Liberty, Equality. Fraternity -by Cunien

Disclaimer - I'm too overcome to say anything more than this isn't mine, though I own all original characters, ships, objects and Viggo Mortensen's autograph.

Chapter 2- Witchfinder General

So there I am, being carried along by the congregation, manhandling me in all sorts of places. Not that I'm usually one to complain about being manhandled. Being womanhandled is even better, but beggars can't be choosers.

Cept this wasn't handling in a nice way, this was the sort of easy on the goods please!' sort of handling. It was a bumpy ride too, with some of the crowd nearly falling over in the excitement of it all.

Anyway, they carried me down the little hill, towards the river, and from my vantage point above their heads I could see the damned donkey trotting along behind. I shook my fist and swore at him, but he just brayed his laughter.

It's a sorry, sorry state when a man get's laughed at by a donkey.

But before I could say Bob's your uncle' let alone Fanny's your aunt', I'm tumbling through the air! I landed with more a than a little painful thud in the river.

I use the term river' loosely.
This was more of a brook'.
Maybe a streamlet'.
More probably a bloody trickle.

How they expected me to float or sink in this half a foot of water I don't know. I sat there spluttering for a moment, my trousers getting very wet. The congregation looked at me expectantly.

Oh all right! I huffed, taking off my hat and throwing it onto the bank before plunging head first into the water and making a show of drowning.

I coughed, splashing around, taking massive gasps and spraying the water everywhere. I've always been one for amateur dramatics me. I should have been an actor.

said one of the crowd, 'Ee's definitely not floating....
Oh definitely not! I said, stopping squirming around in the water for a moment to catch my breath.
said the sallow faced woman dubiously.
Are you sure you're not pretending to drown? asked one cautiously, to the murmured agreement of one or two others.

says I, taking a breath and ducking my head back in the water.

When I came back up for air, spitting water everywhere and trying to get as much of it on the congregation as I could, the priest was trying to shepherd his flock away.

he said, obviously relieved.
But the crowd didn't look at all satisfied.
I don't know... said one man dubiously, rubbing his chin.

Maybe I can be of help. came a voice from behind the mob. It was the kind of authoritative voice that people can't resist obeying. It was a familiar voice.

The crowd parted to let a figure through. I wiped the mud and weed out of my eyes and sat up.

Ello Gabriel! I coughed with forced cheeriness.

Gabriel Jones. Like many of my acquaintances, Gabriel isn't the kind of man you get on the wrong side of. And if you do, you get out of there sharpish and pray to the Powers That Be that your paths will never cross again.

Cept of course, like many of my acquaintances, I did get on the wrong side of Gabriel Jones. And the Powers must not have been paying attention because here we were, face to face once again.

I picked a frog out of my hair and hoped to God that Gabriel didn't remember that last year the Pearl had sunk a convoy of his ships on the way out of his plantations in Cuba.

But, realistically? It's not the kind of thing you forget quickly.

Well it had been an accident! Some of those ships were carrying rum! Don't you think it broke my little heart to see it spilling out into the ocean like that when we breached her hull?? Of course, that was just one ship, and when I realised their precious loads were sugarloaves and rum, I made sure we took the ships intact.
And relieved them of their cargoes.

It was only afterwards, staring through a drunken haze at the G.J' branded onto the side of the rum crates, that it dawned on me that we'd just nicked 4 ships worth of rum and sugar from one of the most ruthless, well connected merchants come buccaneers in the Spanish Main.

Probably not the wisest thing I've ever done.
But then there was rum.
And who's every said Jack Sparrow's a wise man?

Ooo're you? asked one of the crowd
Gabriel Jones. he said, A humble Jamaican trader and merchant, though late of England.
The mob looked unimpressed.

What makes you think you can be of help then eh? asked a voice from the back of the congregation. Why's you so special?

said Gabriel, smiling at me in a way that said he had an excellent memory, My father was Matthew Jones - he paused for dramatic effect -Witchfinder General.

Gabriel got the response he wanted - the crowd oohed and aahhed, gasping in awe. The whole lot of them had suddenly gone medieval. If Gabriel's father was a Witchfinder General, which I very much doubted, they seemed to think his special powers would have been passed to his son, and Gabriel could have the final say-so on my fate.

