave to his best friend therefore he had no need to question it.

More importantly, though, now, Megumi had apologized.

During Kaoru's disappearance, the latter and him had had a lengthy talk filled with tears, smiles, and eventually a mutual consensus to try to put the past behind them. At that point Megumi burst into tears and had thrown herself into Kenshin's arms to which he sputtered, "Oro?"

She felt so bad for everything and explained that sometimes she couldn't help her mouth. "I know I'm a miserable person and that everyone hates me but I feel so alone right now." She then debriefed him about Enishi's earlier actions, and of course, the towel incident. "That BIRD haired idiot truly has feathers for a brain! This is so annoying! He thinks I don't like him, but I do, yet at the same time he's so stupid and I know I'm better than him. Ken-san," she cried and clutched onto him all over again giving weak little sobs of despair.

Yes, Megumi had her own world of little woes. Apparently her educational status against Sano's was something that affected her outlook. Kenshin explained that things like that shouldn't mean a huge deal but she couldn't change her feelings on the subject. "He's going to be a freeloader for the rest of his life!" she cried into his shoulder but he barely understood the rest of her muffled speech. Over and over he explained that these 'problems' didn't matter. If you loved someone that'd be enough and you could work to try to get through these things. Eventually the concept was grasped but she failed to latch onto it completely. She understands more now, thought Kenshin, who felt somewhat satisfied himself. It was like putting the last puzzle piece in place.

Realizing that Kaoru's eyes were now straying over to him, he began to apologize. "I'm sor—" he started once the group of people moved back into the living room revealing his presence. He was leaning casually into the wall when a delicate brush of her fingertips on his lips silenced him completely and she gave an understanding smile. Then she proceeded back into the kitchen and said something quietly to Megumi. Light laughter ensued and Kenshin instantly knew the situation was better.

Sweet, isn't it? You must be reveling in happiness because those two sorted their issues out. Kamiya is a surprising handful, but as I always say, the more the merrier.

"Leave… me… alone…" Kenshin whispered to himself so quietly that it could barely be heard above anything else. Snapping his eyes shut, he put his weight against the wall and willed for his inner conscious to fall silent.

What's wrong? As I do re-call from your oh so fond memories, you've always taken a liking to more than one woman at once. What's changed now? Your morals? A sneer echoed through his mind. Blood stains never wash away. You will always be the same deep down inside. Don't you think your payment is due? Giving out a helping hand to everyone else but yourself can be strenuous. I can lift away the burden. Everything can just disappear…

An odd sensation befell his body, and Kenshin was forced to admit that with those words he felt terribly tired, drained. All his emotions and energy had been like liquid but now they were as heavy as lead and he was almost tired… and tired of worrying about everyone else.

The invisible metal chain around his neck tightened and slowly he felt himself back away into the darkest corner of his mind.

The impulse to give in grew. Everything spilled over and the dampened cloth of his mind could only absorb so much. He'd done enough. Now it was his time.

Carefully, in a kindly concealed voice, the essence of Battosai tempted him further.

Imagine how you would feel if the pain would just disappear.

All at once everything went mute to his ears, yet he was still awake and standing upright.

But his mind had been cast away. Kenshin could no longer feel any resistance to the deep, dark voice that haunted his soul, thirsted for his blood.

You could see her again…

Shocks of bright flashes erupting like stars scattered throughout his narrowed mind. Images of his fallen lover appeared so vividly.

Her beckoning him to come.

Answering her cell phone and nodding ahead for Kenshin to follow.

Her hand entangled with his and the beauty mark on her left finger.

The exact peach shade of her skin and the taste of sweetness that lingered on even during his sleep as they lay motionless side by side.

All that shiny black hair he had gathered a countless number of times to pull back, especially when she was studying and it was getting in her way.

Scenes from her life and almost always Kenshin was there beside her. All those precious innocent moments had been taken for granted.

Make them last; go to her, someone whispered.

And so he began to follow his drifting memories.

Sounds of someone choking alerted the attention of all that sat in the living room. Misao's face turned tomato red and a strong pat on the back was all it took from Aoshi before she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and laughed, embarrassed. Commenting on her silliness she attempted to lighten the mood with the joke, but no one said anything. Aoshi had already returned to his spot on the couch and resumed watching the television. The other male in the room was looking away, apparently not listening to anything so Misao shook her head angrily breathing out, "Men."

