A/N: Amazingly, this fic is not dead. I did say that it would us take a while to update this, and it has been done. Thank you to those still reading this, and for your patience.

Chapter 7

The Rahabim, by way of carefully chosen pastel shades of post-it notes, had delivered the message to Rahab that an intruder had been intercepted within the grounds of the Abbey and that he had gone so far as to enter the outer corridors and halls of the building leaving everyone's Karma, Chi, Spiritual Balance, Aura and Cranio-sacral therapy appointments buggered up.

Rahab carefully swum in a soothing motion clockwise to the sun pondering a beauty treatment made from cucumbers for Turel when the lilac post-it note made it's way into his flipper. Surely Raziel hadn't come back from the dead to find his teddy sock? Or worse...Rahab felt his aura wobble in an uncomfortable way and calmed himself by reciting sonnets he had thought of that morning.

Raziel was running. He ran in a way that defied Rahab's expertly carved 'The Chi Flows With Gentle Tranquillity, Please Have Righteousness And Travel Softly Like Bubble Not The Race Water' signs. He was giggling too, but Rahab had no signs saying anything about sound levels. He supposed that the echoes of pan pipe music in the hallways was truly calming enough to stop the Rahabim from making too much noise. Or maybe they only made whale noises now, anyway. Either way, Raziel only stopped giggling when he was forced to switch back and forth from the material and spectral realms to pass through some iron gates, that weren't gates at all as they had no means of opening. He wondered what purpose they served, or had they just been fashionable at the time. Or maybe they were fancy notice boards. They were covered in delicately coloured post-it notes.

Meanwhile, a small Rahabim with a cold sat on one of the rocks outside Rahab's main chamber. He was supposed to be waiting on his master but his sneezing was interrupting everyone's enjoyment of the pan pipe music, so he'd ended out here with his roll of tissue blowing his snout. Noticing he'd run out of tissue, he committed a terrible crime. He went to find more tissue leaving the cardboard roll behind.

He remembered it quite a while later, but it was such an innocuous item that surely there would be no harmful repercussions…?

Raziel found a large rock. Upon closer inspection, the rock turned out to be a large cardboard tube shaped building he had first been confronted with. Upon very close inspection, he found a cardboard tube on top of a stone, obviously the architect's original depiction of the building before his eyes now. He examined the tube, then the stone, and after some deliberation, lifted the tube and sat on the stone. He could hear splashing nearby.

Deciding that he refused to let Raziel's presence interfere with the peaceful flow of any of his beneficial energies, Rahab swam contentedly listening to the gentle splashing of his fins. Noticing the position of the muted sunlight through his stain glass windows, he new the time had come. Clearing his voice he read an excerpt from this month's book 'The Way of Tea' into the microphone for all of his subjects to hear and absorb the knowledge into their being.

Raziel listened quietly to Rahab's voice. Rahab always used to read the bedtime stories. At least, the boring parts of bedtime stories. Kain would read all the gory stuff. He'd re-enact it for educational reasons, too.

Rahab's reading went on for precisely twenty eight minutes and twenty eight point eight seconds as was required. Then he began to recite his mornings compositions for all his followers' to hear:

"The sunlight in the morning

Gives me fair warning

To stay in my Tower

'til beyond midday's hour."

A collective groan rang, this was everyone's least favourite part of the day.

Raziel hummed along with Rahab's familiar drone, his eyes drifting shut, until Rahab's mention of staying in the tower shook him out of his doze. He looked up at the…tower beside him. Inwardly celebrating, he ran up closer to it, rushing to see if there were any way in. Seeing none, he sighed, and fell back onto his rock. There had to be some way of getting to his brother from here..?

Rahab's voice stopped. Another voice came out over the speaker, it was soft and floaty with the distinct 'and how does this make you feel?' tone to it. "Today's announcements." A slight cough. "The lecture on 'Aromatherapy throughout Nosgoth's History' has been rescheduled for the following night due to the Astrology club needing he room for a once-in-a-millennium heavenly event. And finally, please everyone, remember to attend the unveiling of the new stained glass window in the arboretum."

Raziel perked up again, and looked up to find that Rahab's tower had a number of small stained glass windows. He tried to scale the wall using the highly unglamorous climbing ability of Zephon's, but failed. Obviously Rahab had taken precautions against their younger brother even now.

With a frustrated huff , Raziel marched over to his stone, pulled a small stack of note cards from his cowl and held the cardboard tube up in front of where his mouth used to be. "RAHAB!" He yelled into it.

There was a smashing of glass and a yelp. "You just killed my news broadcaster and counsellor. I am perturbed by this behaviour, Raziel." The calm voice of Rahab came over the speakers.

"Don't worry about it, Rahab. I have a much more important message here from the Elder God's offices." Raziel lifted one of the note cards to his face. "Ladies and Gentlemen. If I could have your attention…"

"Your not still sore over your teddy socks?" Rahab interjected. "Surely it can't be…" Rahab sounded almost shocked. "You appear to have lost your trousers." There was silence for a few seconds. "Elder God?"

