PART 2
Author's Notes: Thanks for your patience everyone. I had not forgotten this series, but things have been busy over the past few months, and this fiction has had to hibernate while I dealt with my other commitments. I'm so glad to be back, though, and I hope to update again soon!
Oligel Ronew: Don't worry, your wish is my command! LOL! Sorry for the delay, here is the next instalment.:)
Amand: Thanks for your review, I was pleased to read of your enthusiasm for my story! Don't worry, many of the events will still occur, but there will be a different slant. So, Anakin may or may not fall depending on these changes.:) I can't give all of my plans away! As for your suggestion... it is something I have considered, but am undecided about. However, when I end this story, at the very least I plan to end it with both his and Shmi's POV.
REV042175: Thanks for your comments, I appreciated them.:) I'm glad that you thinks it's so unique. I hope that this part and ones upcoming meet your expectations.
Aditya Sunblast: Thank-you, I will.:)
DBGT Goku: Yes, we will get to what happens. But remember, Anakin is the chosen one for a purpose, he will still walk a path, which will balance the force. As for whether he will turn or stay light - I have a plan, but we will have to wait and see. Thanks for your comments.:)
Jokerisdaking: Your begging made me smile:) Yes, we will deal with everyone's reaction to Anakin's midi-chlorian next time.
White-Tigers-of-Darkness: I'm glad that you think it's original. I wanted to write something that wasn't a re-hash of other pieces of fanfiction. Then one day, while daydreaming, I came up with this idea.:)
IntotheBlue11: I'm pleased that you like the result so far. I'm trying to lay down the pieces for where I will head in the future. There will be issues for Anakin in regards to Shmi, and it will deal with the fine line he walks… other than that, I'm not going to reveal the plot yet.:) Thanks for the comment about grammar/editing. That's something that is very important to me; there's nothing worse than a badly-edited story filled with poor spelling and grammar.
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Day: 24, Month: 09, Year: 25371
My last entry was certainly gloomy. I find it hard to believe that it was I who wrote that. I was right – it must have been the hormones talking! I have meditated on all of what I wrote last time, and I am at peace with what must be done. The medical droids and Shula have told me that now that I have entered my fourth standard month of pregnancy, my symptoms of morning sickness, unusual cravings and mood swings should now pass. I believe that is the case. I have not had too many problems with these symptoms in a few days. This should certainly help, and I can now concentrate more fully on Kyra.
I need not have worried, for Kyra has been very understanding throughout this all... even though for this whole time we have remained on Coruscant and not left on any missions. She is doing well under the tutelage of Masters Windu and Drallig. Both these masters will go down in history for their skill with a lightsabre. Master Windu will surely be on the Jedi Council some day. She has been working especially hard at all her lessons, which shows her maturity. She still has a way to go in her training, but she is going to be a great Jedi someday... she is strong with the force, with an even temperament. While Jedi are trained to do this from infancy, there are a few who battle to reign themselves in. I do not wish to speak ill of any Master, however Master Windu's own friend, and Qui-Gon's own Master, Master Dooku is an independent and fiery spirit. I believe it took Master Yoda years to reign him in. However, and I would never utter this to another living soul, I sometimes sense Dooku's unsettledness. It is not my place to pass opinion, but it seems that there is a part of him that belongs to himself alone. By this, I mean that his heart might possibly not be as pure as that of his former Padawan. That is just what I sense. If pressed, I would not willingly express this. After all he, he is a full-fledged master, and I am only in the early stages of training my first Padawan. It is not my place to judge, but he makes me uncomfortable. Such as last week… he had been away on a mission for some weeks, and on his return he must have soon found out about my condition. Well, when we passed by each other in the Archives, while I was there doing some research to help a friend (Master Janneon Tudd). He walked past me, and looked me over, and it felt most decidedly strange. Obviously, he was not the first (nor last) Jedi to do this, but there was a strange look in his eyes, and I felt… vulnerable. It was as if he were a predator examining it's prey. I dashed off in a hurry, feeling very confused. I would never mention anything to Qui-Gon, for they are as close as two people could ever be… But there is something not right in all of this, and I do not like it at all. My uneasiness is not for myself, but rather for what he is capable of.
