HamHam Take Out

By: Cookys 'n' Creem

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Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro or ANYTHING mentioned. …………WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Well, maybe the ice cream. :whispers: No one will know I stole it from my brother! Heh-heh…

YAY! I FINALLY updated… DON'T KILL ME! I've been really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really…

---------------------------------------2 Hours Later…----------------------------------

Really, really, really, really, REEEEEEEEEALLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYY…. lazy. And I've been at my aunts… swimming.

:readers throw German and Maths books at Cookys 'n' Creem: BOO!

AHHHHHHHH! DON'T MAKE ME LEARN:cough: Anyway, this is my first chapter in this story as Cookys 'n' Creem!

………

HELLO! CUE TRUMPETS:trumpets: Thank you:starts eating ice-cream: Oh yeah:muffled through ice cream: Happy New Year for, um… 26 days ago! And it's Australia Day! I HAD A BBQ, YAY! I LOVE JANUARY 26th! Oh yeah, thanks to, I think it was Ham-Kelly, for the suggestions of marriage (it will be used more next chapter, too) and love potion. You're awesome!

Readers: Get on with it or we'll make you eat 10 gallons of tomatoes!

:chokes on ice cream: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH:frantically presses button that says 'start story nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…now': SAVE ME MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Oh yeah, I've decided to make this my LAST CHAPTER of HamHam Take Out. But I'll make an epilogue too. I'll say stuff about it later.

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Chapter 13: Orange Panda-us and Oxnard's Revenge

After choking, throwing up and washing multiple times (more like 89 times), the Cajun nuggets Ronald McDonald stuffed down their throat when he tied them to a wall, the Ham-hams sighed in content.

---------------------------------------Flashback…----------------------------------------

"YOU'RE BLOODY NUTS!" Maxwell screamed at Ronald, who was wearing all black, and holding a Cajun nugget on a spoon.

"Am I? Or are you not HOT enough to notice? Service with a smile, people!" He shoved the whole end of the spoon into his mouth and held his mouth shut with pliers. A manic grin was on his face.

(Served with a smile… :laughs uncontrollably:)

Maxwell's eyes watered and steam came out of his ears. His arms thrashed against the metal clamps and rope.

"MAXYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Sandy screamed. Her eyes were red and her scream was muffled from the 16 nuggets stuffed in her mouth.

"GET ME OUT OF HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Howdy screamed. He was next to be 'served with a smile'.

"MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

-----------------------------------End Flashback…--------------------------------------

"I feel so dirty!" Stan scrubbed his skin vigorously.

"Stany is unhappy with his skin cleanyness? I CLEAN STANY!" Pashmina lunged at Stan with a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH:gurgle gurgle:"

"STANY NOT CLEAN:scrub scrub: STANY NOT CLEAN:scrub scrub: MUST CLEAN STANY TO MAKE STANY HAPPY ABOUT HIS CLEANYNESS:scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub:"

"Okay, we have to go back to the clubhouse after this one, the PAMPERED, HOUSE hamsters have to go back to their FANCY cages with their FANCY food and FANCY bowls before their PAMPERED owners." Boss said with fake happiness. He skipped around singing 'Mary Had A Little lamb' very badly off key before men with 'POIHEFMH' written on their black jackets. They had black ski masks over their faces and struggled a still singing Boss into a body bag.

"What in HELL'S name does 'POIHEFMH' mean? Pfft. Losers." Dexter whispered.

"DON'T BAG OUR RELIGION/JOB! Protection Against Innocent Hamster Ears From Maniac Hamsters, unite!" They did a break dance before they spat into the bag Boss was in.

"Ewwwwwwww…!" All the Ham-hams stepped back at the same time.

"AHHHHH! WhAAAAAAAt just LAAAAAAAAAAnded on me…EEEEEEEEEEE!" Boss shouted from inside the bag. He rolled away before he started falling off a fake cliff from 'Cliff Hanger Café'.

"NO! GET THE INNOCENT HAMSTER EARS FOLIATER!" One of the POIHEFMH members shouted.

"Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hu- EEEEEEEEEEEE!" All the POIHEFMH members jumped down the cliff after the body bag. Oh, and Boss, the person IN the body bag.

"Wow Dexter, you're a REEEEEEEEEEALLY racist son of a :beep: aren't ya?" Maxwell said.

Everyone gasped. "YOU JUST SWORE! YOU IIIIIIIDIOT!"

