A/N: Yes, I live. XD Please review. This was an RP between Zarya and I. It's based off of how though the characters are young and silly, they all grow up.
Zarya: Yuffie
Sora: Me
She smiled.
They didn't know why. To them she should have been like the others, like what Leon had become almost immediately after everything. They thought she'd break down. She was a child then, after all.
But she had enough sense to know it wasn't the end of her life--just of her world.
The others had gained hope when the Keyblade master came a few years later--she had it all along.
---
He glanced down at the water gently swaying against his ankles and an odd grin spread across his lips. To him, they were all wrong.
"Everything will get better."
"Everything will be torture."
To them, it was one or the other, never could be both. It was yes or no; wrong or right. No 'maybes' or 'what ifs'. That made them more logical, he reasoned, but left no room for the finer things in life
You could be broken and still smile.
---
She stretched her arms above her head, taking out the kinks that always were present when one was cramped up for some time. She just didn't like to run around as much as she did when she was younger--she didn't have too much energy that came with the effort to be happy.
Because she didn't need to try.
Black hair fell over her eyes as she leaned backwards, staring at the empty sky.
It seemed as if the stars refused to show themselves, but she knew.
---
His grin grew as he turned his head to look over his shoulder. Three kids were racing. Chuckling in a way that could be taken as though it didn't matter.
The memories didn't bother him. They just weren't there.
He liked to say that the 'hero' in him was just like everything else. They all got older, and the glory and the happiness, and the sadness that came along with them just didn't seem as appealing. He could see it both ways. The world was terrible, but the lives these people lived weren't. They complained too much; take the good with the bad. Things get easier, things get harder.
Take it in stride. There's more than one answer to everything, just like there was with Kingdom Hearts. A good side, a bad side. Light and dark. Yes and no. Negative and positive. What he did was both.
---
If she could, she would have named every star--every world--in the galaxy.
She was always so interested in what the others were doing. They got to visit other places, looking for other survivors, based on the sole fact they were older. That she wasn't mature. That she couldn't handle it.
Which was wrong. Hadn't she witnessed the same things they did? Hadn't she been there?
It only showed that she was better them. It showed that a least she could get on with her life, while the other stayed behind--locked behind iron bars, key in the lock with no will to get out.
---
He laid back, his hands behind his head. They still knew his name, and he wished they'd stop. Again with the 'logic'. He was always such a nice boy. Now, he wanted to scream at them. He wanted to cry.
He wanted to laugh. He wanted to smile. He wanted to be like everything they weren't. Everything she was. She smiled through it all, even when things were at their worst. Even he got a little withdrawn at times. But she always kept positive. She wasn't direct about; not the "Yeah! Great job!" She showed it discreetly, but you knew it was there. She believed things were bad and good.
Maybe that's where he got his form of logic from.
---
She began humming a tune, listening to the children behind her playing in the dirty rooms and hallways of the world. She remembered when she used to do that, before everything went wrong--she always was scolded by her mother. She remembered what she felt like coming back--it wasn't a good feeling. Almost like she wanted to stay back, in the world that served as their home while they waited.
Of course, she never forgot anything--it was one thing she counted as a blessing and a curse. She remembered the small things people did for her--the kind things--and made sure she'd repay them. But she couldn't forget the feeling of an empty void in her heart--the whole that had arrived after her world was destroyed, and when it widened when she realized she might never see him again.
---
He wasn't going to shrivel up and die if he never saw her face again, nor was he going to be oddly happy. It'd be nice, but she was a friend, a friend he took great interest in, but never said. 'I'm too shy...' Some words left unspoken were better left that way; if he had told her, the little mastery of bad luck would rise. Something would have happened, and his ideals wouldn't have ended up this way. So maybe it was better, and if he saw her now, he'd say it.
But it was different, the danger still lingers, but the bitterness of it all was gone. It wouldn't be like losing a part of him anymore. She was there, in his mind and his heart, but she was fading. And it didn't kill him. 'See? I love her. And I won't lie about it, but I won't mourn over it either, I'm alright.'
---
"What's in a shooting star?" she wondered out loud, saying it softly to herself because she knew no one would answer such a stupid question. It never made sense to her--if the stars were really worlds, what did it mean when they streaked across the sky?
