Disclaimer: All characters belong to Disney, and I make no profit from this.
Summary: Ron gets an unexpected valentine from a secret admirer.
Note: Yes, I've read Poe, and no, the title isn't a mistake. I wish I could with certainty say which couple this is devoted to, but after rereading it several times, I can only say it involves Ron, Kim, and another KP regular.
The Tail-Tale Heart
A Kim Possible Romance
by Nate Grey (XMAN0123)
Today was the big day. V-Day.
It was a day that made men tremble in fear, and why?
Because no sane man would willingly enter into that day unless he was bearing gift(s). Any that were fool enough to be caught unprepared almost always ended up alone, miserable, and possibly laughing their heads off in a crazy house sooner or later.
Not Ron Stoppable, though.
He had A Plan.
It was a beautiful thing, his Plan, invented by his equally beautiful best friend, Kim Possible.
Kim had been many things to Ron over the years, and the one for which he was most grateful, at least around this time of year, was that she'd been a genius at the tender age of eight. It was at this age that Kim had figured out that Ron only got one real valentine every year, and that it unfailingly came from her. Once that had become obvious, Kim had begun something of a quest. Every year, she went out of her way to top the previous year's valentine, not just for Ron's sake, but because in her heart of hearts, she knew he would forever deserve better. She was up to approximately fifty pieces of chocolate now, contained in no less than three heart-shaped boxes. No matter the cost, Kim had long ago convinced herself that Ron was worth it.
They agreed never to speak of their gifts to each other on this day, and it was understood that Kim would never need to sign her name to her gifts. It wasn't as if Ron was getting any others, and at any rate, it was nice to pretend more than one girl had a secret crush on him. Yet another aspect to this oh so carefully crafted deception was that Kim was never actually seen delivering her gifts to Ron's locker, where they were always waiting for him on V-Day morning. No one had ever actually thought to question why Kim seemed a little drowsy on V-Day mornings, or why she apparently always had a mission the day before. And really, who was going to question Kim Possible on such things, when it was very likely that she'd saved Valentine's Day not only for everyone at Middleton High, but in the entire world?
It was A Good Plan, and it had worked for some time.
It did have one, tiny failing, however. There was a flaw that neither Ron nor Kim had ever accounted for.
They had both assumed that Ron would probably never get a valentine from anyone else. And, even if he did, that Kim's gifts would be in his locker before anyone else's.
Both conditions would be proved wrong on this particular occurrence, and Kim's secret tradition of being Ron's only Valentine would come to a swift end.
As usual, Ron Stoppable had a spring in his step as he turned the final corner that lead to his locker. It was V-Day, after all, and he knew with certainty that it would be a good day, thanks to his kindhearted best friend. He was even thinking of giving her an extra little squeeze when she least expected it, just to show his gratitude. The surprised, yet pleased look on her face alone would be worth it.
But as he trained his gaze in the direction of his locker, Ron knew at once that something had gone wrong.
First and foremost, Kim was waiting in front of his locker. She never did that. The whole idea was that she not be associated with the valentines in his locker. Ron honestly didn't care either way, but it was still pretty unexpected.
He soon discovered the reason for Kim's presence, after getting a good look at her. She seemed annoyed, surprised, disappointed, and perhaps just a wee bit jealous. Ron knew this, because she was pouting openly, and there was no one anywhere near her that she might be trying to coerce into anything. And even if that hadn't been clue enough, the three heart-shaped boxes in her arms were a pretty big indicator.
Ron wasn't sure what had gone wrong. Kim had never had any problems gaining access to his locker before. In fact, she probably knew more ways to get it open than his naked mole rat Rufus did, and that was saying something, since Rufus practically lived there during P.E. classes.
So it was with some caution that Ron approached his best friend and murmured, "Um...KP? Everything okay?"
Without a word, Kim turned to him, and practically dropped the boxes in his arms. She then turned to his locker and proceeded to actually enter the combination, which was very strange. Kim never just used the combination to open Ron's locker; it was too easy. She never would've managed to crack half the locks she had without practice, after all. This could only mean that Kim was deliberately taking her time, for some reason.
It was at this point that Ron noticed something brown and furry poking out of the bottom on his locker. It looked suspiciously like a tail, but it didn't seem to bother Kim, so he kept his mouth shut.
Kim turned to the final number, yanked up on the lock, and allowed the locker to slowly swing open. At least, it would normally slowly swing open, but in this case, it practically sprung open rather quickly, nearly knocking the boxes out of Ron's arms, since he'd been a little too close.
