All The Things I Never Told You

A/N This is just an idea I had. Hope you all like it! R/R

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Fastlane belongs to McG. The song is the property of Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. We know al this right?

Valentines day rolled around again. A lot had changed for Billie Chambers in the past ten years. She mused over her life as she took the small red box out from under the bed and sat it on her lap, removing the lid. She emptied the contents on the bed and began to look through them. The letter was the first thing she picked up. This was how Jarrod had chosen to let her know he was alive, over ten years ago. Billie was twenty two at the time and had seen him around. She'd lived in Seattle at the time and he was working at a local coffee house where she would go every morning on her way to the academy. She'd had aspirations to become a cop ever since she was a little girl. Her dad was a sheriff in the town in Montana where she'd grown up. She had idolized him and he was so happy when she announced that she wanted to join the force. She did her research online and decided that Seattle offered her the best opportunity to get her foot in the door. Her dad had been all for it and started to make preparations to move her out right away, but her mom was a bit more apprehensive. Billie was their only child, and it had taken them over ten years to have her, so they were very protective of her.

Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you. '
Cause you've flown away, so far away.

Billie remembered the day she got that letter. She went to the coffee shop and got her usual Mocha Java. While she waited for her order, she flirted with Jarrod a bit, as she usually did. He was a sweet guy. He was tall, almost six feet with sandy blond hair and large gray eyes with long eye lashes. He gave her the drink and she went to sit at the table by the window and write her mom an email on her laptop. As she finished the email, a short blond girl came up to her and sat an envelope with the word "Miss" scribbled on it, next to her and walked away. Billie looked at the letter and opened it. It read:

Hi,

My name is Jarrod. You know, the tall kid that flirts with you while you wait in the morning. I never have caught your name and calling you Miss is getting a bit old, so if you don't mind, what is your name? I've noticed that you wear a Seattle Police Academy shirt a lot. Are you joining the force? I've never done this before, so I'll just come out and say it. Would you like to go out sometime? Maybe we could go bowling, or to an art gallery, whatever you like to do. What do you like to do anyway? Are you dating anyone? Let me know. Give your reply to the blonde and she'll tell me.

Jarrod

PS Yes, I am shy.

"So he has a name. Jarrod, I like that." She said to herself as she took a piece of paper out of her notebook and wrote back to him.

Hi Jarrod,

My name is Billie. Yes, I'm joining the force. My dad is a Sheriff in Montana so I've always wanted to be a cop. I've never been to an art gallery before. I'd like to go sometime. Call me. 519-3564

Billie

PS I'm not shy.

She finished the letter and gave it to the blonde girl, as she hurried to the door to get to the academy on time. She had IQ testing to undergo that day, so she didn't want to be late.

Never, Had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feelin' and knowing you hear me.
It keeps me alive. Alive!

She folded up the letter and put it down. Next she found the booklet she'd gotten when they went on their first date, to the art gallery, two weeks later. They spent a lot of time there over the next four months. That was the place where he proposed to her a week before she took him home to meet her parents. "I want you to go home engaged." He told her later that night after they'd made love for the first time. Jarrod had been her first, and being engaged to him, made it all the more special.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

The next week, she brought Jarrod home to meet her parents. They pulled up on the quiet road about an hour before dinnertime. "Mom is going to love you." She told him, sensing his nervousness before they got out of the car. "What about your dad?" he asked nervously. "Well…" she said, trailing off as she got out of the car. "Figures." Jarrod thought with a sigh as he too got out of the car. Billie always answered like that when she really didn't want to answer the question. It didn't matter if it was because she didn't know the answer or if it was because she knew he wouldn't like the answer. "Hey Dad!" Billie greeted as she bounded up the steps to see the slightly overweight man with graying hair and a receding hairline. "Hi Princess!" Martin Chambers greeted his daughter enthusiastically as he hugged her. "Who's this?" Martin asked as he released his daughter and gave Jarrod a good once over. "Oh, daddy, this is Jarrod Fisher, my fiancée." Billie answered as she switched her attention to the old Bassett Hound on the porch at her father's feet. "Hey, Ginger. How ya been girl?" She said, pretending not to notice her dad sizing up her fiancée. "So, you're the one who's sleeping with my daughter." Martin said as he picked up his service revolver from behind him. "Daddy!" Billie quickly intervened when she heard this. "Oh boy. You aren't pregnant are you?" He asked looking down on his only child. "What in the world would make you think that!" Billie asked in shock as she stood up. "You called me daddy. You only do that when you want something or you're in trouble." He supplied, causing Jarrod to laugh. Billie glared at both men and turned to go inside. "I'm gonna go say hi to mom." She said as she disappeared into the house.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.

"Mom!" Billie called as the old storm door slammed shut behind her. "Billie?" Her mom replied as she came out of the kitchen wearing a yellow apron over her blue dress and wiping her hands on a dish towel. "I'm home." Billie said and hugged her mom. Gloria Chambers was a short, stocky woman. She stood just under five foot tall and had gray hair, which she kept up in a bun and blue eyes which her daughter had inherited. Billie was a polar opposite of her mother. Billie was five foot six inches tall, and thin with long brown hair which she usually wore down, except for at work, and didn't even own an apron. "I see. How are you? You look wonderful!" The older woman exclaimed as she held her only child at arms length and took in her appearance. Billie certainly had changed since last summer when they'd last seen each other. "I'm good. I'm really good." Billie said as she looked around the small living room. "I can tell. You seem so, so, happy!" her mother finally said. "I am happy. I'm in love. What can I say?" Billie told her with a smile.

Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.

