Chapter 2 – The wrong target.
Ino and Sakura had planned the first part of Making Sasuke Jealous carefully and decided that the best place to start flaunting their newfound sexualities would be one of Sasuke's favourite training grounds early in the morning. So at around eleven …
"What the hell took you so long, Forehead Girl?"
"Some of us like to look good before we leave the house. Ever heard of hair straighteners?"
"No wonder you're such a crappy ninja. You spend your whole time doing your hair instead of training."
"Actually, I think you'll find boys LIKE that sort of thing."
"Maybe, but boys like Sasuke like girls who can fight, not shallow ones who take THREE HOURS blow-drying their hair EVERY DAY."
"Shut up, Ino-pig. What if Sasuke finds us arguing - he'll get the wrong impression. Let's get started already!"
"OK. So. I guess we have to kiss."
"That was the idea, moron."
"This is so weird. We've known each other, like, forever. And you hate me."
"Just pretend it's Sasuke."
Ino stood awkwardly, closing her eyes. Without that penetrating blue stare, Sakura reflected, she looked almost nice. Almost. The animators were getting bored again, so they blew a few leaves across the screen in slow-mo. One of them brushed Ino's cheek and her face contorted into an annoyed grimace, eyes slamming open.
"Call that a kiss? Get real. It's gotta look convincing."
This will be my first kiss, thought Sakura. I'd always dreamed it would be with Sasuke, but no, it has to be with my worst enemy, my arch-nemesis, the most hated person in all the world: Ino-pig. The girl who has ruined all my dreams and made my plans fail. If it weren't for her, Sasuke would be mine right now. Grr, that bitch. I wish I could tie paperweights to her feet and drop her in slow-drying concrete. I wish I could – wait. This isn't the right attitude. I have to pretend to myself that I like her. What do I like about Ino-pi - I mean, Ino-chan?
Memories... a ribbon, flowers, a blonde girl helping her off the ground. Before we liked Sasuke. When we were bestest best friends. Still, bestest best friends who would not DREAM of kissing each other. Or kissing, full stop. There had to be something in the present day Ino that Sakura admired. Scanning Ino's face, she settled on the eyes. At first, she could only see dull, hardened blue. Look deeper, Sakura. Aha! there was something there, some sort of spark of friendship and affection. Not just remnants either…
"Get on with it," Ino growled. So Sakura did.
There were no explosions (it's too low budget for that) but the air around the two girls glowed faintly pink and shoujo bubbles started to hover and multiply around them. It had begun.
"4997 ... 4998 ... 4999," gasped Rock Lee, "Just ... one ... more ... ugh." His arms gave way and he hit the hard earth of one of Konoha's training grounds. Sighing, he rolled over and gazed at the sky, thinking about the ten thousand kicks he had set himself to do as penance. I mustn't be downhearted though! Every impossible target I set myself will one day be within reach! Then I can truly be worthy of Gai-sensei's pride! If I can manage the next ten - no, better make it twenty - thousand kicks, Sakura will love me! YES!
With these inspiring thoughts in his head, Lee jumped up, punched the air and ran towards the log he usually practiced his sidekicks on. He gave it a doubtful look. The patches on either side were so worn away that it looked like an hourglass. Uh-oh. Master Iruka's gonna be cross with me - they only replaced it last month. Maybe there's a tree I can practice on...
Around the glade, the trees seemed to lean back from Rock Lee's enthusiastic stare and wished they had grown more thorns when they were younger, like their parents had told them to. There was no need though. His attention had been distracted by something a few metres away. It would've looked to the casual passerby like a piece of pink candyfloss bobbing above the foliage, but Lee recognised it immediately. Edging through the bushes, he approached it cautiously, mumbling under his breath:
"It's a lovely day for a walk together, don't you think, Sakura-chan? ... too obvious ... um ... So, Sakura, wanna go someplace ... no way ... Sakura, my love for you has bloomed like the cherry blossoms. If you deny me, know that my branches will be laid bare ... yep, that sounds about right."
Satisfied with his opening line, he stood up straight, brushed a few twigs off his green jumpsuit, smiled his toothpaste-ad smile and -
- gazed in open-mouthed horror.
It couldn't be true. This couldn't be happening. Rock Lee's one true love, his reason for living, his idol, his beautiful pink-haired princess was KISSING someone else. If you don't know how this feels, imagine you've just swallowed a brick. Covered in sandpaper. Coated with lemon juice. Wrapped in barbed - anyway, you get the message. And of all the people she had chosen to smash his dreams with, why on earth did it have to be –
"-Ino." Sakura broke off kissing for a moment and looked puzzled.
"Mmm. What?" Ino opened her eyes.