Well ain't this a tight-spot?, I hear you say. Indeed it is. Unlucky, you might say, that Gabriel would come along at exactly that moment, and be able to take advantage of my unhappy circumstances.

But the thing is, I've had one up on fate more than a few times. I've had some incredibly good luck in my time. Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, but that's life eh?

Still doesn't stop it being bloody unfair though!

The mob looked expectantly at Gabriel. He narrowed his eyes and looked at me. He paced around a bit - I sat there dripping as he surveyed me from every angle, making a good show of things.

he said, before nodding authoritatively.
he concurred.

The villagers waded into the stream and hauled me out none too gently.

Now hang about eh?! says I. This man ain't a Witchfinder General! He's a pirate! A buccaneer! A scallywag - you know?! Now...now wait..hey! I yelled as a little lad ran up and whacked me with a stick.

I'll bloody -! I said, making to run after the boy. But the villagers grabbed hold of me, and before I know it there's a whole gaggle of kids hitting me with sticks and kicking me. Dirty little beggars.

One of them had my hat on, so I swiped it from him and clutched it tightly to my chest.
We'll take him to my ship. said Gabriel's voice over the commotion. The crowd started prodding me back towards the port.

I had two last chances - I could either try and make a dash for it on the way to town. After all, it was a few miles back to Kingston proper, and the villagers would surely lose interest by then. All I needed was for them to get a little off guard and I could run.

Either that or one of my faithful crew would see me on the way through the town and come to my rescue.

But the mob didn't get bored - Gabriel Jones made sure of that. I could hear him at the front, leading the procession. He kept going on about how he was sure lots of strange things must have been happening to the villagers in the past few weeks - they were quick to agree that yes, their crops had been rather on the brown side, and their cows looking a little peaky recently. A few said they'd seen me skulking about the village, and one old hag of a woman even claimed I'd tried to steal her maidenhood' and deflower her. Hah!

All the while I was protesting that I'd only put into port that morning and that Gabriel wasn't to be trusted. But of course, no one wanted to listen. They were having too much fun.

As we neared the dock I stopped protesting and tried a different tack - I screamed my little lungs out for Bootstrap, even Barbossa to come and defend their captain.

On the way past a tavern, I'm sure I saw my First Mate sitting outside. He laughed and raised his tankard to me as I passed.
Suppose it must have been someone else.

So there I am, being pushed and prodded, until we stop beside the harbour. I looked up in awe at the massive three masted square-rigged merchant ship towering above us.

The Providence.
She really was a beautiful ship - low in the water. Which meant she was full to the gunnels with something.

My fear was replaced with curiosity the strength of which only a pirate can summon. I longed to have a poke around inside her, find out what she was carrying.

As it happens, my wish came true.

The mob threw me on board the ship, and then stood around wondering what to do with themselves. Gabriel Jones stood on the gunwales and said in his loud, carrying voice - Thankyou! This Devil-worshiper will be brought to trial in New Providence. Do not fear - he will hang!

The people let out a ragged cheer, seemingly a little put out that I wouldn't be burnt at the stake.

I was left face to face with Gabriel Jones.

Now mate.. says I, smiling in a friendly sort of way, Let's not do anything rash eh? I'm sure we can sit down and sort this all out like gentlemen of fortune and no one need-

Jack Sparrow. he said, looking down his nose at me in a well well well, what have we here?' sort of way.

I pointed out, helpful as ever. Captain Jack Sparrow...
Gabriel stared coldly at me as though I were a bit of shit on his boot.

Or not - Jack Sparrow will do between friends eh?I said nervously.

I don't suppose you're pathetic little mind could even comprehend the amount of money you lost me when you took my ships. he stated.

Probably not. I agreed, But I've never been one to hold a grudge- let bygones be bygones eh!?

he said. Without a word he turned and leapt back onto the dock, and I was left to feel the unmistakable sensation of two ruffians beating me to a pulp before dragging me down and locking me in the hold.


TBC.....

Poor Jack always seems to get the fuzzy end of the lollipop eh? But the way he sees it, at least he's got a lollipop.

Thanks to Rat, the fastest reviewer in the west, and her X-ray computer of doom.