Author's Notes: I'm back…poor you. I finally got time enough to write some strange, pointless junk. Yay!

I'm eternally sorry to all my RP friends for neglecting them. I'm just so busy I barely have time to check my email, let alone chat. So, forgive! I am still here! Not dead! Very much alive!

…I think…

DUN DUN DAAAAAA!

Yeah, and to the family of Colleen…you have suffered a great loss, as have I. I wish all the best to you, and hope for many blessings in the future. Just know she's in heaven with God, watching over us all…and playing poker with Beethoven. Lol.

This is dedicated to my dear friend Colleen, a.k.a. "Turkey Lady". Love you forever.

Chapter 8

The next morning Harry awoke to a bright new day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the deer were prancing, and the smell of Ron's morning breath wafted through the air. Well…it was actually a dark, rainy day…but I needed a reason to add in the Cinderella mice…

It was days like this that made Harry think about the one good thing about the Dursleys' house…his little rodent friends.

"Oh Gus…" Harry sighed, tilting his head up to the ceiling in preparation for a flashback….

~*~*~*~

"HARRY POTTER!" Vernon Dursley bellowed, his voice carrying up the stairs and through the bedroom door of the teenaged, scar-headed boy.

"Yes Uncle Vernon?" Harry yelled back.

"You get down here this instant and take out the garbage! Then you can vacuum, wash the dishes, clean out the…"

Vernon carried on with the list of chores Harry had to do, while Harry himself got dressed for a day of hard labor.

Suddenly, a tiny squeak of a voice drifted up from below. "Damn the government for abandoning child labor laws in favor of free ice cream on Tuesdays…"

Harry smiled down at his little mousey friend. "It's alright, I don't mind only getting vanilla time after time…"

 The mouse sniffed sadly.

"Well, I better get off to work!" Harry skipped out of the room, the brave, brave boy.

The rest of the mice surfaced, gathering around, singing a little tune and doing a little dance.

"Harry Potter

Harry potter

Night and day it's Harry Potter!

Make the fire, fix the breakfast

Wash the dishes do the mopping

And the sweeping and the dusting…"

~*~*~*~

Harry wiped away a tear. "I loved that dress…damn Dudley and his jealousy!"

Seamus, stirred by Harry's conversation with himself, poked his head out of the curtains of his bed. "That flashback made no sense, for if you were downstairs and out of the vicinity of your room, how were you able to know exactly what the mice were doing or saying at the time? I won't even mention the fact that mice can not talk…not even in the magical world."

Harry sighed unhappily. "Well if that didn't make sense, then neither does the fact that you could see what I was thinking…"

Seamus thought for a second. "Touché…" he answered, disappearing behind his curtains again.

Harry got up from his bed, once again becoming depressed and moody due to lack of mice and birds to help him dress. Maybe this was the reason Harry was such a jackass in the fifth book. Am I even allowed to say that word? Oh well, too late.

As soon as Harry was dressed, he ran towards the door of the dorm, stepping out.

"Harry, where are you going? School doesn't start for an hour!" Ron called out after him.

"Got to talk to someone, see you in Charms!" Harry yelled back, closing the door and rushing down the stairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had been running through the hallways of Hogwarts for months, days, hours, even MINUTES, looking for the disgruntled elf otherwise known as Dobby.

"Damn it…he used to automatically show up last  year when I was in trouble, and now he's never around when I need him," Harry grumbled, running around a corner and tripping over a tipped garbage can with 'die humans die' written on it in green paint.

"This paint is fresh…the elf must be nearby!" a short, stocky man kneeled over the garbage can, observing.

"Brilliant deduction…but…who ARE you?" Harry asked.

"Watson, sir. My name is Watson," the man smiled.

Harry shrugged. "Have any idea where Dobby could've gone?"

"No clue…I'm the sidekick…I'm only supposed to make comments here and there and say lines which allow Sherlock to say 'brilliant deduction Watson'."

"Well, ok then, I guess I'll look for him myself."

"Wait! Are you in need of an investigative sidekick? Because I seemed to have lost Sherlock somewhere in Burma…" Watson asked, his eyes shining with hope.

