Chapter 5 - General Relativity
Author's notes:
Hehehe. . .seems I messed up. . .this chapter is reloaded to fix that little error. . .
Thanks for reviewing KISEKI and this fic, Fifilafemme. Hmm. . .you'll get a chocolate-covered eclair for your reviews! I'll try to keep things as funny as possible.
I'm back! And this time, the cards shall come out to play!
I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .ah, the rest of this is at the END of the chapter!
Seto nearly fell over when he saw his beloved Blue-Eyes White Dragon. It was a beacon of normalcy, unlike the card that hid pitifully behind it. Seto read the card. . .and read the card again.
WTF-18
Moronic Captain
Please see (an address in the authoress' profile) for instructions
about how to calculate the attack of this card. Otherwise, the Attack
of this card is 0.
Earth/Warrior/Effect; 4; 0/0; Common
With nothing to lose, Seto Kaiba played the brown-haired Moronic Captain in Attack Mode. Pegasus seemed a bit surprised.
"It looks like we're going to need to calculate the attack of that card. Well, well, I've got just the thing!" Pegasus handed Seto a laptop. Seto's eyes scanned the screen. His brow furrowed. He scanned the screen again.
"What kind of joke is this! I don't have time to calculate an 18-variable equation!" Pegasus only laughed at the younger duelist's outrage.
"If you can program a computer, you can take five minutes off to write everything down," Pegasus said, as he handed Seto a notepad and a pen.
A stream of very impolite words left Seto's mouth. "You freak, it's a negative number!" he screeched.
"So it seems. For my purposes, you played a monster with 0 Attack. How sad." Seto ignored Pegasus' remark and placed two cards face down before ending his turn.
Pegasus stylishly drew a card, then chuckled. "My, my, who do we have here?" He played the card he drew, which appeared to be a monster card.
From the light stepped a man in a business suit. He held an article of clothing that looked like it was meant for a woman. Seto took a closer look at the man's outstretched arm. The man had added a spiky oversleeve, which made him look somewhat ridiculous. He also wore some sort of spiked head piece within his wild mane of black hair. He did an up-and-down of Seto before glaring at him with red/brown eyes.
"I don't believe the two of you have been introduced. DJ Shem, this is Seto Kaiba. Seto Kaiba, this is your doom." Seto growled.
WTF-35
DJ Shem
If your opponent is wearing a shirt with a collar, this card gains 1500
Attack Points. If not, then this card gains 1500 Defense Points. If
your opponent is not wearing any clothing above the waist, then this
card gains 1500 Attack and Defense Points.
Dark/Fashion Designer/Effect; 4; 700/700; Rare
A little holographic window showed DJ Shem's original statistics, which were hardly impressive. Seto looked down at his shirt. It was one of the many collared shirts he owned. DJ Shem's Attack rose accordingly. In no time at all, Seto found himself staring at a 2200 monster.
"However, it wouldn't be fair if I attacked you outright. I'll simply place this card face-down, and end my turn. Your move, Kaiba boy." A weak chuckle made its way through the crowd.
"You should have attacked," Seto said, as menacingly as a 2200 Attack point difference allowed him to say. He drew, and much to the crowd's pleasure, juggled the card for a bit.
"Before I begin to destroy you, I think I'll activate this!" Seto pushed a button on his duel disk. He'd activated a Trap card. A card with a song list was revealed.
WTF-60
The Missing Assault Course
All monsters with the word "DJ" in their names go to Defense Position,
and their position cannot be changed until you and your opponent have
gone through an End Phase.
Common (Trap)
DJ Shem's eyes widened. He fell flat on his rear. The audience laughed.
"Then I'll activate my other face-down card!" A voice that could have belonged to a certain dog muttered something that was far from complimentary. The card's name was a part of the card artwork.
WTF-38
Brightness Darkness
Destroy all cards on the field except for Common cards.
Common; Counter (Trap)
In moments, the scariest monster Seto had seen had vanished. Pegasus' face-down card started to shimmer. Before Seto could figure out what was going on, Pegasus flipped off Kaiba (the CEO, not the sidekick), Duel Monsters style.
"I activate Ring of Destruction in response to your Trap, thus ending this in a tie." Several grenades appeared around DJ Shem. He looked down and blinked in confusion. The Ring exploded, dropping both players down to 0. Seto groaned. Pegasus walked right past his stunned opponent and to the microphone.
"Now that I've shown you all how this set can work, I'll pair off exactly eight of you. Their job is to educate everyone else in the fine points of this set. All right, let the numbers roll!"
One by one, the numbers stopped.
Author's note:
Sorry for being absent! That thing called sleep just got in the way.
I do NOT own Beatmania IIDX (insert style number here), any of the DJs, any of the songs, any courses, or any of the videos/artwork that has appeared through the years. The only thing I own is the Moronic Captain.
Speaking of the Moronic Captain. . .he's a spoof of the Marauding Captain. The address in my profile will lead to a page that will allow you, the reader, to calculate the attack of your own Moronic Captain. Many thanks to my friends (you know who you are) for beta-testing the equation!
DJ Shem is one of the many DJs that appear throughout the IIDX world. He owns a clothing store, and the bar that DJ Ereki works for. His story will be continued later.
The Missing Assault Course is a reference to IIDX RED's lack of an Assault course. Starting from 3rd Style, a Hell/Assault course was always present. It consisted of the five hardest songs on any given mix. On 10th Style, it was known as the King course. I have theorized that IIDX RED (which is 11th Style) doesn't have an Assault course, because the three hardest songs on one course are enough to demoralize everyone except for the absolute best players (and that does not include me).
Brightness Darkness is property of Sparker (better known as Slake), and made its debut on 9th Style. The card effect is based on the fact that all Rare cards have some sort of foil, or brightness, if you will. The rest should be self-explanatory.
Ring of Destruction is an actual card. It destroys a monster, and deals damage equal to the attack of the unfortunate monster to both sides. It's also a Secret Rare (from Pharonic Guardian, if memory serves me right), meaning that it would have been destoryed, if it weren't activated.
Last but not least, General Relativity is a song that made its first appearance on 7th Style. This rather interesting song is by Symphonic Defoggers. The video features many unusual things. . .including a math equation.
All right, review away!