Chapter 6

Learning Along The Way

(Kenji)

I sniffled slightly, tears still resident in my mind. I was able to hold back the tears, but only just barely. The sight of my father in front of me, struggling for every breath even as he slept, was nearly too much.

Mom was still sitting on the other side of Dad, bathing his forehead with a cool cloth. A fever now gripped Dad's body, which, according to Aunt Meg, had been able to root in his body because of his malnutrition and weak heart and lungs. Dad had a death grip on the sheets with one hand, another on my own hand, his breathing a whistle in his throat.

Mom had held him for a while, and I had watched amazed as my father cried in front of me. I had never seen him do so, and it was frightening. After he had calmed a bit she had put his hand in mine, and I had sat still while his hands traveled across my face, feeling my features. "Dad?" I whispered as his fingers passed over my lips.

He had apparently felt and understood my word, and he smiled. "K-Kenji…" His voice was shaky and hesitant, and I could hear his fear and worry conveyed in it. He couldn't even hear himself speak; I couldn't imagine what that would be like.

Since then he hadn't let go, not even when Mom had tried to pull his hand from mine. He had shaken his head firmly, tightening his grip. Mom smiled, leaving him alone after that. Now he was sleeping, albeit with difficulty. His breathing was strained, each one hard for him to draw in. Aunt Meg had given him some medicine to ease the pain that she knew he was feeling, and then left to see what she could dig up on a way to make this easier for him.

Mom sighed, smiling at me. "I'm so sorry this had to happen on your birthday Kenji. I had hoped that it wouldn't. I'm proud of how well you've handled this. Your father is very proud of you."

I nodded slightly. "I know Mom. He told me. I just wish that this wouldn't have to happen at all. Why Dad? We need him here… We need him to be fine…"

She stood, going to my side and putting an arm around my shoulders. "I know Kenji, but life isn't always fair. Besides, your father did this for you; he wanted you to live a normal life. Things will be okay, I promise."

I looked back down to where Dad's hand was wrapped around mine, still fighting back the threatening tears. "I hope so Mom…"

(Kenshin)

I felt like I was going insane. Without the use of any of my senses it was like being locked in a small box, with no way of interacting with the outer world. Kenji's touch on my hand was reassuring, but it was very small.

When I had first come back I didn't know what was going on. My first reaction was to fight; I had felt hands touching me, although there were no images or sounds. For a split second I forgot what had happened to me, and I reacted purely with instinct. I had struck out, not meeting flesh, but the hands had back away from me.

And then another set of hands had grabbed mine, warm, calloused, and yet soft and familiar. I calmed slightly, but my heart was still thundering in my chest, even as I drew breath into unwilling lungs. And then I had felt a face, one that was so familiar and dear that I could not have possibly mistaken it. 'Kaoru…'

In that moment my control had snapped, and I had fallen against my wife, sobbing into her clothing with no abandon. I had cried until I could no more, and then Kaoru had put my hand in another one, one that was smaller, but still calloused from wielding a sword.

I brought my fingers up, over a small chest and a warm neck to the face. Again, this face was dear and close to me, and I knew it almost instantly, even without the small help that he gave me. As my fingers passed over lips they moved, and I recognized the word that was spoken, even if I couldn't hear it. "Dad?"

I smiled then, and spoke. I know what I said, I knew that I had said 'Kenji', but I couldn't hear myself speak. It was hard, not being able to hear it, but I could tell that I had said the correct thing, because an answering smile stretched Kenji's lips, and his head moved in a nod. I returned my hand to his own, squeezing it gently, lovingly.

After a little while I began to feel lightheaded and dizzy, and when I swooned Kaoru's gentle hands, which I could now recognize through touch, took hold of me, lowering me onto a soft futon. I settled into it obediently, lying quiet. There was the touch of a cold hand, and this time I didn't recognize the hands. I frowned, putting up a hand in curiosity. Those chilly hands guided me to a face, and I nodded when I realized that it was Megumi's delicate features that I was feeling.

Her hands went back to touching my face and neck, feeling for my pulse and such things. After a little bit I was hefted into a sitting position and Megumi's hands encouraged me to drink something. I drank it obediently, knowing that it was something that would help me in some way.

Her hands again guided me to her face, and I felt her lips as they moved. The first time she spoke I had trouble understanding, and I tilted my head, my brows twitching together. Megumi repeated herself slowly, patiently. That time I got her message. "I'm leaving Ken-san, I'll be back soon."

I nodded, and then spoke. Again, I didn't hear it, and I wasn't sure if I said it right. It felt right at least. "I understand."

Megumi nodded, and then her hands dropped mine, and I felt her weight on the futon leave. I put out a hand, searching around for Kenji or Kaoru. I met Kaoru's slender fingers, and I wrapped my hand around hers. I felt a gentle touch on my other hand, and I held Kenji's hand in my own.