Something caught in her throat, making it slightly harder to breathe. He would know, wouldn't he? Of course he would know. He's seen it all, so
Maybe he even was on a shooting star. Wouldn't that be a great story?
'No,' she thought bitterly. 'I won't think of him. Not now.'
Sometimes, a friend had told her, it's better to wait a while to examine what your feelings are instead of leaving them fresh--you won't know what they are.
But she knew what she was feeling. She'd known for a while.
---
He stood up and shook his head. It was simple: Good and bad were the same. He saved lives, but destroyed another. Evil lingered within everyone and everything that lived in breathed. Pride was an evil. (He didn't show it) Envy was an evil. (He didn't feel it) Anger was an evil. (He didn't feel it) Sloth was an evil. (He always ignored it) Greed was an evil. (He had what he needed) Gluttony was an evil. (He was content with what was given) Lust was an evil. (He silently loved her) So everything was bad, but everything was good.
Ansem did his deeds with what he thought was good intent. Taken as evil to others. What he did was good. But still bad. He never thought she was perfect, because she wasn't. No one was. And he said that to anyone and everyone who still thanked him. He still took a life. He was still good. And he was still bad.
---
Showing weakness, she learned early on, just made everyone pity you. You had to be strong. Being a child only made it ten times worse--the adults felt the need to baby you so they could take away their own pain. She tried to take it for a while, just to make them happy, but she couldn't stand it.
And that's why she didn't show weakness when he left--when he could have died. She told a half truth, that she'd never forget him. Never. Yes, she had a good memory. But it's hard to forget one you love.
Yes, love. It was a big word for her then--and was still one. She didn't understand it. The emotion made her sad when she thought of him, and sometimes she became reserved and didn't talk. Other times she'd picture him smiling, or being teased, or pouting, or just being him and she'd feel happy.
She knew it wouldn't make sense to her--even if he turned out to be alive, and she told him. But she couldn't go through losing someone again--she wanted him gone.
---
It was safe to say he missed her, the smile wasn't fake, or let on that she was hiding something. It wasn't positively charming, but it had an air that just made you want to smile too.
"If I saw her..." His smile faltered, how incredible. He'd feel ashamed, for the first time in his life. 'Would she approve of what I've become?'
"She's better than everyone; and yet, still worse." He laughed.
Brushing the sand off of him he began walking. Where? He wasn't sure, just needed to clear his mind more. Guilt was starting to choke. He smiled a bitter smile, he'd probably cry.
"I love her." He said softly, and a lady walking by smile. 'Most likely thinking about "true love" he thought with remorse. There wasn't such a thing. Like before, a light side and a dark side.
---
She'd smile again, staring into the sun, if that's what she could do to get him out of her thoughts.
She left the others to live on her own a few years ago, hoping to wander. Everyone knew of her hopes to see the universe. But she never used the ship she had. She was sure it was still sitting in some garage, collecting dust.
She never left because, what if he came and she wasn't there? What if he took for granted that she and the others would be there--sitting, waiting, for they had nothing to do? It made no sense to her. People move on. They go to different places.
But she believed it, too.
She sighed, staring once again at the sky. It was so open--so full of answers. "Where," she stared, voice breaking. "Where is he?"
As expected, no one answered.
---
He paused in front of the glass window of one of the many shops, the light was fading quickly and there was a faint icy breeze. His blue eyes met the ones in the reflection and he could remember Shadow Sora easily. He never dwelled on what happened, who he remembered much. But some things came back and haunted him. She certainly did.
"Yuffie-" He stopped, Shadow Sora was still there, grinning.
His lifeless lips mimicking him, and he shook his head quickly. "Enough." He said, moving forward again, hands shoved in his pockets. 'I won't remember them. They're gone.'
---
She swore she heard her name.
She tensed up, like she always did when she thought she was alone but heard a noise, and listened. The children were still playing, but were down a different hall. Beside them, she heard footsteps--those of a newly-wed couple walking down toward her.
