well, that took a little longer than expected! XP The end of the semester's coming up, and all my classes have been keeping me from more important things like writing fanfiction...stupid classes! - So, I had to bump the rating up a little on this chapter...I hope I handled it OK. To be honest, I'm really self-conscious about writing anything above the PG level in most circumstances. It isn't that I'm embarrassed by fan fiction sex or anything, because I pretty much only read M and NC-17 stories. I just don't think I write them so well! So I hope this is OK:)

Oh, and a very important note: The second section of this chapter is a dream! I thought I should warn everyone so you guys don't think I'm writing Al way OOC.

Thanks to all my awesome reviewers! Enjoy!

"Niisan, look!" Al leans over me, pressing his face against the train window and waving his arms from side to side. "Niisan! Niisan, do you think that's it?"

I rub my eyes. "Huh?" Clamping my hand over my mouth, I hold back a yawn. It's so dark. It must be the middle of the night. "Al, what's-?"

"Niisan!" He whines, squeezing my shoulder and giving me a rough shake. My body jolts. He's touching me again. I feel my face heat up as the same, familiar quivering returns in the pit of my stomach. It's like being so hungry, but having to wait all day for dinner, only this time I know I'll never get what I want. I can't have it. My pants feel tighter, but I pretend I don't know why. Oh god, what's wrong with me? "Niisan, I think," fidgeting in my seat, I barely hear him as he continues, "I think we're almost there! Look!"

Suddenly, I'm paying attention. Pushing my worries aside for a second, I jump up onto my chair, staring into the darkness. In the distance, I can see the faint outline of a small town. A few lamps twinkle in the windows. They look so warm and inviting, almost like they're calling us home just like mom used to do every night before supper. I hope that's it. Oh, I hope we're really in Dublith! My heart clenches. I can barely believe how lucky we are. We're finally going to learn the truth, and now I know we won't have to go to sleep in an empty house ever again. No, when we get back to Rizenbool, we'll finally be able to be happy, like we used to be. We'll learn how to bring her back. We have to! I promised we would. "Al?" I smile, watching his eyes widen. "Do you think-?"

"I don't know! I don't know!" He giggles, falling back into his chair. He swings his legs, looking happier than I've seen him look in months. "What do you think, Niisan? Could that be Dublith? Could it?"

I shrug, trying to act calm. But I'm really squirming inside. I can't wait to start training. I'm sick of waiting! I know I'm ready for this. I know I'll be able to learn real alchemy. I know I can do it, if I just keep studying. She'll show me the truth. "I don't know," I give him a playful smile, pointing across the aisle. "Ask her."

Al bites his lip, shivering as he pulls his knees to his chest. "I, I," he curls up against my arm, his eyes widening as he stares at the couple seated across the aisle. "Sensei?" His voice sounds squeaky and weak. He's terrified, and I can understand why. She is really scary. But I trust her. I have to, because I think she might be the only way. "Sensei, um, are we almost there?"

Her eyes narrow. Ignoring us, she continues to flip through a very heaving-looking book, every once in a while stopping to cough into her handkerchief. So, this is the person we're resting all our hope on? "Of course," I glance back towards the window, nodding to myself. She may not be as warm and gentle as mom used to be, but she's strong and smart. I know she'll be a tough teacher, but I'll do anything she makes me do. It's all worth it, because I'm doing it for him. I am doing it to make Al happy again.

The train lurches. "Get your things," Izumi-sensei stands up, flashing us a grim stare. "We've arrived."

"Did you hear that?" Al springs to his feet, grabbing his bag and skipping towards the door. "We're there! We're finally there!"

The people around us turn and stare. Smiling weakly, I drag my own suitcase out from under the seat, containing my own excitement as I follow after my brother. But my head is spinning. What will happen now? Is this what mom would've wanted? 'Of course.' Watching Al, my heart pounds. He's laughing and smiling, almost like he expects to see mom waiting for us on the other side of the train door. He looks so happy. So beautiful. And I don't want him to be sad ever again. We'll bring mom back, and then he'll stay beautiful forever. It's worth it. "Al! Wait for me!"

