A/N: Starts at the end of S7-"Selfless" when Anya leaves the fraternity house.
Chapter One: The Fall
Xander tried to catch up with Anya outside the fraternity house, but only caught tail lights as she pulled away from the curb. He knew she was grieving over Halfrek. In a way he felt guilty; she only became a demon again after he had left her. Losing her powers again probably wasn't helping to make the situation any better. She was no longer part of D'Hoffryn's "family" and she had no one to turn to, or to talk to. She had been crying more than he had ever seen her cry. He wondered how she was even still standing let alone running out of the house as fast as she did. She had been expecting to die, she had asked for it, but D'Hoffryn had taken away her best friend instead. What would she be thinking ? What if she was going to hurt herself? He rushed to his car to try and follow her. He couldn't leave her alone right now without knowing she'd be all right.
Anya wasn't sure where she was going; she just had to get far away from that house as fast as possible. Away from Xander; away from Buffy, and away from the guilt of being responsible for Halfrek's death. Her only friend was gone, and she had once again been sentenced to a mortal life. She was ashamed of herself. She couldn't do vengeance anymore. It had been so easy before, but now it just made her sick- and that realization made her angry. Being with Xander had brainwashed her. He was always telling her what was wrong or inappropriate for her to say or do, and somewhere along the way, she started to believe him.
"I believed him!" She yelled. She jerked the wheel and pulled off the deserted road to stop in a nearby clearing. "Who is he to tell me that I'm wrong?! Maybe he's wrong, did he ever think of that? Hallie would still be alive if I hadn't been clinging to his every word all this time. I'm so stupid!" She started sobbing with grief and fury. She stumbled out of the car, not being able to stand the confinment of the small space. Looking around, she saw she was at a cliff overlooking the ocean. She sunk to the ground against the car and tried to will herself to stop crying.
She was just starting to calm down some when Xander pulled up beside her and got out of his car. She turned to him angrily. "Xander, just go away!" she yelled before standing and walking away towards the cliff's edge.
"Anya, wait." He started following her. "Whatever's between us-it doesn't matter. You shouldn't be alone in this."
Anya kept her back to him. She would not let him get to her again, to tell her what she should do. "You are the last person I want to be with right now. My whole life, I've just clung to whatever came along..."
"Well, speaking as a clingee- I kinda didn't mind." He walked around to stand in front of her, his lips in a half smile and apologelic look in his eyes.
"Don't do that! Stop making these little jokes like we're friends just having polite conversation. We're not!"
Xander nods "Okay so we're not, but maybe we can be. If you just-"
"No! I trusted you; and you made me believe that I could be happy with you. Before you, everything was clear: Vengeance is my job, my life, it's what I am."
"Vengeance is not what you are, Anya."
"No, it's not. Because of you and Buffy and the rest of your little do-gooder group. And now I'm back to being just another weak, fragile mortal. I'm nothing; I'm nobody. I should've left those frat boys to rot!"
Xander steps toward Anya "You don't mean that. You're not a demon anymore, and you're just upset over Hallie." He reaches a hand out towards her. She jerks away before he can touch her. He was trying to pull her back in, and she wasn't about to let that happen. She would not be weak. He was the reason for her suffering. He was the one who made her have doubts about her job, about what she was. He did this to her. She couldn't let him get away with that.
"And it's your fault! It's all you; Hallie's dead because of you. You poisoned my mind with all this humanity, and good will toward men. I eviscerate men!"
"Anya-"
Anya screams "Vengeance!" She rushes at Xander knocking him to the ground at the edge of the cliff. "I hate you!"
Xander pushes Anya off of him, she loses her balance and starts to fall back of the cliff. She takes hold of Xander's sleeve, making them both tumble down into the water below. The force of hitting the water knocks them out and they start to float out into the ocean.
Unconcious, they drift in the water. The sea turns to a stream and through their dreams, they faintly hear a voice speaking in ryhme. "Absorb thyself in this great sea of the waters of life. Dive deep in it until thou hast lost thyself. And having lost thyself, then thou shalt find thyself again. Even as it is written, 'She had her dwelling in the great sea and was a fish therein.'"
A/N: Okay, okay, you caught me. This is my first atempt at fanfiction. Sooo; it'd be nice to have some input as to whether I should continue or go board myself up in the basement in shame (never to touch a computer again) and await my death.
