Metal Gear: Snake the Spaz
(Metal Gear Theme)
Harry Gregson Williams: DOOOO DOOOOO DOOOOOOOOOO DOD OD ODOOOO DOOOOOOOOOOOO DOD OD ODOOO DIT DIT IDT DIIIIT DOOOO DIT DIT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DITDIT DTI DOOOODOOOO DODODOOOOOODOODODODOOOOOOOO (trumpet Trill) DO DOOOOO DOOOOO DOOOOO DOO DODODODODIT BUMP
Otacon:Snake I need you to find out if the Mexican terrorists have a nuclear strike capability , and if they do then destroy them and the Metal Gear they are going to use to launch the missile if they don't do it anyway, and if they don't I will have to kill George Bush… well maybe I will do that anyway. Also, if they don't why don't you just go and activate it FOR THEM LIKE LAST TIME….Snake?
Snake: (having seizure) Metal Gear Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.Seizure over.
Otacon:Do you have to do that everytime I say Meta Gear.
Snake: (Having another seizure)Metal Gear! AHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAHHH ATwitch (20 minutes later) AHHHHHH.
Otacon: you done?
Snake: Wait AH AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAh ok.
Otacon: Take these pills whenever you think your going to have a spasm attack.
Snake: M'kay (Snakes takes the pentazimin and and eats all of it)
Otacon: Well unless you have some sort of key that needs different tempatures or somtin you'll be fine for today. But take this keycard just incase.
Snake:(drops it in a drainpipe.) oops.
Otacon:It's okay I made some spares.Here take another.
Me:Well you know what happens next.
3 minutes later.
Otacon:How do you drop 200 keys in a drainpipe?Where'd that come from anyway?
Snake:I bought it.
Otacon:k.
Ten minutes later in Mexico.
Guard: (ALL GUARDS TALK MEXICANIC ACCENT) Did you see the metal gear?
Guard2:No, is it cool?
Guard:You have to see it to believe it mane.
Guard2:C.
Guard:Hey, why's that guy hiding in a bush?
Guard2:I don't know ,let's walk up ,let a question mark go over our heads, and then get killed.
(They walk over to the bush snake is hiding in, have ? marks go over their heads,and then just as snake is about to jump out and kill them ,a Harrier flies into the guards and explodes ,but doesn't kill Snake because he has a long assed health bar. CJ walks out of the plane.)
Snake: what are you doing?
CJ: Working on my pilots license without going to flight school.
Snake:Cool,Cool.
CJ: well I got to go.
Snake: Fuck no don't leave me all alone please.
CJ: Damn! Fine I will help you! Just stop hugging me.
Snake: Oh…(clears throat)…yes sorry.
CJ: You'd betta be mofucka.
Snake: Lets go.
CJ: right niga
(2 minutes later)
Snake: AHHHHH DAMNIT! FUCKIN HEART BURN GOD IT HURTS FUCK AHHHHH OW DAMN JEEZ.
CJ: Damn you are such a spazoid.
Snake: Damn your right. Even with the pills. Let me see this bottle for those meds.(snake shuffles in his pocket). Ah here it is……side effects definitely include heartburn diarrhea constipation barfing pissing and reading side affects.
CJ: WOW. I am leaving.
Snake: wait look! It's a guard and he sees us.
(exclamation point)
Guard: BEEP BEEP BEEP.(chase theme music starts and guard runs for cover)
Guard: Hey essays, enemy whitey and a nigga sited, requesting backup unit.
Snake jumps on the guard before the response.
Snake: Whew!
CJ: Damnit you know that never works ass head. They just wonder where he is.
Snake: your right.
(Snake and CJ continue on and learn of a metal gear….snake had a short seizure soon after, they diffuse 100000 bombs which took 10 hours so I didn't write about it. They are walking along a path when they see someone)
Snake: Who the fuck is there.
CJ: YEA1 Mofucka come out….hey are you a girl.
Raidon: Fuck you!
Snake: I am sick of you! You have come to take my spot as main character again aren't you? Yea well fuck you!
Raidon: Damn he found out.
CJ: This bores me. Girl man move it. Im going home.
(CJ shoots raidon in the head and he dies CJ then leaves…the words Mofucka can be heard echoing throughout the walls as snake is left all alone. His only purpose left in life is to destroy the metal hear, but first…..)
Snake: YEA FUCK YOU YEA SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.
(Snake shoots 16 rounds of his m16 into raidons body then uses his knife to chop off his dick and burned it, which actually took him 15 minutes to find)
Snake: Much better.
(Snake walked on alone with the impending knowlage that he would kill metal gear alone. With his footsteps echoing he walked on, and just realizing he was thinking of metal gear he had a 17 minute seizure, but recovered)
(this concludes chapter one. Will snake survive, will CJ come back, Is Raidon really dead, will snake get laid, will he destroy the metal gear, will I stop asking questions?
Come in next time to find out!)