"Sorry, I've already got a sidekick. And he's got red hair…"

Watson looked disappointed. "Damn it…always getting shafted for the redheads…" he got to his feet, bowing his head and disappearing.

Harry once again started on his journey to find Dobby. Well, it's not really a journey, but I couldn't think of another word. I seemed to have misplaced my thesaurus.

Harry was in the middle of using an inappropriate word to let out his frustrations, when he spotted Dobby at the end of the hall, cackling madly and writing 'elf power' on the walls.

"Dobby!" Harry exclaimed, running towards him.

"Ah crap," Dobby muttered under his breath.

"Dobby, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Greeeeeat," Dobby said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, I know!" Harry exclaimed obliviously, resting against the freshly drawn-on wall. "Do you have a minute?"

Dobby exhaled angrily. "Oh yes sir, anything for you Harry Potter sir! Not like Dobby has anything BETTER to do, being a lowly insignificant servant."

Harry nodded. "That's the spirit! Well, let's walk, I've got to make it to my next class and I'll talk to you on the way."

Dobby grumbled and followed Harry down the hall towards his next class.

"So, I was wondering Dobby, about yesterday night…if the ghosts were just a figment of my imagination…how were you able to see them?" Harry made his way down the corridor with Dobby in tow, the elf trying to catch up with the young wizard.

"Well…seeing as you are so superior to Dobby, Dobby never thought to share his unimportant life with that of famous Harry Potter," The elf, sarcastic as usual, skipped over the question.

"Dobby, quit it with the angry elf sarcasm and answer my question!" He tried not to yell, turning the corner as they reached the end of the hall.

"Oh of course sir, Dobby is sorry, sir, Dobby does not deserve to be listened to because Dobby speaks in third person…"

"DOBBY!"

"Alright! Alright! Keep yer shorts on," Dobby grumbled, quite out of character. "You see, Harry Potter sir, Dobby…" At this the elf stopped in front of Harry, causing Harry to nearly trip over him. Harry bent down as the houseelf motioned him to the come near, wondering what could be so important. "Dobby sees dead people" The elf whispered.

"Really?!" Harry gasped, getting to his feet and continuing to walk down the hall. "That's amazing! Oh hi Nick…" Harry waved as the ghost passed by, then turned his attention back to the elf. "You can really see dead people?"

"Yes Harry Potter sir! They walk around…like normal people. Dobby does not think they know they are dead," the elf looked around frightened, spotting the Bloody Baron nearby and squeaking.

"Hi Baron," Harry waved and once again addressed the elf. "That's some talent you got there…maybe we should bring you on Ricky Lake or something…" At this Harry stopped his walking, looking up at the ceiling and stroking his chin. Dobby screamed and ran as the world rippled around them, making way for an 'I wonder what would happen…' sequence.

**Rippling Harp Music**

"And now back to Ricky Lake!" The delightful, chubby host twittered into the microphone. "Today on our show we have Dobby the Houseelf…who claims he can see ghosts."

The audience cheered, jumping up and down as the camera panned over them.

"Now Dobby…when did you start seeing these ghosts?" Ricky asked, as the camera swung around the reveal a very uncomfortable Dobby sitting in between a transvestite leprechaun and a half man/half groundhog who was being made-over to satisfy his/it's girlfriend.

**Rippling Harp Music**

"Dobby did not like that vision…"

"Sorry Dobby, couldn't help myself," Harry tried not to laugh. "Well, here's my class, thanks for your time."

Dobby snarled, turning on his heel and grumbling all the way down the hall.

"What a nice elf…" Harry smiled, opening the classroom door and stepping inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Later that day, the rain still hadn't let up. It poured down over the grounds of Hogwarts in a thick sheet of…wet…stuff...yeah…the gloom making it seem much later then it actually was.

Charms class that day was uneventful; unless you count the shark Seamus Finnigan conjured by accident, and the unexplained disappearance of several students. Don't worry about them though, they weren't important characters anyway.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron…I'm getting really tired of saying that…stood loitering at the bottom of the main staircase, waiting for the doors of the Great Hall to open. Due to the fact that Flitwick had to find some way of getting rid of the shark, he had let them out early, and lunch was not yet ready.