If Aoshi detected a disturbance in the room he was doing a hell of a good job of ignoring it. Something was deathly wrong, Sano could feel it in the air surrounding him like a black wave of mist. Within his heart everything weighed down and he could not shake off the sickness that had overcome him ever so suddenly. Pretending to act normally, he kept his lips pressed against the cool metal but lifted his eyes over the silver rim to observe the other silent person in the room. It appeared that Kenshin seemed to be suffering from mild tremors. His eyes were shut.

Quickly, Sanosuke slammed down the can in his hand and raced over to his best friend. The bad feeling within the pit of his stomach grew and he instantly knew to prepare for the worse and brace himself fully.

Kenshin's pale lids slowly pulled upwards revealing a sadistic shade of color that was all too real to the human mind. It was too much. No one had eyes like that, no one.

Except one of the most feared assassin's dwelling within Japan's underground world.

"I suppose a warm welcome isn't exactly in order, is it now, Sanosuke?"

"Kenshin—" he started, completely horrified by everything that was in front of him from the unnatural hue that sparked his eyes to the startling rough subtleness that caressed his voice.

"Battosai," the red head corrected.

"Kenshin… what have you done?"

The slimmer man shifted away from the wall with silk like movement and his head tilted, eyes stalking over to the kitchen. "Takani and Kamiya are in there, aren't they?" He gestured with a single nod. His red bundle of hair fell to one side with his movements. Before he received a moment to stride on over towards the kitchen, Sano grabbed him by the arm and threw him inside Megumi's bedroom.

Again, he read everything like it occurred in slow motion, merely letting his friend get away with the brute handling, smiling both internally and on the outside when Sano went to close the door. Oh, if he had truly wanted he could have shown off a little flare of potential strength.

"Get a hold of yourself, Kenshin. You were doing so well—"

Crossing his arms, his friend moved to stand exactly opposite him, staring back with equal heat, if not greater. "Maybe I was getting sick and tired of my life dragging on. Maybe I'd like things to go back to how they were."

"I seriously doubt that, bro," Sano dryly replied.

"Anyhow, I'd rather not talk about this subject any further. You're my friend and it would be in our best interest to keep it that way."

"You…" Sano trailed off, anger muting out the rest of his words. Gathering himself again he opened his mouth and yelled, "You were doing so good! Everyone has to struggle sometimes but fuck, Kenshin, you're stronger than that! What about everyone else? What about jou-chan? And me? And even Megumi? Aren't we all in this together? So what now, we don't matter? We ain't shit to you?" Chest heaving heavily, Sano's eyes wildly searched Kenshin's for any recognition in those hellish amber flames. Nothing except amusement lingered above the surface. Along with that his relaxed body language reflected much ease with the situation. He really doesn't care, Sano realized with astonishing pain.

Getting gradually closer step by step, Kenshin neared Sano till they were just barely inches apart, eyes locked into a deadly embrace. "Do it yourself. You seem to care a lot these days for both of those women."

"Wha— are you trying to tell me that you think I'm after jou-chan?" It was the most ludicrous sounding idea ever in his personal opinion. He thought nothing more of her than a sisterly sibling. Thinking of her in that way felt… wrong, completely.

His friend shrugged his shoulders carelessly, bored again with their useless talk but one eyebrow rose, managing to mock Sano without using any words. That was well enough for the former. Grabbing onto Kenshin's shirt with both fists he slammed him into the wall, not giving a damn about who the hell heard the ominous thud. "Stop it. It fucking ends here, Kenshin."

"Does it now…?" He laughed then. Sobering up quickly and posing seriously, he spoke again but very roughly. "I'm sick and tired of picking up the pieces of everyone's broken little lives. What about me? What about what I want? I'm growing weary and sick of everyone's bullshit. I'm no one's keeper yet why do they keep coming to me and whining to me about their own problems? I don't have the answers and if I did I wouldn't waste my breath with useless explanations on these brats."

