First I forgot in the last chapter was to give a thank you to Angellvr69 for letting me use the story about the soup from her difficult past. Also once again I am letting you know that I am working on chapter 11. My grandson and his parents are living with me so I am watching him a lot while parents are at work so it may take a few days to update after 10. Bear with me please!

Chapter 9

Elliot had been deeply lost in thought regarding his own rocky upbringing. He knew from his work in SVU that it was more that likely that it was his grandfather's flaws that had created his father's and in turn his. You know, 'sins of the father' and all that. Rebecca Hendricks had called it abuse and maybe it was. He certainly would never do that to Dickie, but he had a childhood. He had his friends and school, sports and clubs.

The only thing he found himself particularly embarrassed about was his siblings. Typical feelings, especially when he hit teenage years. He also had his mother who, even though she never went against him, did her best to offset the abrasive cop. Grandparents who doted on him and his brothers and sisters, even his paternal grandfather. Never one for a lot of physical contact, he felt as loved by the man as any Stabler male could. What would it have been like to have no one but his dad?

Fin rounded the corner to find Elliot leaning up against the wall just outside of the upstairs conference room. "Hey man, what's up? You eavesdropping?"

Fin's voice shattered Elliot's reverie causing him to almost drop the now warm cans of soda on the floor. "Jesus! No! I am not eavesdropping!" he insisted but his voice was only a loud whisper.

"Hey, your funeral," Fin's smirk faded, "I was just coming to tell Benson that the Gilberts are here to pick up Megan."

"All right, I'll let her know." Unsure of what Olivia's current state might be, he warily pushed his head in the door, "Liv? The Gilberts are here for Megan."

"Thank you," she paused for a moment then craned her neck around to look his way, "hey El?"

"Yeah?" he found himself only mildly surprised to see her ever-confident game face, no crack in this façade.

"Megan's asleep, and I don't think it would be a good idea if she woke up alone, would you mind watching her while I talk to her grandparents for a minute?"

"Sure, no problem," he helped Olivia negotiate herself out from under the little girl.

"No cracks unless you look too deep into those eyes," he thought as he briefly locked eyes with his partner.

"Olivia, it is so nice to see you doing so well," Jeannine Gilbert smiled warmly as she took the detective's hand in hers.

"Doing so well? I'm sorry, did we meet?" Her memory of the day of the accident and the next couple of days had become increasingly hazy.

"Forgive me; with as much as Megan talks about you, I feel like we have actually spoken," Jeannine explained, "when we picked up Megan, she was waiting in your hospital room."

Munch and Fin quickly busied themselves with paperwork after receiving a 'we will discuss this later' glare from the female detective.

Oblivious to the exchange Lee Gilbert continued on, "Had we known that you were not only out of the hospital but back to work we would have brought Megan to see you sooner. We wanted to give you time to recover before dealing with a seven year old."

"Thank you for the consideration, but Megan is welcome any time."

Mrs. Gilbert bowed her head, "Maybe if we would have, she wouldn't have run away like this."

"That's what I would like to talk to you about, Mr. and Mrs. Gilbert, would you mind?"

"Please, call us Lee and Jeannine, and yes we would love it if you could clarify this." The older woman took hold of her husband's hand.

"You can use my office if you want, Liv." Cragen held the door to his office open for the couple, "can I get you two some coffee?"

"Yes, thank you that sounds wonderful. We've been up since four this morning, when we discovered Megan missing." Lee fell into one of the chairs in the office.

"That does sound good, thank you Captain." Jeannine sat down next to her husband.

"Either of you take anything in your coffee?"

"I take mine black, but she likes a couple of sugars in hers."

"Take all the time you need." Cragen said handing the coffee to Olivia.

"I just don't understand why Megan ran away," Mr. Gilbert began, "I know she has wanted to see you, but, please don't take this wrong, she barely knows you."

"Lee…"

"No, Jeannine, it's a fair assessment. Megan wasn't as desperate to see me as she was to talk to someone who understands that she wants to see her mother that she's a little unsure of what to do with herself now?"

"After everything Rena has put her through why does she want to see her?"

"Megan feels responsible for her." Olivia said honestly, "her mother told her that she's the reason that she is so unhappy. Rena probably also made it seem like she had done Megan a great service by keeping her, because once someone found out about her and how she was conceived, no one would want her. Plus it's all Megan knows. She has been the adult, pretty much since she and her mother left. She has waited up for her, cleaned up after her when she has thrown up after drinking. She has had to stay up nights, making sure she didn't choke on her own vomit. She keeps the house up and probably even started to make sure monthly bills get taken care of."