Billie next picked up the announcement in the local paper of their engagement. How happy they had been in that photo. They had set a wedding date for February 21st, back in Montana. Her folks had helped with the preparations as she worked her way through the academy and Jarrod worked at the coffee shop. The plan was for her to graduate, then to get married and after that, Jarrod would start college once she'd gotten a decent job with the PD. It didn't work out that way.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

"I hate you!" She screamed at him. "I hate you too! You've made my life nothing but difficult this year!" Jarrod yelled back at her. "Get out! Just get the hell out!" Billie yelled as she collapsed on the futon in tears. "Fine!" he yelled back and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Jarrod stood on the other side of the door and listened to Billie cry. He hated that she was crying because of him. He wanted to go back inside, take her in his arms, kiss her and tell her it would all be okay. He would get a new job soon, so she didn't need to worry. Instead of going back, he decided to go look for another job and then tell her how sorry he was with flowers that night. It was Valentine's Day after all, so he should get her something, argument or not.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.

That night, Jarrod was walking down the street from his car to the building where they lived. He carried a bottle of wine, a dozen roses and a white teddy bear that said "Be Mine" on its chest. As he walked past a few trash cans just a few buildings down from where he and Billie lived, a man jumped out from behind them and stuck a .45 caliber pistol in his chest. "Money, give me your money!" The man hissed as he looked around to make sure he wasn't going to be ambushed by anyone. "O…o…okay. Here, take it. Just don't hurt me." Jarrod stammered as he yanked his wallet out of his pocket and thrust it at the man. The man snatched it and opened the small brown billfold to only find twenty dollars and a debit card. "That's it! This is all you have?" He said, getting irate. "I…I…I bought my girlfriend…" Jarrod started to explain, to calm this masked stranger down. "Shut up!" The man yelled. Just then, he heard police sirens in the distance. "Shit." He muttered as he went to make his exit. Just as he was running, he turned around and fired three shots in Jarrod's direction. Taking in a sharp gasp as one bullet ripped into his chest and another entered his abdomen, Jarrod collapsed on the pavement.

Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll
always look to a brighter day.

It was getting late, and Jarrod still hadn't come back home. Billie was worried. "What if he thinks I actually hate him and never want to see him again?" She thought as she busied herself around the apartment to keep from thinking too much about where he was at. A few minutes after eleven, and Billie was sitting at the counter nervously stirring her tea and chain smoking when there was a knock at the door. "Maybe he lost his key." She thought as she got up to answer the door. When she opened the door, she saw two uniformed officers on the other side. "Ms. Chambers?" The tall, bald one asked as he removed his hat. "Yes." Billie squeaked out. "Is it Jarrod?" She asked, hoping against hope that it wasn't. "May we come in?" The short stocky one asked. Billie stepped aside and motioned for them to enter as her heart sank. "Do you know Jarrod Fisher?" one of them asked her. "Yes, he's my fiancé. Is he okay?" Billie replied as her stomach dropped. The men were silent for a moment. "Please. What's wrong with Jarrod? Tell me what's happened to him!" Billie pleaded with the men. "I'm sorry, but Mr. Fisher was shot in a robbery this evening." The tall man, Officer Miller, told her gently. "Oh god. I he okay?" she asked, though she already knew the answer, by the looks on their faces. "I'm sorry but he was declared dead at the scene." The short Officer Hamilton told her. With those words, Billie's world stopped.

Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You'll always listen, as I pray!

Next Billie picked up a picture from the funeral. It was of his grave. The funeral was a beautiful thing. Billie had been a wreck and barely got through the eulogy his parents had asked her to give before she totally broke down. Oh how awful that was. The funeral was held on February 21st, their wedding day. The day that was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, turned out to be the saddest. Not long after the funeral, Billie graduated the police academy and soon got a job with the LAPD. She packed up, and moved down to L.A. hoping to leave the scars from the death of her first true love behind her. It had worked, sort of. She'd risen through the ranks then she met Van Ray. She'd tried not to like him. She really did. He grew on her though. Just like Jarrod did. It still killed her that she never got to tell him she was sorry.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

"Mommy!" Came the excited yell from the hallway. Before Billie could even turn around, a pair of arms flung themselves around her neck. "Hi sweetie!" she said with a laugh. Her son was her pride and joy. Jarrod had turned three years old two days earlier. She remembered his birthday party very well, the still had cake from it after all. "Jarrod Donovan Ray! Where did you go?" Came the voice of her son's father as he made his way down the hall. "I'm with mommy, daddy!" He called back as his dad walked into the bedroom. Billie looked up and saw her husband of 5 years standing in the doorway looking at his family. "Hey there. Happy Valentine's Day." Van said softly as he looked at his wife and the papers next to her. "Hi." Billie said with a smile. She had thought that when Jarrod died, so did her chance at true love. Van had been patient though, he showed her that all was not lost. Granted, he wasn't Jarrod, and never even pretended he could take his place, but Van did love her. It had just taken him awhile to admit it is all. "Walking down memory lane?" Van asked with a smile as he leaned down to kiss her. "Yeah, I was just looking at how much life has changed in a decade." She said as she put the papers in the box for another year. "Good change or bad change?" Van asked, knowing the answer from his perspective. "Good change. I'm hungry." Billie said as she got up and put the box under the bed again for another year. "Let's go have some lunch then." Van said as he patted the swell of her five months pregnant belly.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

He took Billie's hand and led her out of the room, their son running in front of them. When they got to the doorway, Billie looked a back and turned off the light. "I'm sorry I yelled Jarrod. I love you." She whispered as she followed her family downstairs.

Sorry, I Never told you, all I wanted to say

Fin!