She let out a sigh. Why was she always that tense when her name was called? Most of the time it was Aerith or someone coming to see if she wanted dinner or something (which she never declined. Something's never changed, and she still hated to cook).
The voice, however, was different. But familiar. How did that work? Either she knew it or not. The population was only steadily increasing since the heartless were banished, and she knew just about everyone. Plenty of people heard about the attack so many years ago--and they kept away. Nothing was wrong with her world.
However, the problem lied within those old enough to remember the attack.
---
His breath increased, something seemed to linger around that was bringing the memories he tucked away many years ago. Now twenty-four he lived a simple life. A house, a way to get around, a fair amount of money. He lived alone though, and it seemed better. He didn't believe in ending your life because of being alone, but he believed in insanity; which kept him alone.
"I'm not clinically unstable," He muttered, "I think different." They're just too caught up in their own lives to understand.
'Back to the evil. It'll never leave you will it, Sora?' He cringed and stopped at a corner. 'She'd be disappointed.'
---
The last time she truly ever felt happy was when she thought... she thought she saw him.
She was overjoyed, and, for a second, lost track of everything that was going on around her. Then, when she had earned her share of glares from the people around her and lost track of 'him', she sprinted down the street to catch up, calling his name. She expected him to stand there, smiling, shaking his head at her stupidity for almost running over a little kid.
But when she found him... he wasn't the right guy. Blonde hair, not brown, cold eyes, not the sparkling ones she had grown to love.
"Who are you?" he demanded, eyes cutting into her. "Are you stupid or something?"
And then he turned and left, not knowing she thought he was mocking her--mocking her eagerness to meet with an old friend.
She still refused to believe she loved him then.
But now, sitting alone in her old world, the one she nearly hated, she could swear she heard him. That she saw him. That he was walking right toward her.
Even though she knew it wasn't him--it couldn't be him--she began to wonder that, if he ever did come, he'd recognize her. He hair was a bit longer, down to her shoulders, because she didn't trust Aerith with a pair of scissors.
But she shouldn't care. She didn't have anyone she wanted to impress.
She turned around sharply, black hair flying into her face, and she ferociously brushed it away. She felt like she was going to cry.
---
Sora glanced up to make sure it was okay to cross. He wasn't morbid, but some things would be better than this life. He wasn't suicidal, he was in love.
His eyes caught on something...or rather, someone. Could it possibly...? He shook his head. 'Stop it,' He frowned, 'Letting your imagination run away with you isn't going to help.' His smile was still barely painted on his face, but like every part of him. It was happy, but sad. It held dark secrets as well as good ones. But he was broken in two.
---
She couldn't stand it anymore. Love wasn't a haunting thing; it was supposed to be beautiful! Not the awful feeling of someone squeezing her heart until it bled no more.
She stood up, tears stinging behind her eyes. It wasn't fair--he wouldn't be back. He wouldn't care for her, a thieving ninja. She wasn't special. She wouldn't stand out from a crowd. Heck, she lost her will to compete in the Coliseum, and was just useless!
She couldn't think straight. She needed to get away--to go to the cherry tree she always ran to as a child to help herself think, to have a place to break down. She didn't care if she was late to Aerith's dinner again. She had to deal with reality--and had to do it her own way.
---
The young woman standing across the street from him looked so familiar. His breath was nearly taken away. The resemblance she held to his Yuff-No, not his. She'd never be 'his'. To Yuffie, was incredible. Same raven hair, same glassy indigo eyes that seemed to see your every move.
They looked so empty though, so alone. 'Like something's missing...' He mused.
'Like me.' He tore his eyes away.
---
She brushed some black hair out of her face, even though, with the wind, her hair would be all over the place. Arms crossed, eyes trained to the ground, she began wandering in some random direction, being sure just to pay enough attention that she didn't run into someone or something.
Yuffie just felt so messed up at the moment--and she couldn't figure out why. Today wasn't a special day. It wasn't a holiday or a birthday or something.
But she learned somewhere that depression could strike anywhere.
She came to a halt, just short of a man she hadn't seen earlier. Her head snapped upwards, and she muttered an "excuse me," before locking his eyes with hers and attempting a glare. She didn't want to mess with anyone. And, for a moment, she stopped breathing.
