Disclaimer: For all those who want to know, Alphonse is in his armor form. I apologize for downgrading Roy Mustang to Lieutenant, but I forgot what rank he is. Anyway, I shall continue with the fiction.
Chapter Ni: Zwei: Two
"Can I eat them?"
Ed and Al's heads turned in response to the voice.
"You! You're behind all of this!" shouted Al. It was none other than the pudgiest of the homunculi: Gluttony.
"No, actually we aren't behind all this," said another voice. Lust appeared behind the living ball of lard.
"You! What are you doing here?" Ed interrogated.
"The same reason you're here: to escape the onslaught of fans," replied Lust, twirling her hair with her finger.
"There's such thing as Lust and Gluttony fans?" Al whispered into his older brother's ear. Ed nodded slightly.
"Couldn't you just have Gluttony eat them all?" Ed questioned.
"There's too many. The fangirls would overwhelm us with their want of autographs," Lust explained, "And its not like I can kill them…some of them are my fans…"
"So, we just stand up here and starve to death?" Edward snarled.
"I have a plan!" Gluttony commented, "We eat them!"
"I don't have any desire to become a cannibal," said Ed, sweatdrop rolling down his forehead. That's when a roof tile popped up. Then another popped up. And another.
"Oh no! The fans have discovered our location!" gasped Alphonse. More roof tiles flew off. Then, fangirls, like a swarm of rats, began to crawl out of the holes in the roof.
"WE WANT YOU ED!"
"AL AL AL! I MUST HAVE YOU ALPHONSE ELRIC!"
The fangirls came closer.
"WE LOOOOOOOVE YOU EDWARD!
"AAAAAAAAALLPHOOOOOOOOONNNNSEEEEEE!"
"GLUTTONY! I LOVE YOUR FATNESS!"
"Well, I guess we're at the end of our rope," sighed Lust.
"Not yet!" said Ed, clapping his hands together to form a transmutation circle. All of a sudden, the roof tiles turned into a set of stairs, which led down to the ground. Thankfully, there were no more fangirls down there; for they were all up on the roof. Al destroyed the stairs after everyone, including himself, had made it to the ground.
"Hey, where are you going?" questioned Ed. Lust was riding a lean, black horse. Gluttony rode a corpulent, chubby pony.
"Nice knowing you, Elric brothers!" said Lust, waving a hand. Gluttony smiled his gluttonous smile at the Elrics, and then the two rode off.
"Feh, we help them out and they just ride off," Ed grumbled.
"Well, they are the homunculi."
Ed exhaled deeply. "Anyway, we better report this to Risa…maybe she can help solve this fangirl problem."
"Oh my…" gasped Armstrong, staring at the mass of fangirls, "This is a problem…" Hmmmm…maybe I showed them my muscles maybe they would crowd around me and not Hawkeye and Mustang…
"Hey, fangirls, you want to see something even better than Roy?" shouted Mustang. The fangirls turned around and looked at Armstrong.
"Check this out!" Armstrong tore off his jacket, his bulky muscles exposed. He struck a pose, and smiled, showing off his shiny, glittering teeth.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww!" cried the fangirls. They were not interested in middle-aged men's muscles, let alone middle-aged men themselves. The Roy fangirls ran off, forgetting about their Roy-kun. Armstrong blinked in confusion. Are my muscles not big enough for them? Maybe my chest is too hairy…
"Armstrong! You saved us!" cheered Risa Hawkeye, emerging from the State Alchemist headquarters. Roy followed behind her.
"Ah, it was nothing," replied Armstrong, rubbing the back of his head, embarrassed.
"I award you the medal of courage!" announced Risa, pulling out a large, jewel-encrusted medal, "But first….you need to put your shirt back on…"
"Risa! Fangirls are after us!" shouted Ed, running into the scene.
"You were attacked too?" asked Roy.
"Yes! Both me and Al!"
"Alright Armstrong, go do your thing!"
"Yes ma'am!"
"But not yet," interrupted Mustang, "We must celebrate Armstrong's victory!"
"Yes! Let's! I'm hungry," added Edward.
The State Alchemists went all out at celebrating Armstrong's victory. Some alchemists played tubas and others performed karaoke. Beer, whiskey, vodka, and apple juice was served to all who came.
"Whooo hoo! This is damn good beer!" shouted Roy, banging his beer bottle on the table.At another table, Ed happily guzzled down apple juice and Alphonse polished his armor. Even Miss Hawkeye had a shot or two of whiskey.However, none of them noticed the fangirls, peering in through the windows….
To be continued…