"If this is a magic school, how can they not just conjure up the food?" Ron asked lazily, propped up against the banister.

The other two shrugged.

"Well kids, I'll tell you. The author created a scene that they wanted to add into the story somehow, and thought that making you three sit in the general vicinity of the main forum would be the best way to do this," Mr. Rogers explained, putting on his indoor shoes.

I really have to stop pointing out my faults using comedic methods…really doesn't say much for my writing abilities.

"It disturbs me how we seem to be controlled by some strange, shadowy figure…" Harry looked around.

"What do you think the government is?" Ron replied.

Just then, Hagrid burst into the castle, dripping wet and holding a thick leather strap in one hand. That strap was attached to Hagrid's latest pet…a huge, slug-like creature with large bulging eyes and astonishing computer-animated features. The creature was speaking with a slow, drawn-out voice in a strange accent they had never heard before.

"Konchee chuba koona?" The creature spoke, sliding along the floor behind Hagrid.

Translation: Where you going?

It was obvious the gamekeeper/Care of Magical Creatures professor had no idea what the thing was saying, but he spoke up nonetheless. "Jus' a bi' ferther," he piped up cheerily, large smile plastered on his face.

"Choy?" It blinked, staring around at the great hall with confusion.

Translation: What?

"Nah, soy's a bit too healthy fer me. Gimme a nice steak an' potatoes," Hagrid answered, tying the leather strap around the end of the staircase banister while he bent down to tie his shoe. Ron backed away quickly.

The creature seemed angry now…perhaps tying your shoes is an insult in his country?

"Koochoo outmian! Chuba chone chuba tonta! Chuba nee choo ateema! Me crispo chuba!" It growled, thrashing around wilding.

Translation: Idiot outlander! You and your worm tentacles! You die now! I fry you!

Harry watched on, excited to see another Star Wars reference in the story. Plus, Jabba the Hut was his favorite slug-monster bad guy character in the entire world of fantasy. Ron, who had never seen Star Wars in his life due to lack of muggle movies, leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Why does it keep talking about lollipops?"

Harry was actually wondering the same thing, forgetting all that study he had had of the Huttese language…but he had the distinct impression Jabba was screaming about crisps.

"I think he's hungry," Harry observed, sniffing.

Hermione, who had read every book on earth except for Star Wars, piped up from Harry's other side, her head tilted slightly as she studied the creature. "I've never seen anything like it before…and if I don't know what it is…then it must not exist."

Ron's eyebrows furrowed and he glanced over at her. "But Hermione, it's standing right in front of y-"

"-I said," Hermione interrupted. "I don't know what it is…therefore, it doesn't exist," She growled, the light from outside glinting off her fangs…somehow…causing it to *ding* like in those cheesy cartoons. It really was remarkable, and Harry wondered how it made that cool dinging sound, but soon their attention was back on the creature.

Jabba continued to thrash about, soon ripping the entire end of the banister off the staircase and stomping away through the school to wreak havoc on students…like in all good stories. Hagrid chose this moment to stand back up, looking around with a confused expression. You see, Hagrid is not the brightest crayon in the box, and took 15 minutes tying his shoelaces. Many a time had Dumbledore told him Velcro was the way to go…but of course nobody listens to the all-powerful super wizard. Hagrid looked around for a few more minutes, giving up the search despite the trail of destruction and screaming children that would most likely lead to his lost pet.

The kids watched as Hagrid strolled out, waving to them as he went, closing the front doors behind him with a loud bang just as the doors to the Great Hall were flung open dramatically.

"I swear, one day those things are gonna break from all these semi-dramatic moments," Hermione yawned, slowly getting to her feet.

"And when that happens, I'll be there…watching…watching and waiting…" Harry narrowed his eyes.

"Shut up Harry," Hermione yawned again, making her way towards the doors.

"You got toooooold," Neville popped out of nowhere, doing the 'word' hand gesture.

A swift kick to the nether regions shut our dear ghetto friend up. Rowling never adds enough violence into her stories.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry sat down at the far end of the Gryffindor table, Ron and Hermione settling in front of him. He was so hungry his stomach was screaming for food…literally.