"Al? Is that you?" In my sleep, I can barely feel the softness of another body pushing into my chest. My bed creaks. I try to open my eyes, trembling as hot breath brushes my neck. "What are you-?" My skin feels so warm. I melt against the other's form, forgetting my curiosity as I drift back into a daze. I'm so happy, but I don't know why. Suddenly, I don't care who's laying down beside me. I feel so good. It doesn't really matter why, right? No, wait. That's wrong. It feels like someone is squeezing my stomach, and I'm scared. So scared. What's going on? My eyes fly open, and I try to make out my surroundings. "What are you doing?"

"Niisan," a tiny voice whispers into my ear. It tickles. My legs tingle unexpectedly, and out of habit I cross them under the blanket. What's he doing to me? "Niisan, I, I can't get to sleep. I-." I look up, only to find him staring down into my face. His eyes sparkle, looking so nervous and confused. But not as confused as I am right now! "Niisan, I, I need you."

I gasp, looking away as I feel my cheeks getting hotter. "Al," my voice shakes. My thoughts are all messy and jumbled. I don't know what to say. It almost feels like I've forgotten how to talk all together. He's lying on top of me, moving against my chest as he works to steady himself. I can't breathe. I'm burning up, but I can't stop shivering. "Al, don't," I bite my lip, "don't be silly."

"I'm not being silly, Niisan!" He sounds hurt. His hands tremble as he reaches to touch my cheek. My heart jolts at the contact. "I'm trying to be serious!" Why's he doing this to me? Does he know how I feel about him? Does he realize what he's doing to my body right now? Can't he feel the way I'm reacting to this? He must know. He must know about all the disgusting things I dream up late at night as I listen to him sighing in his sleep. He must know. But why's he teasing me like this? He should hate me! He should be terrified to touch me like this. He should know better than this. "Please, please believe me, Niisan."

I'm not sure how to respond. He's tempting me, letting me fantasize about what I've sworn not to do. I feel like I'm back in the kitchen at Winry's house, staring at a fresh batch of Auntie's cookies. I want them so badly, but I know I can't take them or I'll get in big trouble when somebody finds out. "Get off of me!" I really don't want him to stop, but I know that's what I should say. It's better for both of us that way. "Al!" I try to sound stern like sensei, but it doesn't work. Instead I just seem desperate. "Al, you have to stop this," I beg under my breath. "We can't, I mean-."

"But I love you, Niisan," A lump clogs my throat as I listen to him. He squeezes his eyes shut, but I can still see tears spilling out from under the lashes. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, clinging to me like he's afraid I'll disappear at any moment. His nails dig into my back. "We both love each other, right?"

"Uh, I-," I don't have time to answer. His lips press against mine, cutting me off as they rub against my tongue. My stomach falls in my chest. "Uhhh," he's kissing me! I can't believe this. He's actually-.

"Does Niisan like that?" His eyes are only inches from mine. They look so hopeful and pleading. It's like he's trying his best to see inside of me. Like he wants to know for sure that I like him as much as he likes me. I know exactly how he feels. I've done it to him so many times before, even if I couldn't admit it to myself. But I can't say anything now. I'm too afraid. His lips move away from my face, curling into a pout. "Niisan?"

"I, uh, Al," I fight to catch my breath. My skin must be glowing red by now. I tear at the blankets, only able to remember the way his tongue tasted in my mouth and the way his hands felt pressed against my back. I can't think anymore. "Al, I, I," I can't stop myself. My mind's all blurry, almost like someone hit me in the back of the head. I blink, trying to see clearly. But all I can see is his face floating above me. "I want this too, Al, I, please, please do it again."

He smiles. "I told you you'd like it!" Suddenly, his hands are all over me, dancing across my stomach and tugging at my hair. My heart feels fluttery under his fingers. I shudder. My whole body seems to tense, and my hips push upwards, needing something more. Something I've imagined him giving me so many times, without really believing it could happen. I'm so embarrassed, but I really don't care very much anymore. He can't stop. I can't stop him.

"Does Niisan like it?" He asks again, nibbling at my skin. It hurts, but it also makes my insides swirl with excitement. I feel a tug between my legs. "What about this?" His hand slides down my waist. It's like he can read my mind! Smiling down at me, he grazes his thumb over the bulge in my pants, giggling softly to himself. "I think you do!"

