Ok I normally don't do this…but this is to A Well Rounded Critique: AH! Hehe Thank you sooo much for the aptly named well rounded critique! It brightened up my day soooooooooo much. It was the last review I got before I updated this chapter!

I solemnly swear (That I am up to no good) to try to type faster and update sooner. Encouragement always helps me along…especially in the form of reviews! Hehe.

3 Pupparoux

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the wonderful, terrific, and much moneymaking Harry Potter franchise. If I did I why would I be writing this here and not making millions more? So all hail the genius that is J.K Rowling.

Many thanks to all my readers! And review please. A craftsman is always glad to here that her work is appreciated.

Chapter Eleven: Arrangements and Suppression

Lily, Marie called in a soft voice, as though from a distance. Lillllllly….

"Yes? Gram what is it?" asked Lily, sitting up and looking around for her grandmother, her eyes blurry with sleep.

I want you to know that I love you, Marie murmured, her lips not moving as she walked up in front of Lily, dressed in blinding white, a bright light seemed to surround her. She smiled serenely at Lily.

Lily covered her eyes; it hurt to look directly at her grandmother, the light was too bright. "I know gram, I love you too," Lily said, confused.

Know that I am always with you, Marie said, looking into Lily's deep green eyes with her own.

Lily simply nodded; there was nothing she could say.

James is a good choice, Lily. Marie nodded. Hang on to him. He is a comfort; let him be your pillar. Marie started to back away slowly, going further into the blinding light.

"My pillar? Gram, what do you mean?" Lily asked, mystified. "Don't go!" She got up and reached out toward her grandmother.

I have to go, Lily. Marie smiled, her mouth remaining closed as she spoke. It's time. Remember that not all tears are an evil. She smiled again and was gone.

Lily awoke with a start and lay in bed, her eyes closed. Outside, the rain pounded the windows and roof, lightning flashed, illuminating the room, and the thunder shook the windowpanes. Lily looked out the window, watching the rain and thinking about the dream she had just had. She remembered that it had something to do with her grandmother…but she couldn't remember what.

Lily lay in her bed. The lightning flashed again, she snuggled under the warm blankets, and listened. The house was utterly silent, as though it was empty, though she could tell that the house was not empty. She could feel her family members moving around downstairs, hear the creak of floorboards or the scrape of a chair being dragged across the floor, hear the front door opening, and then closing; she could almost hear her cousins and Aunts thinking; they were all most certainly home.

So why the silence?

Why weren't the boys watching television?

Why weren't there the sounds of Aunt Terrie making the famished family breakfast?

Lily sat up and looked over at a peacefully sleeping James. He had his head under his pillow and Molly's owl, Bao, was perched quietly on top, his head under his wing.

Lily giggled as she pushed back the covers, swung her legs over the side of the bed, and put on her fuzzy slippers, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was seven thirty three exactly.

Lily stood up, put on her bathrobe and strode quietly to the door of her room. She opened it and slipped out without a sound, not wanting to wake James. Before she closed the door she took one last look at his sleeping form.

He's been such a great friend. And after all I've put him through. Maybe I should consider the possibility of him and I being more than friends… She shook her head and closed the door to her room, leaving both James and that thought there too.

Lily ambled down the stairs; she was almost at the bottom when she heard snatches of voices.

"…all that's left to do is make the arrangements."

It was Aunt Terrie.

"Yes, well…at least…"

There was a sob.

Lily rushed down the stairs and into the brightly lit kitchen.

Aunts Norma, Jean, and Terrie were all seated at the scrubbed oak table with mugs of very black tea in front of them. Aunt Norma was crying, the tears streaming down her face. Aunt Jean was sitting next to her and had a hand on her shoulder in a comforting way. Terrie had a pad of paper in front of her and was apparently writing things down.

"What's happened?" asked Lily, looking from one aunt to another. "What's wrong?"

"It's gram," said Jean, in a quiet and soothing way. The lightning flashed again and was followed by a tremendous CRACK of thunder. "She's…she's passed on." The Aunts all crossed themselves.

The only sound was that of the rain.

Lily couldn't breathe. It seemed that all the air had been knocked out of her. She blinked at her aunts, as though expecting them to all split into big grins and say "Ha ha! Only joking!" But she knew they would never joke about something like this.

Lily continued to stare at her aunts, and then she looked at the floor.

"We are going to call the family, make the food, then get flowers, a hall, the casket, a headstone…" Terrie was choking up too.

Lily didn't know what to do, so she just stood there, in the kitchen, staring between her aunts and the floor.

Ben, Joe, Ryan, and Luke trouped in from the living room.

"Lily," Luke, the youngest, quavered. "Grams gone!" he ran to her. Lily knelt down and took him in her arms, hugging him gently, as he cried into her chest, soaking the front of her bathrobe.

Ryan, Joe and Ben joined the hug too, all going to Lily for comfort.

"Shsssh…" said Lily soothingly. "It's alright." She kept her voice calm and didn't show her own emotion. She wouldn't. I must be strong for my little cousins...Don't let them see you cry. Now that she had a purpose, cheering her cousins, she could push away her own feelings, as though they didn't exist."Gram's in a better place now," she told them, running a hand over the top of each curly head.

