Stormtrooper Valentines Day Special (aww, how sweet!)

(Valentines Day, the day of love. It's also a day that gives teens another reason to screw each other and loners to kill themselves. Thankfully, the Stormers have their own valentines, in the form of magazines. Stormtroopers are usually to evil/dumb/both to get a girl for themselves, so they get magazines. Those freakin' perverts.)

PG-13 (into a hallway): HEY GUYS! I JUST GOT THE WET-HOT ISSUE OF PLAY-SPACER!

(Every Stormtrooper in the Executor crowds into the hallway to get a look. Palpatine and Vader walk by; look at the mass of perverts, and walk away, hoping that they don't get forced into the mass. Not after last time…)

LL-206: OMFGBBQBISCUITS! I need to see!

GJ- 843: I Knowz! Hot Twi'Leks nood in jacuzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Must seeziz it!

(And that should explain that, but wait! RJ-181 gets an Email (no, not for porn this time) from his family)

RJ-181: What the hell? (Reads) … HOLY SHIT!

KK-111: what? Is it gay porn?

RJ-181: shitshitshitshitshitshit! How could this happen!

PG-13 (breaking out of the crowd of pervs): what? You got one of those sales-mail? Didn't we get a blocker for those

RJ-181: no… my Girl, my One and Only… (All the perv-troopers pause and stare at him)

PG-13: did you read the chapter's first () statement? We're to evil/dumb/both to get a girl.

RJ-181: YOU guys are, you bunch of perverts, but I had a family, and a girlfriend… and now I get an Email from dad that she… fuck…

KK-111: what, she cheated on you?

RJ-181: no, she was… killed… by a mob of rebel sympathizers who learned that she was going out with… me… (Goes silent)

PG-13: whoa whoawhoawhoahwoahwhoawhoawhoa! Why didn't you tell us before?

RJ-181: because then you would keep asking me to get nude pictures of her.

KK-111: wait! Plot-hole alert! If you had a girl, then why didn't you feel guilt after the whole Twi'Lek Twins fiasco that ended up with our old commander dead?

RJ-181: I was drunk! Now, I have to be alone… (goes to his room)

Cmdr Kaiser (breaking out from the group): hey! Heard what happened to RJ. To keep KK from asking, everyone could. You could hear a god-damned pin drop from the silence he caused… so, how about we leave him alone for now. Maybe when he's better, things will be normal!

KK-111: I don't think he'll be the same… HEY! How about we get him something to let him know we care!

Crowd: THAT'S GAY! (Everyone leaves the Stormers. PG-13's magazine is now missing)

PG-13: I guess we could… we could kill the rebel sympathizers who killed his girl.

Kaiser: OKAY! Now… what planet does he live at.

(RJ comes out of the room)

RJ-181 (all sad): I'm taking a shuttle to her funeral… if you guys want to come; you can, just as long as you don't make jokes during it…

(At the funeral, in Corellia, the city of Coronet, at the cemetary beside it. It is silent, except for sobs coming from family members and RJ. The Stormers are out of armor. After the funeral, RJ comforts and gets comforted by family and friends of his GF. Soon, the Stormers are on their way back to the shuttle, when PG comes up with the suggestion)

PG-13: yo, RJ… if you want, we can hunt down the people that killed your girl and pay 'em back…

RJ: … I don't think I can point a gun at anyone today, let alone shoot 'em. Thanks but no thanks…

Kaiser (getting all important): HEY! RJ-181, you, as the boyfriend of this beautiful woman, should avenge the death of the one you love, and the only way to do that, is to blast their asses into the lowest layer of HELL! Now get up, and let's get 'em!

RJ-181: (looks at the Stormers, his friends, and decides.) … FUCK YEAH!

(And so, after many hours of tracking, questioning, and killing random by passers who looked at them the wrong way (and also a smashing tea party with Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris), they find the base of these assholes, and, well, let's just say that Air strikes can get the job done, but leave a big hole in the city as well. Back on the ship…)

RJ-181: guys… thanks… you really let my anger go free on those jerkoffs… I think my girl will rest in peace knowing that I avenged her… thanks.

Other Stormers: You're welcome!

PG-13: besides, while you avenged her death, the rest of us saw the most awesome use of air strike-age!

KK-111: yep. The best!

(And so, RJ's Valentines day was ruined, then put back to goodness. And the Stormers also got to meet Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris! Most people's heads would explode from so much awesome-ness!)

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Aww, how cute! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!