---
His breath caught in his throat, and everything seemed to stop. "Yuffie..." He breathed, his body going numb. "Is...Is...?"
He couldn't speak; and what shocked him the most was, he didn't feel different. Here she was the one he loved, he was staring directly into her eyes, and he felt no different. He wasn't any happier, he wasn't any more upset. He wanted to hold her, to smile and laugh. But he couldn't find it in his heart. He was still two different parts of the same image. The most he could manage was a deep breath and closing his eyes. The clouds were darkening, it was going to rain. It was cold, and it was dark. 'This isn't a fairytale...'
He wanted to dance and scream in joy, true love didn't fix everything, nor did it make it worse. The person you loved couldn't make everything alright. But they could help.
A small grinned crept up his face, insane or not, he was still broken, and he'd found her.
"Oh god..." He swallowed, his eyes drinking in her. She was the definition of imperfection; and he loved her more for it.
---
Her heart began pounding in her chest, wildly, like a butterfly trapped in a net.
He knew her name.
She inhaled sharply. No, she wasn't nervous because he looked like Sora--and knew who she was--but all because of his eyes.
They were as blue as ever, and just as beautiful, and seemed to say, 'I know what you're going through. I understand.'
But he didn't know.
He didn't know her.
---
"Do...do you...?" He shut his eyes tightly and looked away for a moment to regain himself. 'Don't let the pieces fall...' "Do you remember...?"
He was shaking as he brought his hand up, 'No, stop.' He made a fist and dropped his arm again.
"You're...I'm..." He felt queasy, his stomach was churning, his jaw was clattering, and the rain was falling. And all he could do was stand there.
---
She took a second to start breathing regularly again.
"You..." she said, studying his face the way only she could--like she was just glancing at him. She took a gulp of air. "I think... I... Do I know you?"
Her eyes widened. How could she sound so rude! There she was, standing in the rain with someone who could be boy she thought was dead--or had forgotten her--and she couldn't take out the sharp edge to her voice.
Pulling a strand of hair, she stated over, "Sora?"
The half-hearted smile spread across his features. "Yuffie." He said, replying to her saying his name. He was still shaking, the rain matting his hair and making it stick to his forehead. They were practically the only ones still out, and that's when he remembered a saying he had heard before.
I like to walk in the rain so no one can see me cry.
And suddenly, he was crying. He had been appointed a hero. Dealt with seeing worlds get destroyed and disappear, lives been taking, and those who still remained choked with fear and anguish. Their homes and lives all gone. And he never once cried, he carried the burden of it all. Though a lot of the time he felt like crying and giving up on it all, he smiled and kept going.
Now, he saw her, and the child him that had never complained, never cried, never wanted pity, resurfaced and he was finally doing what he never could.
Rain blurred her vision slightly, and matted her hair to her head. She absolutely hated the rain. It only reminded her of the times she saw her friends cry after they escaped Hallow Bastion, when she would tell them it'll be okay. She never really believed herself.
Yuffie bit her lip. She couldn't turn away from him. It was almost as if she thought that, if she looked away, he would disappear.
"You idiot," she mumbled to herself. She began to reach out and brush the hair from his eyes but withdrew her hand as if she were burned.
He flinched slightly and blinked, he was no longer shorter than her. Instead, her peered down at her, that broken smile still there. "I never thought I'd see you again..." He said finally, still shaking.
She couldn't look away.
"Yeah. I didn't, either." and that's all she said. For some reason she expected anger--anger at him leaving her, at not knowing if he were alive, at the possibility he might not recognize her. But she felt almost nothing. Almost.
"I-I'm sorry." He said, his voice a bit icy, "I-I just couldn't..." His smile faded from his face, his blue eyes dull. He wasn't sure what to think, what to feel. He wanted to feel happy, but he wasn't. He wanted to feel angry at her, she brought back the memories, but he wasn't. He was only crying; and crying for everything.
His tone cut through her, as if she were nothing. "Sorry?" she said, a bit rushed, slightly agitated. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
She was suddenly very angry at herself for blaming him. 'I could have gone out to find him,'
Before she knew what she was doing, Yuffie reached forward and draped her arms around his neck in a some-what hug.
