AN: Here I've been trying to get this dratted thing posted all day but yes, finally it goes through! Look for part 4 tomorrow morning.

Part 3…

Waking up in the infirmary had a growing, almost comforting, routine. The first sense to return was hearing, and the infirmary always had sounds, regardless of the time of day; the soft rustle of others moving under their covers, when there were others, and the quiet background echo of conversations as the medical personnel went about their work. Occasionally machines would beep along in tune with a patient's vitals.

The next to arrive were smells. Disinfectant, mingled with a hint of past sickness that lingered far beyond the cleaning. Cologne and perfume as the workers walked by. It was always surprising how strong smells could be when you had your eyes closed.

Lastly, awareness fully returned. All the above merged into a cognitive state. That's where John was at now, as he blinked at the ceiling. The lights were dimmed, and the bed was hurting his back, and he was alone.

Niggled by some emotion he couldn't name, he wondered where everyone was. With no one to talk to, his mind flashed back to the conversation with Elizabeth, and her ultimatum. Talk to Heightmeyer or go home…and without Lily, his daughter.

Could she even do that?

He'd signed official paperwork for adoption and in the eyes of the United States legal system, Lily was his daughter, but then again, he hadn't exactly been allowed to put down Atlantis for the city, and Pegasus galaxy for state or country. They'd told him to put his parent's address.

His parents. God, if they only knew. John's father was dead, his mother, estranged, thanks to his rocky relationship he'd had when his father was alive, and he didn't have any siblings.

Twisting to a new position, he tried to push the unpleasant thoughts away. He was doing that a lot. Was it fair, what Elizabeth had said? The answer was there, and it was practically banging against the inside of his skull. Yes. Glaringly, positively, irrefutably, yes.

Despite the gloomy thoughts, he drifted back asleep, feeling lonely and dispirited. When he next woke, more personnel were about, and the chair by his bedside was still empty. The sharp pang at that observation physically hurt. Hadn't he said he was going to throw the damn thing over the balcony anyway? John supposed now he wouldn't have to.

"Good morning," Beckett greeted him cheerfully.

"Not really." John's voice was as flat as he felt inside.

He did feel a small amount of regret as the forced smile on Carson's face slipped, but wisely, Beckett shrugged off the soldier's apathy, and pushed forward.

"Colonel, I realize you're not pleased to be my guest again, and despite your underweight status, the reason is no fault of your own, necessarily – your blood pressure rocketed up, combined with the general run-down and recovering state, it's understandable that you fainted."

The terminology was almost painful, because it reminded John of a certain absent someone who would've never let him live it down. He decided to ask, even while doing so, not sure he wanted the answer. "Where's McKay? I thought he'd be here."

Beckett's face betrayed nothing, but he did flinch imperceptibly. "He's taking care of Lily, and working in his lab." Carson moved towards the blood pressure machine and pushed it towards John. "He's calling down for regular updates."

"Ronon, and Teyla?" Sheppard wouldn't be so arrogant to add Elizabeth to the list, after all, she had a city to run, and there were serious issues afoot.

"Elizabeth sent them on an errand," Beckett informed him.

Carson lifted John's arm, and attached the cuff, pushing the button to start the sequence.

"An errand? Where?" demanded Sheppard. They were members of his team. He had a right to know what they were being sent to do. It galled him to know he was out of the loop.

"You'd have to take that up with Elizabeth."

Carson finished his examination with efficiency, and made new notes in John's chart. He didn't look happy, but he didn't look unhappy, either.

"Stonewalled, huh?" John's mouth tilted wryly. "How long am I gonna be here this time?" He didn't let Carson address the first question because it was more rhetorical anyway. John knew what Elizabeth was doing. Hell, she was probably right. Not knowing was beginning to itch at him.

"You can go now," Carson announced evenly.

There was always a catch. "But," prodded John.

The quirk in Beckett's mouth left him feeling maybe not so alienated. "But, you've got an appointment with Kate for two this afternoon, and you will be there, or you'll be on the Daedalus soon after, understood?"

And be forced to leave everyone he cared about, including his daughter. "I'll be there," he vowed. And John would. He'd accepted long ago the need to talk to Heightmeyer, but things just kept spiraling further and further out of control, and there never seemed to be a good time.

Reaching down behind the empty chair, Beckett pulled out John's clothes and handed them over. "After you talk with Kate, I need to see you to talk about your weight. Otherwise, I'm giving you some pills to regulate your blood pressure so we can avoid any spikes like the one you had yesterday."

John nodded, accepting the clothes, and the way it was going to be. He wasn't so much complacent, as resigned.

