Title: Visio Obscura

Author: KuroiCho

Genre: OC, drama

Rating: Touching R in this chapter.

A/N: Ookie. Finally out from the hiatus. Sorry to make you wait! bow bow bow Aaand.. in this chapter you finally get to find out all the shit in Shikan's past. Some really heavy shit. And I hope you all know how Ryuhou himself found his Alter abilities. Because if not, you'll probably get some spoilers.. gomen ne. I'm happy with the flashback-thingie, but somehow I just hate writing Shikan all teary-like. She's better when she's the "strong female"-type character. In my opinion, at least (and I'm the author, mind you).

The cold, dead feeling in the pit of the stomach. The one you feel when you know you're really in trouble. When you know that nothing can save you..

A hand slammed onto the table.

"Why didn't you tell your Alter abilities had developed that far! It's your duty and responsibility, Amae! You're a HOLY officer! You have to take responsibity from your actions! Oh, I can't even imagine when the commander hears about this.. A dead Alter user is no good.."

Shikan didn't even try to apologize. She knew it wouldn't be any use. Besides, she was still shaking too much to even think properly. I.. can't believe.. I did it.. even though I promised I wouldn't do it..

There was a sharp knock on the door. The officer who had been "interrogating" her (more like shouting accusations at her) turned around and opened it. His furious temperament changed almost amusingly fast to humble politeness.

"Ryuhou-sensei! I'm surprised to see you.. I thought they wouldn't bother you with this thing.."

"As I am the leading officer of section A2, it's obvious it'd land on me to take care of this", Ryuhou noted coolly. He turned to look at Shikan over the man's shoulder.

"Amae, come with me", he ordered, Shikan flinching slightly at the coldness of his voice. She hastily stood up and followed him out from the room.

Just like when I arrived, she thought while walking down corridor after corridor, not changing a single word with the man walking ahead of her, him acting towards me as coldly as if I was a rubbish bin.. Abrubtly they stopped in front of a door. Ryuhou quickly dialled a number code to the lock on the door and it opened with a soft swish. They stepped through it and Shikan realized they had come to a balcony-like projection, high in the air, the whole city spreading below them. A cold wind blew across the balcony, making Shikan shiver.

"So", Ryuhou said, his voice indifferent from before, "I'm waiting for an explanation."

Shikan swallowed hard. She opened her mouth but closed it before she could say anything. I can't say it so.. bluntly. She tried again.

"I.. wasn't quite aware of my doings. All I could think of was my own safety. It was self-defence."

"Self-defence doesn't usually include killing your attacker", Ryuhou commented. Shikan bit her lip, annoyance rising inside her.

"Well, I don't see what else I could've done except use my Alter to protect myself-"

"You could've waited for more experienced and skilled people to come in and handle with him-"

"He tried to rape me!" Shikan finally shouted. Ryuhou turned around, slight shock egding into his features. Whether from her sudden shouting or the content of her exclamation, she did not know. But the anger inside her wasn't gone yet.

"How could you understand! How long would've it took from you to get in, huh? And in what position would've I've been then? You - don't - understand! You can't realize how horrible, disgusting it is to have someone just- just- coming over you like that! I'm not going to let that happen again-!" She stopped abrubtly, staring in front of her, but not looking at Ryuhou. She turned away from him and didn't speak another word.

Ryuhou was just quiet. The sudden silence, the shouting.. something started clicking in his head, but it wouldn't just get ready for him to grasp it.

"S-So..", he tried opening the conversation again, "How long have you been able to summon your Alter into it's final stage?"

Shikan mumbled something. Ryuhou sighed.

"Look, I need to know this, it'll maybe help you with your troubles you've already got with HOLY.."

"Since.. since I was a child", Shikan answered with a small voice, "Since I was 10 and used my Alter power for the first time." Ryuhou's breath got stuck in his throat.

"First time?" Shikan nodded. Ryuhou opened his mouth to speak again, for a thought had uninvitedly clicked into place in his mind, and before he realized to consider again, he spoke:

"But.. the destructive power.. you can actually kill a person. Did you.. attack someone or..", his voice faded away. Shikan turned around to face him. Ryuhou looked at her.

"What happened then? Something that made you use all that power..?" Shikan stared at him quietly for so long, that Ryuhou started to wonder if she had heard him at all.

"What happened..", she whispered, ".. is something that I don't want to speak of neither do you want to hear about."

"I do!" Ryuhou shouted and Shikan winced at the sudden change in his manner of speaking, "I mean.. hell, it's never painless to find your powers. I.. when I found my powers it was when my whole home town.. was destroyed. My whole family.. killed."