"What d-do you m-mean?" asked Joe, his bottom lip quavering..

"Well," Lily began. "She's certainly playing card games up there in Heaven. Or maybe dancing with Grandpa, do you remember how she loved to dance?" Lily asked, trying to bring their minds to more pleasant things.

The little boys nodded, smiling slightly and sniffling.

"Or maybe she's eating fat toffee's and chocolate while floating by on a cloud!" Lily said with enthusiasm that actually sounded real.

"I bet she is!" exclaimed Ryan, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah!" said Ben and Joe, whipping their running noses on their sleeves.

The stairs creaked and James wandered down and entered the kitchen, coming onto the scene of the three Aunts at the table, and Lily with the boys. He walked into the room and knelt next to the boys and Lily.

Luke continued to sob.

Lily let go of him and pushed him away to look into his eyes. "Luke, she's always with us, always watching over us."

He sniffed and smiled a teary smile.

James looked from Lily to the three teary aunts, and then to the boys who were wiping their noses on their sleeves.

James looked into Lily's eyes and he knew. Marie Evans…had passed on.

Ben, Joe, Luke and Ryan all went into the living room and turned on the television. Lily and James went about fixing breakfast as the Aunts made the necessary arrangements.

Everyone remained silent, other than the television, no one spoke; each person was lost in his or her own thoughts.

Lily placed a big bowl of hot oatmeal on the table along with brown sugar and milk. James placed some raisins and cut up fruit on the table too. He called the boys in from the living room; everyone sat down at the table and slowly began to pick at their food.

No one spoke.

No one looked at one another.

Everything was silent.

Lily was absentmindedly picking up a spoonful of oatmeal and letting it plop back into her bowl, with out actually eating any of it.

James could only look helplessly at Lily, not knowing how to comfort her when she wouldn't even let herself grieve.

The aunts left the table five minutes later, excusing themselves to make the arrangements.

The boys left shortly after that to watch television again.

Lily and James were left to clear the table and do the dishes.

Lily took the half full pot of oatmeal off the table and placed it on the counter. James came up beside her and placed the semi-empty bowls next to it.

"Lily…" he began slowly.

Lily looked up at him with her large, almond-shaped green eyes.

"I'm…so s-"

"Oh it's fine, James." said Lily, smiling. It was a strained smile. "It's better that she's gone, you know? Now she won't have to suffer anymore. S-she's in a better place…" she finished in a falsely bright voice, turning her face away from James. C'mon girl, no tears…buck up there…no tears…

Lily busied herself with the dishes.

"Lily…"James began. "You don't have to…"

"What?" asked Lily, pausing in her washing of the dishes. "Coming Luke." And she walked away from James, saying, "I'll be right back."

Luke hadn't really called and both Lily and James knew it.

James let her go, if she wanted to be alone, he was going to let her, no use forcing her to talk to him.

Lily didn't go to the living room. Instead she hastened up the long, twisting staircase to her room, went inside and closed the door. She leaned back against the wood and listened to the rain, her eyes closed.

Back in the kitchen, James finished up the dishes with magic and walked into the living room and sat on the couch with the younger boys.

"How're you lot holding up?" he asked, throwing an arm around Luke and mussing up his hair.

"Better now," snuffled Luke.

"Lily helped us." Ben said, still watching the telly.

"Yea. She told us Gram's up in heaven eating sweets!" Ryan grinned, looking over at James.

"I bet she is," James said back, grinning now too. Lily could work wonders.

"Gram always liked sweets…" mused Joe, looking up from the television.

"Yea…" the other boys sighed and returned to look back at the television and watch the mind numbing cartoons, their happy minds in distant worlds full of brightly drawn figures with no cares or concerns.

James turned and watched the cartoons too, needing a distraction from…everything. He needed a way to get to Lily, to get her to confide in him. But how…?

Lily walked over to her desk and sat down, dragging a piece of parchment and her quill toward her. Bao hopped onto Lily's shoulder, nuzzling her cheek and hooting in a soft, comforting way. Lily patted Bao's beak and with a sigh, began to write a letter to Hogwarts.

Dear Molly, Sirius, Remus and Peter, if you're there.

I have some news. My grandmother has passed away. The funeral is going to be in two days. So if you could make it, it would be appreciated. If you need to you can come and stay with us, the house is big enough. Molly knows the address. Just send word.

Lily and James

Lily reread the letter. It sounded so detached, so…blah. But she didn't have time to really care. She tied the letter to Bao's leg and he hopped to the windowsill, waiting for Lily to open the window.

Lily walked over and opened the window; Bao hopped out and flew off in the direction of Hogwarts.

There was nothing for her to do now except sit and think about her grandmother, about her feelings, about…. She couldn't do it. She needed to keep her mind off of things.

Lily got up from her desk and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a jumper. Then she started to clean her room. She made her bed, and then James'. She folded all her clothes and put them in her trunk. She went into the bathroom and picked up the dirty towels; she cleaned the sink and washed the mirrors.