"But she doesn't have to do that anymore. It's time for her to just be a child." Tears slipped from the older woman's eyes.

"Yes! She does, but it's not going to happen all at once." She tried to explain, "Are either of you two retired?"

"I am," Mr. Gilbert answered.

"How did it feel at first when you didn't have anyplace to go everyday? Nothing specific you had to do?"

"Oh, God, he was impossible to deal with for about a month. He called me at work all the time, painted this, fixed that or moved this. Most of it were things that didn't need to be done or had been done recently. That old doghouse must have gotten 15 coats of paint on it, and two room additions and we didn't even have a dog at the time. I was ready to kill him."

"I just didn't know what to do with myself," Lee blushed.

"That's the way it is for Megan."

"I thought she would be happy living with us," he whispered sadly.

Olivia placed her hand overtop of Lee's. "She is, but that makes her feel guilty."

"What do we need to do to help her adjust? We're willing to do anything," assured the grandmother.

"You already love her, that's obvious and number one. Be patient with her, she is going to need a little time. I'm going to give you a list of child psychologists. This will help Megan's transition go a little smoother. If you can afford it, or have insurance that will cover it, I would strongly recommend Dr. Elizabeth Olivet, she does great work. The others on the list are very good also, but we have worked closely with her on some cases, I think Megan will respond well to her. Also as much as it will pain you to do so, you need to let her visit her mother. Megan needs to see how she is doing and to tell her a few things. Lastly, give her things to do around the house to help you. I would guess that she's not too bad in the kitchen."

"Really?" Lee perked up, "I was a chef for years. I'd love to have her help me in the kitchen; I just thought that she was too young."

"I certainly hope that you and your co-workers are willing to take in some of this food that is going to be pouring out of my kitchen or I am not going to be able to get out my front door."

Olivia laughed, but Mrs. Gilbert could still see a deep sadness in her eyes. "Were you close with your grandparents when you were young?"

"Uh, no, my mother's parents were already dead when she had me. It was just my mother and me." Unsure of how much the Gilbert's knew about her past, she quickly changed the subject. "Why don't I get you those numbers and I'll get Elliot to bring Megan down."

Olivia slipped out of the room leaving the couple alone.

"Must have been a hell of a life," Lee contemplated.

"Yeah, Megan had us until she was five. Can you imagine spending your entire childhood with someone like Rena?"

"Hi Grandma, hi Grandpa," Megan shyly peaked around Olivia's leg, "Are you really mad at me?"

Lee knelt down in front of the frightened girl, "Honey, we're not mad; we were just worried that you might be hurt or something. We didn't even know where to start looking. We love you, Megan."

"It's okay, I promise Megan, we are just very glad that you are safe. No one is going to hurt you."

Megan looked up at Olivia for guidance, "Really, it's okay honey, everything is okay."

The girl tentatively reached a hand out to her grandfather, "I love you too," she said suddenly throwing herself into his arms. Jeannine quickly added herself to the hug.

Lee swatted at a couple of tears that slipped down his face, "Well I guess we should get you home, you do have school tomorrow."

Megan said her goodbyes to the other detectives, and then she came to Olivia, "Livvy, I'm sorry I did this. I know I could have been hurt and you have work to do…"

"Sweetheart, you are always welcome to call me or see me, you just need to get permission first. Now this is my card, I have my cell and home number on the back; you can call me even if it's just to talk. Anytime."

Megan hugged Olivia tightly while she whispered, "I love you."

Olivia fought back the tears when she returned the sentiment, "I love you, too."

"Thank you, again, for your help detectives," Jeannine beamed.

"Our pleasure," assured Cragen,

"Here is that list I promised you," Olivia handed them a list of therapists as she walked the trio out.

When Olivia got back in the others were at their respective desks immersed in paperwork. They were not getting off that easy, "So guys, just how many people did you parade through my room while I was asleep?"

"We sold tickets to benefit the Policeman's Widow's Fund," Munch peered overtop of his dark glasses, "but we let the lovesick Officer Matthews in free. By the way, lovely roses weren't they."

"Breaking in a new partner wouldn't be all that bad," Fin thought as he contemplated various ways of shutting John up.

"Matthews? That's the young guy at the scene right?" Elliot just nodded knowing anything more would only make things worse. "Why the hell would you let him in? And Megan's grandparents?"