Shikan swallowed a lump from her throat. For the first time the man looked.. like a human. Not a robot or a doll with a face made of hard plastic. For the first time she saw emotions on Ryuhou's face. And probably that's what cracked her shell as well.

"I..", she spoke, throat dry as a desert, ".. very well. If you want to know."

She turned around again, took hold of the balcony's railing and tried to clear her mind for a moment. Ryuhou stepped closer to her. After quite a long silence, Shikan finally started speaking.

"When I was a child, I didn't yet know of my Alter abilities. My parents didn't know either. I had.. a happy childhood. I mean, my parents were away most of the time, but they had a friend who spent a lot of time with me. I think he was a childhood friend of my father's. He'd take me to amusement parks and to picnics. All that stuff. He felt like a second father to me.

I had wanted to go visit a zoo on the other side of the Lost Ground for ages, "Yakkihya Zoo", you know it? Anyway, my parents hesitated because it was such a long way away. But he convinced them to let me go with him. So, once then we finally got on the journey to there. I was.. so excited. I mean, I had heard so much about the place.

The journey was fun for some time. He joked all the time, like he had the habit to. And then.. I don't remember exactly when I realized we were getting futher off from the main roads. I asked him about it, and he laughed and said I shouldn't worry, that he'd probably gotten a bit lost. So he decided to stop off at the side of a road and said I could walk around a bit if I wouldn't go too far. Well, I was glad to have a chance to stretch a bit, so I went for a small walk in a close forest path. I didn't go too far, just enough close to hear him if I'd need to go back. And.. I was walking around when I heard steps behind me, and thought it was him. I thought I had gone too far into the forest, but.. then.."

Shikan stopped for a moment, her eyes fixed to stare before her, strained expression slowly spreading on her face. She took a deep breath.

"He.. grabbed me. Pushed me down to the ground and put his hand in front of my mouth. I.. tried to ask him.. what was going on. But I.. he.."

Ryuhou's eyes widened. He started to foresee the happenings. Shikan's hand were tightly clasped around the railing and she was bracing herself from shaking. Her voice, though, slipped from her control.

"I was raped. By a family friend. When I was 10-year-old. I don't remember much of it now.. I guess I've blocked it away. But.. when I did come back to myself again, realized what had happened. The pain and humiliation.. it all was just too much..

I.. got out of control. I know it now. I felt all this power with me all of a sudden, and just wanted to make him feel it, to hurt him. With my Alter I can sort of.. feel their life. Feel it running through my fingers. And then I just.. make it stop."

Ryuhou tried to remember to breathe. He still had a vivid memory of what it was like when Shikan attacked him with her Alter.. the man he saw, and the horrible pain..

"You killed him?" he gasped. She nodded.

"The next thing I knew was me standing there, crying. He was lying on the ground. I didn't even bother to check his pulse."

They both were quiet. Ryuhou tried to deal with all what he'd heard. And he started to understand. Her Alter.. she centres all those feelings in it.. that's where it gets its form.

"But.. if he was dead.. how did you get back home?"

"It took around a day. I think we hadn't gotten that far as I thought. And how I found my way.. I sort of concentrated my thoughts on my father and mother, like I had concentrated my anger on him, and just walked. My parents really freaked out when they saw me. I was all dirty and tired as hell. They asked if something had happened. I told them that his car had broken down, so we had to postpone our trip. I said he'd taken me home by foot and then left. Said I didn't know where he went.

I got away that time. But then people noticed his disappearing. They started to ask questions. And a few way around my parents started to suspect me. And when they finally found out I was an Alter User, my mom drove me away from home. I've never seen or heard from them since."

She quietened up again, seemingly finished. Ryuhou didn't dare to say anything. He didn't even look at her. 10-year-old.. she was just a child.. having to leave her parents.. like I did..

He turned to look at her and was -in some level- shocked to find her near collapsing. Her shoulders were shaking violently as Ryuhou placed a hand on her left one. She flinched and looked at him.

"Ama- Shikan..", he called her by her first name. For a moment he though she was going to hit him but insted her face crumbled, but she didn't shed a tear. Probably she couldn't let herself to cry. Not in front of him, at least. Ryuhou felt -surprisingly- slightly offended.

"Shikan.. you.. it's all right", he said quietly, "It's all right.." She took a shuddering breath and, for a moment, tried to say something but when she opened her mouth she could only manage a sob. She let go of the railing and fell forwards Ryuhou who caught her and let her cry for the first time in many, many years.