AN: Okay, I don't often address comments because I'm lazy (hey, I admit my imperfections...most of the time!), but anyway, it just felt 'time'! Lilas, happy sigh, what would life be without the constant threats of bodily torture and maiming if we don't continue? I'd be lost, like a boat at sea in a storm (is it too mushy? A bit overdone? hmmm). Mitch, finals SUCK, so good luck, hope the tests go well. I remember my worst finals year ever. I had Calculus on Monday, followed up by Chemistry the following morning and physics that afternoon. Never one to feel pressure, I remember feeling pretty queasy throughout. I got my A's but that was enough to grow ulcers. And now you've made me go and miss it all, damn you! (just kidding) Vecturist, that's incredibly cool, I had no idea you were a biologist! And I'm also wiping some sweat that the leap wasn't completely impossible. I should start every chapter with a disclaimer "I'm not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV, so don't shout at me, or I may cry!" Okay, now for the rest of you so you don't feel left out: I LOVE YOU! I'm asking if I can keep you all squirelled away so you can keep feeding the obnoxiously addicted feedback craving monster...(no, seriously, so you might want to check frequently over your shoulders)! And I've got to say, about the cliffies, I'm sorry, we just can't help it. It's a disease. Shelly's got a more advanced case than I have, because she's positively brutal with hers, never giving a moments peace, but my case is advancing rapidly. Watch out, it's contagious!

ABOUT A BABY...part 4

Something was pressing him down. There was a heavy weight on him, suffocating him. He tried to suck in lungfuls of air, tried to breathe, but he couldn't and his lungs began to burn and panic set in. He lashed out.

"Colonel!"

The sharp tone brought John to full awareness and even as he opened his eyes he stopped struggling. The grip on his wrists eased and John realized that Ronon was holding him down and that Beckett was standing off to the side, holding a hand over his nose. Confusion washed over him. "Wha...what happened?" His voice was hoarse and felt raw in his throat.

Carson winced, lowering his hand then gently fingering his nose. "You were having a nightmare. But you're all right. We found you in time."

"Rodney?" The panic flared again and John tried to pull out of Ronon's steel grip.

"He's fine. He left about an hour ago to check on Lily." Carson gestured for Ronon to back off as he approached the bed. He patted John on the shoulder. "Rodney said to tell you he'll be back soon and he'll bring Jell-o."

John felt himself relaxing at that and he accepted the glass of water Beckett held out to him and took a few sips. "The gas leak...what happened?"

Carson was fiddling with John's IV. "It was an accident. Major Lorne and Dr. Zelenka checked out everything. It was a stupid malfunction. Thankfully, you and Rodney were able to get out of the room."

"Yeah...we got lucky." John wanted to believe what Beckett was telling him, but he didn't put much faith in coincidences. Someone had trapped them in the room. He was sure of it. But he kept his thoughts to himself for now and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Can I get out of here now?" He figured if Rodney was already up and about, no reason why he couldn't be.

"Not just yet," Carson replied, looking grim as he faced John with arms crossed over his chest. "We never had our talk about your weight."

Swallowing a groan, John put a neutral expression on his face as he shrugged. "That's really not a big deal, Doc. I'll just eat more and everything will be fine. I'll gain it all back."

But Carson shook his head. "It's not that simple, Colonel, and I think you know that. Which is why I'm putting you on a strict diet and assigning Ronon as your food buddy. So to speak."

"Food buddy?" John frowned at Beckett. "What are you talking about?"

"Just what it sounds like." Carson smiled at Ronon then looked back at John. "Ronon will make sure you eat at regular intervals. He will make note of how much you eat and he will report back to me. And you will undergo weekly weigh-ins. I'm also putting you on protein shakes. Two a day."

John stared at Beckett in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?" But by the look on the Scotsman's face, he wasn't kidding. John shook his head. "You know...you're acting like I'm anorexic or something."

A glare was directed at him before Carson responded. "Have you taken a good look at yourself in the mirror lately, Colonel? Do you really not see the way all of your clothes hang off you?" He held up a hand to forestall John's protest. "Now…I'm not saying you have an eating disorder so to speak. But you've never been one to put food on the top of your priority list. In the past you've eaten to maintain good health and so that you would be at peak condition and fitness so you could do your job. But with everything that's happened in the past year, the changes to your body that have been anything but normal...you've now fallen into a pattern that's going to be hard to break. I know you want to be fit again, but it's not going to happen overnight."

"I know that." John felt disgruntled and he let it show. "But...look. I'll watch what I eat and exercise carefully."

