I know, I know. I took too long. But at least I know it! This one's Elizabeth's session. With a possible squirrel cameo. Ah yes, and a bit of waiting room.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

"I do think I'm wonderful." commented Jack idly, staring at the ceiling. Once again, he was trying to seduce Willis. But in talking, he had driven her further from him than ever before!

At first he was sexy. Then he was cute. But by now, after all his stories, he was just some dumb guy looking for attention.

While he was somewhat fun to look at, it was almost impossible to get any work done with him chattering at her like a stereotypical cheerleader. Hey! That gives me an idea! Muahahaha…

Not that she actually had any work. She was just updating her stories on fanfiction, like a good little girl.

"GASP!" she yelled suddenly. Jack seemed unphased. "IS THAT A WRINKLE?"

She pointed savagely at his face.

"What? WHERE!" he immediately pulled out the powder puff and mirror and spent the next half hour examining himself.

"Is there an Elizabeth Swann here?" Elizabeth looked up from her magazine. So she reads Today's Parent. Interesting…

"That's me!" Willis raised her eyebrow.

"Are you by chance related to Grover Swann?"

"Who's that?"

"Your father."

"Oh."

"Well that's interesting…" Elizabeth looked confused.

"What's interesting?" Willis looked like a stoner for a moment.

"I dunno." Elizabeth frowned and walked into Liam's office, and sat down in the squishy (!) chair.

"Hello there, Elizabeth." Already Liam had some idea of what she would be writing/doodling.

"Hello." Elizabeth's eyebrow was cocked at a weird angle. Liam drew an exaggerated picture of her eye.

"So, would you like to tell me a little bit about yourself?" Elizabeth did her eyebrow-cocky thing again. "Start with your childhood, maybe?"

"Well, when I was a child," she began, fiddling with the squishy (!)ness of the chair. "I was a prissy little thing. You know, listening to Hilary Duff as much as I could, dressing like an oversexed Britney Spears, dancing like a stripper. That sort of thing. My parents spoiled me a lot. And then my parents told me that my mother was pregnant. Well, I'd had a few friends who'd had little brothers or sisters, and they were totally left out once the younger thing was born. I didn't want that, so I slipped my mother some rat poison. You know, to kill the baby. Anyways, it ended up killing them both."

It was Liam's turn to do her eyebrow-cocky thing. On her page, she wrote, 'Seems to have some anger issues. Perhaps because of a childhood mishap?'

"So, when I was a teenager, I was that rebel type, you know, listening to Manson, black clothing, massive amounts of eyeliner, sneaking out to band the local husbands. That type of thing. But I grew out of that. And then I was just a normal person. Except I became a pirate first. But I got killed like 30 times, so I quit."

"Uh huh…" Naturally, Liam had been barely listening to this long rant. Instead, she'd been composing a short story, that went something like this:

'Once upon a time there was a kangaroo named Jenny. Jenny liked dogs. When she grew up, she wanted to be a dog. But when she was 14, she figured out that she couldn't be a dog unless she had extensive surgery done. The end.'

She was quite proud of it. It was a nice story. It should be published.

"Go on." she murmured. She was actually talking to the picture of Elizabeth in a dog costume, but you know. People like to hear what they want.

"So then I was captured by Barbossa, and he turned me into his little look-at thing. It was okay, I guess. Then Will rescued me and we made out. Of course, this was before I found out he was gay. So you know. We broke up. it was for the best. That marriage could have been awkward."

"Yes, that's right, dance, monkey, dance."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"So… do you have anything to tell me then?"

"Huh? Oh... Sure." Elizabeth frowned. "Right, well, it seems you have some unresolved issues between you and… your mom?"

Elizabeth gasped.

"GASP! That is sooooooooo true!" Liam sighed with relief. The last thing she needed right now was someone finding out that she had no qualifications whatsoever to be a shrink. I mean… that she never… listened?

"What I got from that was that you are incredibly spoiled and hate fudge." Elizabeth clapped her hands a bit. I guess her meds are wearing off. "Well, let's move on. I'm going to show you a picture of a colour and you tell me what it makes you think about. Although, seeing as you hate fudge, we might as well just check you in the loony bin right now."

Red.

"Hearts."

Yellow.

"Stars."

Black.

"Horseshoes."

Green.

"Clovers."

Liam got a weird look in her eye. Uh oh…

"HEARTS STARS AND HORSESHOES, CLOVERS AND BLUE MOONS! POTS OF GOLD AND RAINBOWS, AND A RED BALLOON!"

There was an awkward silence in the room. Obviously Elizabeth didn't know how to read, or she could have read the sign over the entrance door that said, 'Do not mention hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, or red balloons anywhere near Ms. Finch. May cause random breaking out in song.'

"Ahem. Yes, well, shall we move on?" Twitch. "Very good. I'm going to show you an inkblot and you will tell me what it resembles to you."

"Uh… right… Well that one's Will kissing Norrington, which is not just my imagination, but something that… did… not… happen." Elizabeth frowned. She wasn't supposed to tell anyone that one. "And that one's pixie dust, that one's Barbossa eating pie, that one's my dad eating Barbossa, that one's a pie eating my dad. Vicious circle. And the last one's fudge. I hate fudge."

Liam jabbed Elizabeth none too gently in the ribs.

"Minus one point for hating fudge."

"Wha—"

"Minus one!" Liam brandished her pen savagely. "Would you like to make it minus two?"

Elizabeth shook her head, scared of what havoc Liam could wreak.

Willis tapped her knuckle on the door gently.

"You're over." Elizabeth raised her eyebrow.

"Wow. That went by quickly." Liam mused. "Well, seeing as you're too messed up to finish in one session, I'm going to schedule you in for another time. And don't forget: Minus one."

A/N: Liam got a little crazy in that one. Ah well. Next one will be Barbossa. Cheers.