"GIVE ME FOOD!"

Harry looked around with shifty eyes. "Shut up down there!"

"FOOOOOOD!"

"Stop it or I'll feed you acid again!"

Silence.

"That's what I thought…"

"Harry, who are you talking to?" Ron gave him a wide-eyed look.

"No one," Harry pursed his lips, scratching the side of his nose with a finger.

Suddenly and without warning from their beloved headmaster, who still was no where to be found, the heaps of food that made up their lunch time buffet appeared on the table, causing a collective sigh of happiness to emanate from the crowd of students.

"Finally!" Ron grinned, grabbing several dishes and piling them on top of each other.

"Pig…" Hermione grimaced, putting her various foods into neat little piles that spell out the theory of relativity.

"Hey, what's going on over there?" Dean Thomas spoke up, his eye twitching slightly.

"I see…death. Or…Tim Horton's cookies…" Parvati replied mistily.

"Who's Tim Horton?" Ron asked. "Please tell me he's replaced Percy as Defense teacher…"

Harry, quickly losing interest in the naïve antics of Ron and company, looked across the room at the Slytherin table, where the commotion seemed to be coming from. Unable to see anything, he stood on his chair and looked over the heads of the crowd of Slytherins clustered around one section of the table. From what he could see, they were all crowding around none other then Draco Malfoy, chanting incoherently and beating their fists on the table. Harry really hoped they were an angry mob practicing what they were going to do with Draco's face, but alas, this was not to be. Apparently, Malfoy's groupies were begging him to do something obviously very elaborate, and a hush washed over the great hall, everyone looking towards the bleach blonde boy.

"Down in front," A random voice yelled out, followed by Hagrid muttering a quick apology and ducking down.

All eyes were on Draco and, slowly…slowly, the corner of his mouth twitched into the infamous Malfoy smirk. His groupie girls fainted over the table as the rest of Slytherin house broke out into a frenzied applause. The members of the other three houses all groaned, their dreams of Malfoy spontaneous combustion dashed with one tiny smirk.

"Damn it," Ron muttered, mashing his mashed potatoes.

Seamus then looked up from his meal, head wrapped in bandages, and looked over at the author of this tale who was sitting in the corner with a laptop, recording all this information.

"I don't believe what you just wrote is entirely possible. How would Ron be able to mash his potatoes, if they're already mashed?"

The almighty, omnipotent author then threw the laptop at Seamus's head, causing him to once again black out in a comical fashion. After grabbing another laptop out of thin air, the author sat down in the corner once again, and commenced typing. Plus, I mash my mashed potatoes all the time. It's called playing with your food, asshole. Oops, another bad word. Oh well. Damn it, I'm doing that correcting myself thing again!

"Who was Seamus talking to?" Harry pondered, poking at the unmoving Seamus with his fork.

Ron shrugged, mashing his mashed potatoes, uncaring of whether or not this action was possible…even though it is.

"Yeah, so I says to Mabel, I says…" Ron began.

"You know, I've never actually heard the end to that sentence," Harry reflected, stroking his chin.

"Me either…I wonder if there is one," Ron pondered.

"We have such pointless conversations," Hermione pointed out.

"Such is the beauty of our friendship," Ron grinned.

If this were a Japanese anime cartoon, you would see a large sweat drop and/or strange squiggly line by Hermione's head. "I'm going to the library…" she announced, opening her bag and dumping the contents of her dinner into it.

"Well fine then, at least I still have Ron," Harry pouted.

Giggle.

"Oh no…" Ron squeaked.

"What is it Ron?" Harry asked as Hermione walked away from the table.

Giggle. Give me my whistle!

"Not again…" Ron whimpered, clutching something to his chest. "She'll never get it! Never!" he exclaimed, knocking over his seat and running out the door.

Harry looked dejected. "If they wanted to go off and make out, they could've just told me! I would've liked to watch," Harry sniffed away the tears, once again falling into a pit of despair. "Woe is me…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yes, this is it, too lazy to write replies to reviews, shall do it next time. COME ON PEOPLE, REVIEW, OR I'LL STOP WRITING!

Idle threats…lol!