The police came in and arrested Maxwell. "Your under arrest for swearing in a PG rated story! Your trial will be on Wednesday!"

"Why Wednesday? My poker game is on Wednesday!" Maxwell whined.

Everyone gave another collective gasp.

"Another charge to the record! Illegal gambling! Stuart, add that to his rap sheet."

"Yes, Chief Andy."

"BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! HIS NAME'S ANDY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Maxwell fell to the floor in his hand cuffs and all, and laughed until he was purple.

"GET HIM IN THE GOD DAMN VAN ALREADY!"

":gasp, snort, laugh: ANDY, FOR GOD'S SAKE! ANDY!"

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Andy chucked Maxwell into the police van, but his laughs were still heard as they drove away.

"Um… okay. Who hasn't chosen yet?" Hamtaro asked.

Panda, Dexter and Cappy put their hands up and Maxwell shouted "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE:snort: He's wearing a reeeeeeeeeeally ugly tie." from the police van.

"ANOTHER CHARGE, DAMN IT!"

"OH SHUT UP! … Okay, we'll have a mature way to settle this…"

Suddenly, Hamtaro was in a suit, and Panda, Dexter and Cappy were in very revealing wrestling outfits in a wrestling ring.

(:shudder: VERY disturbing:scrubs eyes with disinfectant:)

The others were screaming from the sidelines. "KILL HIM! PULVERISE HIM! USE A BLENDER IF YOU HAVE TO!"

(I haven't been to wrestling or watched wrestling, so bear with me here.)

"LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLETS GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Hamtaro yelled into a microphone with a very deep voice.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Dexter screamed, jumping at Cappy.

"GIVE HIM THE CHAIR, DAMN IT CAPPY!"

!WHACK:

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dexter's probably dead!" Hamtaro poked an unconscious Dexter with a long wooden rod. "Nope, but he's unconscious and OUTTA HERE!"

"Ooh, Chomper Cappy has started gnawing on Panda's ankle! Is that allowed? Oh well! That's GOTTA hurt!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"And it does!"

----------------------------A Couple Of Hours Later…--------------------------------

"And the winner is… POUND EM' PANDA!" The food court swirled before everything turned back to normal.

"You call THAT mature? I was wearing nearly as much as when I was born!" Panda cried.

"Don't be a baby, you get to choose!" Bijou yelled. "At least your fur isn't bright green!"

"Eh… it's all good." The others sweatdropped and shuffled away from Panda. "How bout there? It's ORANGE!"

(I don't know what Orange Julius looks like, so BAH!)

A completely orange store with giant oranges handing out brochures at the front REAAAAAAAAAAALLY stood out at the front.

An orange grinned at them. "Hi! I'm an orange!"

"Well, DUH." Bijou said.

"I thought it was a kiwi…" Hamtaro sighed unhappily.

!WHACK:

"OWWWWWWWWWWW! ………Hey, how come I didn't go to sleep? Ohhhhhhhh…."

Bijou dusted off her hands and gave the chair back to a crazy wrestling fan. "Appreciate it."

"No problemo! AAAAAH! THAT ORANGE IS SELLING T-SHIRTS!" The wrestling fan zoomed over to an orange with a stall selling 'We're here! We're orange! ...So buy a t-shirt!' t-shirts.

Penelope was poking an orange. "Ookwee, ookyoo? (Are you even real? Or are you in a suit like the taco?)"

"Of course I'm real! There's a whole orange PLANET! …Here's our brochure."

Panda was swinging on a chandelier holding an orange juice in a VEEEEEEEEEERY big cup… which all the ham-hams think he spiked with vodka or something very strong.

Pashmina was patting her pocket for some reason and NOT clinging to Stan like a helpless animal so obviously, some thing was up. She held a little bottle in her hand and tipped the bright pink into Stan's orange juice.

Stan held the cup to his lips but noticed something. "Okay, who tie-dyed my orange juice pink?" He shrugged. "Ah well." He skulled it.

Pashmina jumped out from her hiding place. "OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOW YOU LOOOOOOOO-VE ME! YOU HAVE TO LOOOOOOOOO-VE ME!"

"What in god's name are you talking about? I still hate your pink wearing butt and everything attached to your butt. Especially that STUPID PINK SCARF!"

"Huh?" Pashmina looked at the label on the bottle. It said: 'Truth Potion'. "OH, GOD DAMN IT, I PICKED UP THE WRONG POTION!"

