Chapter 4. The Whereabouts of Regulus Black
Harry stood dumbly before the man who looked so much like his Godfather. His pulse quickened and his blood chilled while he tried to force back down torrent of heartache he'd felt since that night. But the mere sight of the face that he'd longed for so often staring back at him was just too much to bear.
Harry lost his battle with his guilt and grief. Finally succumbing to the forces that threatened time and time again for the past month to pull him into the undertow and drown him in his own despair. His body convulsed over and over again in a wave of sorrow and heartache that was Sirius. He'd felt so guilty over the death of his Godfather. He felt so awful for that one decision; one simple decision that had lead to his Godfathers death.
'Just like Cedric.'
Only this time, it was someone he truly cared about. Someone who he could relate to, someone he could count on, someone who loved Harry for Harry, and not the Boy Who Lived. And now he was gone forever.
Harry was only vaguely aware of his surroundings as he slid to the floor from his chair in a heap. He knew someone was singing gently to him, and holding him tightly, but it didn't matter. None of it did anything to quell the trauma he felt at seeing that face again.Time seemed to have slowed down, while his body racked with deep spine chilling sobs; brief-fluttering images of his Godfather looped through his distressed mind as the waves mourning continued. The Shrieking Shack, not having to return to Dursley's, flying hippogriffs, big black dogs, pig, the hospital wing, Grimmauld Place....
...Grimmauld Place...
... The Tapestry...
...REGULUS...
"YOU!!!" Harry hissed, finally finding that certain something to jerk him firmly out of his misery and bury it back down again. As he leapt up from his seat on the kitchen floor next to the table, he knocked Dreia back with a fizzle of something white and a snap. He brandished his wand toward the man seated before them with his head in his hands. "YOUR. DEAD!"
"Shit," he heard Dreia muttered as she struggled to get to her feet to the right of him. Out of his peripheral he could see an eerie blue glow come out of her palm the she placed on the back of her head. Regulus looked-up at Harry, his head still in his hands and let out a long slow puff of breath. "That seems to be the general consensus, yea," he stated as if it were really old news. "You all right Dreia?" he asked turning slowly to her on the floor.
"Erm yea... It's going to smart though. We've got it get that under control... Harry?" she asked.
"This man is dead, and a Death Eater. What the HELL is he doing here?" he yelled.
"This is man that saved my life, Harry," she said shakily. "Reggie here... Ehhha... He's the one who warned my parents..."
Harry, who'd been on the very edge of hexing the man who dared to share Sirius's face into oblivion, paused at Dreia's words. In his grief he'd forgotten the story she relayed to him about the man who saved her life. He looked over to her where she was finally up on her feet, and she nodded in confirmation.
"But Sirius said..."
"Sirius never knew the truth," Regulus began sorrowfully. "I was going to tell him this summer, as Dreia was running off to join the Order and all, but obviously I never got the chance to..."
It seem making a grand entrance was something of a normality around the place as yet another early riser stumbled into the room. He was nothing like the familiar look of Sirius that Harry had just been assaulted with though. He was average height, late forties, early fifties maybe, with long dirty blonde hair, a short precisely trimmed beard, and terribly broad shoulders; a bear of a man really. Surveying the room around him with a slightly disinterested look he said, "I see young Harry made it alright. It's there coffee?"
"Jolly good" he said happily as he turn to the cupboard to get himself a cup.
The rest of the room was dead quiet as Winston poured himself a cup of early morning brew. Standing next to the stove, Dreia still clasped the back of her head. Regulus still stared at Harry as if to say he was sorry, and Harry stared right back, not moving himself or his wand an inch as he wrenched with anger, covered in sweat. How dare they spring this on him? REGULUS BLACK?
Although he didn't know Dreia very well, he trusted her. Yet he wasn't willing to trust the man before him. Sirius wouldn't have trusted Regulus, and if Sirius wouldn't have trusted him, who was Harry to argue?