Ron immediately saw why Kim hadn't been able to deliver his valentines. His locker was completely full. This was because there was a huge kangaroo plushie sitting inside of it. The kangaroo was wearing a red nightcap, and had a rather dreamy expression on its face. This was somewhat fitting, as the plump heart in his extra large pouch proclaimed, "Get Out of My Dreams...And Into My Pouch, Valentine!"
"What we have here," Kim said at last, "is a failure to communicate."
Ron blinked, and turned back to her, still in shock. "KP...I swear I had no idea. You know I'd never set anything up today without talking to you first."
"So you don't know who it's from?" Kim asked slowly.
"Well, since it obviously didn't come from you? No clue."
Kim frowned a bit. "Then...it's your first...real valentine," she said softly, sounding hurt.
"Hey, don't be like that," Ron pleaded, awkwardly reaching out to rub her arm. "Yours were all real to me."
"But they weren't. They were just...just..." Kim trailed off, shaking her head. "Never mind."
"Come on, Kim! You know I loved yours best!"
"You never had a choice before," Kim pointed out sadly.
Ron shook his head. "That doesn't change anything!"
"Yes, it does!" she insisted. "It changes everything! It means...we don't need a plan anymore, and I don't have to give you-"
Ron instantly dropped all three boxes to the floor. He stared at Kim as if she'd slapped him. "How can you stand there and say those gifts didn't mean anything to either of us? Look how upset we both are right now! Kim, you look forward to giving me these, and I look forward to getting them! Just because I got a bigger gift from somebody else doesn't mean I like yours any less! The simple fact that they came FROM you makes me like them the best! Don't you know that?"
"You're...just saying that."
"Kim, you could've given me a naked picture of DNAmy today, and I still would've loved it."
"You can't be serious!" Kim cried, both disgusted and trying her best not to laugh.
"I'd have died a little inside, but I'd still love it!" Ron swore. "Because it was from you!"
"Assuming I'm even gullible enough to believe any of that," Kim replied firmly, still trying avoid laughing, "we still don't know who this kangaroo is from."
"Doesn't matter," Ron answered as he knelt to pick up his boxes. "If I was meant to find out, then I will. If I wasn't, then I won't. But no matter who it's from," he added, looking up at her, "they're not you, and they can't take your place in my heart...Valentine."
Kim's lips seemed to be twisting into a smile of their own volition as she bent down to help him gather up the boxes. If their hands met, accidentally, one too many times in the process, neither commented. If Kim's gaze held his own a bit longer than was usual or necessary, it was no big thing. And if Kim was more inclined to accept the single piece of caramel that Ron slipped her before rushing off to his first class, well, that was mere coincidence, too.
Kim's mood had improved considerably by lunchtime...but she was still determined to find out who had given Ron that kangaroo. To that end, she had cornered Monique and demanded the daily dirt on anything and everything.
"I haven't heard anything," Monique confessed with an apologetic smile. "But I don't think it matters in this case, girl. Let's be logical. There's only so many girls in this school that would, or have, paid Ron any real attention."
"I know," Kim agreed with a sigh, "I've already counted them on one hand."
"So go down the list," Monique suggested.
"There's me, you, Tara...Bonnie, for all the wrong reasons...and Amelia, for the same."
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say we can eliminate the last two, for the sake of sanity," Monique added. "Which leaves us with three."
"Two," Kim corrected, frowning. "I didn't do it."
"Ever sleepwalked?"
"Not unless I was being mind controlled at the time, and Wade would've known if I was."
"Which leaves Tara and me, right?"
Kim nodded, her face lighting up. "Of course! Tara used to have a crush on Ron! So maybe she still-"
"Hold on, girl. You're forgetting something," Monique interrupted. "Tara is dating Josh."
"Oh. Right." Kim scowled thoughtfully. "But then why would she...?"
"Totally flies in the face of The Rules, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. Maybe she's so crazy in love with Ron, she doesn't care about them?"
Monique stared at her. "I really don't think-"
"I've got to talk to her," Kim said at once. "She could be jeopardizing her relationship with Josh, pulling something like this!"
Monique watched with a sigh as Kim ran off. "Something about this day definitely makes people do crazy things..."
Ron had just managed to tug the kangaroo out of his locker when he bumped into someone.
"Need some help with your B.V.E.?"
Recognizing the voice before he turned around, Ron sighed in relief. "Oh, thanks, Monique. I know it's not gentleman-like or anything, but could you grab these boxes? This big fella kinds takes up all my arm-holding capabilities." As an afterthought, he asked, "B.V.E.?"
"Biggest Valentine Ever. And no problem." Monique easily accepted the two boxes and peered at them. "I thought Kim gave you three of these?"
"She did, but I already ate one during at lunch. I figured I'd need the extra strength to pull this off."
Monique kindly decided not to fault his logic. "Any ideas on who it's from yet?"