Beckett left him alone to get dressed, and taking his discharge paperwork, John left the infirmary, and headed to his quarters first to get a shower and find out who was watching Lily.

As the door slid open, Rodney came striding out, and John lurched to the side to avoid being run down.

McKay's face registered surprise. "Carson released you already?"

"If you'd bothered to check, you would've known," John said sourly.

He could tell by the look on Rodney's face he'd scored a hit, and why he felt the need for it, he wasn't sure. It wasn't exactly Rodney's job to be his keeper, but after having had McKay by his side, and watching over him so much, he'd gotten used to it. The absence of that presence stung. Add in the emotional turmoil he was already under, it made John surly and out of sorts.

"I'm sorry, Colonel, did I miss the memo that appointed me your guardian? I thought it was only Lily that I had to babysit."

Angry, Sheppard brushed past Rodney. "Hopefully, you're doing a better job with her than you have been with -" he stopped himself from saying what he was going to. John had almost said 'the investigation', because McKay was coming up empty, but then again, so was everyone else, and it wouldn't have been fair.

Fair or not, McKay knew what he'd been about to say. "She's with Teyla," he said coldly. "I didn't know when Carson was releasing you, and I've got work to do. Regardless of how ineffective my efforts may seem, at least they're efforts."

Unspoken, was the inference that John hadn't even made that in the past week.

Was this bickering and hurting better than the emotional distance that John had felt from McKay before? Weariness washed him down to a shell of what he should've been, and he just didn't have the energy to maintain the bitching.

John stepped fully into the room, and turned to Rodney. "Then don't let me stop you." He ordered the door shut, and waited after it closed, poised with one arm pushed against the side of the doorframe. Part of him hoped McKay would come back, and tell him that it was okay. That their fractured friendship was repairable. Hell, he didn't even know where this was coming from. Maybe it was the detached attitude he'd been accused of, but since when had Rodney let things like that pull him away? When Sheppard had tried to withdraw before, Rodney had been there, pulling and pushing and poking, until he responded. What was different now?

Sighing, and shaking his head, he pulled his hand away from the wall. The door had remained closed, and he could only surmise that McKay had left to his lab, or wherever he'd been headed.

A shower. He'd take a shower, and if there was time before his appointment with Kate, find Teyla and spend some time with Lily.

OoO

John stood in front of Kate's office door, reluctant now that he was here. He had dressed in his uniform, his way of telling Elizabeth to take her ultimatum and shove it somewhere very very deep and cold, because he wasn't walking away from his job, his friends, and his daughter – and she'd known that. Hence, her play of the trump card.

Sighing, he knocked. You'd think the Ancients could've invented doorbells.

"Come in."

The voice was muffled by the door, but it was Kate Heightmeyer, and he could just picture her sitting behind the desk, waiting to dig her eager psychiatric claws into his mind.

Shit.

He pressed the door panel, opting for the mechanical route in, even though he'd long ago learned how to activate certain systems with thought only.

He hung for a moment in the doorway, but she smiled kindly, and waved him forward. He'd give her one thing, she always did look approachable. The friendly doctor, except she was a doctor of the mind, and by being here, he was admitting there was something wrong with his, and that just wasn't something a Sheppard would ever do.

"I take it you're expecting me," he said inanely, forcing a swagger into his step, before dropping into the chair.

The look she gave him spoke volumes. Opening a folder on her desk, she pushed a pitcher of water towards him and answered, "Yes, Carson and Elizabeth explained to me that you've been experiencing difficulties." She flipped a few pages, before letting the folder rest, and placing her full attention on him. "John, we haven't seen near enough of each other considering the events you've had to endure this past year, and while I do understand your reticence, you've nothing to be ashamed about."

"I'm not ashamed," he denied.

She nodded slowly before saying, "Okay, I'll accept that – reluctant, then." She glanced down at the paper that had something written on it. Notes on him, he surmised. "I know the concerns are that you seem to be withdrawing from recent events. You're isolating yourself with Lily, and while it's understandable, it's not ideal, and you're here so that we can hopefully get you over whatever is driving you into this isolation, and back on your feet."

"I am on my feet." He regarded her with a laconic grin.

It drew a soft smile in return and she chuckled before adding, "Just barely, Colonel. Remember, I've been talking to Carson."

He tipped his head her way slightly. "True, I'll give you that. But," he leaned back holding up a wary finger, "I AM on my feet. And I can do my job."

"Then why aren't you?"

Nailed. Weren't psychologists supposed to be easy on you? Because she wasn't pulling any punches, apparently. "I've been sick," he defended himself. "The bond messed me up. That wasn't my choice."