Finishing up his morning constitutional of a lot of sugar, a lot of cream, a bit of coffee, Winston turned toward the room making a second surveillance. "So Reg," he said pulling the cup to his lips "bother to show him you're not marked then?"
Regulus narrowed his eyes in confusion for a moment, but then realizing what he was being asked, "Harry? Do you... Mind?"
"OF COURSE I MIND!" Harry yelled. You don't DARE make any movement or I'll..."
"Harry for goodness sakes! Palms out Reggie, I'll pull up your selves from here," Dreia said angrily as Regulus splayed his hands palms up over the table and Dreia flicked her hand from across the room. The sleeves of his dressing gown rose to just below his elbow reveling absolutely nothing except perfect lightly tanned skin while Regulus looked up at him expectantly.
Harry, not exactly expecting this turn of events, but encouraged nonetheless that at least he wasn't dealing with a marked Death Eater, retook his seat rather roughly and lowered his wand to his thigh. "You have some explaining to do Mr. Black," he said shortly still trying to retain some level of control.
Regulus breathed out another heavy sigh, "What would you like to know?"
"Why were you going to join Voldemort in the first place? Why you didn't tell Sirius during the first war? Why you didn't come back and fight against those bastards!" Harry spit out.
Regulus looked at his hands, still splayed across the table, then looked back into Harry's stormy green eyes. "I was a coward Harry," he said simply. "Dreia tells me you spent some time at my childhood home. If you did, then surely you saw the portrait of my mother?" he asked. Harry slowly nodded his head in the affirmative, remembering the wretched old women screaming obscenities and anyone who dare make a noise around her. "That's precisely what she was like growing up. That portrait is no exaggeration. Dad wasn't much better."
"Childhood wasn't easy for Sirius or I. Our parents were obsessed with their pureblood mania, and upholding the 'Honorable and Noble House of Black.' He spat with some disgust. "We were expected to uphold those values as well. Neither one of us believed any of it of course, nor did we want to turn out like out them. Sirius took a more direct approach to their efforts by openly defy them, while I on the other hand, just played along. You should have seen them when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor. And I got a rather nasty howler when I was sorted in to Ravenclaw. Up till us, everyone was Slytherin. I always said he was more brawn than brains, while I was more brains than brawn..."
"Do NOT insult Sirius in my presence" Harry said through a very tight jaw and narrowed eyes. "I will NOT..."
"I wasn't insulting him Harry," he said pleadingly. "I looked up to Sirius. I was even a little jealous when he so much courage to stand up to our parents. To look them in the eye and tell them exactly what he thought of them. That's something I didn't have. When I was sorted into Ravenclaw they took that as an open act of defiance toward them. They started to treat me the same way they did him, and I didn't have the guts to stand up to them. So I played along with their pureblooded ridiculousness."
Regulus shrugged, removing his hands from the table and placing them in his lap. "As horrible as they were I did love them. They were my parents after all. I felt... responsible I guess, to have one of their sons uphold the family traditions. Like most children I wanted nothing more than their approval, even though I loathed their existence."
"And then Sirius left. He left.As childish as it seems now, it hurt me something awful. He left me there alone, with them. The only lifeline I had in the 'Most Wretched and Torturous House of Black' left me. You have to understand Harry I was very angry with him for a long time. And rather than follow his lead and leave myself, I decided to defy Sirius. To openly throw myself into my parent's world, to make him suffer by watching me go down that path. To make him hurt as much as he hurt I was," he finished with a sad, ashamed look at the table.
"And so, when Voldemort came 'round they urged me to join his crusade. So I did. I went to their little meetings, and chanted along with them while they spewed their propaganda. After all most of my family, save for Andromeda and Sirius were part of the group. They spouted all that my mother and father had ever taught about how purebloods were a far superior race, how it was our birthright to control the Wizarding and even muggle world. How others were well beneath us and other such rubbish. So again, I was stupid enough to follow them in defiance of the brother I so looked up to."
