Okay…this is a different type of story for me…but it just sort of came to me…this was first inspired by a 5-minute challenge and also Martina McBride's song, "Whatever You Say"
So…Atlantis belongs to someone else not me as well as the lyrics of 'Whatever You Say'…that honor goes to the wonderful writers behind Martina McBride's song.
Whatever You Say
Was it enough?
John propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at the woman sleeping beside him, her skin glowed with the aftermath of their heated exchange and glistened in the moonlight as the beams of light seeping through his window spread across her smooth, naked shoulders.
He raised his hand to trace the contours of her body, barely covered by a thin, white sheet but stopped himself. He didn't want to wake her…he knew what would happen if he woke her.
"You think I'm always making, something out of nothing,
You're saying everything's okay.
You've always got the answer before I ask the question,
Whatever you say…"
The past few months his and Teyla's relationship had undergone a change and had escalated into the physical when they had come together one night after witnessing a horrific culling that destroyed an entire world. They had been forced to watch, helpless and after they had returned to Atlantis they had needed an outlet for their emotions…
…they found it in each other, unspoken acceptance of grief, anger and, yes, relief that they were not the ones taken by the wraith.
"Now we can change the subject, pretend I never brought it up.
Same old story anyway,
Later we can work it out, right now you're talked out,
Whatever you say…"
It had been only one night, then two…then a never agreed upon routine. She would come to him at night, taking in the pleasures of passion…and then be gone before he woke. She was cool and composed when ever she saw him throughout Atlantis, never allowing what they shared to encumber him, allowing him to do as he pleased and he found the arrangement to suit him. No ties, no permanent attachment.
They still worked as one team, fluid in their exchange, able to predict the other's movements. Neither let their interactions at night in his bed come between them on the field or interfere with their missions.
So he should be happy, content… but more often then naught John felt himself unsatisfied and wanting more.
"I know you can hear me, but I'm not sure you're listening,
I hear what you're saying, but there is still something missing,
Whether I go, whether I stay,
Right now depends on whatever you say"
He once tried to broach the subject of their relationship with her, but she easily out maneuvered his attempts to place a definition on what was between them.
And so they had continued on as they always had, her slipping into his room at night and just as easily slipping away, like an elusive spirit that would not be confined, that he could not hold on to.
He knew she trusted him, cared for him…but she never spoke the admission out loud.
Sometimes he would feel frustration overcome him at her nonchalant attitude and even once was almost tempted to sleep with another woman while they were on an off world mission. She had offered herself to him and he could have easily taken… but for the simple fact that even as he kissed her… another woman's face would fill his mind making it impossible to venture any further.
He knew then that what he had with Teyla was no longer enough.
But what did he truly want?
"Say yes you need me, and no you wouldn't leave me,
This should be enough to make me stay,
And even though I want to, I don't hear I love you,
In whatever you say."
John froze as he caught the subtle movements of Teyla's body as she began to wake. He held his breath, without even consciously knowing it, as she stirred and her eyes started to flutter slowly open.
Blue eyes met brown.
Teyla slowly rose up holding the sheet to her, her brown hair tousled.
"You are awake…that is not like you.' A small smile flickered across her lips as she started to rise from the bed, pulling one of the loose blankets around her.
"Yeah…" John watched as Teyla walked the short distance to the chair that held the clothes she had discarded hours earlier. "Teyla…stop.'
At the sound of John's voice Teyla looked up at John, with question in her eyes.
"I know you can hear me, but I'm not sure you're listening,
I hear what you're saying, but there is still something missing,
Whether I go, whether I stay,
Right now depends on whatever you say"
"We need to talk Teyla…this…," John spread his arms to encompass the disheveled bed and Teyla standing apart from it, "I can't do this anymore…"
The look in Teyla's eyes instantly became guarded.
"I do not know what you mean." Teyla stood to face John, still looking regal and composed though clad only in a thin blanket.
John slowly sat up in bed and ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it to spike out in various directions, "You come to me, we spend the night together and then you're gone…you would have slipped away today if I had been asleep…wouldn't you have?"
"I have my duties to attend to Col…Major Lorne is scheduled to fly me over to the mainland this morning."
John let out a frustrated sound, "Call me John…I know every part of you Teyla…touched every inch of you…at least you can do is call me John."
Teyla remained silent and John in frustration stood up from bed and walked over to her to stand before her looking down at her with barley controlled emotions.
"I want you to call me John…I want…I want…" John's passionate fury abandoned him as he looked down into Teyla's cool, brown eyes. He thought he caught a glimmer of something…just beneath the surface of her control but he didn't press it. He didn't want to force an admission out of her…he wanted her to come to him openly, talk to him…love him.
The thought rocked John back on his heels as he glanced down at Teyla with widening eyes. He wanted Teyla to love him.
John abruptly turned around and grabbed his own pants lying haphazardly on the floor. He slipped them on, needing to be active to stop the slight shaking of his hands.
Love…when had what he felt for Teyla become love?
He cared for her, liked spending time with her…but somehow it had become more…more then just friendship…more then merely trust.
Or maybe it wasn't more… maybe it was just a final culmination of the feelings he had always felt towards her…
He never denied his attraction to her…he had felt it the first day they had met…but love…he thought to never let himself feel that fragile feeling ever again. Too many others in his past he had loved had left him…betrayed him…
Attraction was easier, simpler…non-committal but with Teyla…it was no longer enough.
John tightly grasped his scattered emotions and turned to face Teyla. What he saw caused something inside him to clench.
Teyla had silently moved closer to John so now she stood merely inches from him.
She looked intently upon John's face…"What is it that you want…tell me…say the words and I will stay?"
Whether I go, Whether I stay,
Right now depends on…
Whatever You Say
With those words, John was caught in a maelstrom of conflicting emotions…uncertainty, nervousness…and then John looked into Teyla's eyes.
Warm, comforting…welcoming eyes.
It had never been her. He realized that now…it had always been him. The barrier preventing them from ever truly connecting and moving their relationship forward had been of his own making, built upon the foundation of failed relationships and broken promises with other women…but this was Teyla.
He had no reason to fear with Teyla.
John moved the scant inch closer to Teyla so his body was flush to hers. "You…I want you to stay with me, I want to hold you through the night and wake up to the sight of your beautiful face for the rest of my life…I want you to love me as I love you."
John's hands grasped either side of Teyla's face and touched his forehead to her. His eyes closed and he breathed deeply the familiar mix of scents that he defined as uniquely Teyla.
…
'Who says that I do not?'
John's hands grip Teyla's face lightly as he slowly opens his eyes to stare into Teyla's.
He saw truth.
He saw honesty.
He saw love.
"I've been an idiot, haven't I?"
Teyla smiles that secretive smile of hers and replies lightly, 'Yes John…you have."
A grin cracks John's face and he laughs out loud, circling Teyla with his arms and holding her tightly to him.
Whether I go, Whether I stay,
Right now depends on…
Whatever You Say
Teyla lets the blanket covering her slip as she reaches out with her arms to encompass John's shoulders. He bends down and captures her lips in a kiss, easily picking her up in his arms and taking her back to their bed.
I'll stay.
THE END