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Day: 1, Month: 10, Year: 25371
'Hmm', as Master Yoda would say, 'much weight, I have gained'. I dread to think how big I will be in another few months! I'm not enormous, but my condition is indeed clear. I'm certainly chubbier, and I think my stomach is starting to become obvious. Other than that though, I feel completely... normal. It sounds strange, but it is the truth. Certainly, I am not to exert myself excessively, and as a result of my weight gain I cannot move quite as fast, but I feel myself somewhat again.
Shula has advised me to keep up light exercise, so I have been swimming most mornings. It is relaxing, and it feels good to get my body moving, as Jedi training and service does have a very physical side to it. We are trained in body and mind. We are trained as an entire being, though of course, our focus is spiritual.
Like the good friend he is, Qui-Gon joins me some of these mornings. Not for long, as he has Obi-Wan to see to, though Obi-Wan is not incapable. And of course, he also has to see to some of Kyra's needs at the moment, so the fact that he does this is really quite sweet. But that is Qui-Gon, he would do anything for anyone. He is truly immersed in the living Force. Though he makes waves, all Jedi can only speak highly of him. He is concerned for all things and people. I believe that makes him a truly great Master.
Shula, has even joined me on occasion. Her concern is similarly sweet. She makes certain that I have sufficient rest, and that my dietary needs are met. Qui-Gon and Shula are a formidable pair! I believe they would even back-chat Master Yoda in order to protect the child and myself. It's actually amusing… though I would not dare laugh to their faces!
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Day: 10, Month: 10, Year: 25371
Oh my stars! What a surprise… though not an unpleasant one! Just now, as I left from observing Kyra's lightsabre practice, I felt movement within my womb, a fluttering. It took my breath away. What a beautiful, profound moment. It was so exciting, and the reality of the presence of the child became even more real for me! I am going to make an appointment now to see one of the medical droids now, about seeing a holo of the size of the baby.
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The child is growing! At 15 weeks, the child is still so tiny, but is rapidly growing. It is amazing to think that in month 3 of the upcoming year, this child will make an entrance into the galaxy, as the Force has willed.
I have not had any other visions since those I had while Kyra was away, which I am almost relieved by… I have been regularly speaking to Master Yoda, and he has continued to meditate upon them. He feels that if these events do come to pass, then there is a bigger picture behind it all. He believes that we should not jump to any conclusions however. It is my opinion that there will be something very special about this child… though I am sure that Master Yoda would advise me to watch my feelings on the matter. This is of course right, but even in my meditations I know there is more to be understood. We must wait and see, and not let it consume me.
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Day: 16, Month: 10, Year: 25371
I must say that today was interesting. As Jedi initiates are taken from their families when they are still very young, they are not in regular contact with their families. They do, however, have occasional visits, and families are sent official annual progress reports. My point is that today I met Kyra's family for the first time, and I do not think they truly appreciated the situation their daughter's master was in. By this, what I mean, is that it is a well-known fact that Jedi do not form attachments, and they most decidedly do not have children. I do not believe they would have understood the uniqueness, so I found myself assuring them that I was not setting a bad example, and that the entire Jedi Council could vouch that I was a reputable Jedi Knight. By the time they left with Kyra for the day, I believe they may have been reconsidering their decision to allow their middle child to train as a Jedi. I can hardly blame them, I am entirely aware of how it must have looked to them. It is for reasons such as this, that I must keep a low-profile at present.
All the same, it was an informative experience. I could see from where Kyra came. Now for some Jedi, including myself, they have no opportunity for family contact due to the nature of the situation, from which they came, but most have the opportunity to learn of their heritage.
Of course this child I carry will be in the unique situation of having their entire family with the Jedi Order. But since Jedi's lives revolve around the Order, I believe that this will matter little, except that this child will have more contact with their mother. I would highly doubt that I would be assigned to train the child in any large sense, such as a Padawan. But in other senses, I think our relationship will be inconsequential, because of the aforementioned lack of family bonding.
