Los Angeles

Angel, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn were still taking care of the hopeless people. Angel Investigations was calm at the time and Angel who had more free time took it to brood even more. He could stay in his office or his apartment all day long, without going out, only at night he would go out to fight. He still had difficulty accepting that he had gained his humanity back.

Si tu n'existais pas (If you didn't exist)

Dis moi pourquoi j'existerais (Tell me why I would exist)

Since he didn't have Buffy to share it with him, he would have preferred to stay a vampire but the Power That's Be thought otherwise. He had tried to make them change their mind but they had told him that by preventing the end of the world another time, he had deserved his humanity. But seeing his disappointment, they had let him keep his strength so he could keep on fighting for them. He was still fighting but not like before, he fought just because he knew it was the right thing to do but he didn't have a goal any more. He never went out when it was sunny, he still lived as a vampire and thought of himself as one.

He had everything he had always wanted but having them without her was senseless. He thought of the day that wasn't, it was just perfect. Now they could have plenty of days like that but she had hurt him so badly three months earlier that he hadn't had the courage to call her and make things right. His pride was stronger. He was starting to forget her as he thought he would never see her again. That way it was easier, he didn't know how he would react if he had to see her again. When he became human, Angelus didn't totally disappear, Angel realised that he had become more violent, hard. But at the same time, for the others, he was still the old Angel, kind and caring who could do anything for the people he loved.

Cordelia was sitting on a sofa, on the main entrance of the hotel. She couldn't stop feeling guilty for Angel. The words Buffy had said to him must have been so hard to take. He was acting like he didn't care, but he couldn't fool her, he was like a brother to her and she could feel his pain. He had been out for now more than five hours chasing a demon alone, she was really worried.

The phone started to ring, cutting her from her thoughts. She slowly got up and lifted the receiver.

"Angel Investigations, we help the hopel..."

"Hi Cordelia, it's Giles" he cut in

"It's not a reason to cut me in. What do you want?" she asked nastily

"Can I talk to Angel, please ?" he ignored her tone, he didn't know why she sounded so unpleasant.

"No, he is not here and even if he was, I wouldn't let you talk to him and hurt him"

"I do not want to hurt him. Can you tell him that we would really appreciate his help here?" Noises of protestation from Xander and Riley were heard over the phone.

"No way he is going there. Your slayer can take care of her town. She made it clear last time he tried to help, didn't she? "

"Sorry, I didn't know about that but that is the problem, Buffy can't fight, please tell him we need him as soon as possible" He He really hoped Angel would come, it seemed like Buffy and him were far from being on best terms. He ignored everything about that. He began to understand Buffy's state before she had lost her memory, she was so sad and empty. He had never thought before that the vampire with a soul had something to do with it.

"I will talk to him but I don't guarantee anything, I DON'T want him to go there. I am sure he will be eager to help you but if one of you, especially your slayer hurt him or even try to hurt him physically or emotionally, I will personally take care of him"

"Thanks, bye" he didn't know what else to say, he was surprised by her sudden outburst. Angel and her seemed to have developed a close relationship.

She put down the receiver and sat on the sofa she was on before. She couldn't believe it. She had hurt him, told him horrible things and now she needed his help. She stayed still for about thirty minutes, thinking of Angel. He had been so nice to her, he had given her a chance to change when everyone only saw her as a spoilt child, she didn't want to see him get hurt again. There weren't a lot of people she cared about, Angel and the rest of the team were her family, people she could count on no matter what and who could count on her too.

Angel finally came back, he was injured as usual. She suspected him to let demons or vampires hit him before killing them, maybe to release his own pain, but of course he would never admit it. She ran to him and started to clean the blood and put bandages on his arm. Tomorrow, he would be healed but of course he would get hurt again. He always went back like that, bleeding and acting like it didn't hurt. She didn't know how to tell him the news. She was sure he would agree. Even if he was angry at the slayer, he couldn't let her down. Angel could feel she was tense.

"What's the matter, Cordy ?" he asked gently

"Angel..." she looked into his dark eyes and was pained with what she found in them, always despair even if he tried to hide it behind indifference. She hoped he would find the happiness he deserved "Giles called, he wants you to go to Sunnydale and help them... because Buffy can't fight"

He stayed still, forgetting the pain he was feeling in his whole body. He didn't know what to think. What did Buffy can't fight mean ? She must be hurt. Why did he care? After all he hated her, right ? And she was the one who told him that she didn't need him, that it was HER town. But he couldn't help being worried about her.