"But you said it yourself, you're back on your feet," she argued reasonably. She had leaned back herself, a 'cat ate the canary' smile painted across her face.

He wanted to get up, and walk away, but he couldn't. Instead, he sat, not knowing how to argue that one, because she was right. He'd been healing, and he'd been well enough to start tackling the issues with the infiltrators. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd withdrawn with Lily, and tried to focus on her only, because he wasn't sure he could handle anything else right now.

And he hadn't done his job. The impact hit him like a shot, and he felt slightly sick.

Kate's goal accomplished, she softened. "John, no one blames you. We just want to help."

He lifted his eyes off the floor, and gone was the swagger, and the defiance. "I blame me."

"For too much," she agreed wisely. "You couldn't have prevented the explosion. Hell, we can't even find them now when we know they exist, there was no way you could've known what they were planning."

"So this is about me taking the blame, and that's what's behind my isolating myself from everyone?" Because he honestly didn't know. Sheppard wasn't a shrink. All he could see was that he had done what she was saying he'd done, and that was focus on Lily only.

"No," she said. She got up from her chair, and moved over to a shelf against the wall, pulling a thick album down, and bringing it back to the table.

He watched as she opened it up, and caught sight of pictures. She was searching, and found the right one, tugging it free from the protective cover, before handing it to John.

He took it gingerly, and almost dropped it from the physical shock of seeing who was in the photo. He could feel himself freezing inside. He was staring at a picture taken a few days after Lily was born. Dreya was sitting on his bed, still wearing a gown, and looking pale and tired, but ecstatic, and he had Lily in his arms with a bottle, while Rodney stood beside him, and all three had wide grins and innocence shining through.

He'd had it all when that picture was taken. Friendship, family, hope – now, like the city, his life was laying in ruins, and Dreya was gone, McKay becoming increasingly alienated, and Lily…sweet Lily, depending on those left to pick up her pieces.

"Why?" he asked, his voice cracking over the emotion thickening his vocal chords. "Why show me this now? I thought you were supposed to help, not make it worse!"

He flung the picture at her, even while wanting to crawl after, and tuck it away, never to let it go again.

"You haven't accepted her death, John." She picked up the picture and forced it back into his numb hands, cupping her own over his, and kneeling beside him, to get his attention and look at her. "You never had time to grieve. You threw yourself into finding the culprits, and then the severed bond made you ill, and you almost died, again. You went back to Eradia, and all those memories were thrust at you – seeing her people, and Hamas, and where it all began, and yet you expected to just pick up and carry on where you left off, and you couldn't!"

She knew she had his attention, and she stood up, moving back to give him space. "You're only human, Colonel. You aren't a robot. You can't shut off feelings and pretend they don't exist. You focused on Lily because it was the only safety left. Lily can't die if you were there, and even now, you want to go to her because something might happen."

John had pulled inside himself, hearing her, but at the same time, seeing the revelations for what they were, the truth. Everything she'd said rang true, and he felt sucker-punched. The photo, and the pain it caused, told him just how strongly he hadn't dealt with Dreya's death.

When his dad had passed away, he'd grieved, and moved on. Looking at old photos had been comforting, a way to remember who he had been and the fun times they'd shared, before their relationship had soured. But just now, looking at the picture of Dreya, it'd hurt, visceral and deep, and he wondered if the pain would ever lessen. He swallowed, and tried to say something, but he just couldn't.

"You're reactions are normal," she assured him, her voice gentle.

"None of this is normal," hollowly, he shut his eyes, and went back to that day.

"She looks like you," gloated McKay.

"Rodney, you're crazy." John had kissed the baby's soft head.

McKay persisted. "No, I'm serious, look at the spiky hair, but seeing how she's a girl, you better let her hair grow out. I don't think the bed head style will suit my little girl."

Giggling affectionately, Dreya took Lily from John, and rocked her happily. "Rodney, stop teasing John. Besides, right now, her hair line closely resembles yours, more than anyone."

"Ouch," gleefully, John mocked at the teasing insult.

"Colonel?"

Was it any wonder, he didn't want to be in this reality, when he'd had the other, even for that short amount of time?

"How," he asked. He focused on her face, noting the worried lines tight in the corners of her mouth, and forehead. "Tell me how I'm supposed to accept this, and get past it, because I can't figure it out."

She shrugged. "You just do."

"You just do?" he exclaimed. "That's the best you can come up with?"

"Find someone to talk to, and not just me. Talk to Rodney, he's hurting also. Talk to Teyla, she and Dreya had become closer than you think. You need to remember her, and stop ignoring her death."