"Did you just hear something?"
"What, like somebody yelling 'SAKURA-CHAN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' and then this big crash and footsteps running away?"
"…yeah. Should we go and investigate?" said Sakura half-heartedly.
"Aww ... I was nearly enjoying that. But OK then."
By the time they had arrived at the taijutsu area of the training grounds, there was only a small dustcloud and a tree with a really, really big dent in it. Rock Lee and his broken heart had left. The girls stood there for a moment, watching the shadows fly across the glade as the clouds moved overhead.
"Well, there's obviously no-one here. So shall we call it a day?" Ino gestured back at the path where Rock Lee had found them.
"No point continuing."
"Um, Sakura…"
"What?" Sakura turned quickly, a strange, frightened look on her face that she attempted to replace with a frown.
"You're actually quite a good kisser," replied Ino, smiling to show she was half-joking.
"Right? OK. Bye then." A quick, forced smile and Sakura blurred. Twigs and leaves dislodged and tangled in Ino's hair, but she didn't touch them. She just stood there for a long moment, her fingertips brushing her lips and her face confused.
It was the bi-annual All-You-Can-Eat day at the Ichiraku Ramen Bar and Naruto, Chouji and Shikamaru were determined to make the most of it. The air was full of steam and smoke from the freshly cooked ramen and the kitchen staff had started to look slightly frantic.
For Naruto and Shikamaru it had become a contest to the bitter end, or at least chronic indigestion, while Shikamaru watched them, feeling bored and faintly amused. The eating competition had passed through the phase of yelling insults at each other between each mouthful. Their corner of the ramen bar had become ominously silent apart from the muffled sounds of steady chewing and the occasional, "Pass me another bowl." The atmosphere was icy.
Until a green blur skidded to a halt beside them and started shouting at them.
"ELKBEJODSAKURAEKSOBJINODODSFO!" it said.
"What was that, Rock Lee?" asked Shikamaru, managing to sound slightly interested.
Wiping tears from his red face and leaves from his hair, the green-clad ninja tried again:
"Sakura - Ino - kissing!"
Naruto's eyes bulged. He swallowed his mouthful, slamming down his chopsticks.
"WHAAAAAAT?"
Shikamaru made the effort to fractionally raise his left eyebrow, although clearly even this small action was troublesome and unnecessary in his opinion. Chouji shrugged and continued to shovel crisps into his mouth.
Rock Lee and Naruto stared at them, outraged. How could these people not understand the concepts of True Love and Betrayal? They had to be heartless.
"What the hell do you mean, SO?" yelled Naruto, slamming his fists down on the table. "How can you guys be so CALM about it?"
"If they're together, they won't be bugging us for a while, will they?" drawled Shikamaru. The thought of Ino and Sakura ignoring him and being quiet was a good thought. It sounded peaceful, and didn't require any effort on his behalf, so he supported it.
"B-but they're both girls!" yelled Naruto. "They can't do stuff like that!"
From the shadows at the side of the ramen bar, a figure with spiked hair clutching a questionable novel emerged and grabbed Rock Lee's arm in a gloved hand.
"Where exactly did you say this event was occurring, Lee?" muttered a voice urgently from beneath a mask. "I –I must see this!"
"Kakashi-sensei, you PERVERT! It's sick! You can't go and WATCH it!" shouted Naruto indignantly. "We have to stop it."
"Oh no, Naruto-kun, we can't do that!" Kakashi gasped, brandishing his book self-righteously. "That would be a crime, preventing two such flowers in the bloom of youth from expressing their true feelings for each other!"
"Spoken like a man, my friend," boomed Gai-sensei in the now extremely overcrowded ramen bar. "Come on, Lee-kun, where was this joyous event taking place?"
"In the training ground, sensei."
"Let's go!" Gai-sensei just had time to flash a blinding smile at everyone before he was dragged away by Kakashi.
Momentary silence, then:
"Yuck, did you see that? He was holding a disposable camera!"
Fist raised, Rock Lee leapt up onto the table, splattering instant ramen in everyone's faces. He struck what he thought was an impressive pose, spoiled slightly by the noodles draped over his bowl-cut like highlights.
"Naruto, I know we've had our differences in the past, but now is the time for us to cast them aside! We must bond together against this madness!"
"Yeah, what exactly are you trying to say, Fuzzy Brows?"
"We must split them up so we can win back Sakura-chan's wayward heart!"
"Yeah!"
And in the background…
"...can anyone see my chopsticks? The crazy man hit them when he jumped on the table."
"…never mind about that now dear, let's just leave quietly…"
"Ugh, you guys wear me out, acting so hyper all the time. Just don't do anything troublesome."