He was a bit surprised, and his frame tensed up a bit. Swallowing, he let his hand rest on her shoulder, but barely touching. He'd admit it now, he was afraid. Afraid of what she'd bring, the painful experiences would come back.
'You'd have to face them sometime...'
He closed his eyes and without thinking really, rested his cheek on the top of her head, still barely contact. But it was there, the little spark. It was feeble and he knew they were both ashamed and frightened.
Almost as if the sun had risen, warmth flooded through her. It was almost like she couldn't be touched--that she couldn't be hurt.
Was that how love was supposed to feel like?
She didn't care. She didn't care that she was going to be late to Aerith's dinner. She didn't care that she hadn't seen him in almost ten years. She didn't care if the sky was crying for her.
She didn't care if she wasn't happy.
Sora sniffed slightly, he was still crying. Gently he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Love wasn't all people had told him it was. He hadn't been prepared to see her, so he had no idea of what to expect. Now he had some clue, it hurt, seeing her again, there was no mental barrier for him to put up. But he wasn't laughing either.
'It'll take some time...'
He drew back and looked at her with an emotionless expression. The smile faded just like all the rest and he shook the strands of wet hair out of his sullen eyes as best he could.
She looked happy; yet upset.
"Do...Are you disappointed?" He inquired quietly, looking up at the gray sky.
"Disappointed?" she repeated, looking up at him. She stepped back and tilted her head to the side. Wet black hair fell into her face.
For some reason she wanted to see him smile.
"Not really." but she couldn't quite think of something witty to say like she used to do when they were younger to make him smile. "A little shocked..."
"I know." He replied a bit icily, "Why do you think I didn't let anyone know where I went? Why do you think I hid?" He clenched his hands into fists, his jaw set, "I wanted to grow up. To grow up and leave all the memories behind. I couldn't keep sane if I stayed."
She didn't like the look on his face.
She crossed her arms and frowned. "You can't escape everything," she said, speaking surly. "You can't run away--memories are here to stay. I should know." she sighed. "Over time, when you try too hard to remember something, you'll change the memory. You try to forget something, it becomes more painful." she stared him in the eyes. "You're being like Leon."
He frowned, her words stung. But he wasn't going to explain everything; it was too complicated and too painful to even try. But he would give some of his burden away. "I know, I know." He said sullenly, "But...some things I like better left unspoken. I didn't forget you guys. I forgot what I did, well, I want too." He admitted, looking shy.
She looked away, studying the rain-spattered buildings. She bit her lip. He just seemed so--different. It scared her.
"I... I can help you forget, if you want..." she shook her head. "I mean, if that'll help." Stupid. stupid, stupid! Why couldn't she think before she spoke? It would make life to much easier. She didn't get how her trying to help actually was going to make him forget--she'd probably make him remember instead.
But you couldn't run. She learned that the hard way.
As if reading her mind he spoke so softly he could barely hear himself. "I'm not running," He said with a sadistic smile, "I'm hiding until I feel I can face them again. Until I'm sure I'm ready." He reached out again, "It was hard. Seeing all of that." He didn't put it into the words of anguish and death. He knew she'd understand to an extent.
"I understand the hiding part," she started, shooting him a glare. "But haven't you been doing enough of that?" She didn't even want to take it back. Wasn't ten years enough for him? Didn't he understand she had to face her past right away, so she could help the others? He didn't know the pain, not yet.
He grinned wider, "I have. And it would have been longer if you hadn't showed up." He brushed her cheek, shyly and it wasn't the most affectionate. But it was something, "What I saw...what I didn't understand was that, just like Ansem they were all bad." He swallowed, "I was evil," He stopped and shook his head, "I AM evil." He corrected, "But I'm good. I'm not pure. Certainly not close, but I'm only slightly tainted with hatred. And that's directed at me."
"I don't think you're evil, Sora," she said, wrapping her arms around her in a hug. She needed comfort, and when he touched her it didn't make her feel any different, any safer. Not like a few minutes ago. She tilted her head up. "I think you're just afraid, so you try and disguise it. People make mistakes. One thing goes wrong, people die, and then you think it's all your fault--that you caused it."
