(A/N: The hilarious word 'sexatise' was coined in the song 'Sexatise You' by the incomparable Adam Ant, who, to his credit, is also the only person in history who can say it without sounding too ridiculous.)
Chapter 6: Never Let Your Private Life Get In The Way Of Your Sexlife
Severus Snape was sitting in a comfortable armchair, reading the Daily Prophet, when there was a knock on the door. Sighing, he got up and opened it. Standing on the threshold was the ever charming Lucius Malfoy. "What do you want?" Snape said. Lucius' eyes brightened.
"I want to sexatise yooouu!" he said, waggling his eyebrows. Snape scowled.
"How obliging of you to tell me. However, since I am assuming what you just told me is nonsense, I am going to shut the door now unless you say something coherent." he said, in a bored tone of voice.
"But I'm going to sexatiiiise yoouuuu!" Lucius sung, swaying his hips seductively.
"I don't want to be 'sexatised'." Snape said, and started to close the door.
"Sexatise, sexatise, sexatise yoooouuuu!" Lucius said, his voice becoming increasingly muffled, until it was entirely shut out. Snape shut the door, sighed, and walked back to his chair. He sat down, and picked up his Daily Prophet again.
"How very dull." He observed, and went back to his newspaper.