"Finally once night, Alvin Nott pulled me to the side after one such meeting for a cup of tea. We talked at length about our beliefs, the current state of wizarding world, and of the regime at the Ministry. For all his hogwash, he was kindly and charismatic. I took an instant liking to him. Over several more weeks we continued to talk after meetings and one night he asked me if I would like to join a select group, from the current group to discuss... more in depth plans to change the current state of the world. I agreed and the next week he took me to an old abandoned warehouse, or what looked to be one anyway in York."
Regulus looked away from Harry and shuddered. His shoulders were tense and even though he was turned away he could see his dark green eyes were filled with a shadow of horror and regret. He continued somewhat detached, "As soon as I entered the place, before I could blink, I was bound, gagged, and blindfolded. I was searched bodily and then thrust to one side of the warehouse. I sat there for what seemed like hours. I didn't make a move. They'd taken my wand when I was searched and I heard at least a dozen voices surrounding me in whispers. It as cold and dark, except that I knew there was a large fire some where in the room, as I could smell it. Sooner, and later than I expected the whispers trailed off. The rusting of robes became still and I held my breath. At the time I didn't know why, but I didn't think the sudden still could be good. I wasn't disappointed."
"I was grabbed from behind and forced to walk some yards and was then thrust to my knees. My blind-fold was ripped off of my head, and before my eyes could fully readjust, I saw the most disgusting vile creature I'd ever before me. The sight of him, of it, repulsed me. For surely this was no human. He was just standing there, observing me. Just staring at me like some awful grim reaper moving in for the kill. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I just sat there as still as I could manage, as courageously as I could muster. Finally after some time, he asked me why I had come, and who had brought me. Alvin came forward, and gave a short speech as to who I was and why my talents would be valuable to Voldemort. When Nott finished, Voldemort seemed to consider what he'd told him for a while. He sized me up and down, all while I kneeled there, not moving a muscle, not daring even to blink. Then, someone, another dark robed figure, entered the warehouse and moved forward to Voldemort and whispered in his ear. What ever it was made him very happy indeed, and the dread in my stomach only increased that horrible smile stretched over his putrid face." Regulus shuttered again. "He looked at me expectantly and told me the my loyalties were to be judged. I was to go to the McKinnon house and mur..." He stopped then and looked to Dreia. A small sad tear escaped his eye as he looked at her hopefully, fondly. "He told me that to prove my loyalties I had to murder the McKinnon's child, and wait for the others to arrive..." He stopped again taking deep desperate breaths.
But before he could begin again however, Dreia was by his side, kneeling on the floor in front of Regulus. She'd buried her head into the side of his chest, hugging him and murmured, "Really Reggie, I've already told him that bit. Just... Just go on, after you got here."
"Right," he said somewhat determined as he patted Dreia on the head. "When we arrived here, Winston here put me up for awhile, while I rethought my life. It's a miracle they put up with me at first really. I must have walked around here in a complete daze for weeks." Winston sniggered into his cup. Regulus glared at him for a moment, but there way a little tug at the side of his lips. He continued on looking back to Harry, "I was angry, angrier than I had ever been. I was angry with Sirius for leaving, although at that very moment I knew exactly why he did it. I was even angrier with my parents for pushing me into something like that. And even more so, I was angry with myself for being so damned childish, and not following Sirius in the first place."
"But still, old habits die hard, and I was fearful to return. Fearful that there would be a price on my head, not only from Voldemort, but also from my parents. They'd placed one quietly on Sirius' the day he left, did you know?" Harry looked at Regulus aghast. Surely no one would ever place a price on their own child's head would they? Harry shook his head 'no' and Regulus nodded in understanding. "Yea great pieces of work they were... Anyway, I had heard that the Dark Order had claimed responsibility not only for the deaths of the McKinnon's but myself as well... I asked Winston here and the others if I could stay on raise Dreia. I had heard they were considering brining in a nanny, but I dunno. I just felt a ... connection with her ever since I laid eyes on her." He smiled and looked down to Dreia happily, "You weren't but what 6 months maybe?" Dreia shook her head in a yes, stood up, kissed him on top of the head and resumed her seat, a thoughtful look on her soft features.
