This is a Star-Wars humor fic based on Storm troopers. Deal with it.

NOTE: the - symbol indicates when that the person is speaking another language.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except blahdy blahdy blah.

Random Storm trooper fic
(some Storm troopers are riding a deploying craft down to Tatooine. They feel happy because…)

PG-13: WE'RE GOING TO THE MOS EISLEY CANTINA! WOHOO!

RJ-181: YEAH!

KK-111: MY G-STRING'S KILLING ME!

PG-13 and RJ-181: (disturbed mentally) … ooookaaay…

RJ-181: never say that or anything related to that ever again, okay KK? ... Okay… KK… HEY! That rhymes! But seriously don't do that, KK-111.

KK-111: why? I'm just saying that-

RJ-181: (interrupting) DON'T! You scare us that way.

PG-13: Yeah, he's right! It makes us think you're gay.

Capt. Roland: Stop talking, you five!

PG-13: (correcting Roland) Three, sir!

Capt. Roland: Three! I'm sick of you guys going down to the cantina every night, getting drunk and hitting on those Twi-Leck girls.

KK-111: But they're HOT! Besides, if you don't like us going there, why are you here?

Capt. Roland: Because you three need a chaperone to drive you back, and I'm sure Lord Vader or the other commanding officers wouldn't want to do that! Also, there are things I need in the marketplace.

RJ-181: … Is it porno?

Capt. Roland: NO! Is sex the only thing you guys have on your mind?

All three Stormtroopers: (in unison) … yes.

Capt. Roland: (shaking his head) … uugghh. This is going to be a long day.

(the troopers land in the Mos Eisley spaceport. The Stormers (that's what everyone calls them) enter the cantina, seeing that it's the Twi-Leck twins' dancing night. Now they are happier than ever.)

RJ-181: Yep, this is the life! Drinking, shooting random Rebels, (shoots a random Rebel) and watching hot girls dance! I wish every day was like this… except with actual sex instead of just watching hot chicks dance.

Other two: Agreed!

(as they watch the Twi-Leck twins dance, Capt. Roland is in the market, trying to persuade the merchant he is buying from to let him buy some type of jewelry for his fiancée for a low price. The merchant is thinking Roland's gay.)

Capt. Roland: PLEASE! FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT FOR ME! IT'S FOR MY FIANCEE!

Merchant: -yeah, right.-

Roland: STOP ACCUSING ME OF BEING GAY, OR ELSE!

Merchant: -or else what? You'll shoot me? (laughs)-

Roland: EXACTLY! (shoots the merchant to death, laughing.) WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, MOTHER-FUCKER! (realizes that everyone is staring at him) … um… hi?... (runs away)

(meanwhile, our stormy friends have gotten extremely drunk. The twins come up to PG-13 and RJ-181, looking like they haven't had sex in 3 decades and are suffering from withdrawal.)

Twin 1: hey there, good lookings. You guys look handsome today.

Twin 2: yeah.

RJ-181: uuummmm… yesh, yesh we are handshome… we're teh handshomest shtormtroopersh in teh whole placey thing!

PG-13: yesh!

KK-111: (the only one not drunk) HEY! Why can't I get noticed by hot women?

PG-13: he'sh teh gay one, pretty ladiesh!

KK-111: I'M NOT GAY!

(Capt. Roland bursts in, grabs the stormers, and they leave, followed by the horny twins)

RJ-181: HEY! Were do yoush tink you're going, Cappy Rolling-Butt?

Roland: if we don't leave, Boba Fett will get me for killing Jabba's black-market merchant/jewelry store owner in the market!

Twins: DON'T LEAVE! WE HAVEN'T SHOWN YOU OUR "SPECIAL SURPRISE" YET!

(Roland and the Stormers get in the troop transport and leave, leaving the twins behind. After lamenting on the loss of their nights' fun for a bit, they go to their house and do each other. On the transport…)

KK-111: at least none of us got laid, so I don't get jealous.

Roland: yes, but Vader will have a field day when he finds out what I did! I'll be handed over to Fett, and then to Jabba, then I'm Rancor-food!

PG-13: ah, don't worrysh! You will be shafe with that guy in the green armor over there in that green ship trailing ush!

Roland: WHAT? (looks out the window, and sees Slave-1 coming after them) oh, FUCK!

(after a brief skirmish with Boba, Roland gets captured, and the Stormers are back on the Executor and in their shared quarters, which is full of pictures of the Twi-Leck Twins naked and in different sexy poses. RJ-181 and PG-13 have passed out.)

KK-111: man, I love being back here, because there's nothing to do except lay back and enjoy these nude pictures of the naked twins. I wonder what happened to Capt. Roland.

(Jabba's palace. Roland is chained and on top of the collapsing floor thingy. Jabba says unintelligible stuff to him, and he gets dropped into the Rancor pit.)

Roland: (as the Rancor advances on him) oh, SHIT!

(Roland gets eaten. Back on The Executor:)

KK-111: Yeah, he's Rancor-food.

The end… FOR NOW! evil laughing coming from nowhere, heard by nobody except the reader