TITLE: I Don't Want To Lose You Again

DISCLAIMER : Buffy, Angel and all other characters belong to Joss Whedon (If I owned them, Angel wouldn't be acting that weird)

SUMMARY: Something bad happened three months earlier between Buffy and Angel. She regrets what she said to him but is too ashamed to apologize while on the other hand, Angel doesn't want to hear about her any more and is trying to forget her and their past. But he will be forced to help her when she loses her memory.

DISTRIBUTION: You can have it, just tell me where you put it, thanks.

PAIRING : Buffy/Angel, hints of B/R

Sunnydale

Buffy and Riley were patrolling as usual but it had been three months since Buffy had been acting strangely. There was something about her that wasn't right, and all her friends had all noticed. And of course, it was just after Angel's little visit, a visit Riley wished had never happened , and not only because it was just too humiliating for him. He hated that vampire for what he had done to him and mostly for how he could make the woman he loved feel. She wasn't the same any more, she rarely smiled and when she did, it was clear to those who knew her well that she was only faking. She tried to do as if nothing was wrong but she miserably failed. Her empty eyes betrayed her, they showed all the pain she was trying so hard to hide. This pain could only be coming from one person, that vampire again. If only Riley knew what had happened between them, he thought, he could at least do something but he had no clue. He was her boyfriend and she wouldn't even talk to him.

Riley suspected Willow to know what had happened to her but each time he would ask her, she would change subject or tell him that nothing was wrong and that anyway it was not his fault. He knew that damn well! He hadn't done anything to Buffy but yet she wouldn't even let him be near her. He hated that situation and cursed the vampire each day.

"Buffy, are you all right?" he asked, looking at her and hoping to get her to talk to him.

"Yes, Riley, I'm fine" she responded not even bothering to look at him.

Then nothing, silence…that was like the only conversation they had. If he tried to talk to her, he felt like he was bothering her, cutting her from much more important thoughts than talking to him. And of course those thoughts were about that vampire again. Sometimes in her sleep, he would hear her moan or scream his name, then wake up crying, but if he asked, she would only tell him that she had had a nightmare.

"Buffy, I think we need to talk. You are not the same any more. I want to know what happened to you", he finally broke the silence, determined to make her open up.

"Look, Riley, you are right, we do need to talk… I think we should take a break" Buffy finally bothered to look at him.

"That's not what I meant. I don't want to take a break. I love you" Riley said alarmed.

Those words hurt her, she didn't want him to pronounce them and she felt bad abouit it. There was only one person who could say it to her the right way, making her feel whole again. But after what she had said to him, he would never look at her the same way again. She had destroyed everything because of a misunderstanding. If she could take back time, she would make everything right.

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

She didn't realise it before Riley took her in his arms, but tears were slowly falling on her cheeks. She stepped back, she could no longer bear him touching her. His touch felt so bad, how had she been able to let anyone else touch her? She only belonged to one man.

They stayed still for an awkward long moment. Riley was feeling betrayed and hurt while Buffy was thoughtful and ashamed of what she had done three months earlier to the man who meant the world to her. They were caught off guard by a Mahlog, a loathsome green demon with long horns and claws. He kicked the slayer and sent her flying across the cemetery where she hit her head on a stoned grave. She had a cut on her forehead and was bleeding a little. She tried to get up unsuccessfully and fell down again, unconscious. Riley fought the demon with all his strength. He finally got rid of him and could only concentrate on one thing: Buffy.

He ran to her, she was still unconscious but at least the bleeding had stopped. He gently shook her and she slowly openes her eyes.

"I was so afraid, I thought he had killed you. Are you all right ?" He asked worry filled in his voice

Buffy looked at him then suddently moved away as if she was scared.

"Who are you?" she asked in a little voice she didn't recognise as hers but she didn't seem to recognise a lot of things

"Are you joking ? It's not funny, Buffy. I was really worried" He was again pained that she couldn't stand being near him.

"I'm not joking. Thank you for helping me, now I'm going home"

Riley was too shocked to move. She had talked to him like he was a total stranger. Okay, she wanted to take a break but no need to be so distant. He saw her stopping and hoped she had finally realised she was making a mistake.

"Where is home? I don't remember... Oh my God" she cried, she felt like her head was going to explode. She didn't remember anything and she tried so hard that it only brought more pain and disappointment. "What am I doing so late in a cemetery?" she sat down and cried calmly.

Riley couldn't believe his eyes. She really didn't remember where her home was or anything else? He saw her for the first time like she was a beautiful fragile creature who needed protection. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. He approached her gently.

"Buffy, come with me. My name is Riley, you can trust me. We will take care of that problem."

Buffy was still afraid but there was nothing else to do, he seemed to know her after all.

