"I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a cat," she said.
"What?" I said, startled by the sudden memory of my body changing in disturbing ways.
"Or any other kind of animal, for that matter. Do you realize how limited humans' view of the world is? There are sounds we don't hear, but dogs and cat's can. There are colors that insects and reptiles see, that we can't. Getting a glimpse through the eyes of an animal would give you a completely different perception of reality," she mused.
I tried to wrap my mind around the idea of a completely new color, and failed. I couldn't visualize anything other than the colors I already knew about. That bothered me.
"Should you be leaving soon? When's your appointment?"
"What?"
"Your eye appointment. Didn't you say you need to get new glasses?"
"Oh yeah." I looked at my watch. "Yeah, I should be going. I'm kind of late."
"Want to ask my mom to give you a ride?"
"No." I stood up and walked toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I thought about the cat all throughout the examination, and on the way home. When I was within a few blocks of the house, I broke into a run, impatient to find out if I could do it again.
Safe in the locked bathroom, I stripped off my clothing and started to visualize myself turning back into the cat. When I started to shrink, I wasn't terrified this time; I was excited. I felt a rush as I reshaped my body, and purred with self-satisfaction when the change was complete.
Suddenly, I wondered if I could change into another animal. A sparrow came to mind. Could I turn into a bird? I tried to picture my black fur turning into feathers, my paws into talons…
After several minutes, I gave up. It wasn't working. Once more I thought back to when I first turned into the cat, and something occurred to me: maybe I had to start as myself. It made sense, to use my own body as a starting point for all other forms. My transformation back to my human form was quicker this time, perhaps because I'd had a bit of practice.
Once again de-haired, I closed my eyes and imagined a bird. That didn't work either. I thought back again.
I was petting Mordicai the first time I started changing. Maybe I had to be in contact with an animal before I could become it. But how could I get ahold of another animal? It was too late to go back to Phoebe's house and play with her pets- by the time I'd get there, she'd be in bed, and I didn't want to wait until tomorrow.
I thought about this as I got dressed and went out to the living room. I sat in the bay window and looked wistfully at a flock of sparrows cavorting in the lawn. Mordicai was watching them, too, probably wanting to hunt. It's hard being an indoor cat, I thought.
Suddenly, I understood. Maybe Mordicai couldn't hunt the sparrows, but I could. I ran back to the bathroom, stopping briefly to open the back door slightly so I could get out without turning the knob. In a minute I was back in cat form, and streaking out to get myself that bird I wanted to be.
Unfortunately, predators coming toward them at full speed tend to unnerve birds. I was barely out the door when the flock took off, leaving me disappointed on the ground. I'd never be able to catch a bird, even with a cat's teeth and claws, if I was acting like a clumsy, bumbling human. I slinked into the neighbor's leafy garden shrubs and waited for the birds to come back.
Soon, the yard was full of them again. Listening to their twittering, I felt tension rising in my mind- no, it was the cat's mind. Yes, my own consciousness was there, but there was another awareness, the cat's instincts. I let that other mind take over; it would probably know more about hunting than I would.
I crouched behind my screen of foliage, perfectly still, listening and watching for the perfect opportunity. When at last I found a possible quarry and felt ready to pounce, my paw started to twitch forward.
Then I stopped.
Across the yard, browsing among the smaller birds, was a much bigger one- a crow. Prey that size would be so much more satisfying, the cat's mind thought. I started looking for the best way to target it.
So slowly that my human mind could barely feel it, my cat body inched around downwind of the crow. I was almost there, every muscle tense, every sense alert to the slightest change that could affect this hunt. I felt the excitement mount as I bunched up my haunches for the pounce.
And I pounced! Yes! The bird flapped and fluttered under my grip. Almost bursting with the triumph, I began to clench my teeth around its neck, going in for the kill…
Wait! What was I doing? I couldn't kill a bird. What was I thinking?
It must be the cat's instincts taking over. My human mind would have to stay in control now. I can't believe I almost killed a poor, beautiful bird.
Or didn't I? It wasn't moving anymore, just hanging limply from my mouth. Maybe it was just stunned? I thought I could barely feel a pulse, but what if it was my imagination? How could I live with myself?
Please be alive, bird, I thought. I turned back to the house and gingerly carried the animal back up the steps to the door.
It was closed. I couldn't get in.
Great. I can't turn human here; I'd be naked in broad daylight. There must be another way in. I walked around the house, inspecting every window within reach of the ground. Nothing.
Coming around to the back, I noticed the garage. The door was slid up a few inches- was it enough for a cat to squeeze through? I could try. I would have to hurry, though; my mother was due home from work soon. I gently laid the crow's limp body on the concrete just outside the door- sending another hopeful thought that it wouldn't be dead- and lowered my body as close to the ground as it would go, inching forward.
It was a tight fit, and of course I wasn't strong enough to push the door up further, but I got in and promptly started focusing on getting back to my normal body. Once I had hands, I reached for the pile of paint tarps stuffed in a shelf in the back of the garage, and wrapped it around myself. Not a dignified outfit, but better than total nudity.
I opened the garage door the rest of the way, and bent to carefully pick up the crow. When I saw its legs and wings twitching, I breathed a sigh of relief, and rushed back into the house. I didn't know how to help the little guy, but I knew someone who did.
There's a girl in my class who's even more of an animal lover than Phoebe, though she probably can't help it, seeing as both of her parents are veterinarians. Her father runs a sort of a rehab center for wild animals, like the one I was now responsible for. I looked it up in the phone book, and called him.
I'd just hung up the phone when my mother opened the door. I turned and was about to smile, but the look on her face stopped me. She didn't look angry, more like… dumbfounded.
"Ashley… why are you wearing a tarp?"
I looked down. "Oh, yeah." I'd forgotten. "I was just… uh…?" Could I tell the truth? I hadn't quite decided whether to keep my latest adventures a secret yet. But even if I had to lie, how could I possibly think of a story to explain why I was standing in the kitchen making phone calls while wearing nothing but a plastic, paint-spattered tarp?
I was spared having to answer for now. When she saw the large black bird lying on the counter next to me, she was totally distracted. "What's that dead bird doing here!"
"It's not dead!" I said, surprised at my own defensive tone. "I mean, I'm gonna try to get it some help. I'm taking it to the animal rehab center."
"You mean the one that's run by that nice black man and his daughter?"
"Yes." I was used to her blunt references to minority groups.
"That's a good idea. Come on, I'll drive you." She grabbed her keys off the table and turned toward the door.
"Wait! I need to… change," I said, and blushed.
She seemed to remember that I was wearing a tarp. She looked like she was about to ask a question, but stopped and nodded. I ran back to the bathroom and dressed as quickly as I could. I had a feeling this wasn't the last time I'd find it hard to explain myself.