"Al!" I nearly scream as he touches me. My body feels completely alive, every inch pulsing with some sort of electricity. It feels amazing. I can't even begin to describe it. All I can focus on is the way his fingers squeeze at me through my pants. "Al!" I'm trying to catch my breath, blushing as I stare up at the ceiling. I've lost control of my body. It's twitching and jerking, moving into my brother's grasp, and I can't stop it. Not that I'd want to. "Al!" My thoughts all run together as I close my eyes. His hands are the only thing left in the world, stroking and caressing me in ways I'm too ashamed to touch myself. I yell. "Al!"

"Niisan? Niisan?" Someone is tugging on my arm, yanking at my blanket and gasping loudly. "Niisan? Are you OK?"

Jolting up in bed, I'm met by two watery eyes and a concerned frown. "Al?" I blink, trying to focus on my surroundings. That's right, we're in sensei's house. I exhale slightly, but for some reason I'm still fighting for breath. I'm sweating, trembling as I feel my heart racing in my chest. 'Why am I so scared? What-?' Shifting my legs, I notice a sticky spot on the front of my pajamas. 'Oh god,' my hand flies to my lap, tugging the sheets up around my waist. Now I remember. I was dreaming. I flush, "uh, Al, I'm, I'm fine. Did, did something happen?"

"You were being really loud!" His eyes narrow as he sits down on my pillow. He's so close to me. My stomach knots up as I remember the way his hands made me feel as they touched my body. My skin's burning up. "And then you started saying my name, so I thought maybe you needed my help." Oh no. No. No. I don't talk in my sleep. No. He couldn't have heard it. Oh please, Al, just forget about it and go back to bed! "Were you having a bad dream, Niisan?"

"No, no!" I hurry to correct him, the words tumbling from my mouth as I pull the blanket up over my head. "I'm fine, Al, I just," I can't let him see my face. I squirm into my sheets, groaning as the stickiness trickles down my leg. 'Ugh, I'm so dirty!' But I guess I deserve it for thinking about bad things. I deserve it. "Let's just go back to sleep. You need the rest," I chance a glance in his direction, giving him a small smile. "We start training tomorrow, remember?"

"Well, about that, I was," he doesn't seem to be getting off my bed. Instead he keeps watching me, giggling slightly to himself as he leans across the mattress. "I was kind-of wondering, well, since we're in a new house and all," even in the dark, I can tell he's blushing. He fidgets against me, fingering my pajama sleeve. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"What?" I curl up into a tight ball, biting my lip as I shift uncomfortably between the sheets. "What did you-?" I stop, gasping in surprise. He leans forward, wrapping his arms around my neck and collapsing down on top of me. My stomach knots up in my chest. Everything's coming back to me. The dream. The way Al felt as he squirmed against my legs. The taste of his lips pressed against mine. The way I shivered as he slid his hands into my pajamas. Suddenly my wet pants seem too small. It's all happening again! I can't believe this! He's pulling back my blanket, lying down next to me. I shiver as cold air blows against my legs. "Al? What do you think you're doing?" He'll notice. Oh god, he'll feel it. I tug my sheets back over my head, rolling up against the wall. I need to get as far away from him as possible. He can't find out! He can't know! "Stop it!"

"Niisan?" He sounds wounded. I think he's crying again, but I can't bare to check. I bury my head in the pillow, trying my best to block out his sniffles. "But, but, I don't understand! We always sleep like this at home! What's going on?" Before I can resist, he wraps his arms around me, clutching my back to his chest. He's choking me. I'm not sure I can breathe. My throat feels swollen. Oh no! No! "Niisan, why are you all wet?"

"I, I," my voice comes out a little too loudly. I struggle with him, prying his hands off my body as I press my face into the mattress. "Just, never mind!"

Quickly pulling back his hands, he squirms uncomfortably against me. "Now Niisan, it's nothing to be embarrassed about." It sounds like he's having a hard time talking. I can't tell if he's being serious or if he's trying to stop laughing. "I mean, it used to happen to me all the time when I was younger. Maybe you just forgot to use the bathroom before you went to bed?"

It feels like something is falling in my chest. "No, no, Al!" I can't believe he doesn't realize what's going on. Didn't mom get a chance to talk to him about this? He has to see what happened to me. "That's not what it is!" My face is burning up. I shouldn't be the one to tell him about these things. Not when I can't even figure them out myself. I'm starting to get kind-of annoyed. "It's OK, just go back to sleep."

