I don't know who I am…

Staring at a million broken pieces here…

I don't know where I stand…

While I'm still, the world goes round so free, so cavalier…

Lost – by Little Big Town

The Cold Room

It was dark, it was dark and it was quiet and it was everything he could do just to stay calm. It was weird too, he decided, he had never been afraid here, not at Hogwarts. He hadn't had a problem with the dark in this dorm. That was probably because there were others here with him and he wasn't shut away someplace.

Harry turned onto his side and pulled the covers up to his chin --- in his minds eye, he could see the hall way at Number 4 Privet Drive, of which he was walking down. He could see the entrance to the kitchen, and to the right of that, the door that covered the cupboard under the stairs. He saw himself getting closer and closer and closer and…

He sat up, threw the blankets off of him, he was breathing hard and he felt like an idiot! Honestly! He yelled at himself, why was he being such a girl about this? It didn't make sense!

He slipped his slippers and robe on before he grabbed one of his school books and made his way down to the common room – by the clock on the mantle, he saw that he had at least four hours before he had to go and get dressed and go to classes. He slipped into his favorite chair and opened the book. It was his defense book.

Now, that got him thinking on the subject that had started all of his paranoia of cupboards and any sort of closets in general. Oh, he knew that he had a thing of avoiding the closets of Hogwarts, he knew that he didn't like the look of the wardrobe that Lupin had used in order to introduce them to the Bogart. He knew that he didn't like closed in spaces, and he also knew that he had Ron and Hermione get the potions ingredients more than he did. They gave him weird looks about it, but he had never explained it to them.

Oh! What am I supposed to say? He asked himself; I was shut in a cupboard for the first decade of my life and now I hate closets and cupboards…knowing his friends, Ron would rant and rave about the Dursley's, wishing he could hex them, and Hermione would probably research psychological ways in order to help him get over his fears.

He shook his head and tried to read – but it was impossible, he wished the Lupin hadn't said anything to him at all. He wished that he could just forget their talk, but that hint of his parents….was that just mean, or did the Professor mean what he said?

Harry looked down at the book – he could try, he could at least ask Lupin what his father was like during school, what his favorite move as a Quidditch player was; maybe even what his favorite color and food was. He could ask what other tributes he had of his mother, besides the green eyes – what she was like, how they got together…

There were so many questions that Harry couldn't put them all into words. He nodded his head as he leaned back in his chair, forgetting all about his book. He would ask Lupin this afternoon, Defense was the last class of the day, and they could find time to at least talk about having a meeting during the weekend…maybe.

With that last thought, Harry went back to his book – at least he had figured something out. He didn't want to talk to Lupin about the Dursley's, but he could talk about safer things at least.

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Lupin couldn't help but throw up to the stone god in his private bathroom – the Wolvesbane potions made him ultimately sick – so sick in fact that he had to drink more than necessary just to make sure that it would stay inside him and work the way it was supposed too. The full moon would come in one week – and Lupin was not looking forward to it. It just wasn't like it should be. His pack wasn't there and would never be there!

It was then that his thoughts turned to Harry Potter – it had been two weeks since he had talked to the boy. Each time Harry came to class he would take the notes and do as told and then after he would try and talk to the Professor – but he would always come up with an excuse to get away. Or he would just stand there like a fish out of water!

That made Lupin smile – he could remember the time that James had a crush on Professor Keegan.

"Yes?" Professor Keegan looked at James as if he was the slowest person she had ever laid eyes on. James, for his part, just stood there with his mouth open, he looked more like a Monkey out of a tree than a boy in love.

"Sorry, Professor Keegan, Snape hexed him this morning and he hasn't been the same since," Remus said. He pulled on James' arm and easily dragged the boy out of the class room as fast has he possibly could; Some times, having the strength of a Werewolf was a good thing to have; As long as it wasn't full moon.

"What happened to him?" Sirius asked, he had been waiting in the hall way with peter.

"He just stood there," Remus shrugged,

"Isn't she a gem?" James asked suddenly.

"All right, bathroom," Sirius said, it was then his turn to drag James down the hall. He pushed the boy into the nearest boy's bathroom. A moment later, Remus and Peter could hear yelling and hexing going on. Then both boys exited, looking as cool as usual, except for the fact that James was a bit damp about the head.

Remus sighed as he rinsed his mouth out – he scrubbed at his bloodshot eyes as he entered his private living quarters. He wished there was an easier way of getting through the day without throwing up more than a thousand times a day. It was then that a nervous knocking came to his door.

Remus stood and went to answer it – he was surprised to find Hermione and Ron standing there.

"Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, what is wrong?" Lupin asked.

"We came to talk to you, it's about Harry," Hermione replied in that tone she used whenever she though she was being particularly clever.

"Oh? Please come in," Remus stepped away from the door and the two third years entered. He bid them to take a seat and asked if they would like anything, Remus order three cups of hot chocolate from a house elf.

"Now, while we are waiting, would you like to explain to me what is wrong with Mr. Potter?" Lupin asked, remembering that he was the children's Professor, not the boy's guardian.

"He…seems to be getting worst," Ron Weasley said.

"How so?"

"He keeps having these nightmares, and he doesn't like to be around crowds and --"

"—he hates going into closets or cupboards. Professor Snape asked him to go and get something for a potion we were doing yesterday; Harry almost had a panic attack. He ran out of the class room and we didn't see him for the rest of the day," Hermione said.

"I did miss him in class, why do you think this is happening?" Lupin asked.

