Anyways, I promise to continue updating more often.
Hope you like this one:)
Disclaimer: I don't own. It.
"Do you have any gum?" Gov. Swann looked at the former pirate --and dead-- captain disgustedly. Barbossa was staring at the old man tiredly, holding out his hand expectantly. Swann was surprised to see him.
Note: Oh yeah, and I'm changing the rating to M after this chapter. That's your hint that it's going to get a little more... disturbing in later chapters.
"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Barbossa shrugged in response. He hadn't, in fact, been dead. Jack was a crappier shot than he thought. Or maybe he wasn't... LET'S FIND OUT! Or not. I'm too lazy to think of anything.
The point was that Barbossa had put a ketchup sandwich in his shirt, saving it for later. Now Jack, being the crappy... thingy that he is, hadn't realized and shot him in the sandwich. Barbossa would've gone on to kill Jack, but he fainted because he was so distraught from the death of his beloved ketchup sandwich.
But of course, Barbossa didn't want to explain all this to some random ugly old man in a freaky-ass wig, so he just shrugged.
"Do you have gum or not?"
"Yes."
"Can I have some?"
"No." Barbossa narrowed his eyes evilly.
"Why not?"
"Because you're a dirty pirate."
"And you're a dirty old man." Swann raised his eyebrow.
"Ouch, well played." Barbossa grinned and shoved a filthy hand in from of Gov. Swann's face.
"Are you going to give me gum now?" Swann shook his head, looking repulsed at Barbossa's hand. "I'll tell you a secret if you do..."
Swann shoved a piece of Juicy Fruit Gum into Barbossa's hand. Not that hard white crap, the original stick kind.
"So what's the secret?" Barbossa grinned again, looking evil.
"While your daughter was on my ship, I had my way with her." Of course, by 'having his way with her,' Barbossa meant that he had built a bonfire next to her and danced around the ship wearing nothing but a stack of pancakes. You figure out how that works. Because I can't. But I will. Probably.
Governor Swann assumed that by 'having his way with her,' Barbossa meant that he ate her toes. He glanced furtively at Elizabeth's shoe-clad feet.
"Great." he muttered sourly. "Now I'll have to buy her some new ones."
Barbossa raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Instead, he popped the stick of Juicy Fruit into his mouth.
"Is there a Gavin Swann here?" Willis --the secretary-- called out from behind her desk, ignoring Jack. Jack was leaning charmingly on her desk, looking at her interestedly and wiggling his eyebrows. He was probably telling her about his amazing adventures on the seas. Not that she cared. But she did. But I won't go into that.
"You're name's Gavin?" Will raised his eyebrows.
"No." Swann got up and out of his chair and headed towards the shrink's office. "It's Grover. I guess she read it wrong. Or I spelled it wrong. Either one."
"So, Grover is it?" Liam looked at the strange man before her. The mix of white curly wig and high-waisted pants was not attractive.
"Yep." Liam motioned towards the squishy (!) brown chair, and Swann sat down in it. "And you are...?"
"Liam Finch." But Swann was too busy poking the squishy (!)ness of the chair. Ah, how we love the squishy (!). "So, Grover. Let's start with a brief explanation of your past, as well as what you think is wrong with you."
"Well, I was always the rich spoiled kid. But I was also the fat kid." Swann looked sadly at the ground. "And I was bald too. So I got home schooled. And then all of a sudden I was old and had a daughter. It was odd... I don't know what's wrong with me."
Liam frowned. 'What the fuck?' she thought. "Okay... let's do an activity... I'll hold up a card with an inkblot on it, and you tell me what it looks like to you."
"That one's a wig, that one's a kinder surprise chocolate, that one's a ship, that one's a cup... or a squirrel. I can't tell." he pointed at each of the pictures every time. "And that one's... not Norrington and his sexy wig. It's a bunny."
"...All right..." Hmm. So it 'wasn't' Norrington... Liam sensed some non-hating feelings from Gov. Swan towards Norrington... "Now I'll say a word and you'll tell me the first thing that comes to mind."
"Okay."
"Love."
"...Not Norrington. Elizabeth. But in a totally fatherly way. Not that wrong dirty-old-man way..."
"...Hate."
"Coffee. Nasty stuff. Chocolate's better."
"...Happiness."
"Chocolate."
"...Sadness."
"No chocolate."
"...Anger."
"... That stupid blacksmith simpleton Will Turner! I hate him! HE SHOULD DIE!"
"I'm sensing some tension between you and Will Turner." Liam thought about it for a while. "Actually, between Will and everyone."
"I wouldn't be surprised. We have a club. We're planning to lynch him later on this month."
"O...kay..."
"Are you sure this is helping?"
"Have you been talking to Jack Sparrow lately?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" Liam shrugged.
"Trust me. It helps." Gov Swann looked at her doubtfully. "And if it doesn't, it at least gives me a slight form of entertainment to mull over for the rest of the day."
"Oh. Okay then." Liam picked up another pile of cards and held them up.
"I'm going to hold up a colour, and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind." Swann nodded.
Red.
"Norrington's ring."
Blue.
"Norrington's uniform."
Yellow.
"Norrington's favorite colour."
"Oh... my... God..." Liam muttered as she held up the final card, in pink.
"That would be a bunny. Or one of them pink marshmallows."
"So, I take it you're feeling some... feelings to wards Commodore Norrington." Swann frowned.
"What gave you that idea?" Liam reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small 76-page book of pictures of Norrington.
"How did you know I had that?" Governor Swann asked, blushing profusely.
"I have x-ray vision."
"Ah." Liam shrugged. "Touché."
"OKAY!" he started bawling. "YOU CAUGHT ME! I love... Norrington... He's just so hard to resist! With his pale face and almost-unibrow eyebrows..."
Liam coughed loudly to cover up her laugh.
"It's not funny you know..."
"I'm sorry..." she laughed a little more."Okay, go on then."
"There's nothing left to say." he shrugged. "I feel so exposed..."
"Ah yes, well, funnily enough." Liam glanced at the clock. For once her clipboard was blank. "You're hour's up. This session's over. From what you just told me, I've deciphered that you're just odd. And gay. See you tomorrow."
"Um... okay..." Swann left the office slowly, glancing at Liam quickly. "See you... tomorrow..."
"It's just stealing how I charge them for this..."
A/N: If you liked this story, you'll probably enjoy my other POTC stories, titled "Of Corsets, Eunuchs, Rum and YO MAMA" and "When Randomness Attacks." And that really sounded like some crap advertisement. Whatever...
Anyways, thanks again to bonnythebunnyLinzy Charlotte Norrington DeppDRACOmaniac, and Captain-Ammie. WOOT FOR YOU!