Winston, having sat quietly through out most of the conversation finally spoke. "I thought it was amazing, honestly. Here was this 18 year-old kid, who'd risked his life for something barely year-old, against everything he'd ever grown up with mind, and he was asking to raise her? I was astonished." He shook his long blond mane and smiled at Regulus, "Reg, you may have been a coward up until then, by you certainly weren't after that," he said with some pride. "'Course after all that who were we to say no? He'd every right to ask to look after the pip-squeak, (OI! Dreia shouted looking indignant)."
"Anyway Harry, that's the reason sitting right over there that I didn't go back. I had nothing to go back to. Or, so I felt. With I'd done to get back at my brother, and my untimely demise as a Death Eater, I was fairly certain he would never accept me. And parents were defiantly out of the question. But here I had a family, a real family. And I felt guilty in a way for leaving Dreia's mother and father there to fend for themselves. It was the least I could do."
"You never told me that?" Dreia interrupted with curiosity written all over her face.
"Yes I did feel guilty. Winston here had other troubles getting you out of the house and protecting you, I should have helped protect them..."
Dreia rolled her eyes at that. "That's ridiculous. I would have rather had you here then dead along with them Reggie."
"Right well, anyway. That's my sorry Harry. I don't expect that you'll believe me, from the look on your face," he said honestly.
"I sounded a bit... rehearsed to tell you the truth." Harry said. And it did sound rehearsed to Harry. Like he'd been waiting for this confrontation. So, with that and what little Sirius had told him, he wasn't sure exactly what to believe.
Regulus smiled sheepishly. "Er, it was bit yea. Dreia told me you were coming, and that you had been close to Sirius. I can only imagine what he told you about me, so I thought long and hard about what I would say to you when we met. I settled on telling you everything from the start and letting you decided for yourself. Perhaps one day I'll earn your trust. I... I am truly sorry for you loss Harry. I wish... I wish I had gone sooner..." he finished lamely.
Harry replied simply by looking down at the table. He was grateful for the sympathy, he just wasn't sure if he liked where it was coming from. It was just so... hard looking at him, to think of him in any other way then what Sirius had described him that day in front of the tapestry. That was the only time he'd ever mentioned Regulus. So maybe what Regulus has said held some truth. Maybe Sirius was angry with his brother for following down that path. Maybe that's why he never mentioned more than that. He guessed he'd never know.
"What did he tell you about me anyway?" Regulus asked curiously pulling Harry from his thoughts.
Harry shrugged. "Not much. We were looking at the Black Family Tapestry and he just told me you were a Death Eater and that you'd gotten in over your head, and ended up murdered on Voldemorts orders." Harry shook his head skeptically, tapping a foot on the floor, "But he also said he didn't find out any of this until after he'd got out of Azkaban. There's nearly two years between the time he went there, and you escaped here. That's what doesn't make sense. Surely he would have heard more than that before he was shipped off?"
There was a flash of anger across Regulus face that didn't escape Harry. From the look Dreia gave, it hadn't escaped her either. But just as quick there was one of confusion to replace it. "I wonder?" He shook his head and said "Well I guess I'll have to figure that one out when I get back to London then," he said as if it decided the matter.
"London?"
"Yea, Dreia here wants me to join the Order. I... I think it's time I did the right thing." He said somewhat more confidently than he started.
Dreia suddenly yawned loudly with her hand covering her mouth, then stretched widely. "I'm completely exhausted. I've been up 24 hours already. This transcontinental thing is rather taxing. We should probably finish this conversation a bit later when everyone's had time to think. Um... I think I'm going to catch a bit of a nap before the day starts. Harry, would you like to join me? I can show you the room we're staying in?" she asked sleepily.