Lily went back into the main room and started to wash the other windows; she dusted; she broke out the vacuum and vacuumed; she moved all the furniture and vacuumed under it. She shoveled out the cold ashes from the fireplace and vacuumed in there too. Then she got some dry logs and started another fire. Lily continued to bustle around her room, straightening and tidying everything she came in contact with.

James got up from the couch, left the living room, went through the kitchen, up the stairs and into the room that he and Lily shared.

He walked in to find Lily in a cleaning-mode. He stood in the doorway and just watched her running from here to there about the room. First she was at the windows, drying them off; and then she went to the dresser and sorted the socks; then she was at her nightstand, organizing the clock, books and other items upon it.

"Lily…" James began, still watching her run wildly from here to there. "W…what are you doing?" he asked with a smile.

Lily jumped and looked over to James. "Doing…" she looked at James as though he had a second head. "Doing…I…I'm cleaning. What does it look like?" Lily asked puzzled; she put a shaky hand to her forehead and brushed her hair away from her face.

"You're running about like a mad woman!" said James, flailing his arms over his head as he walked further into the room. "My mum does the same thing when she's trying to avoid something. You should see it. It has to be the scariest thing…EVER!" he watched as Lily resumed her frantic cleaning. "Lily," James began, walking over to her. "What are you avoiding?" James knew perfectly well what Lily was avoiding…he was just trying to get her to tell him something, anything, about her emotions. Some indication that she needed someone.

Lily abruptly moved to the opposite side of the room to rearrange the pictures there, as though she had not heard him. James followed her.

"Lily," she moved again, James still followed her. He decided to take a different tactic.

"Take a break."

"A break? A BREAK?" asked Lily, spinning on the spot to look into James' hazel eyes. "I can't take a break!" she looked around the room. "Look at this place!" There was a desperate glint in her eye.

James looked around the room, which was fairly sparkling and glittering. One could almost hear the cartoon sound of clean. The "SHEEN! Sparkle sparkle."

"Uh…what's wrong with it?" asked James, looking back to Lily.

Lily glanced around too, motioning blandly with her hand. "It's…." Lily paused, looking around again. "Ok… so it's really clean, But I have so much to do! My cousins are sad, I have to cheer them up and my aunts need me to help with making food, and I should clean the rest of the house, and we need to contact the rest of the family and friends, and, and…." I can't stop to think about all that's happened… "There's just too much to do!" she burst out her eyes filling with tears.

"Aren't you sick of it?" asked James, walking over to Lily and looking her square in the face. He was sick of her suppressing her emotions.

"Excuse me?" asked Lily, looking away from James and starting to turn away.

James took Lily's arm. "Aren't you sick of being strong all the time!"

Lily wouldn't look at him. "I d-don't know what you mean…." She stammered, trying to avoid this topic.

"Lily, look at me." James began his voice rising. Lily looked defiantly up into his eyes. "You don't know what I mean! You take care of everyone! Don't you want someone to take care of you? Don't you want someone to worry about how you're doing? Don't' you want someone to fuss about how you feel. It's not a sin, you know." Said James, passionately, trying to pound some sense into Lily's beautiful, yet occasionally thick, head.

"I…I can't," Lily stuttered, trying to pull her arm out of James' grasp. "If…if I…" she couldn't say it. Lily hung her head and stopped trying to pull away from James. "I don't know what would happen…I have to be strong for…for my family," she said in a defeated way, as if it was an excuse.

"Lily," James said, his voice softening. He pulled her close to him. Lily buried her face in his chest, she didn't cry, she refused to, she simply closed her eyes and let her face rest against the soft fabric of James' shirt.

James wrapped his arms completely around Lily, enveloping her in his warm and comforting embrace. "Lily, it's all right. Everything is going to be fine," he said in a soothing voice, a voice barely audible over the pounding rain outside. He kissed the top of Lily's head, fully expecting her to burst from his arms, but she didn't. "Lily, just talk to me. Tell me how you really feel." His words had a double meaning.

Lily pushed away from James. "There is nothing to talk about," she said, avoiding his eyes.

"Lily…"James began. "You can't keep this up. It only hurts for a time."

"How would you know!" Lily burst out, her facing becoming pink. She strode to the door. "Don't tell me how to handle this, James! I'm doing fine on my own!" and she whipped open the door, strode out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

"Yea! You seem to be handling it perfectly!" James said sarcastically and frustratedly. He walked over to his bed and flopped onto the sheets, which were tucked in with military accuracy. He shook his head and flipped onto his stomach. Fine. If she wants to keep everything inside, I'll let her. No more interference from James Potter!

Yes well…I said I'd update by Christmas! And I updated before Christmas! I feel accomplished. And, maybe if I get tons of wondiferious reviews, then maybe, just maybe I'll have another chapter up during break. Hmm…what say you? Pwease? gives puppy-dog eyes pwease? Reviews...think of them as a Christmas present to me...porfavor?

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hanukkah!

Or

Happy Kawanza

Until next time,

Keep a sharp eye ;)

Pupparoux