"Speaking of exercise, Ronon will also be supervising that aspect of your regimen." Carson actually looked delighted as he spoke. "We've worked out a training schedule to fit your eating schedule. And the lovely part about it all is that you don't have to worry about a thing. Ronon and I will take care of everything. All you have to do is follow our instructions, eat what you're told and such and everything will work out just fine."

John felt anger stirring and he tried to suppress it. He knew Beckett was just trying to help him, but he really was going overboard and John resented it. "I'm not a kid, Doc," John replied, working to keep his tone quiet. "I can take care of myself...and I will do just that. Got it? So no schedules and bullshit!" John's tone sharpened in spite of his good intentions. "Now...take this IV shit out and let me out of here!" John was already tossing back the covers. He needed to be with Lily, then he had to talk to Rodney. They had to figure out who tried to gas them and the list of suspects was pretty narrow. It had to be Lorne or Vasquez and John really hated the thought of it being Major Lorne. His instincts told him Lorne was a good guy, but John couldn't rely on his instincts this time. Too much was at stake. Too much had been lost. If Lorne was the bad guy, John was going to nail his ass.

Carson's eyes turned frosty and he pushed John back against the pillows. "This is how it's going to be, Colonel. You agree to the schedule or you stay in the infirmary indefinitely!" he snapped. "Those are your only options. And as chief medical officer, it is within my power to enforce it. Got it?"

"I don't have time for this!" John let his own frustrations show and he would have said more had Ronon not interjected with a quiet,

"Shut up, Sheppard."

So, John shut up, because he realized he was digging his own grave. However, he wasn't quite ready to give in to Beckett's demands just yet. He remained silent and sullen. He watched Beckett stalk off, muttering to himself, then Ronon shook his head at him and drifted off as well. Once they were gone John cursed himself. He was being an ass again. While he fumed at himself, soft footsteps approached and John looked up to see Alicia smiling at him. "Hi," he said, glad to see a friendly face.

She nodded. "Hi back. So...that went well," she commented.

"I put my foot in my mouth again, didn't I?" John was rueful.

"Pretty much." Alicia fussed with his covers a bit.

John sighed, ran a hand over his face then said, "He's going overboard with this eating shit. I appreciate his concern but it's not a big deal. Catching the bastard that blew up Atlantis...now that's a big deal."

Alicia made a face then she reached out and squeezed John's shoulder. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Sure." John had learned to appreciate the fact that Alicia was always honest with him. About everything.

"Okay...here it is then." Alicia locked eyes with John then said, "Dr. Beckett is right. You need to do as he says, John. You haven't taken an honest look at yourself. You're dangerously thin, which is understandable, but you have to deal with it now. You want to be strong for Lily, you need to be strong physically as well."

It unsettled John to hear what she was saying. He didn't want to believe it but he knew she wouldn't lie to him so he made himself ask, "Do I really look that bad?"

Alicia giggled. "No. You don't look bad because I don't think that's possible." She giggled again when he blushed. "But you're not at your fighting weight, John. And you've got a big fight ahead of you...but you know that. We just want to help you get back to being one hundred percent Colonel John Sheppard again. Is that so wrong?"

"No...it's not wrong. It's just...frustrating." John closed his eyes and wished he could slip into oblivion. "Do me a favor and tell Beckett I'm sorry and I'll do what he wants."

"I'll do that." Alicia patted his shoulder. "Get some rest."

John listened to her walk away then he let himself drift into darkness.

OoO

After an apology to Beckett, a promise to obey Ronon in regards to all things involving food and exercise - albeit a promise made with his fingers crossed behind his back - and forcing himself to choke down almost 2/3rds of his breakfast, John managed to escape the infirmary. He was under orders to rest in his room but John was too wound up to even think about resting. Instead he made a beeline to his room to see Lily. And she was there, safely cradled in Rodney's arms as he fed her. John exhaled the lungful of air he had been holding as relief flooded through him.

Rodney was watching him. "You okay?"

"I'm good. You?" John asked as he and Rodney made a smooth transfer of Lily from Rodney's arms into Johns, and they never once disturbed the bottle.

"I'm fine." Rodney looked distracted and he started pacing. "It had to be Lorne or Vasquez."

John nodded, his focus on Lily. "I know. I find it hard to believe it's Lorne though."

Rodney grimaced. "So do I, actually. But Vasquez has been here since Everett came over and she cleared then and now. So...I don't know what to believe."

"So what do you want to do?" John was fresh out of ideas. The headache he was working on wasn't helping matters any.

