The Tiger Took My Sanity
Chapter 16 - I Was The One
Author's notes:
Amelda: Man, this authoress is lame. She isn't going to get this fic out before the new year!
Me: Yeah, stop stating the obvious.
Thank you to LeDiva, Caroann fridh Bronach, and Fifilafemme for reviews for the last chapter! Here's some chocolate long johns, straight from a certain 24-hour restaurant/bakery. Enjoy!
This chapter was co-written with DJ Akira. Props to the creator of. . .a card I didn't plan on making!
I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!. . .aw, darn, the rest is at the end of the chapter.
I wouldn't spoil my own writing like that, now would I?
The entire Yu-Gi-Oh! cast: YES YOU WOULD!
x.x.x
Espa Roba woke up and did things as he normally would. His normal routine stopped cold when he found a card face-down on the toilet. It looked like it had been put there by one of his brothers. He sighed and looked at it. . .and looked at it again. . .and again. . .
WTF-00
DJ Xiatian
Decrease the Attack of all monsters on your opponent's side of the field by 1000 for every brother you have. Increase the Attack of this card by 1000 points for every sister you have. Your brother(s) and/or sister(s) must have the same biological parents as you. Your brother(s) and/or sister(s) do not need to be alive.
Fire/Majorly Tanned/Effect; 4; 1850/0; Secret Rare
Espa Roba giggled like his youngest brother. It was time to reclaim a lost card.
a,a,a
Joey resisted the urge to throw his phone into the wall. This was the ninteenth time in an hour that it had rung. All but two had been crank calls. One was from Tristan; the other was from his sister.
"HELLO!" Joey screamed into the phone.
"What the heck is your problem?" the voice on the other end of the phone said.
"Who are you?" Joey responded.
"I'm Espa Roba," Espa responded back.
"Who are you?" Joey repeated.
"I'm Espa Roba," Espa repeated, his voice stained with irritation.
"Who ARE you?" Joey repeated, again.
"You're the idiot that has my Jinzo," Espa said, through gritted teeth.
"My Jinzo? How did you know I have a Jinzo?" Joey asked. Espa did his best not to scream.
"Because that Jinzo was mine!"
"Oh, hi Espa," Joey said, flatly. Espa rolled his eyes.
"I want my Jinzo back," Espa said, equally flatly.
"But I won that Jinzo!" Joey protested.
"I'm gonna win it back," Espa stated.
"You? Win? HAH!" Joey said into the phone.
"Wanna bet? Meet me at the park fountain in three hours," Espa said.
"Three hours? You're on, shorty!" Joey smirked as he hung up. This was too easy.
a.a.a
Espa's four brothers loved to watch their oldest brother duel, so the "aniki" of the family let them tag along. Things soon got messy after the middle brother dumped the second-youngest brother into the fountain.
Joey arrived just as the second-oldest brother fished the second-youngest brother out of the fountain. The wettest brother looked up at Joey. He ran over to give the current owner of Jinzo a hug.
Joey ran, screaming like a little girl.
Espa's youngest brother tripped the brother chasing Joey. Joey sat down on a random bench and sighed with relief.
"Are you going to avoid me all day?" one of Espa's brothers asked Joey. Joey jumped.
"That wasn't very funny," Espa said, as he tucked the offending brother under his arm. Joey's eyebrows went up.
"Fine, fine, I'll duel ya, and beat ya up again!" Joey said, bad accent and all. The entire Roba family sighed.
The two duelists set themselves up in front of the fountain. Espa's second-oldest brother caught Espa's middle brother as the latter attempted to dump Espa's youngest brother into the fountain.
"Er. . .wanna play with half the normal Life Points?" Espa asked. Joey regarded the scene at the fountain, and nodded. It wouldn't be long before the brothers started to interfere with the duel. Both duel disks were initialized at 4000 Life Points.
"Since I'm the one that had to wake up early, I'm going first!" Joey stated.
"It's two in the afternoon," Espa said, VERY flatly.
"Yeah. . .well. . .I know that! It's still early!" Joey said, as he drew his hand.
