I solemnly swear (That I am up to no good) to try to type faster and update sooner. Encouragement always helps me along…especially in the form of reviews! Hehe.
3 Pupparoux
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the wonderful, terrific, and much moneymaking Harry Potter franchise. If I did I why would I be writing this here and not making millions more? So all hail the genius that is J.K Rowling.
Many thanks to all my readers! And review please. A craftsman is always glad to here that her work is appreciated.
Chapter Twelve: A Funeral And Giving In
When Lily awoke the morning of her Grandmother's funeral, she found herself curled in a tight little ball completely under her covers with her head under the pillow. She kept her eyes closed and listened. All she heard was James' steady, rhythmic breathing.
In and out.
In and out.
Over and over.
Lily lay in her bed just listening, allowing the calming sound to help her get ready for the day. Lily listened to James sleeping for five minutes and then she threw back her covers and climbed out of bed. She looked at James, sleeping peacefully in his bed. They hadn't been talking much; actually there hadn't been much talking in the house. James seemed to be giving Lily her space, just as Lily had wanted, or thought she wanted. She was independent, she could talk care of herself, she didn't need anyone…or so she thought.
Lily walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, preparing for the day. She only turned on the night-light, so all was dark. She took off her pajamas and stepped into the shower, allowing the hot water soak her hair and cleanse away her feelings, her eyes remained closed. She soaped her hair and watched as the suds wound their was slowly down the drain.
Fifteen minutes later Lily grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower, wrapping it around her body as she went. She walked through the steam of the bathroom over to the sink and looked into the mirror, though she couldn't see anything, as water had condensated on it. Lily wiped it away with her hand and looked in the mirror. Her red hair was made darker by the water and it was plastered to her head and she looked tired and worn out. Lily couldn't think why this was though; she had been sleeping well for the past few days.
Lily dried off and had reached for her clothes, when she remembered that she hadn't brought them in with her.
Oh bugger! She thought, opening the door a fraction of an inch and peaking her head out to see if James was awake.
He didn't appear to be, so Lily quietly opened the door and walked into the room in her towel. She made her way stealthily to her closet and pulled it open. She rifled through the contents until she pulled out a black pinstriped, spaghetti-strapped dress with matching bolero jacket. She went to her dresser and pulled out stockings, underwear and a bra.
Lily crept slowly back to the bathroom; just as she reached the door, she stepped on a creaky floorboard she winced and looked over her bare shoulder, her hair dripping water onto the ground, making a little puddle.
James stirred and rubbed his eyes, propping himself on his elbows and looking blearily toward Lily.
Lily let out a shriek and bolted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
James rubbed his eyes and looked questioningly at the door. All he had seen was a redheaded shape bolting into the bathroom as though the fires of hell were licking at her heels. What the bloody hell was that about? James wondered before he collapsed onto his pillows again.
Lily was on the other side of the bathroom door, silently berating herself for leaving her clothes in the outer room and then going out to retrieve them in a towel. She shook her head and hoped that James wasn't awake and aware enough to register that she was wearing nothing but a towel. She pushed it from her mind though; today was going to be a trying day.
Lily flipped on the lights, struggled into her stockings and slipped into the dress. It went just below her knees and formed to fit the curves of her body. It was her favorite black dress, given to her by Marie. Lily had never found another dress that fit her as well as this one, that was one reason why she liked it so much. The other was the fact that the dress was given to her by her grandmother. Lily sighed as she looked into the mirror. What was she going to do with her hair? She toweled it off as best she could and then neatly braided it into a long, flowing French braid that went to mid-shoulder blade. Then Lily put on some mascara, brushed her teeth, and put on some lip-gloss.
She looked in the mirror, smiled, and practiced her lines, as though she was in a play. Thank-you for coming. She's in a better place. She's no longer suffering…yes. Thank-you…
Satisfied, Lily picked up her towel, folded it and hung it up. She took one last look into the mirror and put on her mask look; then she grabbed her little matching jacket, opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out into the room.
James was bending over his trunk, taking out clothes to wear that day. He stood up as he heard Lily opened the door and said, "Lily! Good morning."
"Good morning James," said Lily, smiling and blushing.
"Was something chasing you this morning?" asked James looking concernedly at Lily.
Lily looked quizzically at James. "I don't think so, why?"
"Well the way you ran into the bathroom, I thought you were running from demons…" James grinned.
Lily shook her head. "Oh no. Nothing like that. Don't you worry."
"Well that's good." James said as he closed his trunk. He straightened with his clothes and walked toward Lily and the bathroom.