Harry had been staring out the window at the somewhat covered, but rapidly approaching dawn. The clouds outside were still thick, but they had yet too stick together long enough to produce rain. He looked to Dreia when she asked, and then colored a bit. He'd defiantly rather go with her then sit with an unknown man and Regulus Black whom he didn't trust at all, but the having her announce it like that in the middle of the kitchen with her... 'guardian' sitting there was something else entirely. He was saved from making any sort of noise, which he was entirely sure he couldn't when Regulus asked, "You're going through with the charm then?" he asked quietly masking his dislike for the situation.
"Yes," Dreia replied politely. "I'll be a perfect gentleman, I promise" she said cheekily.
"Dreia..." Regulus warned.
"Yes Daddy?" she replied sweetly, turning to face him innocently.
Regulus screwed up his eyes, rubbing his thumb and index finger across them. "Good. Night. Dreia... Harry"
"'Night Winston, Come on Harry let me show you," She said tugging at his sleeve. As Harry rose to follow, still red, but now from head to foot as Winston replied to Dreia from behind him "'Night Love. See you in a few. Good to meet you Harry!"
"You too sir," Harry returned politely as they ventured down the hall.
To the left of the front door, there was a set of stairs the Harry had missed observing the living room when they first entered the house. They traveled up the long staircase lined with muggle photographs, and entered a large dark foyer with halls to the left or the right. Harry followed Dreia to the right passed many doors and many portraits of scenes from around England and few masks that Harry couldn't make out in the darkly lit hallway. Finally, they reached an oak door stepping inside.
The room was large and bright. There were two full sized cast-iron beds side by side, with a simple table and lamp between. The walls were a light, pale shade of purple, and the sheets and blankets were cream colored, with some sort of spiral pattern on them. At the foot of the bed near the standard sized open window was Harry's trunk. Hedwig was snoozing comfortably in her cage, her beak nestled under a wing. Across to the right of the room were two doors. One Dreia told him was the bathroom, the other a large closet. Between the doors stood an old secretary and a chair. Very much a guest room Harry decided, but beds looked comfortable enough. And even though it was only around afternoon his time, after all he'd been through since last night, he was very happy at Dreia's suggestion of a nap and a chance to collect his thoughts.
She left the room, saying she needed to get into something more comfortable, which again made Harry go red. She just swatted him on the arm playfully and told him he'd just have to get used to it.
Harry didn't bother to change completely as he was just taking a nap, but he did carefully switch his new shirt for a tee 'four sizes to big', and lay down.
He thought about all that had happened so far that day. From the strange Breakfast with the Dursleys, to finding out he would be trained in Druid magic, to the break down in the kitchen when looking on the face of his godfather's dead brother.
Admittedly he was a bit ashamed of himself for the latter. It was just so unexpected that he couldn't help it. He didn't know the exact moment he'd lost control, but he knew with out a doubt that he had. It was just so indescribable seeing a face someone that so closely resembled Sirius. It had been coming on for a while he guessed. He just didn't expect it to come so soon. It was strange though now that he reflected on it. He did feel better than he had before. He just didn't know how he would handle spending a week with the man.
Harry turned over to face the doorway as Dreia re-entered and stifled a laugh. "What?" she asked annoyed. "Haven't you see doctors scrubs before?"
"Yea... But never to sleep in!"
"Well there're comfortable," she insisted. "And seeing as how I'm supposed to be a perfect gentleman, I thought them most appropriate," she said sternly, though there was laughter in her eyes.
"ANYWAY," she continued, "I am going to use the charm, but as I am simply exhausted, I'm not going to give you a memory just yet. You won't dream. Is that alight?" she asked.
"Yea... anything is better than nightmares," he said, turning back on the pillow and removing his glasses.
"cadley magh lhiannoo" she whispered under her breath, as she waved her hand across Harry. Harry felt immediately relaxed, and much sleepier than he had previously. He was barely able to tell Dreia that she would have to explain how she used wandless magic so much before falling fast in to a comfortable, undisturbed, and dreamless sleep.
A/N I own nothing, JK's the Goddess with the copyrights. Please Review!