Kaoru's hand left mine, and at first I felt fear flood through me, but Kenji's fingers tightened around mine in a reassuring squeeze and I calmed. Then a cold cloth settled on my forehead, and I understood what was going on. I instead laced my fingers in the sheets covering my body, wanting the security of something in my hands. I closed my eyes, and slowly the touch of Kenji's hand faded, and I sank further into the never-ending silent darkness.

(Kaoru)

I sighed, stirring the soup with almost an automatic action. I barely noticed what I was doing, I was thinking. Kenshin was obviously alright, he seemed to be fairly calm and secure. But I knew that looks were deceiving. There was a strong chance that Kenshin was hiding what he was really thinking from both Kenji and I, and I knew that I needed to just be ready for whatever Kenshin might need.

After he had fallen asleep, I had left Kenji in there to care for him, and I had come to make some soup. Megumi had said that we should try and get him to eat, as he was much too thin. I knew this for a fact, I had been telling him for months that he needed to eat better.

A piercing cry scared me into dropping my spoon into the pot of soup. I barely had the time to pull it out of the fire as I shot to my feet, running into the bedroom where the cry had come from. I found Kenshin holding Kenji's wrists in iron lock holds, a snarl on his lips. Kenji's hands were white, and tears flowing down my son's face.

I jumped forward, grabbing Kenshin's hands and putting one to my cheek. "Kenshin, it's okay!"

Kenji choked from behind me, terror in the sound. I knew what had happened, even if Kenji might not tell me. Kenshin had woken, and, because of his training as an assassin, his first thought, just like the first one had been to fight. Kenji must have been doing something that attracted what senses Kenshin had left. The cry I had heard had been Kenji, not Kenshin.

Kenshin was breathing heavily, his body trembling. I kept a hold on his hand, turning to look at my frightened son. "Kenji, what happened?"

He whimpered. "I… I was just changing the cloth, but I, I dropped it by accident. It hit Dad's chest and all of the sudden he was sitting up, grabbing me…" He choked again. "His eyes…"

I sighed again, trying to think of some way we could convey this message to Kenshin, knowing that he would need to know in order to think of a way to control these urges. If Kenji was to help me take care of Kenshin, I needed him to stop reacting with fight, and instead acting with questions.

"Kenji, give me your wrist." I said, holding out my free hand for his hand. He raised it obediently, and I examined the skin silently. There was a slight darkening to Kenji's fair skin already, and I knew that it would bruise. His skin was hot, and I hoped that the feeling of that would get some of what had happened across to Kenshin. I pulled Kenji forward, putting Kenshin's hand against his wrist.

Kenshin's eyebrows twitched together as he ran gentle fingers around Kenji's wrist, still not understanding. He felt Kenji's hand, and I could see the recognition of who it was in his mind, but the feeling was still not registering.

I brought the hand that I held up to my mouth, doing what Megumi done to let Kenshin know that she was leaving. His fingers rested against my lips, and he turned his head towards me. I spoke slowly, giving him time to comprehend what I was saying. "You grabbed Kenji, Kenshin. That was Kenji you had a hold of."

He blinked a few times, and then his face grew pained. His hand ran up Kenji's arm, searching for his face. When he got there he felt with worry the tears of fear that were still soaking Kenji's cheeks, running his fingers over Kenji's face. "I'm sorry…" Kenshin whispered, drawing Kenji close to him, tears filling his eyes as well.

Kenji shook his head slightly. "It's okay Dad…"

I knew that Kenshin hadn't gotten that message, but he seemed to understand that Kenji forgave him, mostly because of how the boy hugged him back tightly. Kenshin pulled back slightly, turning his head back to me. "Will it bruise?"

It surprised me as Kenshin spoke a full sentence to me, even though he couldn't hear what he was saying. Kenji answered him for me, nodding into his father's neck. Kenshin's face fell, and I could see how sorry he really was for what had happened. He reached down, taking a gentle hold of Kenji's wrist and bringing it up to his face. I smiled as Kenshin dropped a gentle kiss on the inner skin of both of Kenji's wrists, a little smile on his face. "Sorry Kenji."

Kenji smiled as well, and he leaned back into Kenshin's embrace, resting his head against my husband's chest. Kenshin wrapped his arms around Kenji, rocking him gently, the way he would when Kenji was around four or five, humming an old lullaby on instinct. Even though Kenji had grown out of things like that years ago, I could see his body relaxing, and he closed his eyes, sighing happily.

"I love you Kenji…" Kenshin whispered. He raised his head towards me. "I love you Kaoru."

I smiled, tears filling my eyes. There was hope, and we would have to learn along the way, the three of us together. We would deal with this tragedy, in the best way we could. Hopefully life would only get better.