"And you know what else? Why is HAMTARO the main character? I mean, he thought an orange was a kiwi!" Stan pointed to Hamtaro, who was trying to rip thew orange open as if he would find a kiwi underneath the skin.

"IT'S A KIWI I TELL YOU, A KIWI!"

"GET THE :beep:ING HAMSTER OFF ME!"

Hamtaro laughed evilly. "HA! THE POLICE ARE COMING TO ARREST YOU NOW!"

A piece of paper fluttered from where the police van zoomed off. It read: 'We I.O.U… 1 arrest for swearing. Signed: Chief Andy. P.S. We can't arrest you know since that OTHER guy is still getting his very long charge list written out.'

"GOD DAMN IT!" Hamtaro shouted, stomping on the I.O.U paper.

The orange laughed. "SO LONG SUCKERS!" He grabbed a hanging rope that came out of no-where and got pulled up to the roof by some orange they couldn't see properly.

"Staaaaaaany, will you marry me? PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE?" Pashmina mad a puppy dog face at Stan.

"HELL NO!"

"YAY! STANY SAID HE'LL MARRY ME!" Pashmina grabbed Stan by the paw and quickly shoved a metal leash around his neck. She dragged him out the door. "It will be on Friday, BE THERE OR ELSE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET HER OFFA' ME! MO-OM-MMMMMMMYYYYYY!" Stan screamed and struggled vigorously as Pashmina skipped along and yelled they were getting married to random strangers.

"I'M MARRYING STAAAAAAAANYYYYYYYYYY! I'M MARRYING STAAAAAAAAANYYYYYYYYYYY! YAAAAAAAAYYYYY!"

"I'll buy you a coffee maker!" Hamtaro chirped.

Bijou's eye twitched in annoyance and she whacked him across the head with a huge rubber mallet.

"OW! Oh, I'm getting hurt too much in this story…" Hamtaro moaned.

"And you know who ELSE I hate, that guy on the radio… you know …" Panda slurred. "He wears a hat that says: 'I'm better than Panda'. I mean, what IS that…?" He stumbled towards another one of his :cough: SPECIAL orange juices.

Howdy slapped his forehead. "If your gonna get drunk, you could at LEAST invite me too get drunk too!" He snatched a 'orange juice' out of Panda's hand and skulled it. "That is GOOD stuff!" He grabbed another… and another… and another…

------------------2 Hours of HEAVY Drinking and Chaos Later…---------------

"This guy, this is the guy!" Howdy said drunkenly, pointing on of arms around Panda's shoulder and drank the rest of his 'orange juice'.

"Um… since people have gone NUTS, let's go home now! QUICKLY!"

"Hey, wasn't Oxnard supposed to come back for us?" Dexter asked.

Suddenly, the ceiling crashed through and a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very… ect, hugely fat Oxnard appeared. "I TOLD YOU I'D BE BACK, SUCKERS!"

"YOU IDIOT DEXTER, YOU JINXED IT!" Cappy yelled.

"OOKYOO, OOKYOO OOKWEE! (YEAH, YA DUMBASS!)" Penelope agreed, smacking him across the head with a table.

And OF COURSE, Dexter fell unconscious.

"HOLY CRUD, IS THAT OXNARD!" Bijou screamed.

"NOW TIME FOR MY REVENGE! OH, HAMTAAAAAAAAAAAAROOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh, dear god not again! LEAVE ME ALONE! OW! OOH! SON OF A-! AH! BI-! OOH! YEOW! OOH! AHHHHHHHHHHH! BA- WHY ISN'T ANYONE STOPPING THIS! OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

The Stupid End, Which Will Be Explained At The Epilogue

NOOOOOO! DON'T HURT ME! I swear on my mother's grave… (Mum: HEY!) I'll explain everything else at the epilogue, the VERY last chapter.

Readers:put their weapons of mass destruction (nuclear bombs, tanks, nutzi guns, tomatoes ect.) down slowly with suspicious eyes:

Whew… well, the epilogue is gonna be put up REALLY soon, maybe even today. It's going to be a short explanation of what happened to everyone. :sobs loudly: My very first story is FINALLY finished! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH:blows nose and chucks tissue near readers:

Readers: Ewwwwww... EEEEEEKKKKK! DIRTY TISSUE!

ANYWAY stay tuned. 'Cause the epilogue's next and that will be IT! DA END:sobs very loudly: MY POOR FIRST STORY! WAH-AH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Readers: OH, SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OVER IT!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!