I do wonder, though, whether this child will resemble me at all. Will the child share any characteristics with myself? What will be their weaknesses and strengths? Surely these are innocent questions to ponder, though I should not allow myself to be consumed with such questions to the point of distraction from my duties. As a master to a young Padawan, I must even more strongly centre here and now, look at the implications for the future, and look to he past as to learn from it. I am comfortable in this, and being a master has taught me so much in the ways of the Force. Qui-Gon once told me that one does not truly begun their training until they have a Padawan of their own. How true this is. If one thinks they know all they need to know, they are fooling themselves, and are being arrogant.
While Kyra is out for the rest of the day, I will use the opportunity to organise some data-chips and holos for upcoming lessons, and spend time, uninterrupted in meditation. Meditation is part of the very being of a Jedi, but it is currently even more than that. Because of my condition, it means so much more – it allows me to rest my body and mind, it allows me to regain inner peace, and it gives me the strength to endure. I, of course, bear no bitterness or anger, but it is very difficult being the lone, pregnant Jedi in the Order. It attracts much attention, and while there is a lot of support, I am viewed somewhat as a curiosity – such as the other week's strange encounter with Master Dooku.
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Day: 22, Month: 10, Year: 25371
I am indeed continuing to grow is size, however, that is not what I wish to discuss this fine Coruscant day. I have a new temporary assignment, so I am glad to be of service again, for service is a large part of the purpose of the Jedi. I have done very little, as the Council has been hesitant to assign any tasks to me lately, especially as I am becoming less physically able. I had remained patient and understanding of their position, and had prepared myself to continue this quietude for the months to come. I was content in overseeing Kyra, and spending time in meditation. So when the Council informed me of their decision to grant me this responsibility, it was an unexpected surprise
It began when Kyra was sent on a mission with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, as the Council did not wish for her training to suffer – though it is usual that one Padawan will accompany but one Master. However, normalcy has been thrown out of the window with all that has happened. When the arrangements for Kyra's trip were underway, one of the nursery 'mothers' was called away, the suggestion was put forth that perhaps I, as an expectant mother, would be an appropriate choice. I think what settled this matter, though was Shula's (and she holds a great deal of weight in matters pertaining to general health and well-being of Jedi) recommendation, that I should be keeping my mind active, and be amongst others at this trying time. It is actions such as these, which demonstrate the strength of Shula's concern for others. It is why she is well-suited to the role of a Jedi healer.
Once the Council had unanimously voted for this, I was personally escorted to the nursery, where I was to receive my assignment instructions. Head Nursery Master (or 'mother') Dria Jabar and her assistant, a young Twi'lek by the name of Knight Zeraylie both greeted me warmly, and explained that I was to assist with the three-month-year-olds with day-to-day tasks, such as feeding, cleaning, and basic teaching in preparedness for their level-one classes (which begin when they are 12 months). They proceeded to demonstrate the techniques, and allowed me to try. I soon mastered them, and I was allowed to begin work there at one.
How remarkable and individual each baby is. No matter what, young babies such as these, are always the future of the Jedi Order. And that will include this child I carry – all prophecies aside. It is already apparent that each baby has a distinct personality and different gifts. I had never had much involvement with babies such as these before, but it felt completely natural for me. Though some bonding is required for babies to develop in a normal fashion, they are not allowed to form too strongly, for bonds must be made to the Order as whole, but also to not to be too dependent on others. But the balance struck at the nursery phase seems to work quite well. Every living Jedi is living testament to the truth of that statement.
A shall enjoy this time spent with the baby younglings. I do sense that I will learn a lot from this experience.
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Day: 29, Month: 12, Year: 25371
I have had a fulfilling two standard months in overseeing Kyra, and assisting in the nursery. It has truly been a blessing. First of all though, I should explain my absence from writing this journal for such a long period of time.
