Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, for fuck's sake! And if I did, him and Draco would be shagging already!
"And just like that, we're gone!" Ron exclaimed as he fell to the floor. The odd thing was, the floor was warm and felt soft. It molded into his body's shape when he laid in it. He felt comforted by the feeling.
"I smell water!" Harry screamed as he walked over to Ron.
"So do I, Harry!" Ron jumped up from his laying position and looked at Harry in an odd fashion. "But it doesn't smell like regular water, Harry! It smells like ocean water!"
"But that smells like regular water!"
"No it doesn't 'cause it has salt in it!"
"But it still smells like regular water!"
"Who cares! It smells different to me!" Ron looked to his left and to his right and said, "Harry!"
"Yeah, I'm still here. How did you know!" Harry gave Ron an odd look.
"Why is there water here?"
"Maybe it's poisonous water Voldie sent us for a going away gift!" Harry exclaimed and clapped his hands together like an excited six-year-old who's going to get ice cream. "Isn't that sweet of him? That Voldie, always so thoughtful of others."
"I wish that he were here… with my sandwich..." Ron randomly shouted and started to run towards the pool of water with celerity. Ron jumped into the water and started to splash around and sing the theme song of "My Little Pony." Harry just stood there in the same spot looking exactly how he did when Ron was talking to him.
"Whoa! Who the fuck are you!" Harry squealed and poked the person in front of him who had snuck up in front of him. The boy in front of him had dark, black hair, blue eyes, and was about the same height as Harry.
"I don't know! Who the fuck are you!" He squealed just like Harry.
"Why, I'm Harry Potter, of course, and damn proud of it!" Harry puffed out his chest which made him look like a penguin.
"Is this a joke? If it is, then this is so lame…" The boy put his skinny arms on his hips and glared at Harry.
"Are you joking! I am most definitely Harry Potter! You mean you've never ever heard of me!" Harry backed away and threw his arms up in the air. "I mean, muggles have the movies, and wizards have the books of my – gorgeous – self in it, so how could they not know me?" Harry wondered out loud.
"Did you just say gorgeous? Surely if you're gorgeous, and you're really Harry Potter, than I am too!" the boy said arrogantly.
"No way, you are so not gorgeous! Are you kidding me! And, anyway, why would you all of a sudden be gorgeous 'cause I am the real Harry Potter!"
"Helloooo! I am so, obviously, the–gorgeous–Dunkin Rabbits, the 'muggle' who plays you in the Harry Potter movies!" Dunkin put his hands up and did imaginary quotes with his fingers when saying "muggle."
"Ugh, that movie is SO dumb! Those things didn't really happen!"
"Who cares!"
"I'm still more gorgeous!" Harry crossed his arms and glared at Dunkin.
"You are most definitely not! Have you seen my beautiful, flawless skin that I get from putting lotion and make-up on everyday! Helloooo, it's perfect! And look at yours, you have a pimple!"
"It's not that bad!" Harry tried to cover his forehead with the palm of his hand secretly. It didn't really work. "Yeah? Well, my eyes are GREEN! BRIGHT GREEN! Like GREEN apples! Ha, APPLES! Everyone loves GREEN APPLES!"
"More people like sweet foods and my eyes are BLUE like BLUEberries! Which are SWEETER than GREEN APPLES! Which are sour! Just like you! Sooo, I am more gorgeous than you will ever be! I have the BLUEberry eyes!" Dunkin crossed his arms across his chest and sent a death glare over to Harry. Death glare destination: flight from Dunkin to Harry. Cost: one insult. Cost of insult: Priceless. Everything is priceless with MasterCard. Go to your nearest bank to register for a Master – NOOOO! TELEVISION BRAINWASHING!
"Green is prettier! It looks tropic and exotic! And that's just like me!"
"You're a stripper? I could've guessed that…" Dunkin cocked an eyebrow at him.
"I am not a stripper! You are!" Harry pointed a finger at Dunkin accusingly. Even though Harry did strip for Draco once when he needed to raise his grade in potions…
"Haha, nice try, Harry." Draco popped up in front of them quickly and then left.
"So you have stripped before, Harry––––" Dunkin started but was cut off.
