Chapter 4

Help Me With This Pain

(Kenshin)

I began to grow used to the darkness of my world, and I found that my other senses began to grow stronger. I could easily find my way around the dojo on my own, and I soon knew our property as well as I did the hilt of my own sakabatou.

Kenji almost never left my side in those first few weeks, and my relationship with him continued to strengthen. We became closer than I had ever thought possible, and I knew that Kaoru was extremely happy with it.

"I love the way you two are like two peas in a pod! Well, two redheaded peas," she would say to me.

To my surprise Kenji's ninth birthday passed with no trouble, there were no more attacks. 'Am I finally free? Does it believe that I've done well?' I thought once, but I knew in my heart that this wasn't true. Something was going to happen, and soon.

I opened my eyes that morning to the same blackness and a weight on my chest. I heard Kenji's voice an instant later. "Come on Dad, get up! You've been sleeping forever!"

I yawned, sitting up and knocking him away from me. "What time is it Kenji?"

"Nine."

I blinked. "And that's forever?"

I felt his movement as he nodded fiercely. "Well yea!" His knuckles tapped my forehead. "It's my birthday today Dad!"

I grinned. "I know Kenji. I couldn't forget that."

He snorted. "You'd better not. I'm turning twelve today!"

I stood, tightening my yukata's sash. "Wow, a whole twelve years old. You're almost a man."

Again he snorted. "Well that's silly Dad. I've always been a man!"

I put a hand on his head, which was about even with my shoulders. Kenji, like myself, was never going to be a big man, but he was growing a little faster than I had. Already he was nearly the height I had been when I had joined the Ishin Shishi, even though he was only twelve.

"Hai, that you have Kenji." I murmured. "No why don't you go out so I can get dressed?"

"Alright Dad. You'd better not go back to sleep," he said as he opened the shoji door.

I chuckled. "I'm not that old Kenji, I'm not going to go back to sleep." I waited until the door had shut and then I got my gi and a clean hakama. I didn't worry about colors; Kaoru always set out clothes for me, or helped me. I tied my obi and left the room, going to where I smelled breakfast being cooked.

"Kaoru?" I said softly.

"Kenshin, you're awake."

She touched my hand, and then her lips met my scarred cheek in a gentle kiss. I chuckled. "Only because Kenji decided I'd slept 'forever.'" I sniffed the air. "Miso?"

I could hear the smile in her voice. "Hai. We're nearly out of supplies, so we'll need to go shopping soon."

"I'll go today with Kenji. You can use that time…"

I was interrupted as I heard Kenji's running footsteps and I easily sidestepped his tackle. He hit the floor with a thump. "Oh man! That wasn't fair Dad!"

I laughed, extending a hand in his direction, which he took to stand. "It was perfectly fair. Payback for you waking me up."

Kaoru's happy laugh filled my ears. "Why don't you two bakas go sit down and get ready to eat. Breakfast is almost ready."

Kenji and I went into the other room, settling in our spots. "Kenji, would you like to come with me to the market today?"

I smiled as my son sighed. "Come on Dad, do I have to? It's my birthday!"

"It may be an opportune time for your mother to get your presents ready." I hinted. I knew that Kaoru wanted to finish up with Kenji's presents, and if Kenji went with me it would give her the time.

"Really?" This time there was appeal in his voice. "Alright Dad, I'll go."

I smiled. "Arigatou Kenji."

'No. No. Any day but today. Please, not today.' I pleaded feverently with my body. Another attack was coming, and it was coming on fast. My head was pounding, sweat trickling down my skin, and I knew my cheeks were flushed.

I followed Kenji as he kept up a steady strain of speaking, excitedly talking about his birthday. "I'll bet I'm gonna get a new bokken. Mine's getting old!" He laughed. "With how much Mom's been working with me it's not surprising!"

I smiled in order to reassure him if he was worried. I couldn't hear that emotion in his voice, but when he wanted too, Kenji was good at hiding his emotions, just like me. "Maybe Kenji."

We continued on, and Kenji's voice began to fade in my ears. Pain filled me, and I struggled to remain standing. 'Kuso…It's getting harder to breathe…'

I stumbled, a few of the groceries slipping from my grip. I was driven to my knees as pain filled me again. Coughs wracked me as I tried to draw breath into unwilling lungs.

Kenji's terrified voice echoed my ears. "Dad? Dad! Dad, answer me! What's going on?"

My chest was burning, my body afire with pain. The pain finally drove me under, and then I knew no more.

(Kenji)

I watched in horror as my father collapsed onto the ground in front of me. I ran to his side, noting his flushed cheeks, sweaty face, and shallow, wheezing breath. It was just like last time, when he'd gotten sick a little bit after my sixth birthday.