"First Megan wouldn't leave you side. She sat at your bedside and held your hand until her grandparents got there. We couldn't very well leave her alone in the room while one of us waited at the front door of the hospital asking everyone who approximately matched the description, 'Are you here to pick up your lost granddaughter?' now could we?"

Cragen's best fatherly voice interrupted the beginning of her tirade, "Second of all Olivia, you were unconscious, not asleep. A concussion among other things, remember? I think that was enough of an excuse for us not thinking about limiting who was visiting you. Now if you're through yelling at your fellow detectives, I'd like to see you in my office for a moment."

Olivia nodded and followed Cragen into his office. As soon as the door closed Stabler was over at Munch's desk. "You know you are the only one around here who thinks you're even remotely funny, don't you? You know who tense Liv has been all week, why are you trying to antagonize her?"

"Come on, I was just trying to lighten the mood around here."

"I don't care what you are trying to do; I'm moving my desk over by Olivia and Elliot's."

"Why?"

"Because karma, which by the way is going by the name of Olivia right now, is going to kick your ass."

"Or I am, back off John," Elliot growled before returning to his desk.

"So what's up Cap?" She nipped at her bottom lip unsure of why she had been summoned to his office.

"Olivia, I know you always emotionally in tune with the victims we deal with, that's what makes you so good at this, but I am a little concerned about your attachment to this little girl and her attachment to you."

"Capt…"

"This is not Captain Cragen talking to you right now, this is a concerned friend. You've been through a lot lately. There was the Eldridge case, little Maria, your partner and a fellow detective being shot, your partner's divorce and now this. "

"I understand what you're getting at, but I do have this in perspective. Megan was scared. She clung to me because she needed to feel safe. I was her safety. Now she's confused, she's not sure how she is supposed to feel so she went back to the last person that made her feel safe. Her grandparent will have all this settled very soon. I know this is the last time I'll see Megan." He could see in her eyes that she meant everything she said, but he also had seen the light in her eyes when she saw Megan.

"I'm sorry Olivia."

"It's all part of the job."

A sad silence hung on the air for several long moments before he finally spoke again, "All right, get out of my office and get your paperwork done."

"Don," her voice was soft and slightly strained, grabbing his full attention, "thank you."

Elliot watched his partner drop heavily into her chair.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a fatherly lecture about getting too close to a case."

"He has a point, Liv. These last few cases seem to have really gotten under your skin, Megan especially."

"I know!" She sighed wearily, "I know, El. I'm good with this. It's just another case, nothing more." She could feel her throat tightening, and rather than risk letting anyone in the bullpen know that she may be quite as okay with this as she said Olivia gathered an armload of files that she had been working with and headed off to the file room.

"So here's a good question," a familiar voice hissed in her head, "why is it hurting you so bad then?"

"Because I need this to be a happy ending."

"Why?" the voice persisted.

"Because there is so much darkness, there are too many people who have had their world completely shattered by this violence and depravity. Someone deserves a happy ending. Megan deserves a happy ending! She's worth a happy ending."

"So what then? You think if she's worth a happy ending since she's like you, you might be worth a happy ending?" the voice was her mother's, "I have news for you, it's way too late for your happy ending." Olivia's whole body was shaking, she felt as though she was on the verge of a full emotional collapse when her cell phone rang. She quickly tried to compose herself, "Benson."

"Hey Liv, are you fully back to work?" the voice on the other end of the phone was bright and cheery.

"Casey? Yeah, just got released today, why?" She noticed the hand that held her phone was still shaking.

"Well, I thought that we could go out and have a couple of drinks to celebrate your full recovery."

"I don't know Casey, I thought that I would just…"

"Hold it right there. You can't turn me down Liv. You hung out at the hospital for one whole day, when I was attacked, then came by every day to check on me until they let me go home. You called me all the time. I on the other hand, did not even see you at the hospital and I've only called you one other time, so please."

"Casey, I was only in the hospital overnight and you have been busy this week, I understand."

"Come on Olivia, don't make me beg. Please, please, please. Besides you sounded a little down when you answered the phone. Girl talk, it always makes me feel better. Please."

"All right, I'll go, and I am not down."

"Great, I'm going to be done shortly. I brought clothes to change into. I'll meet you at the precinct and then we can go to your place and change."

"My place? Can't you change here?"

"Yes, but you can't."

"You don't even know what I'm wearing."