Other than the growth of my child, I have simply had nothing remarkable to write. If the purpose of this journal is centred about this child I carry, then perhaps it can someday serve a purpose – perhaps for my child, perhaps for the Order. I do not wish it to be a completely self-centred record. That would not be right, for it is not what I have been raised to be. On the other hand, it is a personal expression – so there does seem to be a tension between the two. But Master Yoda always tells us that what we struggle with will only make us stronger with the force.
But I ask myself… Will I truly emerge stronger? Strong personal connections are not encouraged by the Order, though a certain camaraderie is, because the Order is of unity. But can I remain indifferent to this child? I do not believe I can. That is where the difficulty lies. If the Force deemed that I must be the one to carry this chosen child, then can it be wrong? I have talked much with Qui-Gon. Though he has opposed the Council on many occasions, he would never push me to defy them if it did not sit well with me. He did, however offer me advice of, "Follow the Force Shmi. Listen to what it tells you. It is you in this position."
Wisely, I have mentioned nothing of his advice to Master Yoda.
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Day: 07, Month: 01, Year: 25372
At seven months into my pregnancy, I have reduced my hours in the nursery. It is harder for me to move, and Shula even has young Kyra watching how much activity I partake in and how many hours of rest I have. However, even if I did was to do more than I do currently, my presence is conspicuous. As I mentioned to Qui-Gon, whenever I walk down the halls of the temple, I now do it by 'waddling in a manner most unbecoming of a Jedi Master'.
My purpose of this entry is to record my current decision regarding what I shall name this child. It is something I have given great thought to for some time now, but it is a decision, which takes much time and meditation. I have chosen 'Anakin' if this child is a boy, or Amurra if the child is a girl. Two things were important in this decision – the pleasantness of the name on the ear, and the meaning. I have chosen these two names as they are from my native tongue. 'Anakin' means 'chosen of his mother', while Amurra means 'follow the wind' – the implications of this are of following what is, and cannot be changed.
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Day: 21, Month: 01, Year: 25372
Oh, that Master Dooku! Yet, how can I say such a thing of a respected Jedi Master… yet, what he insinuated left me speechless! First, however, I had better start at the beginning.
As with my previous strange encounter with Master Dooku, I had been wary when I again encountered him in the Archives. I was simply in the archives doing some research on early prophecies surrounding the Order (I wished to do so for both myself, and I thought Kyra mind find it an interesting project).
He too, seemed to be in the Archives for the purpose of researching prophecies. He certainly is independent. He has not had a Padawan in years, yet he always seems to be researching something or other. Which is why I've had these unfortunate run-ins with him. He again looked at me strangely, but this time he spoke. He asked me, "I am not saying that I doubt your story… It is an interesting one. But is there something Qui-Gon has to do with it?"
I looked at him, I would not have been more shocked if he had physically struck me. "Certainly not. Mind your place, Master Dooku!" I told him. I could not believe I told him that. I am not normally that feisty. I am usually mild mannered, and peaceful. Though through this, I must be changing. I am not certain if this is a good thing or a bad thing. A Jedi is to remain composed.
He should know Qui-Gon better that that. However, Qui-Gon is also known for his independent ways, but he is not that independent. He is not out for himself, when he disobeys it is for what he perceives as a greater good.
Perhaps, I'd better go meditate with Master Yoda. He would know best in this situation, as he trained him. One does wonder how someone as wise as Master Yoda, could train such an unsettled and free-willed Knight such as Master Dooku. I know the Force has different paths for each of us, but I do wonder what will become of him.
As for Qui-Gon, I may mention something, but put it delicately. I do not want to make any trouble. I'll mediate on it first. Though if I do, I'm certain the pair would straighten things out. They, though they share similarities and differences are the greatest of friends. However, I do believe that the biggest difference between the two is Qui-Gon's heart. He is a truly caring soul, while… and I feel disloyal to the Order to be saying this, but I wonder if Master Dooku isn't all that he seems. Oh, of course it could just be me, I am not entirely myself. The fact remains, however, that I did not appreciate his comment. The Council cleared me of unbecoming behaviour, so that ought to be good enough for him! I must restrain this frustration. It will only bring myself down. I must be calm.