"I'll play Masaki the Legendary Swordsman in defense mode, and I'll set one card face down. Go ahead, you. . .HEY, LET GO OF THAT!" Joey addressed Espa, and his second-youngest brother, who had a firm grip on Joey's leg.
"Very well, I'll set this and this and end my turn," Espa said. One set monster and some Magic/Trap card appeared on Espa's side of the field.
"It's my. . .ooh, what's this? Hmm," Joey muttered to himself. Espa wondered if Joey's proverbial screws were loose.
"Hey, it's invisible!" one of Espa's younger brothers said. Espa sighed and carted the offending brother out of the duel.
"I'm gonna activate this! Giant Trunade!" Joey's semi-disturbed laughing scared several random pigeons. Espa sighed and returned his face-down Trap card to his hand.
"Next I'll activate--" Joey started to say.
"Is this a cooking show or something? Do you need to explain everything in steps?" Espa asked with a growl.
"Gee, you're cranky tod--YOW!" the blond duelist yelped. Espa's youngest brother had mysterously appeared on Joey's shoe. The younger of the two cried heartily.
"I'll play Polymerization, and bring out the Flame Swordsman!" Masaki disappeared, and reappeard with a flaming sword.
"Now I'm gonna get rid of your face-down monster!" Joey exclaimed, for the umpteenth time.
"Get a life," Espa muttered to himself, as his face-down monster flipped face-up. It was a Roulette Barrel. Joey swore.
"Don't use that kind of language in front of my brothers!" Espa screamed. Joey turned white, as his Life Points took a minor nosedive.
"I'll set this card again, and let you go, Your Pastiness," Joey said with sarcasm.
"You're irritating," Espa stated, as he drew. One of Espa's pale eyebrows went up. This could not be happening.
"I'll--hey, knock it off!" Espa said, very irritated. Espa's middle brother jumped up and down on Joey's face-down card.
"I sacrifice my Roulette Barrel to bring this out!" The Roulette Barrel vanished. In its place, a redhead with a can of lighter fluid and a sword appeared. Espa read the card aloud. Joey and all of Espa's brothers oohed their admiration.
WTF-39
Freaky the Matchstick General
If this card attacks a Fire-type monster, double the attack of this card, then destroy this card during the End Phase of the turn in which the beginning of this very long sentence was executed.
Earth/Warrior/Effect; 6; 2100/0; Rare
"But there's no. . .wait a minute!" Joey's eyes went wide, as the Matchstick General doused his sword (which was a rapier, in case anyone was interested) in lighter fluid.
Freaky wound up, then charged full-on, sword-first into the Flame Swordsman. The latter swung his sword. A brilliant explosion lit up the field. Joey's face fell, as his Life Points hit 1400.
"I'll set this card, and play this one," Espa said smoothly. Before Espa put his card into the duel disk, he read the effect aloud, very loudly. Then he took out a roll of spare duct tape and taped all four of his brothers to a nearby park bench. Joey sweatdropped. The two duelists then walked closer to each other, so that they could see what the other duelist did.
WTF-14
The Beauty of Silence
Neither you or your opponent can speak. Put 1 counter on this card for every one of your Standby Phases that passes after this card is activated. The first person to speak, for any reason at all, takes Direct Damage equal to the number of counters on this card x 450 Life Points.
Ultra Rare; Continuous (Magic)
Espa ended his turn; Joey nodded, and drew a card. A monster appeared on his side of the field. It was DJ Lilith, oversized belt pouches and all.
Joey put an equip card on Lilith. Espa's eyes widened. He managed to read most of the effect.
WTF-50
Nail Polish
This card can only be equipped to "DJ Celica", "DJ Erika", "DJ Nyah", "DJ Lilith", "DJ Tsugaru", "DJ Iroha", or "DJ Sakura". Increase the equipped monster's attack points by 500 Points.
Common, Equip (Magic)
Joey nodded at Lilith. The latter took out a spell book. Espa flipped his face-down face-up. Joey read the effect, and shook his head. It was Volume Control. Since Joey couldn't even spell chemistry, DJ Lilith simply put her spell book away. Her ever-gloomy expression didn't change.
Espa drew, and blinked. Today must not have been his lucky day. He placed the card he drew face-down, and ended his turn.