"We don't know, we thought – well, he's been wanting to try and talk to you --" Hermione faltered.

"Maybe, if we convince Harry to come to you, that probably you can fix it," Ron finished.

"Maybe, but I would have to know what he is so afraid of and why this has come up so suddenly," Lupin said.

"It started two weeks ago, the nightmares at least – sometimes he'd yell out, and at other times he would just wake up and go and study or something," Ron replied.

"We'll have to wait till he feels ready to talk to me – if you two can convince him to come to me – not today, I don't feel my best today – than I will see what I can do for him," Lupin said.

"Thank you, sir," Hermione said; It was then that the house elf came with their drink, they sat in silent while they enjoyed the treat and then Hermione and Ron left, wishing Lupin a good day and hopes that he would get better soon.

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Lupin woke to someone shaking him awake – he opened his eyes to Minerva McGonagall standing over him with a worried look on her face. Lupin sat up and blinked the sleep from his eyes.

"Remus? Are you all right?" Minerva asked in a quipped tone.

"I feel like throwing up," Remus replied truthfully.

"Poppy sent this along, she says that it won't make the potency of the Wolvesbane weak or anything of that sort," Minerva said. Remus was glad to see the potion would settle his stomach and help him to not be throwing up all the rest of the day.

"Thank you," Remus said. Minerva handed him the potion, and then the second goblet of Wolvesbane potion. Remus drank both and pulled a face.

Minerva chuckled; "You are still the same, even after all these years,"

"Yes, but we didn't have Wolvesbane when I went to school," Remus said.

"I wish we did have it, but it was a relatively new potion," Minerva replied. She bustled about Remus' rooms. She spread a couple of quilts onto the young teachers bed and tucked him in like he was a child once again.

Minerva looked at the young third year that was too tired to protest against being tucked into bed like a child. Remus Lupin was a very smart person and he loved to read; he also asked her any question that came to mind when it came to any subject he had trouble with. Not that Remus had a problem in school. It was more like making friends.

"Minerva?" Poppy came over to the hospital bed, she saw that Minerva had put a few extra blankets over the boy. She smiled a little before laying her hand on Minerva's shoulder.

"He'll be all right, he has survived for thirteen years so far," Poppy said.

"But, with the curse…he won't survive to be an old man, will he?" Minerva asked.

"Maybe, maybe not, there are plenty of Werewolves who died in their sleep when it wasn't the full moon," Poppy replied.

"I suppose we'll just have to hope for the best," Minerva whispered as she stroked the young boy's hair.

"What are you thinking about?" Remus asked from his place in the bed. He was about ready to fall asleep but he didn't want too, at least, not yet.

"Times past, times when I was younger and didn't know any better," Minerva replied.

"You always knew what to do," Remus replied.

"Not really, I had a hard time to not feel paternal over you when you were so sick that you couldn't even walk," Minerva replied.

"Oh, that was bad," Remus muttered around a yawn.

"Go to sleep, it'll be over in about three days," Minerva said.

She sat in a chair by Remus' bed. She had a class to teach, but at the moment that was not important. She slipped away once the young wizard turned Professor was asleep. He would be asleep for a while, the stomach calming potion had also been laced with a sleeping potion, it had worked slower than normal because one normally didn't put sleeping drought with a stomach calming potion. But Snape was brilliant in that area and had come up with something that also did not react to the Wolvesbane potion.

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"Hey! Moony look!" Sirius and James ran into the fourth year boy's dorm.

"What is it?" Remus asked them, he had been reading his charms book. The two looked at him before handing him a book.

"This will help us sneak out to the shack when the time comes," James said.

"What? 'Charming charms you won't find anywhere else'," Remus read the title of the book out loud.

"There is a charm in there that can help us with the map!" Sirius said.

"Good Merlin! This is great!" Remus said as he opened the book.

"What did I tell you, Padfoot? The new book almost made Moony squeal!" James laughed.

"Shut up, the both of you, hmmm….none of these look that hard, there is even a spell that will let only a select few people see the map, we have to have an opening pass phrase in order to use it, and then a closing phrase but that isn't too hard," Remus said.

"We have to use our group name though, we don't want anyone knowing about us," Sirius said.

"Yeah, Just in case Wormtail loses it and some Slytherin finds it," James nodded his head.

"Lily told me of a charm that will let a piece of paper insult a person if they try to cheat off of someone homework without them knowing of it – she uses it on all of her own homework, she only takes it off when she hands it in," Remus said.

"Can you see if she'll show it too you, I doubt that she'd show me or James," Sirius said.

"She did, that's why you haven't copied off it!" Remus asked.

"Oh," Sirius said in an oh-so clever way.

"This will be the secret to all of our success, just think of everything we can pull off with this map!" James laughed.

"We have to get the Slytherins first, for our first ever prank pulled with the map," Remus said.

"Oh, now you are talking like the Marauder we know you are!" Sirius said.

The boy's laughed and began planning their next prank, they full filled Peters questions once the boy had gotten back from Remedial potions.

A/N – Hi! I hope you all liked this chapter. I don't know exactly what I wanted to do here but I think that it turned out rather well. I hope that you all enjoyed it. Please review and tell me is it is total crap or not!

Ta,

Poppy

P.S. It is only coincidence that my pen name is Poppy and so is the name Rowling picked out for the Hogwarts Nurse, Poppy Pomfrey, my name is from a Hobbit Name generator that gave me my Hobbit name after I put in my real name! that is all, thank you!