ABOUT A BABY...part 12

When John woke up, Rodney was gone. He was rather glad about that fact. Glad, too, that Teyla appeared to be gone as well, which left him alone with Lily. And alone with his thoughts about the kiss. Kisses. John swore he could still feel the imprint of Rodney's mouth on his and he wasn't sure now how he felt about it. Other than confused.

Sliding out of bed, he pulled on his sweat pants and padded over to check on Lily. Thankfully, she was still sleeping, so John slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower. He shaved, brushed his teeth and had just finished dressing when he heard Lily fussing. Instinctively he took a moment to prepare a bottle, still reaching her before she decided to start crying. "How's my beautiful girl?" John asked, as he scooped Lily into his arms. He was ridiculously pleased when she gurgled a smile at him before reaching up and smacking against his cheek with her tiny fist.

Bottle in hand, John sat down in the rocking chair and fed Lily. She was a bit fussy but he eased her through 3 ounces before lifting her to his shoulder to burp her. When she burped then immediately coughed and puked up, he comforted her even as he wiped her face and ditched the spit up cloth he had had the foresight to drape over his shoulder. Rising from the chair with the intent of getting another one, John froze when he saw Teyla watching him from the doorway. He hadn't heard her come in. "Hey," John offered in greeting. He still wasn't sure how he felt around Teyla. He had the feeling that she could see more than he would like her to see.

"You remember how to care for Lily," Teyla observed, as she moved into the room and the door whooshed closed behind her.

"Instinctive I guess," John replied, as he grabbed for another rag. He took note of the fact that Teyla was in different attire. A short top and a paneled, leather looking, skirt. She was barefoot as well and her hair was pulled back. Her soft skin glistened with sweat. "Been working out?" John asked, as he moved to lay Lily in her crib. She fussed a moment but he rubbed her tummy and she settled down and took interest in the stuffed cat he held out to her.

Teyla nodded. "I was."

An image of himself holding sticks and facing off with Teyla danced in John's head. Then he realized Teyla was holding sticks in her left hand. "You kick my ass with those," he murmured to himself.

But she heard him and smiled. "Not always," she amended. "You are getting better all the time, Colonel. You just need to practice more and focus better." She hesitated a moment then asked, "So...you remember?"

"No." John wished he did. "I just...it was like a blip of a memory." Which was happening a lot lately. Quicksilver flashes of things that he couldn't hold on to. Teasers of the life he couldn't remember. "Teyla...can I ask you something?"

"You may ask me anything," she allowed.

John nodded, grateful for that, but then he was silent as he figured out how best to word what he wanted to say. Realizing there was no comfortable way to ask, he simply blurted out, "Was I really pregnant?" At the look on Teyla's face, a look of uncertainty, John added, "Rodney told me I was and Weir confirmed it."

Teyla looked puzzled. "Then why ask me?"

"I guess...I mean...I want to know how it happened." John wasn't sure what he wanted really. He moved to drop down on the side of the unmade bed. "Men can't get pregnant."

"No, they can't." Teyla moved to stand before him. "You did not carry Lily inside you, but you felt everything."

John shook his head even as one hand moved to press against his flat stomach. "That's just not possible."

Teyla touched his shoulder. "Would you like me to tell you what happened?"

"I would like that very much." Instinctively John knew he could trust Teyla to tell him everything and that it would be the simple truth.

"It will take a while to explain," Teyla cautioned.

John shrugged. "I've got time." He settled in, then focused on the story Teyla told him. About bonding with Dreya. About how he became like a monitor for her condition and how he suffered the worst of it throughout. She told him everything in great detail and oft times, throughout, John had flashes of images. Moments where he almost felt like he remembered. Whenever Teyla mentioned Dreya's name an image of a pretty woman would form. A misty image that wasn't quite solid enough for him to grab hold of.

By the time Teyla had finished, John felt worn out, confused, angry and sad. Too many emotions were battering at him and he felt the start of a headache, thrumming in his temples. "Thank you for telling me," he said softly.

"You are most welcome." Teyla had been sitting on the floor, cross legged, now she rose to her feet in one fluid motion and gestured towards the bathroom. "I must clean up now. If you like...we can talk more after."

"Maybe." John had to force a smile and he had a feeling she knew it wasn't quite genuine. He watched her leave then got up and went to check on Lily. Surprisingly she was sleeping again. John thought he should wake her so she would sleep tonight, but he didn't have the heart to disturb her. At least not yet. So he stood there and watched his daughter sleep, feeling a sweet ache deep inside him.