"Daaaaanny! Where the hell are you! You fuckin' idiot, you always get lost in the fucking short grass! You fuckin' idiot. Who the fuck are you, you fucker!" A guy with blonde hair and blue eyes said with a lot of profanity.
"I'm fucking Harry Potter, fucker!" Harry said proudly.
"Yeah, like he's fucked before…" the boy with blonde hair said.
"I so have! Go ask Ron!" After Harry said that he shut his mouth with his hand quickly.
Ron popped out of the water, raised his hand in the air and shouted "AFFIIIIIRMATIVE!" and he dove back into the water.
"Haha, stupid fuck. God, you guys are so fucking lame. What's your fucking names!" the blonde one asked. Oooh, sounds like Star Wars. "The blonde one asked." Nah, not anymore.
"I'm Harry Potter, and that was Ron Weasley." Harry's face was flushed from embarrassment.
"Haha, is this a friggin' joke! Now, where's Dragon! HAHA, you guys are so flippin' lame!" The blonde one burst into laughter.
"What's his problem! Now, don't make me snap my fingers in a Z-formation!" Harry asked Dunkin while he snapped his fingers in a Z-formation. Maybe it was necessary for him to do that.
"You are fuckin' stupid! He's Turdis Fucking ! 'Muggle' actor for Dentyne Mouthfoam! Or however you friggin' say his name!" Dunkin said while laughing from Harry's stupidity.
"Hey! He's my playmate! His name is Draco Malfoy, Dunkin." Ron popped out of the water as Dunkin said this.
"BLEEEEP! I AM SENSING A BOMB, CAAAPTAIN!" Ron shouted. And then he dove back into the water, as usual.
"Hey, wait for me, Ron!" Dunkin shouted. Who knows why he wanted to jump into the water with Ron. Turdis figured that they were all gay. Or just completely feminine.
"What is up, homee?" Harry tried to act cool in front of Turdis so he raised his hand and waved the peace sign at him.
"Ummm… bye." Turdis walked away and jumped into the pool of water with Dunkin and Ron playing G. I. Joe in it.
"Oy, Harry! The water is warm! I bet Voldie micro-waved it for us too! Come on in, it's warm!" Ron shouted from the ocean. "GI Joe, Joe, GI JOOOOOE!" Ron squealed while he made noises with his tongue that were supposed to sound like a machine gun.
"Eh, sure, Ron!" Harry slipped off his shirt and trousers, and he left his boxers on, most unfortunately for us. He ran into the water and was suddenly sucked into the water by the water drift. "BLUURG HOOGEY GRAWR!" Harry squealed as he was sucked further into the water. No one really noticed what was happening to the poor innocent Harry. Also known as the-boy-who-lived-but-just-won't-die-after-being-attacked-so-many-times. While this was going on, Ron and Dunkin continued to play G.I. Joe while Turdis splashed around in the water repeating all profanities he could list off the top of his head, including "fuck," "mother fucker," "bitch," "bastard," and many more that we do not need to list.
Harry popped his head out of the water and choked for air while screaming, "I AM A-OKAY!" He gave a thumbs-up to no one in particular and decided to go back on shore, just in case. He wondered through the large swarm of trees and past the trees was a beautiful area of dirt. Harry thought the dirt was so beautiful; he fell to the floor and started to snuggle into the dirt leaving an impression of his body. He was still dripping wet from the ocean, so the dirt stuck to him like he was taking a bath in it. "Mmmm… I love you, dirt. You're the most beautiful dirt that I have ever come across in my seventeen years of life…" Harry mumbled to the ground. This was really pointless. Although, he didn't really care. He was stupid to fall in love with the dirt, for it was quite the player. Horses, unicorns, and chipmunks would make love to the dirt almost daily! Poor Harry didn't know what he was getting himself into at that point…
"Well, if my hair is too frizzy one day, I usually get some lizard saliva and spread it in my hair to make it flatten…" a female voice droned from quite a distance, and Harry actually heard her this time for this same person had been in hearing range for about ten days.
"Looleedada!" he heard a familiar voice say in response to the first voice. He decided to check it out, so he got up from his laying position and headed towards the two female voices.
"ADD much?" the first female voice said in reply to the reply of her own statement. The female who had replied to the reply of her own statement started to twist her hair around her finger while she popped her bubble gum loudly. She was the epitome of a ditz.