"Kim's working on it, I think." He laughed. "I think she wants to find out more than I do. And you're gonna have to guide me, since I can't really see around this thing."
"I had some ideas," Monique offered as she took his arm and led him down the hallway.
"Yeah? I'm all ears."
"Well, it's big, awkward, and a little cheesy," Monique observed.
"You think it's from Big Mike?" Ron asked fearfully.
"Of course not! You didn't let me finish."
"Oh, sorry. Please continue."
"Anyway, you might think it was from someone who didn't mind being obvious about their feelings. But then why wouldn't they sign their name?"
"They forgot?"
"With a gift this big, I really doubt it. I think they were trying to get your attention, but maybe they were a little afraid of doing anything more than that."
"I think we can safely say they have my attention. I just wish they hadn't been afraid. You know, on some level, I'm thinking this is an elaborate plan that Kim set up to find out how I feel about her."
"Seriously?"
"Well, no, not really. But if that's the case, I won't be shocked."
"Kim told me she didn't do it. Not that she's aware of, at least."
"Then I really DO have a secret admirer," Ron murmured. "Cool!"
Kim burst into Bueno Nacho later that night, and not because she needed an injection of cheese.
She was looking for Ron's secret Valentine.
This was not due to a hunch or anything of the sort. After having very confusing conversations with Wade, then Tara, then Bonnie, and even Amelia, Kim realized she had exhausted all of her possibilities.
All but one, that is.
Sure enough, there was someone waiting for her in a booth. They'd even taken the liberty of ordering a soft drink for her.
"I was wondering when you'd get here, Kim."
"I can't believe it was you!" Kim cried. "You gave Ron that kangaroo!"
"Did I ever say I didn't?" Monique asked calmly.
"Um...no, actually," Kim admitted. "You even included yourself on the list of possible suspects."
"Kim, me giving Ron a V-Day gift isn't a crime to anyone but you. I know he's your best bud and everything, but you don't own him."
"But I'm the only one that's ever given him-"
"Believe me, I know. I figured it out the very first time I saw you two together on this day. As sweet as it was, it also mad me a little sad."
"Why?" Kim asked incredulously.
"Ron's a really great guy. That he wouldn't get a V-Day gift from anyone, if it weren't for his best friend...it nearly broke my heart. But it also made me realize how much I like Ron...how much I wanted to see him happy today. And he was happy. Not that he wouldn't have been if I hadn't done anything; you'd have seen to that. But this way, he's happy times two. You can't really be mad at me for making him feel that way, can you?"
"No. But why didn't you tell me?"
Monique smiled. "You would've thought I was doing it out of pity, or as a joke. It never would've occurred to you that someone other than you could be Ron's friend already, and still see how truly special he is."
Kim turned bright red. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing at all," Monique replied, still smiling. "You don't have to worry, Kim. I really do care about Ron, and I wanted him to have a great day. And I'll totally understand if you want to work this out in advance next year. You know, work out who gets how much locker space."
"Hey! That means...you took all the space on purpose!"
"Yup. I had to get his attention...and yours." Monique leaned across the table. "You know you're my girl, Kim. But if you're not going to snatch him up, somebody else might."
"Check my name, Mon," Kim replied smugly. "I'm not losing Ron to anyone. Not even you."
"If you'd shown that much spirit before, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Monique pointed out.
"You haven't told him how you feel, either."
Monique shrugged. "Didn't wanna give the poor boy a heart attack. Too many shocks in one day and all that. But I will tell him eventually. And when I do, you better hope you're in the lead. If you're not, then he's all mine. But, now that that's all out of the way..."
Kim blinked as Monique pulled out a heart-shaped box, secured with a little pink bow. "What...?"
"Peace offering," Monique answered, pushing the box into Kim's hands.
"You didn't think I'd forget my best friend today, did you?"
"Mon...that's..." Kim shook her head, unable to think of a suitable reply.
"Don't want you to get the wrong idea or anything. Which is why I'm perfectly willing to help you eat them. No reason rivals in love can't stay girlfriends, right?"
"Right," Kim agreed as she opened the box. "But how did you get his locker open?"
"I learned from the master," Monique chuckled, popping a chocolate-covered cherry into her mouth. "Just because I don't go on missions doesn't mean I don't pay attention. I stayed after school yesterday and snuck the kangaroo in before I left. I figured only you would break into the school to deliver chocolates in the middle of the night."
"I don't know if I should be proud or humiliated."
"Don't be either. Just be glad we both gave Ron a V-Day to remember. Oh, and one more thing." Monique almost casually grabbed Kim's wrist. "You eat one more cherry on my side, and things will get real ugly, real fast."
The End.