John was startled out of his focus by the sound of static and a familiar voice asking for Teyla. He went in search of Teyla's ear piece and put it on. "Sheppard here. Teyla's...uh...indisposed at the moment."

"I see." Elizabeth sounded a bit on edge.

"What's wrong?" John knew that something had happened.

A long silence then Elizabeth replied, "Lorne's team came back without Rodney."

That was all John had to hear. He was out the door and on the run. A transporter ride later he was in the gate room and running up the stairs to Weir's office. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know the details," Elizabeth replied, meeting him at the door. "I was on my way to the infirmary to find out."

"I'm going with you." John's tone brooked no argument, but he was relieved when Weir simply nodded. He knew she could order him to stay out of this, not that he would have listened. But it was better to have her consent. Silently they made their way to the infirmary. John spotted Major Lorne and he strode over to him. "Major...report!" John barked. And it shocked him a bit how familiar this seemed. Giving orders.

Lorne looked surprised and looked to Weir for confirmation. When she nodded he told what he knew. "We were ambushed by Kolya and his men. They wanted McKay. They knocked us out and disappeared."

That was all John needed to know. He was turning and heading out the door when Weir grabbed his arm. He pulled away.

Elizabeth moved to cut him off. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Back to wherever Lorne went!" John snarled. "I'm bringing McKay back!" John knew he had to do this. He knew, instinctively, that Rodney would be waiting for him to come for him.

"He's not there, sir!" Lorne spoke up. "When we came too...we searched. I think Kolya gated somewhere else."

Elizabeth looked at Lorne sharply. "Are you sure?"

Lorne grimaced. "No...but it's what I would do."

"So would I," John whispered, feeling his chest constrict with emotion. But emotion was something he didn't want to deal with right now. He looked at Weir. "We have to find McKay."

"I know. But we have to do this logically." Elizabeth reached out to pat John on the shoulder, offering comfort. "Kolya is smart."

At the mention of that name, John zoned out a moment. He saw himself with a gun trained on some man with a pitted face who was using Weir as a shield.

"John?"

The sound of Weir's voice shook John out of the memory. Or was it a memory. He locked eyes with her. "Kolya had you hostage once. He tried to get through the gate."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes. Kolya and his people laid Siege to Atlantis once. You stopped them."

John wished he could remember that. "How do we find McKay?" he asked. Practically begged, really. He could hear the pleading in his voice.

"We send Zelenka to the gate to see if he can figure out the last gate address that was dialed," Elizabeth replied, even as she lifted a hand to tap her ear piece. She gave the order then she focused on John. "You have to be patient right now. Why don't you spend time with Lily? When I hear something, you'll be the first to know."

"Promise?" John needed to be able to trust her on this. He needed to be sure that she would not keep him out of the loop.

Elizabeth held his gaze for a long moment, then she nodded. "Yes...I promise. Now I have to go." She turned on her heel and strode off.

John watched her leave then turned back to Lorne. "Did Kolya...did he hurt McKay?"

"I don't think so." Lorne looked uncertain. "I'm sure he wants McKay alive."

"Why?" John countered, not missing the confused expression that crossed Lorne's face. "Why would Kolya want McKay?"

Lorne shook his head. "I really don't know, sir."

John believed him, yet he felt this niggle in the back of his head that told him there was something he needed to know. "Do Kolya and I have a history?" John prompted.

"Guess you could say that, sir," Lorne replied. "I wasn't here but I read the report. You killed over sixty of his men to protect Atlantis. And you ran into him a few months after that on another world and you had another confrontation."

"I see," John whispered, feeling the impact of what Lorne had just told him. He had killed over sixty of Kolya's men. The man had to hate him. The man had to want revenge. Maybe that was why he took McKay. To get revenge. The thought made John feel ill. The pain in his head throbbed in intensity and a wave of dizziness hit him, making him sway and stumble. He felt strong fingers grip his arm, steadying him. Then Beckett's familiar voice in his ear as he was led over to a nearby chair. He was pushed down into it and his head shoved between his knees.

Carson knelt beside him. "Slow and easy breaths, Colonel," he prompted. "Just take it easy."

After a minute, John felt better and sat back up. "Sorry...I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Carson was taking his pulse as he spoke. "I want to do a check on you."

