Their Greatest Problem
A FMA fanfiction by Mizu Miyamoto
Chapter Ichi: Eins: One
"Big brother, get up!"
"I don't wanna get up!"
"Come on! It's important!"
"No!"
Today was Edward Elric's day off. That meant no chasing after deranged criminals, no fighting Roy, and no orders from Miss Hawkeye. And because it was his day off, Ed was sleeping in.
"But big brother…" Al mumbled.
"FINE! I'M OUT OF BED!" snarled Ed, popping out of bed, "Now what more do you want!"
"Look outside. You're not going to like it…"
Ed drew the plaid curtains. Outside, as far as the eye could see, were masses and masses of rabid, demented fangirls. Some had shirts with pictures of Ed embroidered on them, some had Ed (and even some Al) plashes clutched tightly to their chests. There were even some fangirls who were foaming at the mouth, their red eyes complimenting their rabidness.
"Hurry, draw the curtains before they see us!" However, it was too late. Some fan girls had already detected their presence, and they began crowding their faces into the windowpane, just to get a better look at their beloved idol. Ed wrinkled his face in disgust. "We've got to escape! We will be safe up on the roof." The two scrambled out of the room and into the hallway, only to be met by a group of fangirls, who had their hair styled just like Ed's.
"I love you the most out of all the fangirls Ed! Take me home with you!" squealed one fat Ed fangirl.
"I love you even more than her! I have wallpaper with pictures of you all over it! I have statues of you in my garden! I have socks with your name on them! I even have some underwear with your picture on them!" cried a pimple-covered fangirl. There was an especially large pimple on her chin.
"I love Ed more!" sneered the fat fangirl, placing her hands on her hips.
"No, I love him more! I love him so much that I would rip my heart out and feed it to him if he were starving!"
"I LOVE HIM MORE YOU SQUEALING FANGIRL! I WOULD CUT OFF ALL MY HAIR JUST TO GIVE HIM A WIG IF HE WERE BALD!"
Sweatdrops ran down Ed and Al's head.
"I LOVE ED SO MUCH THAT I WOULD KILL MY FAMILY TO SAVE HIS LIFE!"
"NO NO NO! I LOVE ED MORE! I WOULD DRINK BRUSSEL SPROUT SODA EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE JUST TO BE HIS WIFE!
"No you wouldn't!" Then, the two crazed girls got in a catfight, and beat each other senseless. Meanwhile, Ed and Al had found their way to the roof.
"I wonder where all the fangirls came from?" Al asked.
"I don't know….I wonder how Lt. Mustang is doing…I wonder if he has any frenzied fans chasing him around…"
A few miles away, Lt. Mustang was in his office, under a brutal assault of fan-girls.
"I don't know how long this barricade will hold them off…" sighed Risa Hawkeye, pushing the last of Roy's filing cabinets against the door.
"Well, we have three days worth of rations…maybe by then they'll be gone," Roy muttered. All of a sudden, a Molotov cocktail, a homemade grenade, flew through the window of Mustang's office.
"Grenade!" shouted Risa. The two ran to the farthest corner. The grenade exploded, sending pieces of shrapnel everywhere.
"Damn, they're persistent…" Roy grumbled, "What are we going to do to get them to go away?"
"Save us the trouble and just go out there and do their bidding."
"But they're rabid fangirls! In addition, fangirls like yaoi! And I'm heterosexual!"
"Hmmm, let me call some back-up."
"Yes, Armstrong here," said a burly man, picking up a telephone.
"We need your help. There's fangirls attacking us!"
"Yes ma'am. I'll be over at once."
"Meh….I'm hungry…" mumbled Ed, his stomach growling like a chimera in a cage.
"I'll go get you something to eat."
"No, nevermind Al. There's fangirls out there who want you too…I'll just go hungry."
"Can I eat them?"
Ed and Al's heads turned in response to the voice.
"You! You're behind all of this!"
To be continued…..