A painful creak sounded out, audible to both of the young men who were locked within a deadly grasp. The bedroom door slowly opened and emerging from behind the soft white wood was Kaoru. Half her hair covered her face while the other half was swept back behind her ear. And plainly visible across her cheeks were tears of anger. She stepped into the room holding her head high, meeting both of the men's faces. Inside, her heart was teetering on the boundary of breakage.

Quietly she shut the door while keeping her face to the front. She'd seen Kenshin's eyes, knew he was now on the other side but still she kept her thoughts clear.

"A burden, am I?" Her eyes clenched shut and her lips parted to reveal her tightened jaw. "If that's the truth, why didn't you tell me this before I started loving you even more? Do you know how bad this fucking hurts, Kenshin! What's wrong with you? You tell me you love me, yet there's this other side to your mind that no one can figure out. Its times like this that you make me feel completely and utterly worthless! How can you do this to me? After everything we've been through and everything we talked about, how can you do this to ME?"

Immediately both men dropped their hands and Sano stepped back away from Kenshin, unable to look at anyone properly. In his mind though he was thinking that if Kenshin just brushed her off he was going to pound his face in with his well known fists.

Ultimately there was no need for that.

"I…" Kenshin tried to speak. Both hands shot to his head clutching it as if a headache had suddenly thundered down into him. "I…stop it!" he shouted. Not even a second had passed and Kaoru was rushing to his side. She wrapped her arms around his midsection and pleaded for him to look at her. "Don't touch… Kaoru, don't touch me," he savagely whispered, still looking away from her worried blue eyes. His teeth sunk into his lip and he bit down so hard that he tasted his own blood in his mouth. Kaoru watched in horror and pleadingly shook him even more.

Nothing worked.

He was trapped in a nightmare. Blinking his eyes rapidly, Kaoru stared into them, begging for him to stop. "Himura Kenshin," she whispered and jerked her hands to his face so that she forcefully made him meet her eyes. "Listen to me. Listen to my voice, look into my eyes." He did as she asked and that enough proved that he was still somewhat himself. "Relax. It's okay. Everything is okay. No, look at me. Look at me. I love you, Himura Kenshin, and we will not let this situation tear us apart. Breathe, it's alright."

Kenshin threw himself pitifully at her and hugged her tightly, falling into the embrace and away from the icy fires of hell that had tempted him too closely. Kaoru's arms tightened around his slim body and she stroked his hair tenderly, gazing at Sano from over his head with a troublesome look. Small sobs shook at Kenshin's body and Kaoru realized that he was crying. The overflowing dam finally broke. He's alright, she thought with comfort. Ridding the body of emotions was a good thing, especially for Kenshin.

At last when he lifted his head again Kaoru watched, completely at a loss for words as his eyes went an almost translucent sort of shade before filling up with the normal light lavender.

"Kaoru..?" He trembled with hesitance, unsure that everything was really as it appeared to him. It was a reassuring response from her but the reality sunk inside at a dizzying speed. When she pulled him to her body and held him close he then knew of everything he had done. Crying it all out, Kaoru could do nothing but let him lean upon her as a support. She was faintly aware that Sano was still in the room but he was dead quiet, didn't want to disturb them.

Soon Megumi was shouting out that dinner was ready but neither one of the three were looking forward to heading back to face the remaining rest. It was hard, so hard to do it but they managed to shakily compose themselves without saying any words to each other. Kenshin opened his mouth once but Kaoru quietly silenced him and squeezed his shoulders. The look in her dark eyes spoke and they told him with confidence that everything was going to be okay. Turning to look over her shoulder, Kaoru gave Sano a fond nod before leading the group outside of the bedroom, all of them trying to look as normal as possible.

During the actual scrumptious feast itself they put in a hundred and ten percent effort to converse with every person around the table. Wisely they avoided the subject of Tomoe. At one point everyone was laughing or at the most even Aoshi was cracking an amused smile and Kenshin felt so good inside around all of his friends. This was the type of moment he wanted to savor for the rest of his life, hold onto so nothing else could distort it ever. And to do that I can't give in again. I've got to work hard to preserve what I have. This is where I want to be.