"No...NO!" John bolted to his feet. Even though Weir had mentioned Lily a moment ago, it only now struck John that he had left his daughter. Sure Teyla had been in the room, but she had been in the shower and she hadn't known that he had run out. Tapping Teyla's stolen ear piece, John contacted her even as he headed for the door. He didn't make it before Beckett was cutting him off. John tried to shove him out of the way but Teyla responded just then and John focused on her instead. "Teyla...is Lily all right? I left her. Tell me she's all right!"

Teyla was making cooing sounds then she stated, "Lily is fine, Colonel. Just a bit fussy."

John felt dizzy with relief. "God...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave her."

"I was here, and she is fine."

"I left her," John whispered, and the thought that he had so easily forgotten about her made him feel sick. He felt himself turn pale, felt the blood rush from his head. Then he was suddenly in a chair with a basin under his chin, puking his guts out. John felt light-headed and the next thing he knew his vision was graying out, then the world went black.

OoO

"Colonel?"

John recognized Beckett's voice, it pulled him out of the shadowy void he was trapped in. Feeling groggy and lethargic, John forced his eyes open. Blinking hard he brought Beckett's visage into focus. Then panic set in again. "Lily!" John sat up, ignoring the way the room tilted around him, and tried to scramble off the bed.

Carson held him down. "Take it easy, Colonel. Just relax. Lily is fine. Teyla explained to me what happened. You didn't leave Lily alone and she's fine."

John didn't agree with him, but he let it go. All the mattered at the moment was that Lily was all right. But not Rodney. John tried to sit up again, gripping Beckett's wrist as the man tried to keep him down. Rodney needed him. "Get off me!" John snapped.

"Do I have to restrain you, Colonel?" Carson's voice was sharp and biting. "Because I will and you know it!"

Somehow, John did know it. He relaxed against the pillows. "How long was I out?"

Carson checked his watch. "About twenty minutes. Nothing's happened. No word from Zelenka yet."

"Okay." John made a show of calming down. "Sorry about flipping out. I'm fine." He could see that Beckett didn't believe him.

"You passed out because your blood pressure sky rocketed," Carson stated. "And I'm guessing you haven't eaten anything today either."

John opened his mouth to argue that point, but realized he couldn't. "I'll stop and grab something on my way back to my room." He wanted to be with Lily right now. He needed to hold her. It felt to John as if Lily was his only connection to Rodney at the moment. Which didn't make sense really, but he didn't question it either.

Carson shook his head. "You'll be my guest for the next few hours at the very least. I'm keeping an eye on your blood pressure. I've already sent Alicia to get you something to eat. And you will eat, and you will rest."

"Okay." John didn't argue because he knew it was pointless to do so. He had no real control here. No real command. He had to play along with everyone else's wishes to get what he wanted. He wanted to find Rodney and bring him back.

"I will restrain you if I have to," Carson warned, eyeing him suspiciously.

John glared at him. "I said okay...I'll do what you say."

Carson snorted. "Well then, that's a first. Let's check your pressure again, shall we?"

"Fine." John held out his arm and let Beckett putter about him. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off. But he came back awake at the sound of footsteps. He recognized the pretty nurse. Alicia. She had a tray of toast and some juice. John accepted it and made a show of taking a bite. The moment he got word on where Rodney was, John was going to be out the door. So he would do as Beckett ordered. He would eat for the sake of fueling his body. John sensed he would need to be battle ready.

"Eat then get some rest, Colonel," Carson said, as he watched him for a bit.

John just nodded as he took another bite of toast. He managed to eat most of it, under the now watchful eye of Alicia, since Beckett had been called away to the botany lab on an emergency. After Alicia took the tray from him, he asked, "Can I have my radio?" Which was, technically, still Teyla's.

Alicia frowned at him. "I don't think Dr. Beckett would approve."

"Why not? I just want to contact Dr. Weir." John gestured to the bed. "I'll stay put. Promise." A moment later he had the radio in hand and he put it in place. But he was disappointed to hear that Zelenka still hadn't contacted her. John pulled the earpiece off and resisted the urge to toss it across the room.

"Have some juice," Alicia prompted, handing him the glass then taking the ear piece and setting it beside the bed. "It'll do you good."

John nodded and took a sip. "How long do you think Beckett will be gone?"

Alicia quirked an eyebrow at John as she replied, "Not long enough for you to slip away without there being consequences. Negative ones. You're better off staying put and resting." She moved to take another BP reading.

"So how am I doing?" John asked, when she was done.

"Much better." Alicia jotted the readings down in his chart then she moved to fuss with the blanket. "Get some rest. I promise to let you know when Zelenka checks in."