"I meant…my teddy socks, yes. I have an important message for the office in possession of my teddy sock." Raziel coughed. "Rahab, do not speak about my trousers when you aren't wearing anything."

"I apologize for any distress I may have caused. I know how much you loved your trousers and as to my lack of attire, I find it difficult to wear clothes when I lack the tailors to sew anything of appropriate shape and size. But as I told you before, I did not take your teddy sock. It was lost in the wash. Come drink some herbal blood with me and let the lavender imbued liquid calm you, as your amplified voice is shaking my windows."

Raziel blinked twice before answering. "That's kind of you, Rahab, however, I'm not holidaying. I've work to be getting on with: souls to count, marriages to conduct, you know, the usual." He raised his voice a notch as the pan pipe music reached a particularly dramatic point.

The windows shook a little more. "This is all about losing your trousers isn't it?" Rahab was developing a distressed edge to his usually calm voice.

"Now you mention it." Raziel called back. "I was kind of gutted -" he paused and cringed at himself - "to lose them. Them and my wings. And my jaw. And…guts. All because Kain threw a hissy fit. And really, you're the one with taste in the family, why blue, Rahab? Why the blue wash? Do you know how long I spun with Turel's dress? Melchiah's sock - wait, bandage?"

"I had to, I didn't know you were going to come back. The only other wash I had for that day was Turel's pink wash. Would you have preferred that? As to your question, I do not know exactly. But I would imagine between the time you were thrown in the wash to sometime before now."

Raziel called back, a little louder, watching the window above him shaking, "Pink is more natural, Rahab." Then, "Your estimate is about right."

Rahab jerked back as the window directly in front of him smashed from the vibration. "Please do stop shouting, Raziel."

"I have to," Raziel yelled again, "your pan pipe music is too loud."

Another window smashed as the volume of the pan pipes diminished to almost nothing. "My eyes are starting to water, Raziel. I do hope you stop yelling through that contraption you found now."

Another window went.

Rahab was starting to make the transition from 'mildly concerned' to 'unduly worried'. Rahab tried another approach. "That's very nice, Raziel. Now, your issues with Father. How does this make you feel?"

"Kain?" Raziel growled, "Brother, how would you feel if your own father sentenced you to dea- no, to an infinite existence of pain and anger and betrayal! And a waist that will not support trousers, even with a belt!" Raziel shouted, and huffed angrily.

Rahab gave it some thought. This was why he wasn't a counsellor. "Unhappy?"

Raziel scowled up at the window. "Unhappy?" he growled, "Unhappy?" Then he paused. "I guess you would only feel unhappy, but if you didn't have spiritual-aura-chakra balancing stones hanging around your neck, it'd be more than unhappy." another pause. "Truth is I'm pretty upset." He looked at down at his claws sulkily.

"Well, so long as you stop shouting. Did you want tea? Oh, and as for your waist size, have you tried a drawstring waistband? You need a tape measure, that would help."

"Tea…" Raziel said thoughtfully. "I'll need a straw to drink it through. And that tape measure would be useful." He sighed loudly, still holding the tube to his face.

"I'm afraid I don't possess any straws, but you can have this." A tape measure came flying through the window. "Damn." came Rahab's voice over the speaker at the sound of breaking glass.

Raziel jumped to catch it. It happened in slow motion because that was cool. "Thanks." he said, then because he had a job to do, he called back "Thanks." again, much louder.

There came an interesting sizzling sound as the final window smashed. Rahab's final words came clearly over the speaker. "Oh bugger."

Raziel whined in triumph, feeling mildly disappointed he didn't get any tea as promised and scurried off, straight into a puddle. He grunted irritably, feeling his headache return, and pirouetted back.

The Elder God, with his usual sense of timing, decided it was time to 'guide' his employee again. "Have you tried devouring your brother's soul? You do know you shouldn't need reminding?" The Elder God thought for a second. "Ooh, I should mention, there is something rather fabulous around here somewhere, it'll be handy to find if you want to toast marshmallows."

Raziel quickly devoured Rahab's soul, wondering what amazing party trick Rahab had mastered, before the sound of rippling water reminded him of just how slow-witted he was. "Can you huff marshmallows?" he asked the Elder God.

"Not really." The Elder God replied cheerfully. "But you'll find it useful. If they don't marry, you can toast vampires, and I suppose by eating their souls it could be seen as similar. Toasted vampire souls, toasted marshmallows, all the same really. Run off and find the Fire Forge. It'll make the wraith Tube sparkly."

Obediently, Raziel went to find the Fire Forge. "Toast." he said mournfully. "I miss toast, perhaps souls taste better cooked than raw." he said, thoughtfully, and with the prospect of cooked food ahead of him, he carried on a little more cheerfully.