When he was level with Lily he looked into her eyes. "Are you…" he began softly; he was about to ask her if she was all right. And then he remembered his vow. No more interference from James Potter!
"Yes James?" asked Lily, looking back into Kames eyes, her head to one side.
"Are you…going downstairs?" he recovered. He was not going to push her. If she needed help, she'd have to ask.
"I think so."
"I'll meet you down there then. I'm just going to hop in the shower first. Make sure your cousins don't eat everything before I get down there, ok?"
"Sure," said Lily as she walked to the door. She put her hand on the handle, turned around and opened her mouth to say something to James. But James' back was turned and he had just walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
Lily closed her mouth, walked out of the room, and down the stairs into the kitchen, ready to begin the day. She sat at the kitchen table and looked into the living room where her little cousins were all seated. She looked past them and saw her grandmother's oriental screen folded neatly and placed in the corner next to the piano. Lily looked away.
The doorbell rang, a loud clanging DING-DONG that echo-ed through the silent house. Lily got up from the kitchen table, at which she sat alone, with a scrape of her chair. She walked over to the door and pulled it open. On the other side of the door stood Molly in her blue and gold British naval coat; her long hair splayed about her shoulders in soft curls a red hat on her head. Her head was cocked to one side and she was looking inquisitively at Lily through the glass and smiling. Sirius, and Remus stood on either side of her, Molly's mittened left hand intertwined with Sirius' gloved right.
Lily smiled at her friends and opened the glass door separating them and let them into the house.
"HELLO!" exclaimed Lily brightly, hugging Molly and pulling her into the house, away from Sirius and the others.
"Oooof." Said Molly as she was pulled into the house and into Lily's hug. "Oh Lils! How are you?" asked Molly, concernedly, looking at Lily once they had let go of one another.
"Oh I'm fine! Fine! Come in!" Lily pulled Sirius and Remus into the house also and then closed the door.
"Are you sure you're fine?" asked Sirius as he took off his hat and shook his shaggy head, looking with his dark eyes into Lily's.
"Oh yea! It's better that she's not suffering anymore," Lily said her rehearsed lines and smiled, avoiding everyone's eyes. "Where's Peter?" asked Lily, noticing he was missing.
"Couldn't make it," said Sirius. He exchanged a dark look with Remus.
"Ah," said Lily.
Everyone was still watching her.
"Here," Lily said. "Let me take you coats!"
Molly, Sirius and Remus, took off their hats, gloves, coats and scarves and handed them to Lily.
Lily walked into the living room and put the coats on the empty couch. She smiled at her cousins who were watching cartoons again, all wearing dress pants and shirts with trainers.
When Lily walked back into the kitchen she found Molly handing the kettle to Sirius who put it on the stove and then she moved to get cups out of the cupboard.
"Make yourself at home," said Lily grinning and gesturing to the table.
"I already have," said Molly. "Tea?" she asked Lily holding up a cup.
Lily smiled. "Yes please," she said as she sat at the table next to Remus.
"Where's James?" asked Remus, looking up as Lily sat next to him.
"He was upstairs in the shower," came a voice from the hallway. "But now he's down for breakfast!" James exclaimed as he emerged from the shadows of the hallway and into the bright, warm kitchen. He grinned at everyone in the room.
"Prongsie!" exclaimed Sirius, jumping up and striding over to James, pulling him into a hug.
"Padfoot! Missed you mate!" James said over the backslap Sirius had just given him.
James and Sirius made their way to the table. James sat down, as did Sirius, and said "Hello" to Remus; he smiled at Lily and nodded to Molly who asked, "Want some tea?"
"Please," said James. "And eggs if you're making."
Molly scrunched her nose, gave James an incredulous look and shook her head curtsying low, "As you wish, sire. Anyone else for eggs?" she asked looking around the table as she came up.
"Well. Now that you mention it…" Sirius began, rubbing his stomach. "I am rather hungry…" he continued as his stomach growled. "It's been ages since we ate…"
"If it's not too much of a bother," said Remus grinning.
"Molly, you're a guest. You don't have to cook these idiots…" Lily began
"And you?" interrupted Molly, pointing a frying pan at Lily. "How would you like your eggs?"
"Wha-" Lily began again. "No, I'm fine. I just at-"
"Scrambled they are then!' said Molly cheerily, walking to the fridge and pulling out the carton of eggs.
Sirius was gazing lovingly at Molly as she went about making everyone eggs. He sighed and said, "I'm so glad you my girlfriend, Mollykins."
Molly only shook her head as everyone at the scrubbed oak table, minus Sirius, snorted.