"What? What is it?" I can tell he's worried. He quivers, resting one hand on my arm and giving me a gentle shake. "Why won't you tell me what happened? Come on, Niisan. If you wet the bed, I really think it's OK. I'll just go ask sensei for a towel, and we can clean it up before anyone else finds out." He runs one finger through my hair, pulling at my head until I turn to meet his gaze. "That's what mom always used to do for me."

"Al, I didn't wet the bed!" I demand, too embarrassed to think about anything but making him understand. I guess I have to tell him. Mom isn't here anymore, and since I promised I'd take care of him, I have to do everything she would've done for him. I have to do this. Taking a deep breath, I sit up on my arm, trying to ignore my pounding heart. "Look, that stuff on the front of my pajamas, it's the stuff that babies are made with." I ball up my fists under the blanket, fighting tears. I feel dirty for talking about this, especially with him. It just reminds me of my dream and all the bad things I've wanted him to do to me. I think I'm going to be sick. "When boys get older, they sometimes dream about certain things, and it comes out. You know, like the things people do to each other when they get married." I'm definitely going to be sick. "That's how it happens."

His eyes widen ."So you were thinking about getting married to someone?"

"Uh," I cough, hiding my mouth in my hand. "Not exactly."

"It's OK, Niisan. I think about it, too. All the time." Scooting closer to me, he slides his fingers down my arm and lets it rest on top of my hand. I can feel myself sweating all over the sheets. How can he be touching me like this? Isn't he even a little bit uncomfortable? My head pounds. "I really want to get married someday. Someday, when I'm grown up, I think I might like to marry someone like, well, maybe like Winry." Of course. He's normal. My insides ache with disappointment, even though I don't think they should. Of course he would want someone like Winry. I should be happy that he's not messed up like me. "Or maybe," he continues, stuttering as he wraps one arm around my waist, not seeming to care as his hand brushes the sticky puddle. "Other times I think, well, I think that I might like to marry you."

"What!" I nearly leap out of bed. Did he just say what I think he said? No, of course not. My whole body starts to shake. I'm terrified. I know I must be dreaming again, but I don't want to be. I want this to be real, but at the same time I'm afraid of hurting my brother. He probably doesn't know what he's talking about. "We can't be married, Al! We're brothers! That's just gross!"

"But, but," he trembles, biting his lip as he rolls over to face me. He looks so hurt. I can already see tears rolling down his cheeks. "But I don't think it's gross. It would be just like now." I can tell he's struggling to find the right words. This is my fault. I feel so guilty for making him this upset. My blood feels like ice. I just want to reach out and comfort him, but I'm afraid. Everything's so confusing! I watch him take a deep breath. "We could keep doing all the same things we've always done together. Of course, we could do more things, too," he blushes, "but I think that's OK. Mom told me once that when two people really love each other they should get married. She said that falling in love is never something bad or something people should get in trouble for. So I think it's probably OK."

"Mom said that to you?" I can hardly believe his words. I really must be dreaming. Mom wouldn't think such a thing. She would get mad at me for wanting to be with Al like this. Mom knew that brothers shouldn't get married. "That's not true, Al. It can't be. It's wrong for two brothers to fall in love with each other."

"But I love you, Niisan!" He squeals. I hide my face in the pillow, hoping that he didn't wake up sensei. She would probably send us right back to Rizenbool if she knew all the terrible things we're talking about. My stomach's churning. I can hardly pay attention to him. All the things I've imagined, all the bad dreams I've ever had, they're all coming back to me, flying through my mind and giving me a dizzying headache. My body feels so weird, like it's gone completely numb. I've never fainted before, but I've always thought it would feel like this. What's Al saying? I can't bare to listen. It's all so wrong. "And I think you might love me, too. You were dreaming about me, right? That's why you kept saying my name. If you love me and I love you, then it's OK, right? It has to be OK!"

"You just don't understand, Al," staring into the darkness, I wish I could forget everything I just heard my brother say. But I know I can't. So, he really does have the same sickening desires as me? It just doesn't seem possible, but I know I have to believe him. He sounds too serious to be lying to me. Biting my lip, I listen to his sobs. He's really being serious. But how? He's normal. He's not gross. Why doesn't he know it's wrong to love me like that? My body freezes, my stomach dropping as I reach to touch his arm. "You just don't understand."