Easier said than done, more than anyone else Kenshin knew the cost of what it was to have that. But the answer was clear as spring water; Kaoru was his key, the light barer to the gloomy dark tunnel that he was lost within. No way could he let her go, not now not ever. Side glancing over at her he watched longingly as his lover smiled pleasantly to the slighter but lively girl across from her. They joked back and forth and Kenshin's eyes traveled up her body to her relaxed arms which were leaning forward onto the table. So smooth and slender. Her long black hair glistened under the chandelier lighting, each strand looking like carefully but delicately spun silk. A smile graced her beautiful face revealing her perfect white teeth.

And those lips, Kenshin found himself thinking, I could never tire from the sight of her aching lips kiss swollen from mine. Or how she gets on with the world though chaos is spinning at her insides. Even now when everything is on the edge she can still manage to build up a mask for everyone else to see. But I don't want her happiness to be a mask; I want it to be REAL. We both need it. We have so much to do together in this life, I can't give up on it.

Kaoru-dono, gomen nasai.

Just as the words left his head the young woman beside him turned then, looking up so suddenly with a surprised expression but she smiled and it melted his heart all over again. Beneath the table she found his thigh and squeezed it lovingly before glancing through her heavy lashes again to his very innocently surprised face.

At that moment Kenshin realized how much of a damned fool he truly was.

Death occurs everyday, I even used to be its companion but yet when it happens to me I give up? While everyone else is around and doing their best I give up and let them scramble on their own? The essence of his name, Himura Kenshin, it brought happiness to any that knew of it. Throughout his life he'd given so many people hope as repent for his sins. Now, because he'd hit another rough bump, did that mean he had to be an idiot and abandon all who looked up to him? Especially her? God, I'm such an idiot! He almost wanted to get up and leave but yet again he realized that everyone was trying. They are. Did Kaoru get up and leave even once?

No.

Of course not.

"Ken-san," Megumi called out.

"Hai," he immediately responded without thinking anything. The girls at the table giggled. "You seem to be off in your own little world. You've barely eaten my stir-fry vegetables. Are you trying to subtly imply something instead of saying it to my face?" Quickly he glanced down and realized that her words were true. Kenshin picked up his chopsticks and began to eat, giving Megumi a happy smile when he shoved three of the cut carrots into his mouth at once. In turn she beamed proudly and then narrowed her eyes at Sano who hadn't eaten much of his either. The latter picked up the pace, too, but as a result he began to choke. Everyone laughed again. Aoshi smiled, Misao snorted, Megumi sounded out her famous kitsune laugh while Kenshin and Kaoru pressed their lips together to keep from laughing at Sano's misfortune.

Everyone alongside everyone. There will be downfalls again, I'm sure of that, but I have everyone that I love around me and that's all that matters.

Tomoe-dono, he cast his eyes upwards, you're here as well, within my heart, love.

Misao flicked a bean sprout at Sano who caught it with his open mouth.

"Ew, you're like a dog," Megumi erupted crossly. Her unofficial boy toy got up to use the washroom and as he walked past Megumi he sneakily grabbed her behind, the motion going unnoticed by anyone else except Kenshin who pretended he didn't see a thing. Megumi gasped and her face turned beet red. "What?" Misao casually asked. "Nothing!" Megumi practically shouted and she wished to god she could have disappeared under the table. But…she thought with a sinister twist, that rooster head seems really good with his hands…

Kenshin and Kaoru sighed. Through pain, through friendship and love and blood, this is where I belong, the both of them thought.

Whatever happens, we learn to deal.

Both free hands crept to touch.

I'm not alone.

-end-

I'd like to thank everyone who ever stopped by to read this story, browse through it, and an even bigger thank you to those who took the time out to leave a review. Without any of the support I've received, I never would have been able to write anything at all. Writers like to please their audience and I hope I have done just that.

Thank you to those who have added me to their favorite lists, and their alert lists.

I know I've left several gaps open here in this story, but that is for if I ever decide to come back to it and perhaps write a sequel maybe in the near future/future.

Quick note: Kenshin has a lot to deal with it, therefore I thought it more realistic to have him revert back, even momentarily, because it shows him just how real his predicament is.

Once again, thanks to everyone who contributed whether it was a couple words of kindness or adding this story to their favorites.

Thank you.

Via x Infinito