Molly placed a large pan of scrambled eggs on the table, along with toast and jam.
"Here," said Lily standing up, "let me help you with that."
"Why thank you Lils," said Molly.
"It's no trouble Mols." Lily went over to Molly and grabbed a handful of forks.
"Ok spill," said Molly. "How are you really feeling about all this?" asked Molly seriously.
"I'm perfectly fine," muttered Lily, staring at the forks she had just retrieved from the drawer.
"Don't lie to me, Lily. You'll only hurt yourself." Molly said, pausing to look to her.
"I'm not lying, Molly Christensen." Said Lily, a little agitated. "So…how about you and Black." Asked Lily, changing the subject.
Molly opened the cupboard and pulled down plates. "Don't change the subject Lily," she said, frowning slightly and looking into Lily's large green eyes with her dark brown eyes.
"Oh," sighed Lily, holding Molly's gaze. "Molly, it's nothing I can't handle. Besides," Lily grinned. "I have to be strong for…" Lily stopped mid-sentence and lost her smile; for whom exactly was she being strong? Lily didn't really know.
Her aunts? No they had each other.
For her little cousins? No they had their mothers and fathers.
For who then?
James?
Herself?
Lily decided it was for herself; she kept strong by being strong for others.
"For who, exactly?" asked Molly, her head tilting to one side, the plates balanced on her hip and being held in place by her hands. She always knew when Lily was trying to avoid something and she usually pressed until Lily told her.
"For my family," Lily said, it was partially true.
"Ah. I see." said Molly, clearly seeing she was getting nowhere with Lily. "You know what, Lily Evans, being strong for your family is going to be the death of you," Molly shook her head and walked over to the table to give the boys their plates. Then she started dishing out the eggs.
Lily followed with the forks and passed each person one, thinking over what Molly had just said.
Would trying to be strong all the time kill her? Now there was something to ponder.
Lily shook the thought from her head. The only thing that would kill her would be being weak.
They all sat and munched their toast and scrambled eggs; only the boys talking to one another about what had happened since James and Lily had been gone. Lily was only half listening; she was mentally preparing herself for what she was, and was not, going to do at the funeral…the one only an hour away.
"And then!" said Sirius through laughter, "Molly draws her wand and shoots a spell at Snape!"
"NO!" said James, looking at Molly.
"Yes!" concurred Remus. "The spell missed him completely…"
"HEY!" interrupted Molly pointing her fork at Remus and grinning. "It missed him by mere inches!"
"So she decided to run and latches onto his back and cover his eyes instead!" Remus continued, "So the two of them are flailing around the room. Then Sirius stuck out his foot and tripped the git, he grabbed Molly off Snape before they hit the ground, and then Molly did a leg-locker curse on him!"
James looked to Molly, who grinned at him.
"KerSPALT!" finished Remus as he smacked his hands together.
"Ah," said Sirius with another laugh. "A girl after my own heart."
"I try," said Molly, smiling fondly at Sirius.
There was a creaking as someone walked down the stairs.
Sirius, James, Remus, Lily and Molly all looked to the hallway as Aunts Jean, Terrie, and Norma emerged, followed closely by Chris, Brandon, and Shawn. All six of them were dressed in black, the colour of mourning.
"Well hello dears," said Terrie, through a weak smile. "It's so good of you to come."
Sirius and Remus stood up and said Hello to everyone as well.
"Well," said Norma. "It's time."
Lily stood up in a daze. "I'll get the coats then shall I?" she asked as she ambled into the living room and retrieved the winter wear.
When she returned everyone slipped into his or her coat. James emerged from the hall in his coat and held Lily's pea coat open for her. Lily slipped it on and turned to thank James.
"It's no trouble," he said. "I'm always here to help you."
Lily followed her aunts and cousins to the door. Everyone left the house and walked the short distance to the church where the funeral was going to be held.
Sirius, James, Remus and Molly all walked slightly behind the Evan's family, a respectful distance.
"So, has she even cried?" Molly asked James.
"I don't think so. I tried to talk with her, but she won't talk to me." Said James, looking at Molly. "She's just pushing me away."
"She really does need you," Molly said. "Even if she won't admit it."
"Just keep trying mate," said Sirius, nodding at James.
"Lily needs you now more than ever," continued Remus.
"I know!" James whispered back to them. "But she snapped at me the other day when I tried. So I've decided that if she needs help or comfort from me, she'll have to ask for it." James didn't really mean it; he really wanted to help Lily.
Molly sighed. "James!" she said impatiently. "That IS her way of asking!"
