"Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" - Leann Rimes

Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to see

I know, a preacher's kid, right? I can almost hear you laughing - it'll never work. But everybody says he's crazy, so I guess we'll be a perfect match, huh? I told you once that I wouldn't know what to do with a nice, normal guy; you were trying to push me away. You thought it was for my own good, that I'd be better off with someone nice and normal, someone who'd share his feelings and let me into his life. And I said that it would end up like when I was with Tony and I'd be lying to him all the time, trying to be someone I'm not. Do you remember that?

Well this guy's not like that. He's - actually he reminds me a little bit of you, and of me, I guess. He's been in trouble a lot, had a lot of problems, but now he's trying to turn his life around. He won't expect me to be perfect - hell, he knows a little about me so he won't even expect me to be rational. I think this could really work, Sonny.

I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves

I moved out of the house; I guess you know that, huh? I decided that leaving Port Charles was best for all of us. I didn't go far; I couldn't, you know? I couldn't leave Mama or Mike, the kids need their grandparents. And Kristina, you should be proud of me Sonny. I've made sure that Michael and Morgan will know their sister. Not that Alexis would ever let them visit here, of course. But we meet up twice a month for 'outings.' Outings, can you believe it? That's Alexis's word. You know Alexis; she has to regiment every moment of that little girl's life. So we meet up at museums or art galleries or whatever. I bring Michael and Morgan and she brings Kristina and Molly. It's all very . . . civilized.

I still see a lot of Jason and Courtney, too. I need someone to keep me out of trouble, don't I? Jason's still keeping an eye on me, don't worry. But I thought a fresh start would be best for the kids, and for me. That I should go somewhere where no one knew my history, where I wouldn't have to constantly live down all of the things that I did wrong. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes over the years, Sonny, but I didn't want that to hurt our kids.

And this is a good place - you'd hate it, though. Suburban hell, right? But it's a nice, quiet neighborhood, with nice, friendly neighbors. Ok, so some days it really gets to me. There are days where I just want to scream the place down. I miss the city, the crowds and the clubs and just, would you believe that I miss the traffic? But I do.

It doesn't matter though, because the boys are happy here. Michael's playing soccer. And Morgan's in tee-ball. They have friends, and I can let Michael go out and ride his bike around the neighborhood without worrying about him. There are no bodyguards here, Sonny. No men with guns to guard our kids. We don't need them. But I'd trade all of it. I'd happily take back the guards and the guns if it meant that I could have you back too.


I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days

I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on

The kids are at Mama's now. I always leave them with her when I come visit you; I guess I just like to think that you and I are getting a little time to ourselves. Bobbie - Mama, she really doesn't approve of my coming here. I guess she thinks it's morbid, maybe it is. I know she thinks that I need to move on, to let you go, and that talking to you all the time holds me back, but I still need this. I still need you, Sonny.

Sometimes, God, sometimes it's like I can feel you with me. You're so close I can almost touch you, and then I turn around and you're not there. And my heart breaks all over again. Sometimes I wish I'd never even met you, because nothing, nothing in my entire life, has ever hurt me this badly. We never even got to say goodbye, you know?


You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone

I wish you could see these people, or, I don't know, maybe you can? Everyone who sees me here is always so sympathetic. Oh, poor Carly, the poor dear really isn't dealing well, is she? Bunch of hypocrites - they never liked either one of us. And I certainly don't need their damned sympathy now.

They probably go home and talk about how I brought this on myself getting involved with someone like you. They never got it, never understood how we could love each other. Neither one of us really deserved this, did we?


Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day

I see it in their eyes, everybody's, even Mama's, sometimes even Jason's. They worry that I'll lose it again, that I'll fall apart. I guess that's not an unreasonable concern - I've never been what anyone would call stable. And that was before the love of my life was killed while I was in a mental hospital. So yeah, I guess that fear will always be there, but really, I'm ok now. So, you don't need to worry about me.

I learned a lot at Rose Lawn, Sonny. I've never really thanked you for taking me there, have I? Looking back now it's like that was your last gift to me. You couldn't have known what was going to happen but it was really for the best. They taught me how to live without you. And, yeah, maybe it will be like going through life with only half my soul, but I can do that now. I focus on me and on our kids and I just - I just live.


I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

And yeah, there are still times when I want to hate you. When I wake up at night and I'm alone, and I'm so lonely that I can barely breathe, yeah I try to hate you then. During those times I think that my life would be so much better if I'd never met you, never loved you.

But then I remember how wonderful it was to love you and be loved by you. We had good times, Sonny. Alright, our good times were few and far between, but when we were good - God, when we were good we were the very best. And I wouldn't trade the memories of those good times for anything in the world - not even for the chance to take this pain away.


Probably wouldn't be this way

Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
Guess I'll have to see

So, I guess what I'm trying to say, Sonny, is that I love you, and I always will. But I promise; I won't let that stop me from living.

I'll go out with this guy and see what happens. Maybe I'll even find love again someday. But it won't be the love that I had with you and I know that. So you and I will see each other again someday.

I have to go now, Sonny. The boys are waiting for me. I may not be back here for awhile, but that's ok. Because I know that you'll be with me wherever I am.

Carly Corinthos walked over and knelt beside her ex-husband's grave. She rested her hand for a moment on the cold stone and then she laid a simple white rose on the ground and walked away.