He shook his head irritably. Easier said than done, and he knew that she knew it. "So, was this it? Are we finished?"

"For now, yes. I want to see you again, say, two days?"

"Fine," he answered, keeping his voice clipped and flat. He'd let too much show already.

As he got up to leave, she called after him, "Colonel, please, talk to someone. You know what rests on this."

Releasing some of the pent-up frustration, he stormed out of her office. He knew more than anyone what rested on it.

He stopped by his quarters, picking up the paperwork that returned him to duty, and took the long way to the command deck. He hoped he'd be sufficiently cooled down to face Elizabeth.

He was wrong.

Walking into her office, he knew he wasn't calm enough, yet he still thrust the paper at her.

"Feeling better, I see?" Elizabeth took the paper, ignoring his rudeness.

"Yes," he ground out. "In fact, I'm perfectly capable of resuming my duties. Carson signed off on it."

Not taking his word for it, she read the paper. "I see that you agreed to talk to Kate. How did it go?"

He hadn't taken a seat. "Fine. What are you doing with my team members?" If she wanted to beat around the bush, he wasn't going to go along with it.

"That's none of your business," she said, using a tone that she normally reserved for those of lesser command status in the city.

And it pissed him off. In retrospect, that probably should've been the clue to turn and leave, but no one could ever say that Sheppard followed the smart course. "It is my business! They're my team, Elizabeth, and I want to know why you've been secreting them away to do things. You want to know when someone is doing anything suspicious – fine, I'm here to tell you the expedition leader is acting damn squirrelly."

Thunderclouds descended in the room, and her lips thinned to a straight line. "You're accusing me of planting bombs? Or being in on it, what Colonel? Let's be clear, just what it is you are accusing me of," it was spoken carefully and coolly, and with the underlying threat that he'd better think twice before he spoke again.

Of course, he didn't. "You're hiding things from me, why not?"

"Not everything I do concerns you, and in case you haven't noticed," her voice dripped sarcasm, "You've been a little preoccupied lately. If you want to get involved again, then I welcome your help, but you have no authority to sit there and tell me what I can and cannot do."

"I'm not sitting."

Elizabeth pointed a finger at the door. "Out, right now, before I call a security team to remove you."

He stared her down for a few moments, and he knew that she wasn't convinced he'd leave willingly, hell, he wasn't sure he would. It wouldn't look good for the military head to be dragged out of her office, and he had a hunch she'd follow through with the threat.

"Come back when you can act rationally, until then, I suggest you direct your energies in finding the true saboteur." She'd already dismissed him, despite his presence in the room.

He gritted his jaw shut, finely realizing just how deep the hole that he'd dug himself was. Fuck.

He stormed out of her office, and wandered, thinking maybe he ought to just go and get Lily and lock himself back in his quarters with her. But then again, isn't that what got him into this situation in the first place?

Deciding he needed a run to shake off the anger that was dogging him, John headed for the catwalk. He hit the course, feeling satisfaction as he knees jarred with each impact against the metal grating. It didn't take long for him to become sweaty and out of breath, but it felt fantastic, like going home after a long vacation. He had to do this more often.

He was on his second trip when Ronon joined him.

"Should you be doing this?" the runner asked, jogging beside him.

"No," he answered bluntly, and he kept running.

"Okay," Ronon said. "Major Lorne wants to meet us tonight. He sent me to tell you and set it up."

It pissed him off that Ronon wasn't even breaking a sweat, and here he was about to fall on his face. The stitch in his side was growing bigger than his damn body. "Why…does he want…that?" John huffed. He knew he wouldn't be able to maintain the pace much longer.

"A trap." Ronon thrust a hand out against John's chest, which made him stop.

Sheppard hunched over, sucking in air. A towel was shoved into his line of sight. Taking it, he straightened back up, and wiped his face. "Thanks," he gasped. God that'd felt good. To wear himself out the normal way. "A trap – does that mean he thinks there is an agent still in the city?"

Dex Shrugged. "Guess so. He wants to meet at the grounding station on the north pier, twenty-hundred hours."

He was coming down from the adrenaline high, and still slightly breathless. "I'll be there." And then he'd tell Lorne he was back in charge, and to stop making secret meeting arrangements.

Of course, he might be keeping it secret because he suspected someone in the higher echelon, and that implication made him feel queasy. When he'd said that to Elizabeth he hadn't been serious, but what if it was someone in charge – not Weir, but there were plenty of others who had access to weekly briefings and status reports. People that would know when Lorne's team was going to be off world.

Damn.