Sirius, Remus and James all looked at her questioningly. "WHAT?" asked Sirius and Remus together, careful to keep their voices down.
"What do you mean?" asked James, his eyebrows knitted together.
"I mean, that Lily never asks for help! So just push it on her. She'll eventually wise up and accept it," said Molly confidently.
"You seem to speak from experience," grinned Remus.
"Humph," Molly began. "You have no idea."
"All right, I'll give it one more go tonight," said James as they entered the church.
Lily and her family walked to the front of the church and sat in the first pew. Molly, Sirius, and Remus sat behind them with the other guests already in the church, praying for Marie's soul. James was about to sit with them when Chris beckoned him forward and motioned for him to sit next to Lily.
James nodded and sat on Lily's right. Chris nodded to James in approval and looked up at the alter.
Petunia and Vernon looked at James, both scowling, but saying nothing.
Lily looked sideways at James and smiled briefly.
The church filled as Marie's friends and family piled into it. Soon the mass started. The priest asked that Marie's soul be delivered safely into Heaven. Everyone bowed their heads and said a silent prayer.
"Just remember my children," said the priest kindly. "The one's we love never really leave us. Not as long as they're in our hearts." He did the sign of the cross.
The Aunts, Lily, James, Chris, Brandon, Shawn and the little cousins stood up and walked forward to the altar to pay their respects to their mother and grandmother. Lily touched the coffin as she passed.
So far so good. Keep it up girl. Lily thought.
Chris, Brandon, Shawn and, to his surprise, James bore the coffin to the cemetery. Lily walked close by in the procession. They walked out of the church and into the quiet street. The sky had become white and threatened snow. It was very cold and the wind whipped at their faces.
The remaining guests followed suit and then everyone walked to the cemetery where Marie was going to be laid to rest.
Chris, James, Brandon, and Shawn came to the cemetery and placed the coffin on the stand next to the freshly dug grave.
Everyone gathered around the grave, the family and the priest as he said his final words over Marie Evan's body. When he had finished, a soft, lone voice broke through the still, cold air and began to sing.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me…
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind but now I see
Lily looked around. There was Petunia and Vernon. Petunia with her long neck extended and Vernon with his hand on her's. Petunia was dabbing at her nose with a tissue, though not crying; she didn't want to mess up her make-up. Lily's aunts were beyond tears, they had accepted that Marie was gone and in a better place. Ryan, Joe, Ben and Luke were still to young to be fully hit with this. Chris, Brandon and Shawn were all of a tough breed and wouldn't cry.
T'was Grace that taught…
My heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear…
The hour I first believed
Yea, when this heart and flesh shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
Lily looked to her friends standing close by. Molly had tears running down her cheeks and she was silently sobbing, her shoulders shaking. Sirius placed an arm around her and pulled her to him. She buried her face in his chest and he stroked her hair, occasionally kissing the top of her head. A single tear ran down his cheek.
Remus had his head bowed and eyes closed, his lips moving in a silent prayer.
To her left, Lily saw her childhood friend, Jacki,a blonde, curly haired girl with striking blue eyes. She was standing with her family and patting at her eyes with a tissue, her hand on her little brother's shoulder.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
Lily looked next to her and saw James. He was watching the singer, sadness in his eyes. Lily looked back at the coffin and felt a prickle starting at the corner of her eyes, a sure sign of tears. She sniffed and blinked them away, thinking of the homework she still needed to do.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
James heard Lily sniff and looked over, watching as she blinked furiously. He moved closer to her, just enough so that she could feel his body close to her's, a comforting warm in a world of cold.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me...
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
The singer finished. Aunt Jean handed Lily a red rose, the same colour of her hair, and then took Lily's hand, leading her to the coffin. Jean placed a rose on top of the coffin. Lily did also, a final farewell.
As the small crowd each took a rose and placed it onto the coffin, along with their last wishes and hopes for Marie, it began to snow.
The small white flakes drifted into the silence that had descended through out the graveyard.
Lily watched as the snowflakes slowly started to collect on James' eyelashes and she smiled to herself.
Everyone headed back to the Evan's house for the reception, a time for Marie's friends and family to sit, eat, and laugh about the wonderful times they had shared with her.
In the warm house, people paid their respects to Lily.
"I'm so sorry," was a frequent line.
To which Lily would respond, with her perfectly rehearsed line, "It's better that she's not suffering anymore. She's in a better place." A small smile would touch her lips, showing whomever was speaking to her that it was better that Marie had passed on.
Or if they had asked, "How are you?"
Lily would reply, "I'm fine." A little too quickly, but no one but James, Molly, Sirius, and Remus picked that up.