"What happened to Buffy?" he asked, his voice without a trace of emotion, his face like a mask

"Already worried about your little bitch, I knew it Angel. Damn, how can you be that stupid?" As soon as she finished, she immediately regretted her words.

"Don't call her that, she didn't do anything to you. I'll leave tomorrow morning around 6, call Giles and tell him" before she had time to argue he added "Thanks Cordelia, but don't worry, I know what I am doing" or at least I hope, he said to himself. Then he went down to his apartment which meant he didn't want to be bothered again.

"I hope you know what you are doing, but no way I'm letting you go there alone" she said to herself. She went home and called Giles before starting to pack.

When Giles lifted the receiver, she didn't let him time to talk "We will be there tomorrow morning around 11" then she put down the receiver and went to bed.

It was going to be a really short night. At 6 am, she was already at the hotel waiting for Angel. Ten minutes later when he walked into the entrance and saw her, he wasn't even surprised. And he knew there was no point in trying to make her change her mind, after all it was like the other time, she was determined. So he called Wesley to tell him the news.

"Hi Wesley...yes I know it's early... no I'm not in danger...Cordelia and I have to go to Sunnydale...no I'm not crazy...I don't know how long but we will come back as soon as possible...yes I will be careful...because Giles called and said he needed my help...yes I know you are worried about me but there is no need, I just want you to take care of Angel Investigations with Gunn while we are not here...of course I trust you enough...Thanks, bye.

He put down the phone and looked at Cordelia.

"Are you ready ?"

"To see you get hurt again, no, I will never be ready"

"That wasn't my question but whatever" he walked towards his car.

They went into the car and while he drove they didn't talk much, they didn't need to.

"Thank God, you are driving much slower than last time, I can keep my eyes open"

He knew she was talking about last time he had driven to Sunnydale, three months earlier. He pushed that memory aside. He looked at her and cracked a smile before returning his attention on the road. Cordelia hadn't slept much the night before, she began to yawn and quickly fell asleep. When they arrived in Sunnydale, at the bottom of Giles' apartment, she was still asleep, after all her eyes hadn't stayed open that long, Angel thought. He didn't have the courage to wake her up. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. He didn't love Cordelia the way he had loved Buffy, but their friendship was really important to him, they were like family. She had changed a lot from the superficial girl she was, she had become a loving mature woman he considered as her sister, in some way she made him think of Kathy, she was like an angel when she let you know her.

Sunnydale

Everyone was at Giles' house, waiting for Angel. It was already 11:30.

"He is not going to come, did you forget that it's SUNNY?" said Xander smiling "We don't want him to be reduced to ashes, do we?"

Buffy tried to understand what he was talking about. Giles had told her vampires burn because of the sun but Angel couldn't be a vampire. A slayer and a vampire friends, it was simply impossible, right? Then if he was a friend, why wouldn't he come? She had so many questions but she felt like no one except maybe Willow, would give her answers.

"He will come" said Willow with confidence

Giles wasn't so sure but he could only wait. He kept wondering what could have happened between Angel and Buffy. Xander and Riley seemed to be on cloud nine, they had always thought that Angel was bad for Buffy, and seeing that he wasn't there could only be a good thing for her. Maybe she would totally forget him when she would recover her memory.

In the car, Cordelia slowly woke up and felt Angel looking at her.

"Why didn't you wake me up? How long have I been asleep?"

"For nearly two hours minutes, I didn't feel like waking you up. You looked so peaceful and beautiful"

"Thank you" she said blushing then quickly changed the subject "Let's go, they must be waiting"

They stood in front of Giles' door. No one moved for a long time but not for the same reasons. Angel was afraid of his reaction when he would see Buffy. If she was badly hurt, he knew he wouldn't be able to stay angry with her. He had never bear seeing her hurt and he would lose himself to her…again. Cordelia was afraid Angel would end up getting hurt again, according to her, Buffy was only a source of pain when it came to Angel.

TBC Please Review

Thanks to:

Buff

dalmatiangrl2

urangel (you will soon find what happened between them)

Blondiegrl

crystalix

savannah

You reviews helped me write faster, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Next one there will be B/A interaction