"Where are we going?" she asked meeting his eyes for the first time. He had beautiful blue eyes which inspired trust but they weren't dark and as deep as his soul. Where did that thought come from? She had no idea and concentrating on it only brought a headache so she topped and focussed on her surroundings.

"We are going to a friend's, his name is Giles"

That was the last words spoken during the walk. They stood in front of Giles' door. Rile took a last glance at Buffy before knocking on the door. Giles opened the door and was surprised to see them.

"Riley, Buffy.. Please come in" he said politely as always.

"Giles, we have a problem, Buffy has amnesia" Riley blurted out.

Giles turned to look at Buffy and saw the bruise on her forehead. It was already a little bruise since she healed really fast. She seemed to be so fragile, so innocent. He almost enjoyed her state for the fact that the pain in her eyes was gone and replaced by mere confusion. Unfortunately, he couldn't let her like that, she must felt so lost. He felt her embarrassment and stop staring at her.

"How did this happen?" he asked Riley

"We were patrolling and a...hm..Do you think we should ?" asked Riley nervously

"She will learn sooner or later so, yes, go ahead"

"Ok, so we were patrolling and a demon attacked us. He sent her against a grave where she hit her head."

"So, it's because of the shock then we can't do anything, she should recover her memory by herself"

"Excuse me, sir, but what are you talking about? Demons? They don't exist, you are playing with my mind and I don't find that amusing" exclaimed Buffy

Giles looked at her and explained everything to her about her being the slayer... " In every generation, there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer..." She didn't know why but she was captivated by what he was saying, and she trusted him. She felt close to him, he felt like a father to her. She believed every word he said but still thought it was crazy.

"Do you believe me?" asked Giles puzzled.

"Yes, I don't know why because what you are saying is kind of crazy, but I feel like I can trust you" she answered calmly not knowing that her words would affect him so much.

Giles was elated, she didn't remember anything but yet she trusted him. He had always considered her as his daughter. He called Willow and Xander but didn't tell them on the phone what was happening, he only told them that there was a problem with Buffy.. They arrived twenty minutes after the phone call. Buffy was nervous to meet them, Giles had told her they were her best friends.

"Hey Buff, how are you?" asked Xander hugging her

"You must be Xander" she felt uncomfortable, people knew her but she couldn't remember them.

"Really funny, Buff. Who do you want it to be? Did I change overnight?"

"I'm not joking" she said exasperated

"She isn't joking, she has amnesia" said Giles from his position on the sofa

Willow who had stayed calm until now went to her.

"Oh my God Buffy, it must be so hard, I'm Willow, your best female friend"

"Nice to meet you" She said smiling, she had already took a liking at the red head. It seemed as if she knew everything about her.

"I'm Xander, your best male friend then" he said mimicking Willow and still surprised, he somewhat found it hard to believe.

She smiled at him then turned to Riley.

"And you ? Are you another best friend of mine?"

She missed the hurt in Riley's eyes but after all she couldn't know.

"No Buffy, I'm your boyfriend"

"Oh" was all she could utter

Her reaction hurt him a lot. She didn't seem happy about it nor unhappy for that matter, it was merely as if she didn't care. She just didn't feel anything for him. She may have lost her memory but love is not something you forget so easily. She was brought back from her thoughts by Giles' voice.

"While you have amnesia, you won't be able to fight, it could be dangerous so you can't protect the Hellmouth. We have to find someone who could help us during that time"

"What about Angel?" exclaimed Willow already thinking that he could help Buffy gain her memory back.

"No way, we are not going to call Dead Boy" said Xander

"He is right, we don't need him, I can fight" rejoined Riley

"Yes, Riley, you're strong but not strong enough. I think Willow is right, I'll call him and ask him to come as soon as possible" Giles said, he hadn't forget what Angelus had done to him but he had learned to tell the man and the demon apart and he trusted the man.

Angel...Angel, this name sounded familiar to Buffy. She fought to find something, but nothing, just a feeling with the name. A good feeling, a feeling of safety.

"Who is Angel?" she asked shyly

She noticed that they all seemed embarrassed by her question, like they didn't know how to answer. Riley and Xander even looked mad because she was interested in that name, Angel.

"It's...He is a .. friend of us" answered Giles uncertainly

"His name sounds familiar. Do I know him well?"

"Really? Oh my God, it's great Buffy" Willow said but stopped when she felt that Riley and Xander were glaring at her.

"It's a good beginning, maybe when you will see him..." Giles didn't continue his sentence, he couldn't believe their love could be so strong. But after all it was Buffy and Angel.

Buffy noticed they were all acting strangely at the mention of Angel's name, except Willow who sounded glad. She was looking forward to meeting this Angel and hoped he would be able to help her remembering. She felt so lost.

TBC Please review

Lyrics by Linkin Park - Easier To Run