John believed she would, so he smiled at her then closed his eyes. Soon after he drifted off to sleep. To dream of Rodney and himself on various worlds, getting into trouble. But somehow they always managed to save themselves and return home. John wanted Rodney to come back home.

OoO

John had just been released by Beckett when Weir came striding into the infirmary. He saw the look on her face and moved to meet her. "What happened?"

Elizabeth grimaced. "Zelenka said that Kolya somehow managed to scramble the DHD. We can't tell where he gated off too."

"Maybe he never did. Maybe it's a ruse." John pushed past her and strode out the door.

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth had to run to catch up.

John didn't spare her a glance as he headed for the nearest transporter. "I'm going back to the planet and search for Rodney!" He froze when she gripped his elbow and yanked him around to face her. "I'm going!" John stated.

Elizabeth locked eyes with him, looking both angry and frustrated. "You wont' find him."

"You don't know that!" John couldn't believe she was arguing with him. "Don't you want Rodney back?" It came out as an accusation.

"Of course I do!" Elizabeth reacted as if he had slapped her. "We'll figure something out." She had more to say but was interrupted by a call on her radio. "Weir here."

A nondescript voice replied, "Gate activation, Dr. Weir. We have a message coming through."

Elizabeth exchanged stunned looks with John. "On my way," she said, before clicking off. Then she was running to catch up with John.

They entered the transporter together and a moment later were running up to the gate.

"On speaker!" Elizabeth ordered.

"Dr. Weir, are you there?" asked a grating voice.

Elizabeth froze. "Kolya."

John was frozen beside her. He knew that voice.

"What do you want?" Elizabeth asked.

"Colonel Sheppard," Kolya replied. "Send him to the following coordinates in one hour." He rattled off a gate address. "Send him alone and unarmed or Dr. McKay dies."

John could feel himself trembling with rage. "I'll be there!" he growled.

A moment of silence then Kolya replied, "I'm sure you will be, Colonel. I look forward to seeing you." With that Kolya clicked off.

"No." Elizabeth snapped the word at John before he could say anything.

"I have to go." John was already turning away.

Elizabeth cut him off. "Kolya will kill you."

John knew that. Sensed it. It didn't matter. "I won't let Rodney die."

"He'll kill you both, John." Elizabeth grabbed his arm and her eyes were pleading as she looked at him. "You can't go."

"Then you lose McKay." Anger sharpened his tone.

Elizabeth looked sad but determined. "Better one than the both of you."

John shook his head at her. "Not your call to make." He pulled free of her hand and strode off, knowing that she would let him go. They both knew he had to do this. That no one else could. John didn't remember who he was, but he knew he was the only one who could bring Rodney home.

OoO

John stepped through the gate wearing his flak vest stuffed with first aid supplies, water and power bars. Armed men patted him down then his hands were pulled behind his back. John flinched a bit as his body protested, but he said nothing. Then he was turned and he found himself facing Kolya. He didn't remember the man, yet John knew him. "Where is McKay?" John asked, as he felt Kolya's cold eyes rake over him.

"You'll see," Kolya replied, then he snapped his fingers and one of his men moved forward to blindfold John.

It was unnerving not being able to see, but John didn't protest as he was guided off. They walked for what had to be a couple of hours, then he could hear a door being opened and he left the heat of the day for a cooler interior. He knew he was inside because their footsteps became muffled. Fingers fumbled behind his head and the blindfold was pulled off. It took John a moment to adjust to the dim lighting.

Kolya was watching him.

"So where is McKay?" John demanded.

"You'll see him soon."

John hoped that Rodney was all right. If he wasn't, Kolya was going to pay. "What now?" John prompted. "Why do this? What do you want?"

Kolya moved closer, a twisted smile curving his lips. "I have what I want. I have you."

"Then let McKay go!" John felt a cold chill rippled down his spine.

"Take him," was Kolya's only response.

Then John was dragged off, down a long flight of stairs, moving underground. They reached a locked door. Once opened, John could see a row of cells. He was marched to the last one. McKay was inside, slumped against the wall. John's heart thudded hard in his chest. "Rodney..." he whispered. McKay looked up and John felt like he could breathe again. Rodney looked unharmed. "You okay?" John asked. He needed to be sure.

Rodney was on his feet and at the bars. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I came to rescue you," John replied, feeling giddy all of the sudden. He didn't even protest when cell door was opened and he was shoved inside. McKay caught him when he stumbled, and John could feel that he was trembling.

"You shouldn't have come," Rodney whispered, sounding both relieved and miserable.

John locked eyes with Rodney. "I had too."

THE END...of part 12