"I have a pretty good idea. You're wearing one of your 'Olivia the cop' outfits."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's fine for your job when you need to keep some perp from slobbering all over you or so you can just be one of the guys. I thought we might go to a place that has dancing along with drinks. You know, meet guys other than your fellow detectives."

"One of the guys? I wasn't feeling down until a minute ago."

"Oh come on Olivia, you know what I mean. So what da ya say?" She could feel Casey's enthusiasm bursting through the phone.

"All right. Meet me here, I'll go home and change, we'll go out." Olivia was laughing by the time she hung up the phone.

"Hey Benson, you in there?" Munch's voice reminded her that she still had some work to finish before Casey got there.

"Yeah, what do you need John?"

"Cragen wants to see you."

"Again? What did I do now?"

"I don't know but some uniformed officer and a Captain from another precinct just arrived. Elliot's in there too."

"Detective Benson please come in." Cragen's voice sounded way too commanding for her comfort. Elliot was the first one she saw sitting at the far side of the Captain's desk. He was attempting to bore holes through a broad shouldered man with close-cropped hair sitting next to the door. The man had his arms folded defensively over his chest and was glaring at the floor. She knew she should know this guy.

"Detective Benson, I am Captain Lyle O'Brien of the 17th precinct." The man was a couple of inches shorter than her captain, about the same age, rounder in the middle and about the same amount of hair. "I believe that you already know Officer Frank McCabe."

She finally remembered, "You were the lead officer at the Gilbert's house."

McCabe nodded but said nothing.

"Officer," O'Brien barked, "I believe that you have something to say to the Detective."

Finally the man stood and faced Olivia, "I apologize for my actions at the scene. I shouldn't have interfered in a situation you clearly had under control. I am sorry that my actions resulted in your injury."

"Thank you, apology accepted." The two shared a terse handshake then separated.

"I also apologize to you Detective Stabler for anything I may have done."

Elliot nodded but did not move to shake his hand.

"McCabe, you're dismissed for now, we will see you later," O'Brien turned back to Olivia, "I also offer my apologies for the actions of the people under my command."

"Your apologies aren't necessary, Sir. Officer McCabe was just a little…"

"First of all, I'm not good with formalities. I've known Donnie here since shortly after the academy, so call me Lyle. Second I know Frank is just a little something when it comes to women. No need to try and make it nice."

"I would just like to say that the rest of your officers at the scene were very helpful," offered Elliot.

"My memories of the day are a little fuzzy but I do remember a young officer by the name of Dean Matthews was very helpful." The only reason she still remembered his name was because of the card in the flowers he brought to the hospital.

"Yes, he was a great help through the whole thing."

"Oh, Officer Matthews, yes, he speaks very highly of you also," Captain O'Brien smiled in Olivia's direction, "so, Donnie how much longer you guys got here? O'Malley's is waiting, Frank McCabe is buying the first round for your squad and you and I can sit there and watch these younger kids drink and remember why we don't anymore."

"Sounds like a night to remember. I think everything is just about wrapped up here Lyle. We'll meet you there." With that O'Brien took his leave.

"O'Malley's tonight, Cap?" Elliot grinned, "Done for the day? First round on McCabe?"

"Elliot you sound like a parrot, go tell the others," ordered Cragen.

Olivia was now very happy that Casey had called. "Um, Captain, I'm sorry, I've already made plans with Casey tonight."

"I'm sure she won't mind if you stop in for a few minutes. Good PR Liv, he didn't have to bring McCabe in for a personal apology."

"I know Cap. Ordinarily I know Casey wouldn't have a problem with it, but she's kinda counting on a little girl talk time. I think she may need to talk about something. I'll see what I can do." She hated lying to him but she couldn't imagine spending any more time with that arrogant jackass.

Don could see through her façade. She was just a little too happy about her other plans. After he sent back to her desk, he called Casey Novak himself, "Hey Counselor, sorry to hear that you won't be joining us tonight?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I thought that you and Olivia were going to meet tonight."

"Yeah, I'm taking her out for a couple of drinks. You know, celebrate that she is fully back to work."

"Oh really? Well then could I impose upon you to make a slight change in your plans tonight?" Cragen explained about O'Malley's and suggested to Casey that she need not mention the little change to Olivia.

About a half an hour later he left his office, "All right children let's get the hell out of here." He laughed to himself as he watched Olivia hustle Casey out of the building before he could talk to her.

"It's going to be an interesting evening," Elliot felt a heavy sense of foreboding.