Joey drew, and nodded at Lilith again. The latter took out her spell book (again), and this time, she wasn't interrupted. Espa's Life Points dropped to 1700.
Espa drew again. His eyes went wide. What kind of combo was this? He sighed mentally, then played his Reflect Bounder in Attack mode. Joey did his best not to look worried. It didn't matter, for it was Joey's turn.
Joey drew, and smiled. He played something in face-down Defense position, and motioned for Espa to go.
Espa drew, then smiled right back at Joey. He didn't need to use what he had just drawn just yet. He motioned for Joey to go.
Joey drew, then sacrificed DJ Lilith and his face-down card for his pet, the Red-Eyes Black Dragon. Espa rolled his eyes. Joey then slapped something on the Dragon that Espa didn't recognize.
WTF-27
Clear Eyes
This card can only be equipped to a "Red-Eyes Black Dragon". The equipped monster gains 600 Attack Points and 500 Defense Points. Change the attribute of the equipped monster to Light. Wow.
Common; Equip (Magic)
The Red-Eyes Black Dragon in front of Espa began to change. In moments, Espa found himself staring at a Blue-Eyes White Dragon. Espa blanched.
Apparantly, the shock of seeing his beloved Red-Eyes turn into. . .that made Joey forget about the rest of his turn. He simply motioned for Espa to go. A tear trickled down the corner of one of Joey's eyes.
Espa drew. There was a way to get that stupid dragon off the field, but he'd have to sacrifice some Life Points to do so. He summoned DJ Tekka. The aspiring sushi chef popped out, with a bandage across his hand. Espa shook his head. DJ Tekka pouted cutely.
Espa motioned for DJ Tekka to attack. DJ Tekka gave him a confused look. Espa did his best to smile. DJ Tekka threw his hands in the air, and rushed the mutated Red-Eyes. Red-Eyes breathed. During the attack, Espa had activated FNA Surgery. Joey's monster was now considered a DJ.
Espa winced as his Life Points plummeted to 600. Once the dust cleared, Espa smiled at his Graveyard, then activated a Magic card that he was sure Joey had never been hit with before.
WTF-1
After Genocide Another
This card can only be activated during Main Phase 2. Destroy all monsters with the word "DJ" in their name that were a part of the previous Battle Phase (except for DJ Nyah).
Rare (Magic)
With a silent roar, Joey's only monster exploded into tiny bits. Espa's brothers oohed and ahhed. One of them burped.
Espa played two cards face-down and ended his turn. Joey drew, silent as ever. He played a non-monster face-down, and ended his turn, too. At the end of Joey's turn, Espa activated the card he had thrown down.
WTF-58
Improperly Activated Magic Card
This card must be activated at a time when a Normal Magic Card is NOT supposed to be activated. Return one card from your Graveyard to your Deck, then shuffle your Deck AND your opponent's Deck.
Rare (Magic, obviously)
Espa yanked DJ Tekka from his Graveyard, then proceeded to shuffle both decks. Joey arched an eyebrow, and drew. He played a monster in face-down Defense position and ended his turn.
Espa drew, and somehow kept a giggle to himself. He turned Joey's face-down monster into Crossout bait. Joey blinked, then revealed his face-down monster. It was the Swordsman of Lanstar. Nothing interesting, really.
Joey drew, and played Confiscate. Espa revealed his face-down. It was too perfect.
WTF-4
Double or Nothing
You can only activate this card when your opponent activates a card effect that specifies a specific amount of Life Points to be paid, or a card that specifies a multiple of life points to be paid. Your opponent must pay double the specified/chosen Life Points. If he/she cannot/does not want to, negate the effect of that card, and if that card is a Magic or Trap card, destroy it.
Rare; Counter (Trap)
Joey obviously couldn't pay 2000 Life Points, so his Confiscate simply fizzled. Espa did his best to look smug. Espa's second-youngest brother stuck his tongue out at Joey, who wasn't paying attention to the bench.
Espa drew. A very pretty monster stared back at him. It was time to get Jinzo back. Espa played DJ Xiatian face-up. . .