Ronon handed him a water bottle, and when he went to give back the towel, Dex shook his head. "Keep it. See you tonight," and took off sprinting effortlessly down the way they'd came. Asshole. If John had to be out of shape, so should everyone.

Rolling his shoulders, he tossed the now damp towel around his neck. That might be why Ronon had told him to keep it. He looked at his watch and realized Teyla was going to be back with Lily soon and he really needed another shower. He stunk.

And, now he needed to get in touch with Rodney and see if he'd watch Lily so John could meet Lorne at the north pier, and why the hell had he picked a spot so ridiculously far from a transporter? He really shouldn't have run so far.

By the time John got to his quarters…their quarters…his legs were definitely feeling the burn. The door opened, and Teyla was standing side by side with Rodney, both cooing over Lily.

Almost guiltily, Teyla pulled back. Rodney coughed to clear his throat and raised his voice from the whispers they'd been conversing in when he'd first cleared the door. "Right, here he is, and I am off to my lab, more work to do…"

Frowning at the pair of them, John said, "About that -"

"Excuse me, Colonel, I must go also. I promised Alicia to show her a few moves since Doctor Beckett wants her to join the list of available nurses for off-world missions."

John nodded at her tersely. "Tell her I said hi," he said not really caring about it right now. What he did care about was what the two had been so cozy cozy about when he'd interrupted them.

"Of course," she promised, before leaving with alacrity.

Lily started to fuss in Rodney's arms, and John strode forward, scooping her up and oozing charm. "Hush, baby, Daddy's here, to save you from that mean monster Rodders."

"Rodders?" McKay echoed. "Did I just hear you right? Stepping aside from the whole calling her other father a monster issue, but you actually referred to me as 'Rodders'?"

Sheppard fought hard to hide the cocky grin. He'd known it'd piss McKay off. Right now, he was kind of happy to be doing it. There was some kind of pleasure in ticking him off, and why, who knew, but right now he was all about focusing on the things in front of his face, and making Rodney mad made him happy, so, there you go.

"Rodders. Jane, that British chick that works in your lab, I overheard her cooing about you to her friend." He didn't add they'd actually been cooing over both of them.

A gleam appeared in McKay's eyes. "Really?" he drawled, and that smug self-assured look had erased the irritable one before. "Because I know for a fact that Jane has a gigantic, dare I say, monstrous, crush on yours truly. In fact, it's highly plausible that she'll overhear me, say in the -" he ticked off hours on his fingers, "next four hours, that said Colonel thought she was attractive when he saw her earlier, and he was simply too shy to ask her on a date. What, with his grieving condition, and all, he didn't want to seem uncaring or impulsive." Rodney finished, and folded his arms, entirely too pleased with himself.

John froze, and fixed Rodney with a steely glare. "You wouldn't," he growled.

"Call me a monster to our daughter one more time," he warned, "and watch me."

Lily chose that moment to emit a loud disgusting fart.

John's mouth turned down in dismay. "That's gross."

"Tell me about it. Who do you thinks been changing the majority of her diapers while your off in the infirmary, or 'pseudo-happy world'?"

The laughter that bubbled forth from Lily's mouth stole both men's attention, and despite the malodorous smell, stupid matching grins stared at the little baby. "She laughed," said Rodney, awestruck. "A real, honest to god, laugh."

"I thought it was like ten to twelve weeks old for that?"

McKay crept over to her, and chucked Lily gently on the chin, before tickling her tummy and tugging on her blanket. She rolled her head his way, and smiled wider. "She's ten weeks old today."

John felt a sneak of hurt. Ten weeks to the day. Two weeks since Dreya was killed. The spell broken, he pulled away from McKay, whose closeness suddenly felt even closer than it should. He aimed for the changing table they'd set up with two nightstands pushed together. "I need you to watch her tonight, around seven, can you? I've got a meeting."

Not looking at Rodney, he pulled out a cloth diaper, and some powder Teyla's friend Charen had whipped together for them. He looked for the wipes, but couldn't find them anywhere. Alicia had given him a homemade recipe for wipes, and they'd made a big batch soon after she was born. "Where's the damn wipes?" he snapped.

Rodney reached around him, and pulled the container from where it'd fallen behind the pile of baby blankets. "I'll watch her, but I've got an experiment going tonight also. I might have to seek out Alicia. Teyla has something she's doing tonight, so she's no good, and Elizabeth is all hush hush lately, so I wouldn't ask her."

At John's bewildered face, he shrugged. "You haven't been paying attention to anything that doesn't gurgle and coo, what do you expect?"

