Define 'fun'

By Greenfly

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is copyrighted (in this case – anything Harry Potter related), so please don't sue. This applies to all of my fics. Thank you.

Author's Note:

I have taken a lot of privileges with this fic – all in the name of 'artistic license', of course. I've listed them here so if you don't like, you don't have to read.

a) This is very much an AU OoP. Sirius is dead (gasp) but Dumbly-dore isn't – my reason? I enjoy writing him.

b) Harry knows about the Horcruxes and Prophecy etc (explained in this chapter).

c) Harry's been very busy over the summer and no one came with him. Hermione, Ron and co. are in their seventh year at Hogwarts (mainly to save me from having to introduce an entire cast of OC's and confusing everyone).

d) Snape is teaching Potions still, and Professor Geuse is teaching Defense. Why? Slughorn annoys me and I thought I should be allowed some fun with an OC...

Now that that's over with, ENJOY!

Chapter One. "Only the dead have seen the end of war." – Plato

It was the end of summer and Harry was through. Tired. Fed up. Near the finish line. Whatever you want to call it, he was done. So Harry called for an end to it. All the Horcruxes but one were destroyed and he knew where the last one was. All he had left to take care of was old Voldemort himself, and then he could rest. So that's where he was now. Alone with the 'master' in a one-on-one duel to… the end. Finally.

"You've been destroying my Horcruxes boy." Harry grinned in reply, wand at the ready. "But you know the funniest thing?" Voldemort bared his teeth in a semblance of a smile, his pointed teeth flashing eerily in the half-light.

"Go on." Harry encouraged, mildly interested.

"Well, you're the only one in the whole wide wizarding world who can defeat me." Voldemort threw out his arms and laughed. "But you can't, because you, boy, are the last Horcrux." Harry's smile slipped slightly but he recovered quickly.

"So you know the Prophecy. Took you long enough..." But Voldemort would not be provoked; he was too busy cackling maniacally.

"You can't defeat me boy! Don't you see? For to do so you'd have to kill yourself!" More laughter; this time met and rivalled by Harry's own. Voldemort's cackling died – he'd expected the boy to be miserable. This was no fun! Loathe as he was to admit it, he was confused. Soon Harry's laughter was the only noise to be heard in the empty room and when it abruptly stopped the silence became deafening.

A look Voldemort recognised crossed Harry's face. That was what he wanted to see! Sorrow! The boy had realised that Voldemort was immortal after all. Clever lad. But the look was only there for a second before a mask of resolution settled onto the boy's face and Harry raised his wand. What was he doing? Now the boy knew the truth was he trying to join Lord Voldemort? Ha! Not on Voldemort's immortal life.

"Avada Kedavra."

Tom Marvolo Riddle fell like a stone, confusion etched upon his handsome 70 year old face.

Patting the side pocket of his worn robe and looking mildly relieved, Harry breathed deeply before turning his wand upon himself. Holly, eleven inches, phoenix feather, cast its last spell.

Their bodies were found days later. A diary was found in Harry's pocket, describing everything that he had discovered, the Horcruxes, the Prophecy and the fact thatVoldemortknew its content, what Harry had come there to do and, if he was found, what he had succeeded in doing.

A small, nondescript headstone was erected near a place called Godric's Hollow soon after, close by the graves of two marauders and a Lily Potter. It was approved by those who knew him best, but visitors in years to come would find it surprising and almost humorous.

"Harry Potter. Peace at last."

A/N

This WILL be a humour fic – have no fear! But these first two chapters needed to be done. The pace and humour should begin to pick up towards the end of chapter two, and be set to go in chapter three. Just bear with me, ok? Grin.

Voldy's original age in this chapter was 50, my reasoning being that he was approx. 10 yrs older than the Marauders. Thankfully, Jessa L'Rynn has come up with his proper age and I have changed it to 70. If he seems a bit old to you, belowis her reasoning, which I happen to agree with. Thanks Jessa!

"Well, Tom was at Hogwarts 50 years before CoS, and he was in fifth year, then, which would make him 16 then. So he should've been 66 (except he spent some time dead) and if Harry gets him during summer after 6th year, he'll be 70. Nice round number."