. . .and Joey flipped his Bottomless Trap Hole face-up. DJ Xiatian disappeared before she could even make an appearance. Espa fumed.
Joey drew, set a Monster, and ended his turn, like a good dog.
Espa drew, then set his own Monster, and ended his turn too, like a good aniki.
One of Espa's brothers yawned loudly.
Joey drew, and sacrificed his Mystery Monster for Jinzo. Espa knew that if Jinzo had eyes, it would have blinked. Jinzo attacked Espa's face-down card, which was another Roulette Barrel. The Barrel exploded (but not with monkeys).
Espa drew, and breathed a mental sigh of relief. He was saved. . .for now. He played a Magic card he'd been dying to play for a long, long time.
WTF-46
Very Revealing Swords
Take off one article of clothing (if it comes in a pair, then it's considered one article) during your opponent's Standby Phase to prevent your opponent from declaring an attack for the duration of that turn. You may use this effect for up to three articles of clothing. If you cannot/will not remove an article of clothing, destroy this card. You are not allowed to break any laws regarding public decency.
Common; Continuous (Magic)
"OH HELL NO!" Joey screamed, after reading the effect of the card. Jinzo facefaulted, green as a pea. Joey's Life Points fell to 0 and then some, thanks to The Beauty of Silence. Espa grinned. Espa's brothers cheered.
"I'd like my. . ." Espa said, and trailed off. Jinzo still looked green.
"Hey, what's wrong with him?" Joey asked. Jinzo looked up at Joey. If it had eyes, it would have had puppy dog eyes.
"Are you telling me that you don't want to come with me?" Espa asked Jinzo. Jinzo nodded.
"Well, well, you've been rejected by your own monster!" Joey exclaimed.
"Will you come back with me some other time?" Espa asked Jinzo. Jinzo nodded.
"Very well, you may stay with Joey for now. If you ever want to come back, please let Joey know," Espa said. Jinzo nodded before disappearing.
"Hey aniki, I gotta pee," the middle brother stated. Espa looked around, but only saw Joey's back, which was disappearing rapidly. He sighed. How was he supposed to get that duct tape off?
Somewhere, in another world, Jinzo regarded Espa's plight, and did its own version of a giggle.
x.x.x
Author's notes, extended
I do NOT own anything related to IIDX, or any variations of Poker. Sorry. I also do not own any commercially made products.
"I Was The One" is a song by good-cool, that really has very little to do with anything, other than the fact that Espa was the one that originally owned Jinzo. This song debuted in Beatmania IIDX 2nd Style.
Freaky the Matchstick General is the last part of the parody of the Freed series. Its effect was something I'd had in my mind for a while.
"The Beauty of Silence" is a song by Svenson and Gielsen, which debuted in Beatmania IIDX 7th Style. It's a nice trance song. I made this card effect because I think that most duelists talk too much.
Nail Polish is a reference to the fact that all the female DJ characters (as well as DJ Siren) wear nail polish. The 500 Attack has something to do with fingers. . .
Clear Eyes is a nice product which I don't own. It basically turns an itchy Red-Eyes Black Dragon into a Blue-Eyes White Dragon.
After Genocide Another is a reference to two things. Its effect is quite similar to After Genocide (which was later renamed After the Struggle). "Genocide" is a song by dj Killer whose Another note pattern debuted as the extra stage in Beatmania IIDX RED. Get it? No? Really? Aw, man. . .
The Improperly Activated Magic Card was put in by me as a protest to Yugi and Co.'s habit of activating all sorts of Magic cards on the wrong turn.
Double or Nothing is a term used in certain gambling games (i.e. blackjack). It's used to double a bet.
The Very Revealing Swords was a group effort on the part of me and at least two other people. The effect was meant to scare off other duelists. It also triggers "The Beauty of Silence"'s effect quite nicely. Joey screamed because he didn't want to see Espa in less than what he was already wearing. Given Espa's lack of pigmentation, I don't blame Joey for screaming.
I've got a couple more things to wrap up, then a card list, then a sequel to write. About a quarter of the cards are already done for the sequel to this story, so stay tuned. . .
Varon: Yeah, and she'll start it when the chickens come home.