(A/N:I know it's already nearly over, but a late happy Valentine's Day to all my sweet charmers out there. You should know that this story is, for a large part, Gudrun's fault. Well, hers, and of her obsession with sticks. Frankly unhealthy, I say. Also, the title is not a euphemism, but a pun on the word 'lovesick'. Or both. Your choice, you perverts.Oh yes, it's also the end of another series. How time flies. Or rather, stories fly. Supafly! In any case, I imagine I'll be starting another series in the future. Probably quite near. Look out for it like you would for naked pictures of Jason Isaacs. An endless supply of dirty, lusty love, Your Duchess.)

Chapter The Last: Lovestick

It was Valentine's Day, and upon getting out of his bed, Severus Snape was showered in a tidal wave of pink and black cards. "Merlin's beard." Snape thought darkly, "I hate Valentine's Day." He looked around at the cards glumly, then bent down and picked up a card. Who knows, it might be from a real person rather than a fangirl. Also, though he wouldn't admit to it, he was rather hoping he'd finally get one from Morrissey this year. In any case, he opened it. There was a small twig stuck to the paper. He read:

"Dear Severus,

I like you on a stick. That's why I've sent you this letter on a stick.

Love from Iceland,

Gudrun (on a stick)."

"Weirdo." Snape muttered, setting fire to the letter. He picked up one that was pink with gilded borders, opened it, and read:

"Dear Severus,

Do you like sticks? I do. I love you and…"

Snape threw aside the letter, deciding he had seen enough. He picked up another one, in a plain white envelope, with the address written in a scrawl similar to Morrissey's.

"Dear Severus,

Do you have buns of steel? I like steel of buns.

Bunny, steely love from Holland,

Your steely-bunny.

PS: Buns of steel!"

"Oh, for the love of…" Snape said, incinerating the letter. He picked up a green and silver envelope, and almost immediately regretted opening it, as he read:

"Dear Severus,

Would you show me your manstick? On a stick?

Love from Iceland…"

"Aargh! Fangirls!" Snape said, throwing the letter away in disgust. "This is the last one." He swore, as he picked up one that looked like the ones Lucius sent him. He opened it, and was relieved to see that all it contained was Lucius' usual Valentine's invitation to his house, which he promised would be empty. With a sigh, Snape threw it down, and went to dress.

"I hate Valentine's Day," he said to himself.

That night, he apparated in Lucius' bedroom to a most enticing sight. There was Lucius, dressed in a silver and pink cowboy's suit, smiling at him maliciously. "Hey Severus," Lucius said, as he noticed him, and got up, drawing out fake muggle guns from the holsters at his hips and pointing them at Snape. "Stick 'em up."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Snape yelled immediately. "STICKS!"

And he turned and fled.