(Author's Note: Dedicated to my biggest fan so far, the lovely Diana-Lupin.)

Chapter Seven: Revenge! Revenge!

One morning, Richard was out behind Megan's house, cutting a rose to give to Anne, when he pricked his thumb on a thorn.

"Ouch!" exclaimed Richard. He dropped the shears and brought the thumb to his mouth to ease the pain.

Unfortunately, Erik glanced out the window in time to see this. He stamped his foot as he threw open the window and stuck his head out into the unaccustomed sunlight.

"SIRRAH!" shouted Erik. "DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME?"

Richard's eyes narrowed as he lowered his hand.

"What?"

"I said, DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME?"

Richard thought about this.

"I did bite my thumb, but I didn't bite it at you," he explained.

"And what proof do I have of that?" challenged Erik.

"Look, I was cutting a rose, I pricked my finger, and I sucked out the extra blood!"

Erik drew the drapes over the window and soliloquized to nobody in particular.

"He insults me! I shall not bear it! I shall devise brave punishments for him! TO ARMS!"

Erik dashed out to his underground chamber when Diana-Lupin stumbled in. Erik paused and turned away.

"This place is full of things," he muttered. "I'll have to show her the way."

He stepped out into Diana's line of sight. She started violently.

"Hullo, Mr. Phantom!" said Diana.

"Hullo!" said Erik.

"What's up?"

Erik brought her conspiratorially close.

"I am subject to a tyrant!" he hissed. "This was MY territory before he closed in!"

"Then we shall have to get him," said Diana, gravely.

"Exactly! We overthrow the Richard!"

"Yes! Overthrow the Richard!"

"And then I'll have Megan's fan worship all to myself!"

They nodded triumphantly. A strange, percussive sound filled the air.

"What was that?" Diana gasped.

"This place is full of sounds and strange noises twangling at all hours of the day. Fanfic has made it that way. But I enjoy it. It's my music."

"This whole scenario was my idea!" said William Shakespeare.

"Shut it, you," said the omnipotent author.

They seized swords from a previously nonexistent rack on the wall and rushed back out into the sunlight, Erik throwing up his hood and putting on his gloves as he ran in order to protect his fragile skin.

Richard, meanwhile, had gone back inside to see what was going on on Animal Planet. The Purina Dog Challenge was just starting when Erik rushed in, Diana at his side, both of them carrying swords.

"You dare insult the House of Erik?" the tall, cloaked figure challenged. "This shall be thy undoing!"

"Oh, bloody hell," said Richard, reaching offscreen for a rapier.

The fight was fast and hard and probably comparable to the climactic lightsaber battle in Episode I, except Richard soon wore Erik down. It ended with Richard standing over him, rapier at Erik's throat.

"I really thought you'd do better than Gerard Butler!" said Richard. "Get up."

Erik rose up again.

"So be it! Now let it be war upon- you! Again!"

He stormed away. Diana-Lupin looked expectantly at Richard.

"Don't look at me like that," said Richard. "I just work here."