Chapter One: The Fall
Xander tried to catch up with Anya outside the fraternity house, but only caught tail lights as she pulled away from the curb. He knew she was grieving over Halfrek. In a way he felt guilty; she only became a demon again after he had left her. Losing her powers again probably wasn't helping to make the situation any better. She was no longer part of D'Hoffryn's "family" and she had no one to turn to, or to talk to. She had been crying more than he had ever seen her cry. He wondered how she was even still standing let alone running out of the house as fast as she did. She had been expecting to die, she had asked for it, but D'Hoffryn had taken away her best friend instead. What would she be thinking ? What if she was going to hurt herself? He rushed to his car to try and follow her. He couldn't leave her alone right now without knowing she'd be all right.
Anya wasn't sure where she was going; she just had to get far away from that house as fast as possible. Away from Xander; away from Buffy, and away from the guilt of being responsible for Halfrek's death. Her only friend was gone, and she had once again been sentenced to a mortal life. She was ashamed of herself. She couldn't do vengeance anymore. It had been so easy before, but now it just made her sick- and that realization made her angry. Being with Xander had brainwashed her. He was always telling her what was wrong or inappropriate for her to say or do, and somewhere along the way, she started to believe him.
"I believed him!" She yelled. She jerked the wheel and pulled off the deserted road to stop in a nearby clearing. "Who is he to tell me that I'm wrong?! Maybe he's wrong, did he ever think of that? Hallie would still be alive if I hadn't been clinging to his every word all this time. I'm so stupid!" She started sobbing with grief and fury. She stumbled out of the car, not being able to stand the confinment of the small space. Looking around, she saw she was at a cliff overlooking the ocean. She sunk to the ground against the car and tried to will herself to stop crying.
She was just starting to calm down some when Xander pulled up beside her and got out of his car. She turned to him angrily. "Xander, just go away!" she yelled before standing and walking away towards the cliff's edge.
"Anya, wait." He started following her. "Whatever's between us-it doesn't matter. You shouldn't be alone in this."
Anya kept her back to him. She would not let him get to her again, to tell her what she should do. "You are the last person I want to be with right now. My whole life, I've just clung to whatever came along..."
"Well, speaking as a clingee- I kinda didn't mind." He walked around to stand in front of her, his lips in a half smile and apologelic look in his eyes.
"Don't do that! Stop making these little jokes like we're friends just having polite conversation. We're not!"
Xander nods "Okay so we're not, but maybe we can be. If you just-"
"No! I trusted you; and you made me believe that I could be happy with you. Before you, everything was clear: Vengeance is my job, my life, it's what I am."
"Vengeance is not what you are, Anya."
"No, it's not. Because of you and Buffy and the rest of your little do-gooder group. And now I'm back to being just another weak, fragile mortal. I'm nothing; I'm nobody. I should've left those frat boys to rot!"
Xander steps toward Anya "You don't mean that. You're not a demon anymore, and you're just upset over Hallie." He reaches a hand out towards her. She jerks away before he can touch her. He was trying to pull her back in, and she wasn't about to let that happen. She would not be weak. He was the reason for her suffering. He was the one who made her have doubts about her job, about what she was. He did this to her. She couldn't let him get away with that.
"And it's your fault! It's all you; Hallie's dead because of you. You poisoned my mind with all this humanity, and good will toward men. I eviscerate men!"
"Anya-"
Anya screams "Vengeance!" She rushes at Xander knocking him to the ground at the edge of the cliff. "I hate you!"
Xander pushes Anya off of him, she loses her balance and starts to fall back of the cliff. She takes hold of Xander's sleeve, making them both tumble down into the water below. The force of hitting the water knocks them out and they start to float out into the ocean.
Unconcious, they drift in the water. The sea turns to a stream and through their dreams, they faintly hear a voice speaking in ryhme. "Absorb thyself in this great sea of the waters of life. Dive deep in it until thou hast lost thyself. And having lost thyself, then thou shalt find thyself again. Even as it is written, 'She had her dwelling in the great sea and was a fish therein.'"
A/N: Okay, okay, you caught me. This is my first atempt at fanfiction. Sooo; it'd be nice to have some input as to whether I should continue or go board myself up in the basement in shame (never to touch a computer again) and await my death.