Okay, he deserved that. He'd spent the last week ignoring everything except Lily, and now he was paying for it. John wasn't one to wallow in mistakes. "Well, I'm not now. She's doing something with Ronon and Teyla, and I want to know what. Can you find out with your spy program?"

"It's not a spy program," Rodney said, disgusted. "We've been over this before. It has a higher level of programming than your 'Q-basic' mentality can comprehend, Colonel."

Colonel. He'd called him Colonel, and not John, not even Sheppard.

"If you've got somewhere to be, I can handle this now." Brusquely, John took the wipes from Rodney.

McKay paused with his hand still in the air from where John had taken the wipes, but whatever he'd been about to say, he didn't. Instead he jerked his head shortly, and left, calling over his shoulder, "Bring her to the lab when you're ready."

Once the door slid shut, cutting him off from anyone else, John slumped against the table. He was tired, and confused. His relationship with Rodney was strained, and though he suspected the cause, McKay had made it clear he didn't want to go there. And what if he was wrong?

And then Teyla, so close to McKay, almost made him feel like a third wheel, and you add on the fact that Elizabeth had threatened to send him back to Earth like a third wheel, paving the way for the two to raise Lily in a conventional sense…

Even knowing it was stupid to think that way, he did. He knew it was irrational, but seeing Lily held between the two, and knowing it should've been him holding her with Dreya. Not that he loved Dreya like that, he didn't, and son of a bitch, was life always going to be this damn complicated?

He finished fastening Lily's diaper, and raised her up to his chin, tucking her in close to his chest. "Munchkin, life is so simple from your point of view, isn't it? Eat, sleep, pee – doesn't get better than that, kiddo, trust me." No idiotic friends to tear you up inside, and loved ones dying on you and making your heart bleed, and then the good-willed intentions of others butting against you like constant winds. Sober, he stared into the chubby face, she'd really filled out since she was born, and he realized she had lost someone. Her mother. "I'm sorry, Lily, so so sorry," he whispered, pulling her close and rubbing at his eyes with his shoulder.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

John startled. He looked around, where had he left his radio?

He finally spied it tossed on the bed, and he settled Lily on her back in the crib, making sure the rail was settled, before picking it up and sliding it in place. "Sheppard here, what can I do for you Doc?"

"Colonel, I've got something I need to talk to you about."

His weight. Damnit! He'd completely forgotten. "I'm sorry, Doc – it just slipped my mind, can it wait till tomorrow? I promise not to lose a pound or two tonight." He looked at his watch. Less than an hour and a half.

"What? No, not your weight, though I do need to go over that with you, this is something else, and if you don't mind, Son, I'd rather not broadcast it over the entire city."

Right. Jesus, John, shake it off, he told himself crossly. "Be right there," he replied. "Sheppard out."

He stared at Lily, reaching up towards the mobile that Zelenka had made for her. "Guess that's our call, kid. Let's go see what Uncle Carson has to say." He could drop her off with Rodney at his lab when he was finished there, and meet Ronon and Lorne in time, but his legs were going to remind him just how much he'd overdone it.

OoO

He hurried into the infirmary, scanning for Beckett even as he passed through the doors. Time was running down. Alicia was helping a tech do inventory, and waved, "If you're looking for Beckett, he's in his office."

Careful of the sleeping baby in his arms, he waved back, "Thanks." He peeled off to the small room tucked in the back of the larger alcove. "Doc?" he called, knocking on the frame even as he walked in.

Beckett was sitting in his chair, and he was surprised to find Rodney and Elizabeth already there. "What, a party and no one told me?"

"Sit down, John," Elizabeth said.

Everyone was acting like someone else had died. "What's going on?" But he did sit.

"Before I explain, Colonel, did the med tech Brodie take a blood sample from you when you were, uh, still pregnant?"

"Yes, and I thought we'd been through this enough, I wasn't ever actually pregnant, just – partially pregnant." John cringed at the partially part. It'd been a lot more than that but he kept hoping if he said it often enough – never mind that the pregnancy was over.

"Delusional," chirped McKay.

"Rodney." Elizabeth shot him a dirty look.

Sheppard glanced at his watch. "You called me down here for a reason, get to it."

Beckett sighed, clearly not eager to reveal what was up. He pushed a paper across the desk towards John. "That's a requisition for the lab to process a blood sample from you."

John readjusted the sleeping bundle. It was amazing how such a small baby could cause his arms to ache. He pulled the paper the remaining way, and flipped it around to read. "So," he said, not finished skimming it completely. "You ordered lots of blood samples as I recall, in fact, I think at one point I accused you of being a vampire in a previous life."

