The Stormtrooper Thanksgiving Special!

Sorry for the long update, but I'm lazy like that. Now…

----

(Although you may not know it, the Imperials have their own thanksgiving. It celebrates the day Palpatine executed Order 66 and started the Empire. On the Executor, everyone reports to the mess hall and Darth Vader personally cuts the giant bird that everyone eats with his Lightsaber. In fact, this is the only holiday he actually enjoys. But how does this bird get found? The Stormers are sent to find this years bird. In fact, they're on Endor right now.)

Kaiser: ahh, the thrill of the hunt! Isn't it nice to be out in the wilderness, hunting giant defenseless animals that will end up on our plate?

KK-111: hells yeah! Man, I'm going to eat so much today! Birds, Ham, Hot Dogs, Pickles, Spam… um, what else do they serve Thanksgiving?

RJ-181: I think the list is: Big Bird, Ham, Spam, Biscuits, Kielbasa (with Sauerkraut), Beef Jerky, Salted Peanuts, Hot Dogs, Macaroni and Cheese, Pickles, Hamburgers, and Nerf Surprise.

KK-111: yeah, that stuff!

PG-13: look! There's a Big Bird right there!

(in the distance, Big Bird pops up)

Big Bird: who, me?

(PG-13 shoots Big Bird in the head)

Kaiser: umm, that was Big Bird, not A big bird. But you still did the galaxy a favor.

PG-13: YES! Cross that out on my list (takes out a list: "Sesame Street Characters I have killed", and crosses out Big Bird)! Now I just need to get Elmo and Cookie Monster and I'm done!

(They keep looking for a big bird, listening to various Rammstien Songs (provided by Commander Kaiser) on the way. They just finished "Mutter" when they come across an Ewok.)

Ewok: Yub Yub?

Kaiser: hey, little teddy bear! Can you tell me where to find a big-ass bird 'round these parts?

Ewok: Yub. Yub yub yub. Yub yubity yub yub.

RJ-181: sir, do you know what he said.

Kaiser: no idea whatsoever. But I think he says that he does know, but he doesn't want to tell us. And we smell like dookie.

RJ-181: o… kay… let's just find that bird and get outta here.

(they leave, but not before letting PG-13 kill the fluff ball for being too cute.)

KK-111: Gawd, I'm so bored! Why didn't we see one of those birds yet?

(and just as he says that, a Giant Turkey pops out from nowhere, runs into a tree, and dies.)

Everyone: (stares at the corpse)

Kaiser: um… well, we have what we came here for; let's get outta here with the bird.

(one hurried run to the shuttle and a space battle on the way to Executor later, the Stormers present their bounty to Grand Moff Tarkin. Soon, it's time for the feast.)

Darth Vader: (saber ignited, raised over the cooked bird) and we hereby give thanks to Emperor Palpatine for creating the Galactic Empire and giving us the power to crush our foes mercilessly.

Everyone aboard the Executor: Amen.

(Darth Vader cuts the bird into many slices. In fact, it's enough that everyone present could have 3 slices apiece.)

KK-111: man, Vader can cut! And the Lightsaber burns give it a nice crispy taste!

PG-13: (staring at his plate) so much food! I can't possibly eat it all, but I must!

RJ-181: yeah, like someone's holding a blaster to your head and telling you to eat all of that food.

(in fact, a cloaked figure is standing next to PG-13 with a blaster pointed at PG's head whispering quietly "eat all of that, or I'll shoot you")

Kaiser: well, eat up! Enjoy!

-----

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!