After all the guests had eaten their fill, talked until they ran out of stories and said their good-bye's to the family, everyone left.
The only people that remained, other than those normally in the house, were Molly, Sirius and Remus. They were staying the night.
Lily, James, Sirius, Remus and Molly were all seated around the kitchen table; it was ten thirty at night. They were all laughing at a story Molly had just told about when she had first met Marie. Well Lily wasn't laughing, just smiling a weak smile. She was distracted and thinking.
Lily false yawned. "Well," she said. "I think I'm off to bed."
She stood up from the table.
"G'nite Lils," said Molly and Sirius together.
"Good night," said Remus smiling.
"See you in the morning," said James.
Lily walked into the hall and up the winding staircase to her room.
"Now would be a good time…" murmured Molly out of the corner of her mouth and glancing toward the staircase, being careful not to let Lily hear, even if she was halfway up the stairs.
"Now?" asked James.
Molly nodded.
"She needs it mate," said Sirius.
"You'll be glad you did." Said Remus.
James stood up, walked to the hall, and turned to face his friends.
Remus smiled encouragingly, Sirius gave a double thumbs up, and Molly mouthed, "go."
James headed up the stairs toward his and Lily's room.
Lily entered her room and sat on her bed, leaving the lights off. She quietly remembered her grandmother. She was determined that she would be fine. No tears. Nothing. She felt her eyes tearing and she wiped them impatiently away, sniffing. She needed something to take her mind off of things.
There was a knock at the door and James walked in, closing the door behind him.
"Lily," he called, moving across the room and brushing aside the curtain that divided the room. He walked slowly toward her through the dark room. Lily sat on her bed, illuminated against the snowy window, her head bowed.
"I know how you must feel," said James softly, stopping in front of Lily and looking at her.
Lily stood up from the bed and faced James. She looked into his hazel eyes.
"I know how much your grandmother meant to you…" he started.
But Lily interrupted James; she threw her arms around his neck and began kissing him.
"Lily! What are you…"
But Lily silenced him by kissing him more fiercely, pulling him closer by the front of his shirt.
They moved backwards and fell onto her bed. Lily rolled over on top of James, her legs on either side of James' body. She pulled off her dress and leaned over James to continue kissing him, their hips rocking together.
Lily intensity and suddenness surprised James. This isn't right, though James. We're making a mistake. This isn't Lily.
Lily unbuttoned James shirt and pulled it off of him. Then she worked with trembling hands on undoing his pants. James stopped kissing Lily.
"Lily. Stop!"
Lily continued to kiss him.
"Stop Lily, you don't want to do this."
Lily stopped kissing James and looked down at him, "yes I do," she said breathlessly, bending down to kiss him again. She was still fumbling with his belt.
"No," James said as she scooted out from under Lily. "Tell me what you're feeling." James said softly.
"Nothing. I want this!" shouted Lily, her voice cracking. She kissed him again and ran her fingers through his hair
James held Lily's shoulders, pushing her away, andlooked into her big green eyes.
"Just talk to me..."
Lily looked back at James.
"Please, tell me what it is…"
Tears started to well in her eyes and she did nothing to stop them. They leaked down her cheeks, splashing onto James' bare chest. Lily looked away from James.
"Lily you don't have to be strong all the time. Lean on me," said James soothingly. "Let your grief pass. Acknowledge your feelings."
Lily's shoulders started shaking. James pulled Lily down to him. She buried her face in his neck as he wrapped his strong arms around her, comfortingly. The dark hiding her tears.
"It's all right. Shhhsh," said James softly, soothingly, stroking her hair. "Shushhs…"
Their they sat, Lily and James, mortal enemies not weeks before, on a bed in the dark as the snow drifted past the window.
Lily cried and cried while James patiently held her close and comforted her.
"I'm here Lily," he said. "I'll always be here. It's all right."
Lily cried until she couldn't cry anymore. The she fell asleep in his strong, comforting, protecting arms. James was still stroking her hair.
James looked down at Lily. Her eyelashes still had tear clinging to them. The laid back on the bed, bringing Lily slowly back with him. James pulled the blankets up over them, still holding Lily close, as though if he let her go, she'd fade away.
Lily took a deep shuddering breath and snuggled close to James. James buried his face in Lily's softly scented hair and drifted off to sleep, still holding Lily safely in his arms.
Well there you have it. The latest chapter of A Dying Wish. I rather enjoyed it. And I hoped you did too.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review!
Thank you.
Until next time
Keep a sharp eye ;)
Pupparoux