"Aye," Beckett chuckled, "You did at that, but look at the name – I don't allow new med tech's to draw blood until they've been signed off on their training. Brodie hadn't made it that far, and, I never ordered those tests, specifically," and Carson leaned over and pointed at a line with numbers and breakdowns, "information about the retrovirus levels in your DNA."

John's eyes narrowed to those numbers, and they weren't at zero. "You told me I was 'one hundred percent John Sheppard', Doc – that doesn't look like a zero to me."

"And you are," asserted Beckett. "Think of it this way. If you suffer a deep cut, when it heals, it leaves a scar. When we reprogrammed the stem cells with human DNA to go in and repair your cells, the levels that remain are basically byproducts of the reversal. Inactive, but like scar tissue, it's there for the remainder of your life."

He swiveled his glare to encompass Elizabeth and Rodney. "You two knew about this," he accused. "You three knew I had these retrovirus 'leftovers' in my system, and you never told me?"

Rodney pushed away from the wall, "You're missing the point, Colonel. This," he lifted the sheet of paper and thrust it towards John's face, "fills in the missing blanks."

Frowning at McKay, Carson yanked the paper and put it back on the desk. "What Rodney is not so politely saying is that they are after the retrovirus, and possibly, you."

"Why me?"

"Because you're the only living human infected with the retrovirus, plus, Carson was able to heal you, John." She was deadly serious. "I know about some agencies on Earth that are capable of this. They want every advantage they can get their dirty hands on, and a human being with the ability to heal, super human strength, and not to forget, the ability to drain life and regenerate your own! Do you have any idea what they'd do to get their hands on this?"

John stared for a moment at Lily, before lifting to meet her eyes. "I know, Elizabeth. Everyone of us in this room knows."

She paled, and crumpled. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just – John, if they are after you, then this is far from over."

"I never thought it was over," he stressed.

"Could've fooled me."

John's anger bubbled over. "You know what, McKay, if you've got a problem with me, then out with it, because I'm getting sick of the digs."

"The only issue I have is that I keep almost losing you!" Rodney shouted before he could reel himself in, and the instant shock on his face registered to everyone that he hadn't meant to confess anything.

While the two were locked in an emotional see-saw match, Carson and Elizabeth remained silent.

John was relieved that Rodney had opened up, but at the same time, his time was running out, and now more than ever, he thought that maybe Lorne knew something that pertained to the issue at hand.

He swore. "Christ, I've got a meeting with Lorne."

"At this hour?" Elizabeth questioned.

"It's military business," he said. He got up awkwardly, trying his best not wake Lily, though the fact that she'd slept through the heated exchange, seemed to indicate she was down for the night.

He tried to hand her to Rodney, but McKay waved him off. "I'm going with you."

"Rodney, I don't have time for this."

Alicia poked her head in, "Doctor, we've got the inventory done, do you need anything else before we turn over to the night shift?"

Carson waved her in, taking the papers. "Thanks, lass, go ahead and do shift change. I'll see you in the morning."

McKay pulled her back as she started to leave. "Alicia, can you watch Lily? We've got something to go take care of, and Teyla's gone to the mainland for the night."

She paused, "I did have a date."

John poured on the charm, because he was really going to be late if he kept it up. "Just for a couple of hours, promise."

Sighing, she held out her arms. "All right, but two hours, no more," she said sternly.

John eased the baby over, and gave her a quick affectionate peck on the cheek. "Thanks, I don't know what we'd do without you."

"Be miserable," she teased. "Go, do what you need to do, so you can get done and get back. My date is waiting."

Flashing them all a boyish grin, John yanked McKay forward, calling to Elizabeth and Beckett, "Tomorrow!" He meant for another meeting to discuss the recent discovery.

"Tomorrow at eight in the morning, sharp, John!" she shouted. "Don't be late!"

McKay grimaced. "Doesn't she know that some of us aren't morning people?"

John felt good to slip into some easy camaraderie, "Oh, she knows."

"So, where are we going?"

"The north pier, grounding station."

McKay stopped walking. "You're kidding me. That's not even near a transporter!"

John kept on going. "No kidding, you can use the exercise!"

Rodney had to start jogging to catch up. "I should've stayed with Lily," he muttered.

"Nobody made you come," Sheppard reminded him.

"Just, shut – up, trying to breathe, here."

Both of them were starting to breathe hard, because John had set a pace that was faster than a slow jog, and he figured at this rate, they were still going to be late…

OoO

"Where've you been?" Ronon was gruff, when they finally jogged up to the grounding station.