"Wait, does ADD stand for Apples Dance Depressingly? Because that's my favorite dance in the world!" the familiar female voice replied to the reply of her reply of the other female's statement. Hopefully I didn't confuse you with that. Why would I even want to do that? Anywho, the girl started to dance like she was bobbing her head up and down and started to crawl on the floor while rolling around in a depressing manner. It was depressing because she was getting horse dung all over her bright, bleached teeth. The dance wasn't depressing, just the results of the dance.
Once Harry came into view, he realized the one dancing was actually Hermione, but he didn't recognize the other female specimen. "Hey, Hermione, who's that?"
"Apples dance in their apple pants depreeeeessingly and infeeeeestingly…" Hermione just kept singing the tune to Apples Dance Depressingly (ADD).
"Whoa, who are you?" the girl who was inspecting her perfectly French manicured nails said to Harry's intrusion of their small secluded area of dirt. To Harry, the dirt wasn't as beautiful as the dirt back where he had started.
"I'm Harry Potter, of course," Harry replied to the girl's question proudly like when he met Dunkin earlier that… hour.
"Really." She said it as more of a disbelieving statement rather than a question.
"Really, I've got the scar and perfect complexion to prove it! I've even got the exotic green eyes!" Harry squealed proudly, not feeling ashamed of his identity.
"Well then, I'm Emission Wanker. I'm pretty sure you know me, because like, everyone does. Well, everyone should if they don't know who I am yet. Which they already should." Emission seemed sort of conceited and arrogant, but to Harry she was a number 9 on the male scale. "You've heard of me before, right?" Emission looked up from her nails for the first time to really acknowledge the presence of Harry.
"Of course I have! You play Hermione, my best idiotic friend, in the muggle movies of my life! Wow, you're really puuuuurty…" Harry started to salivate on the dirt, which was surely not as beautiful as the dirt earlier.
"I already know that, peshaw." Emission waved her hand in a circular motion while starting to look at her nails again.
"Well, uhh… nice to meet you, Emission," Harry stuttered. Gosh, many of the guys didn't think she was that hot, only him. Maybe he was just dumb and had screwed up eyes because of his glasses.
"Ugh, I hate my name, like, sooo much. Just call me Emichka. Oh my god, Emission sounds like some old guy's middle name, or like, a skunk or badger emission, or like, something like that…" Emission continued to examine her names, Hermione kept dancing to and singing to the song Apples Dance Depressingly, and Harry decided to go back to the beach to see what was going on with them. When he got back to the shore, he saw none other than Fred and George standing there.
"Hey Fred or George or whoever you are!" Harry exclaimed as he ran up to them to see what was going on.
"Well, we just came to say that you guys are all on a game show! It's for the wizarding world only, luckily," one of the twins stated. "Carry on, George."
"And the point of the game is to be able to last on this island until you can find the-husband-of-the-person-who-sings-horrible-songs-such-as-Oops-I-Did-It-Again-who-no-one-can-ever-remember-the-name-of's boxers," George, we figure, told them what they had to do.
"Then whoever gets his boxers first is sent to the Malfoy Manor for a month to see if they can put up with Narcissa, Draco and Lucius for that short amount of time along with many other obstacles. But that's for the next season of this show."
Back to George. "This season is called 'Where Are My Boxers!' because of the objective to find Britney Spears' husband's boxers. Is this all understood? Okay, we'll be leaving now." Then they apparated without any last words.
"Wait, how many of us is on this island right now?" Dunkin asked no one in particular.
"How the fuck do you think we're supposed to freaking know!" Tommy exclaimed sarcastically. "It's not like we flipping searched the island already in two hours!"
"Oh yeah, Ron? Remember your peanut butter sandwich?" Harry questioned Ron quite randomly.
"Yes, I remember my peanut butter sandwich like I had it yesterday…"
"You did have it yesterday. Well, if you wanted it back, you could just look for the loo on this island and take a peek inside the toilet bowl in about five hours."
"This is going to be such a long, stupid, annoying, retarded, silly, and idiotic game show!" Dunkin sighed and rested his head in his hands. He was right. He was sexually-retarded.
A/N: Well… was that alright for the first two chapters? I think that I'm going to try my first attempt at HarryDraco in later chapters… Watch me successfully fail. Reviews are extremely appreciated, dahhlings:)