I shook him worriedly. "Dad, please, wake up!" There was no response from him, and I frowned, trying to think of what to do. I could run and get Mom or Aunt Meg, but what would happen to Dad in that time? I finally decided to try and take Dad home. We weren't that far, and I was pretty tall. Maybe I could do it.

I pulled Dad's arm up and over my shoulders, putting my arm around his chest. He was heavy, and his feet dragged, but I had to get him home!

I took a few steps, gritting my teeth as my fathers' weight bore down on me. I continued to walk, doggedly moving forward. 'I have to get him home! I have too!'

(Kaoru)

I was sweeping the porch when I heard the sound of the gate opening. I turned to greet my husband and my son, and then the broom fell from my hands. "Kenshin!"

Kenji was quite obviously struggling to hold his father upright, and I ran forward to help him. I lifted Kenshin's free arm to my own shoulders, adding my strength to Kenji's. "Kenji, what happened?"

My son didn't answer me until we got Kenshin inside and on our futon. Kenji took a moment to calm his panting, and then spoke. "We were on our way home when Dad started acting a little weird. He seemed to brush it off, so I let it go. Then he just started coughing, and then next thing I knew he was on the ground."

I sighed, standing. "This had to happen on your birthday… You need to run for Aunt Meg Kenji, and quickly." He nodded and ran from the dojo. I collected a few soft cloths and some water so I could help with Kenshin's fever.

I settled beside my husband and lay a cold cloth across his forehead. He sucked in a breath at the feeling, a small moan escaping his lips. "It's okay Kenshin, it's only me." I said comfortingly.

He turned his head towards me. "K-Kaoru…" He coughed, and then spoke again. "W-Water… please…"

I soaked another clean cloth, holding it to his mouth. I didn't have any cups, and I didn't want to leave him alone. "Suck on this Kenshin."

He drew the cloth into his mouth, weakly sucking the cool water from the fabric. He breathed for a moment, and then sighed. "Kaoru, I need to tell you something."

I blinked. "Well, I'm listening."

He turned his head, opening his eyes. "Kenji. Where is my son?"

"He went to get Megumi. He should be back soon. Is it…is it that important?" I murmured, fear flooding into my mind.

He sighed. "Hai. It is." His eyes closed and he sank back into unconsciousness, his breathing growing shallow again. I replaced the cloth that had fallen off with his movement. 'Hurry back Kenji.'

(Kenji)

Aunt Meg and I ran through the streets, me just behind her. The minute I had told her about Dad she gasped, grabbing her bag and running from the clinic. I was running as fast as I could after her.

I slid to a stop in front of the dojo, pausing to catch my breath. Aunt Meg went straight in, and, my curiosity spiked, I followed her. I found her already getting medicines ready for my father.

My mother came to my side, leaning down to whisper in my ear. "Your father says that he wants to speak with us, so I want you to stay here."

I nodded slightly, watching as Aunt Meg pulled my Dad into a sitting position. "Ken-san? Can you hear me?"

Dad nodded. "Hai. But you are very faint."

"Drink this Ken-san," she said, putting a cup to his lips. "It will help your fever, and hopefully your pain." She frowned then. "Don't you dare tell me you're not in pain either. I know you are."

He sighed. "Kaoru? Kenji?"

"We're here anata," Mom said, moving forward to hold his hand. I sat near her, feeling little worried.

"Kaoru, when Kenji was born, he was blind and deaf," my Dad said softly. I blinked. "I traded for his sight and hearing, so he wouldn't have to live with those disabilities. But the price is my own sight and hearing."

My mother was frozen in shock. "You what? But, Kenji was fine!"

"Only I can really remember that night. I'm going deaf Kaoru, and by the time Kenji is 15 I suspect I will fully lose my hearing. I will be totally blind and deaf. But, I don't care. I am glad…" Dad put out a hand, searching for me. I touched his fingers shakily, and he squeezed my hand. "You don't have to live with this Kenji."

Aunt Meg spoke up. "There's one more thing. These attacks that Ken-san has, they are greatly damaging his body. His heart is growing weaker, breathing is getting more difficult." She sighed. "I'm not sure if Ken-san will survive the next attack."

I barely felt the warm tear as it slid down my cheek. I held my fathers hand tightly, shivering. Dad drew me into his arms suddenly, pressing my face into his neck.

"It's okay Kenji. I would rather you lived freely," he whispered. "You are young, barely starting life. I am old."

I clung to him. "I love you Daddy." I could finally hold it back no longer, and I clutched at my father's clothes and cried for the first time in years.