"In another meeting," John said. "Where's Lorne?"

"In there." Ronon thumbed towards the doors that led into a room off the right off the station. "Follow me."

Sheppard almost asked who was in charge, but seeing how he hadn't exactly behaved like it the last week, he decided to keep his mouth shut. He nudged McKay, and they tagged after the Satedan.

Entering the room, John saw Lorne and another marine sergeant standing in a corner. Neither one looked very relaxed.

"Major," greeted John evenly. "What's this about?"

"First, Colonel, this is Sergeant Vasquez. She came over with Everett's team. She had an idea on laying a trap to root out any possible agents."

Sheppard nodded at the female soldier. "Vasquez. What's this about a trap?"

"Sir, the agent has shown an interest in Doctor Beckett's files. What if we plant a false story that an investigation has recovered pertinent information from his computer. We set up the spy program that Doctor McKay found, and reprogrammed, and wait to see who shows to finish hiding their tracks."

"For the last time, it's NOT a spy program."

The dubious look that Ronon gave him, didn't make McKay happier. Sheppard considered the plan. "It might work," he mused. Especially in light of what McKay, Beckett and Elizabeth had revealed to him earlier. "Could you get your program to monitor a specific target?"

"It would take some adjusting, but I could," Rodney said, and from the distracted look, John figured he was already doing the calculations in his head.

"Then it's a plan," said John. "I assume the secrecy is because we don't know who to trust?"

Lorne nodded. "I'm going out on a limb, and trusting you three because you were all attached to Dreya. Vasquez came up with the idea. Let's keep it between us."

"You know you can trust me," rumbled Ronon. He looked meaningfully towards Vasquez. "I hope I can trust her."

"We can't jump at every shadow." Sheppard knew they had to wary of everyone, but at the same time, how can you accomplish anything if you can't take a chance on some. "Vasquez, you and Lorne head back with Ronon, stagger your positions once you leave the north pier. Rodney and I will give you a thirty minute head start."

"Yes, Sir," saluted Lorne. Vasquez nodded their way, and followed him out. Ronon paused.

"Can we trust her?" he asked.

"I don't know." John replied truthfully, because he had no idea, but seeing how it was her idea, he'd like to think they could. They'd know soon enough, if the plan worked. Unless she was giving up a partner, but still, then they'd have one culprit in their hands, and it would be up to them to get the person to break, and spill what they knew. "For now, I guess we have to."

"Good enough," Ronon replied. He wasn't a man to waste words, and he counted to ten before leaving as well.

The door closed, and John turned to Rodney. "Thought you said you couldn't get your program to do individual monitoring?"

"I didn't say that, I said it was more advanced than what you could comprehend, not the same thing." Rodney pulled out a PDA from his jacket. "Now, it'll take me a day, maybe more, because I'd already set it into a pattern, and to change it means rewriting the basic -"

"Rodney," groaned John. "I really don't need to know."

"You asked," McKay reminded him.

But Sheppard was listening to something else. "Shhhh," he said, cocking his head to try and hear better. There was a sound…"Do you hear that?" he asked Rodney.

McKay was staring at him, but listening carefully, and his eyes started to widen in alarm. "That sounds like -"

"Gas!" exclaimed John, turning for the door.

On his heels, they both tried to get the door to respond, but it remained shut. "What the hell," cursed Sheppard. "Rodney?"

McKay was already yanking the panel open, and muttering. "I don't have my equipment, why didn't I bring something, I always bring something," he was panicking.

"Just open the damn door," John urged. He coughed, and tried to get a full breath, but it was becoming hard. "Your radio! Try your radio!" He would've tried his, but he was caught up in a coughing fit, and couldn't seem to stop.

Lifting his hand to the earpiece, McKay tapped it once…twice…before covering his mouth and suppressing a cough. "It's dead." Fear ran rampant across his face.

"Keep trying the door," John ordered. He was feeling dizzy and sick, and the hissing sound was louder in his ears, echoing. Sheppard desperately tried to get the city to respond to his commands and open it.

Rodney was moving crystals, and coughing, every now and then falling against the wall, only to straighten and keep trying. John concentrated harder. He knew if they didn't get the door open, they were dead. Hell, they might be even if they did. His lungs burned. Things were starting to gray out, and Sheppard sent one more desperate plea from his mind, and he felt the city respond, sluggish, as if she'd been diverted, but she did respond.

The door slid open, and both men stumbled and fell out in the clean air. Sucking in lungfuls, John tried to see if Rodney was okay, but the overwhelming dizziness swept him away, and all he knew was the fear that neither one of them would wake up again…

TBC