She paused, staring back at the ground. She was a bit mad about the thing about him hiding more if 'you hadn't of showed up" because she had been there all along, but figured she did enough damage.
"Maybe I should just leave," she said quietly, hoping he'd hear her.
"No," He said, grabbing her hand, "Don't." He looked at her seriously, his eyes taking on a kind of sorrow, "I-I do. I need help. I'm not stable by myself...I...I..."
Yuffie stopped. She inhaled sharply, surprised. She did NOT expect him to do that.
She didn't know what to do--she wanted to run and, at the same time, she wanted to stop and just be with him. She had sometimes allowed herself to imagine what could happen if he came back--an if he wanted her. They were like those cliché soap operas Aerith liked. And she hated it.
But she couldn't say anything--and she hated it.
Sora watched her with expressionless eyes, there was a smile on his face but he didn't know why it was there. This definitely wasn't a smiling moment, "Yuffie..." He began. "Sometimes...secrets are kept during a certain time, because it's not the right time to speak it..." Time. What a demon. When you didn't want it too, it went quickly, disappearing. Time is what destroyed so many, time kept going by. Time was everything. You needed it, and hated it.
Time changed the world; and time changed him.
Change was a virtue, and a curse. When he looked at what happened to him, he sinks deeper. When he looks at Yuffie, he knows she suffered too.
"Good and bad Yuffie, I think now isn't the best time. But I'll say it anyway."
Her head began spinning. Secrets? The right time? What was he talking about?
She took a deep breath. "Sora?" she started. 'Are... are you okay?" Because he seemed different then he did a few minutes ago, when he was bitter and the way she never wanted him to be again. He was smiling and yet speaking in a tone so foreign to her, she was almost scared. But, like a moth drawn to fire, she took a step closer, encouraging him.
"Yuffie...Remember when we were talking about 'true love'," He snorted, they had been young and a bit stupid at the time. There wasn't such a thing, love didn't bring joy, and it wasn't a murderer, "Right before I left again?"
Her heart almost stopped. Her mouth felt like sandpaper, and she went slightly cross eyed. "Yeah. Yeah, I remember." She thought--wished--she knew where he was going.
Sora swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck, "A-and you asked me if I had ever been in love..."
She could only nod dumbly. If he hadn't of been so naive back then, he would have realized she was basically saying she liked him. But she was young--she didn't know the meaning of love.
"I-I kind of..." He choked; this wasn't in his morals, his beliefs, his LOGIC. This wasn't him anymore. No more secrets, no more bitterness, no more HIDING. He drew in a deep breath, and forgetting all logic, said it.
"I love you."
Whenever he said this to her in her imagination, she either told him she loved him too, or got up and left, depending on her mood.
Her heart didn't skip a beat; she didn't break down crying; she didn't rush into his arms. Instead, she threw back her head and laughed.
She laughed because that most of her pain was cause by some silly emotion--one that could be lost or gained, and always ended in pain, yet so many people longed for it.
She stopped laughing after a while, when she realized the rain was letting up and it wasn't raindrops she was feeling roll down her face, but tears.
She grinned at him shyly, sort of embarrassed by the outburst.
"I guess... I love you too, Sora."
He felt the pout tugging at his lips; her laughter wasn't reassuring and comforting. But then again, what was? He smiled again, and it still wasn't the smile he had back when they were kids. And that finally settled in his mind, maybe it would come back and maybe it wouldn't. But he'd be okay.
Yuffie was good, and he loved her for it. Yuffie was bad, and he still loved her. He was good, and she loved him. He was bad, and she still loved him. Despite what he had done, said, she tolerated it. He wasn't cut up to be a hero anymore. And in people's eyes he still was. Maybe he wasn't terrible, but he wasn't a saint either. It was still someone's life, and it was still murder. No matter what the intentions. But when he put it simple: They were good, bad, and everything in between
"I do love you Yuffie." He took her other hand, "I love everything about you. Even those evil imperfections."
A/N: Well, there you it is. Hate us if you want, but I really needed to get that out. XD I only have my comments, Zarya was too lazy to be nice and say something. Please review!