"We'll have to set another trap." Rodney was snapping his fingers now then he froze and turned to John. "Have you talked to Ronon about what happened?"

John shook his head. "No, not yet. Didn't get a chance. I'll ask him when he brings lunch...or a stupid snack or something." He winced thinking about the weigh in he had been forced to endure. Seeing the low number hadn't helped his spirits any. He couldn't deny what the numbers said, but he didn't' want to think about it. Unfortunately he was going to have Ronon in his face all the time, so he wouldn't be able to avoid the truth. Not any longer.

Rodney stopped pacing. "What are you talking about? Why would he bring you lunch?"

"Beckett didn't tell you about my food and fitness schedule?" John was a bit surprised by that.

"No, he didn't. Your what?" Rodney made a face then moved into John's personal space while he waited for an explanation.

So John gave him the rundown on what the new deal was as he burped Lily then laid her in her crib for her nap. "If I don't meet the weigh-ins he's threatening me with feeding tubes and shit," John concluded. "Which I know he's not serious about, but this is not something I want to deal with right now."

Rodney was silent a moment then he said softly, "You can't keep running away from things, Colonel. That's not your MO."

"Didn't used to be," John allowed. "And stop calling me Colonel, Rodney. You're freaking me out here."

"I have some work to do in the lab," Rodney said suddenly. He made a run for the door.

John cut him off. "Wait a minute. We're okay, right? I mean...still friends. Still raising Lily and all that?" John held his breath as he waited for the reply.

Rodney locked eyes with John. "You're pretty fucked up right now...but so am I. I need time to deal with things too. But...yeah…we're okay. I guess. We will be." Rodney sounded positive about the last bit.

"Yeah...we will be," John echoed, stepping aside so Rodney can pass. "Let's meet up later to talk about what we're going to do about Vasquez and Lorne."

"Later," Rodney said, then he was gone.

John didn't dwell on how he was feeling right now. He didn't have the luxury to do so. Instead he headed for the shower. After getting dressed he called Teyla in to watch Lily. John had another appointment with Dr. Heightmeyer that he didn't want to miss. IT was time for him to get back on track.

OoO

"What were you dreaming about?" Kate asked.

John frowned at her, realizing he had lost track of their conversation. His mind was more focused on figuring out who had gassed him and Rodney. "What?" John countered.

Kate smiled at him, patiently. "I asked what you dreamed about, when you woke up in the infirmary. You had been dreaming."

"Oh...that." John rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "I dunno...something about the Wraith infiltrating Atlantis. It was nothing." It was a half-truth, is what it was. But John didn't want to get into the significance of dreams with Heightmeyer. A dream was simply that, a dream. John had learned to let them go a long time ago. It was the only way to keep his sanity. Not that he had all that great a hold on it presently. Not after everything that had happened in the past year. But he was working on it. He figured that had to count for something.

"Talking about it might help," Kate prompted.

John shrugged. "It might, if I could remember it. It was just a dream, Doc. Look...are we done? I've got a lot of work to do."

Kate rose to her feet when he did. "How do you feel about being back on the job?" she queried.

"I'll get back to you on that one," John replied, then he headed out the door. Only to run smack dab into Ronon.

"Time to eat," drawled the Satedan.

John scowled at him. "I just ate!"

Ronon cocked an eyebrow, giving him more of a 'Klingonesque' look that usual. "That was two hours ago."

"I'm really not hungry right now." John wanted nothing more than to snatch up Lily, then seek out Rodney so they could talk. John knew he wasn't going to feel safe, and that Lily wouldn't be safe until they knew who the bad guys were. "Look...I'm heading off to find Rodney in a few, I'll eat something then.

"You'll eat now," Ronon replied, but fell silent when an alarm bell suddenly went off. "What's that?"

John had been wondering the same thing. Just then the lights dimmed and John could hear doorways whooshing closed. "Lockdown. We're locking down." He tapped his ear piece. "Rodney...what the hell is going on?"

There was no reply.

"Sonofabitch!" John tapped off and tried Weir. "Elizabeth...this is Sheppard. Do you read me?"

Again, nothing.

Ronon looked unsettled. "This ever happen before?"

"Once. We had a virus." John felt his blood run cold. Lily was locked away from him. He took off running.

"Where are you going?" Ronon asked, as he followed.

John ran for the first transporter. Not surprisingly, it was locked. He slammed his fist into it, not even feeling the pain when the skin on his knuckles split. "I have to get to Lily!" John snarled.

Ronon dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "We'll find a way."

THE END...of part 4